It's been three weeks since we last went out and two days since I caught the flu. It was bound to happen, really. It's flu season and it seems as if eighty percent of the school is sick. Sugar was out sick last week and I'm pretty sure she's the one who got me sick because she apparently doesn't understand the concept of covering her mouth when she coughs. Brittany, however, is one of the few lucky ones that has managed to avoid it. I think it's because she's just such a healthy person.
I'm the complete opposite though, so when I get a headache during school, I decided to ditch my last class and go home. When I get there, I find my mom in the kitchen cooking dinner but the smell alone makes me nauseous, so I go straight to my room. I kick my shoes off and slip under the heavy covers as I feel my muscles growing weak and tired. All I want to do is sleep and it doesn't take me long before I drift into a deep slumber.
When I wake up about two hours later, my mom comes into my room with some Tylenol and water. She feels my forehead with the back of her hand and reacts with a worried expression.
"You're warm. How do you feel?"
"It's not so bad. I feel better now that I slept."
"Do you want to eat? I made you chicken soup."
I crinkle my nose. "No, I'm not really hungry."
"Mija… You have to eat something. I'm going to at least make you some tea. Do you want-" She's interrupted by a knock on our front door. "Is someone coming to visit you?"
"No?" I answer.
My mom leaves my room to open the front door and when she returns a few minutes later, she's followed in by Brittany. "Hey," she says.
"Brittany. Hi." I sit up on my bed and run a hand over my messy hair.
"I'll be in the kitchen if you girls need anything. It was nice to officially meet you, Brittany," my mom says, kindly.
"Oh, you too. Nice to meet you too," Brittany says, returning the compliment in the same genuine tone.
When my mom leaves the room, Brittany comes closer and sets a plastic bag down on my bed. "I hope it's okay that I'm here; I can leave if you'd like. I just wanted to bring you some stuff cause Sugar told me you left school early because you weren't feeling well."
"Yeah. I felt horrible, but I took a nap and I'm feeling a little better now. You're more than welcome to stay."
Brittany smiles and seems to relax at the sound of my invitation. "So I brought you some stuff that might make you feel better. They always help me when I get sick."
"You get sick? I thought you had like super human genes."
Brittany smiles and exhales sharply through her nose. "I don't get sick often but I am still human," she says as she pulls out a Gatorade from the bag.
"Do you have anything sweet in there?"
"Um… no but-" She digs through her purse and pulls out a bag of Sour Patch Kids. "I have this? You can have them." Before I can protest, she opens the bag and tosses a few into her mouth before handing me the rest. "I also got you some," she starts as she digs through the bag, "ginger ale, yogurt, crackers, a pack of extra soft tissues, some Halls and some vapor rub in case you need it."
I smile then chuckle because I never know how to respond when people give me things. "Thanks Brittany. That's really, really nice of you."
She shrugs. "You're welcome." She takes a moment to look around my bedroom. "I can't believe I'm actually in your room."
"Why not?"
"Well… I don't know." She studies the Cuban artifact sitting on my dresser and runs her fingers down its smooth surface. "I just never got to see it when we were kids, so I didn't think I'd ever get the chance to. But you weren't lying when you said it was dark in here