I don't own anything to Star Trek. It is all property of Gene Roddenberry and whoever has the rights to it. I don't make money with it. I'm writing fanfictions about Star Trek because I love this story. So I ask you not to sue me.

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I wish everyone a happy new year! Especially you, Caro!

Let's hope this year gets better.

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Too stupid to die

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His blood pounded painfully against his side, ripping him out of the gracious sleep of ignorance. His eyes only saw the darkness that extended into every corner of the bare walls that surrounded him. Everything was rotten or rusty. Only the mat Jim was lying on seemed completely intact. At least he couldn't call it uncomfortable. That was enough of an argument for him to stay where he was. Because his stomach hurt like hell!

But that shouldn't be a sufficient reason for fate, because a loud voice echoed through the walls everywhere and immediately made Jim stand up. He knew that voice!

He got up awkwardly and walked slowly towards a small window. It was pretty dirty, but not all the filth in the world could cover Nero's disgusting face. A huge hologram stretched across the night sky so everyone could see who was saying the words.

"... injured and even killed. It's terrible what was done to my brothers. I can see in their eyes that they are crying out for retaliation. But how many times have we shown you humans what happens when you rebel against us? How often did you have to watch your loved ones die?"

Fuck you!

"Just because you can't accept the absolute truth. You lost! Any suffering that still happens to you is just the result of your stubbornness! We Romulans don't want to shed any more blood ... "

Everyone will believe you right away, you ass!

"... and that's why I'm giving you an act of grace. Despite what you've done to my brothers and sisters, I'm not going to destroy Sector A. Thank us for that and always remember that it could have been different!"

And with that the picture of this motherf - ARRG! Jim grabbed his stomach and fell to his knees. Damn!

After a few minutes of just taking a deep breath, the pain subsided and he leaned against the wall. He wasn't going to help anyone right now. Maybe Gary and Simon left him here too? No! Then they wouldn't have bothered to carry him to that bed. When Jim lifted his shirt, he saw the makeshift bed linen bandage wrapped around his wound. It was clearly too much work to let anyone die.

A moment later, Jim heard familiar voices slowly approaching him.

"Act of grace? I don't believe him for a moment!" The grumbling came from Gary.

"Still, it's strange. What do you mean, Simon? Why doesn't he make an example as usual? Why this change?" Uhura's questions were justified.

"There are surprisingly enough reasons why Nero does not use the Red Matter," replied Simon so incredibly calmly.

"Could it be that the Romulans just don't have any more of it?"

"Unlikely. A tiny drop can wipe out an entire planet. So I assume the Romulans still have enough of their weapon."

Why then? Jim wondered inwardly and was glad when Uhura asked the same question.

There was a moment of silence and he suspected Simon was thinking.

"If we take the last two years as a starting point, people have been decimated to a terrifying extent. So it would be extremely plausible that they no longer see us as a threat. Rebellions like today are suppressed quickly and precisely by the soldiers. In such situations it would be illogical to waste Red Matter."

Jim didn't know why, but when Simon said "illogical" something flinched inside him.

"You said it yourself that these guys must still have tons of this stuff," said Gary grimly, to which Simon still replied calmly, "If you have wealth, you don't necessarily share it with the poor. Whoever has power doesn't necessarily share it with the weak. Maybe we are just no longer worth being destroyed by their precious Red Matter."

Jim winced when he heard a thud. He could imagine that Gary had hit the wall angrily.

"I don't know what is making me angry right now. The fact that they destroy us so easily or that we are no longer worth the work to them."

"I see it as an opportunity," replied Simon. "We couldn't move Mister Kirk with his wound. Even right on the border with the next sector, if they had destroyed sector A with their weapon, we would have been sucked in and would have died. Nero's grace ensured our survival."

"I hate to say it," interrupted Uhura, "but we should be more than grateful now. Our chances were very against us."

And because of him. Jim hit his head against the wall in frustration. It could all have gone wrong ...

"Check it out! Sleeping Beauty woke up again."

When Jim opened his eyes, he saw all three standing in the doorway. Gary with the biggest smile he'd ever seen, Uhura with a worried look Jim wasn't used to, and Simon ... Why was this guy still wearing the motorcycle helmet? No matter. They had other worries.

"We were lucky, weren't we?" Jim said tiredly and sagged a little, whereupon Gary came over and helped him get back into bed.

"So did you hear us?" His buddy asked as he put the musty blanket over him. The thing smelled gross, but he wasn't going to complain aloud.

"That and I were able to enjoy Nero's beautiful sight when I woke up," he replied hatefully. Uhura sat on the edge of the bed at his feet. However, Simon stayed at the door frame.

"We were lucky," she said, pulling at the old mattress. Apparently she didn't know what to say. That was okay because Jim had enough questions.

"Why did you come back?"

Jim didn't want to appear ungrateful, but his trust in others had been very poor. Uhura seemed to understand that wordlessly, as he couldn't see a bit of reproach in her look. Instead, she smiled sadly at him.

"It's hard to believe that there are survivors who don't want to see anyone dead anymore, is it?"

Yes, Jim wanted to answer but couldn't get a word out. That idea was now like an illusion.

"To tell the truth," Uhura began, looking away from him in shame. "Simon wanted to go back and help you."

It really should have surprised Jim, but in hindsight it even sounded logical. The guy had suggested a collaboration when they first met. The only question was why he was so stubborn about it.

"Why?" Jim just asked. After all, it couldn't hurt to be properly enlighted.

This time, Simon intervened before Uhura could answer.

"My reasons are simple and less sneaky than you might think," he began again in that relaxed tone. "Our chances of survival increase when we work together. Together, Nyota and I worked well, but there were also more situations in which we needed help. It cannot be denied that a slightly larger group brings benefits."

"Four people is not much," commented Gary skeptically, but was cleverly ignored by Simon.

"It could be of great benefit to both sides."

Jim looked at Gary for a moment and found that he was uncomfortable. He was just as insecure.

"Why us? I don't want to appear ungrateful. I'm still alive thanks to you, but what qualifies us that you insist so much on it?"

"We can agree that you qualified by simply not killing us when you two got the chance. I can't give you any more reasons."

Unfortunately, that was the best you could get these days. Jim felt the same way, even if it was a sad fact.

"You don't have to make up your mind now," Uhura assured them, joining her partner. "It's late and I think we all need some sleep after recent events."

"If no one minds, I'll take the first watch," suggested Simon, turning his head from Gary to Jim. Both just nodded in agreement. Neither of them believed they would be murdered in their sleep by the man. Then he would not have tried so hard in the rescue operation.

So it was a deal made. They would make a decision tomorrow. Jim was too tired to think clearly. That could be due to the loss of blood, of course, but even that didn't bother him at the moment. After Gary had made himself comfortable near him and Simon and Uhura had left the room, Jim finally found a moment in which to calm down. All that running and hiding had drained them. A little sleep would do them good.

But it was Jim's mind that kept him from forgetting. His dreams were fulfilled by the deafening shot of the phaser and the cold eyes of Kelso. The gaping hole in his skull still glowed and let Jim look into a deep darkness. At that moment, all the ideas he had to have to save his friend played out. In his head every one was crowned with success and the same question reproachfully repeated in his mind why he had not acted.

Kelso was dead because he had done nothing.

Kelso was dead because he was too scared.

Kelso was dead because he couldn't take any more risks.

All the guilt felt like a scream inside him and when it got unbearable, Jim was drenched in sweat in a sitting position. His heart was pounding in his throat. His gaze wandered back and forth in the dark. It wasn't until he heard his buddy's steady snoring that Jim slowly returned to reality.

They were in the crashed spaceship that Uhura and Simon were in somewhere. Tomorrow they would agree whether a collaboration would be advisable. They survived the chaos. Nero claimed to spare Sector A by grace. So Kelso's body would still be lying around with the gaping hole in his head.

Jim put his face in his hands. He didn't know if he was really awake or if he was still dreaming. Both looked cruel in the same way. All he knew was that he needed fresh air, so he got up as quietly as possible and walked down the dark corridors. Jim didn't know where he was going, but somehow he didn't care. He just needed a place where he felt he could take a deep breath.

It was almost ironic when he found himself on the bridge for that. Where he always wanted to be as a cadet. He let his gaze wander nostalgically over the whole room and stopped at the torn front. In spite of everything, the sky sparkled with beautiful stars. Planets that Jim once wanted to discover ...

He sat on the captain's chair with a deep sigh.

It was strange that he actually found a moment to take a deep breath and an unusual calm came over him. Sitting here had felt like his fate once, and if Jim was honest with himself, it still was.

You are and will remain a dreamer, his inner voice spoke it out. But at the moment he didn't care. The sky was clear and the stars were easy to see. With the fact that he was sitting in that damn chair, Jim could say he was happy now. ... even if they were just old dreams.

A strange noise brought him back to reality and before he could stand up to defend himself, a familiar figure stood next to him. Then Jim collapsed again.

"God! Simon!" He cursed and laughed with a pounding heart. "I didn't notice you. You're like a cat. "

Jim wanted to ask why he wore the motorcycle helmet at night, but which one of them were still sane. Should the guy have his quirks.

"I beg your pardon," replied Simon calmly. "I didn't mean to scare you."

"Mission failed!" Jim joked and made himself comfortable again. He watched Simon as he sat on the small staircase in front of his feet. His savior had turned his back on him and looked at the stars. Jim instinctively wondered if he had belonged to Starfleet too.

"Can you not sleep?" His new friend asked before Jim could open his mouth.

In response, he clapped his palm restlessly on his thigh. "Looks like it."

"I'm sorry, I said the obvious." Simon turned his head to him now. "My social skills are a little rusty."

Jim translated this with, I wanted to have a conversation with you and I had a bad start. He didn't know why, but that made him smile. When was the last time a stranger wanted to have a simple conversation with him?

"I think many have the problem right now," Jim comforted his rescuer. "If it's any consolation, I was once a master at flirting. Now, however, I doubt I'm still good at it."

"It will also be difficult to find suitable partners," added Simon, seeming to ponder. "The thought of flirting may seem illogical to many. The main goal should be to preserve your own breed."

"So nobody would be interested in sex to have some fun but to have babies?"

"Indeed. The responsibility for the conservation of the species is high and ..."

When Jim started laughing, he could imagine Simon looking at him in confusion. He spread his arms and proudly announced, "We're having a conversation ... albeit a strange one. We do something normal."

"... indeed," Simon admitted after a while, and Jim could swear he had heard a touch of surprise.

Unfortunately the two couldn't think of anything else and there was silence.

The silence between them was surprisingly not uncomfortable. There was even something comforting about it, which was strange since Jim didn't know this guy at all. Simon was a stranger, but maybe only because he had saved his life, he felt save. Yes exactly! It had to be. Such exploits were very special in their situation.

"I'm sorry for your friend," Simon suddenly said softly, hanging his head slightly as a sign of sympathy. "If you want, we can go back tomorrow and bury him."

Jim could only stare at him for a moment. Bury him? Go back? Why? Oh yeah! Correct! The deceased are supposed to be buried. It felt so surreal that he had to remember things like that. It hadn't occurred to him for a second before Simon had spoken to him about it. You were quickly shot by Romulans and when you didn't, you ran away. Nobody turned or thought of those he had left behind.

Burying someone ... A strange feeling to suddenly have this possibility.

"We don't have to," Jim heard himself speak. "It would be a waste of time."

"He was your friend, right?" Simon asked with a hint of confusion.

Of course he was, he wanted to scream, but then again he didn't want to take any chances for a dead man. Who knew how many patrols there were left in Sector A or what a waste of energy it would be. They needed their strength to protect their lives and not make it as comfortable as possible for a deceased. In the end, the result was always the same. The body turns into dust. It made no difference whether it was underground or above.

... Jim would one day just lie there and rot, probably even torn apart by the scavengers. That was the kind of funeral each of them would get.

At the thought, Jim felt a strange feeling in his back.

"You know how things work these days," he replied to his rescuer before getting up and retiring to his bed. The conversation was over for him. It was a shame it wasn't as comfortable as it was in the beginning.

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The first group has formed and Jim and Gary still have no idea who Simon is. Don't worry, it won't last long, but a little.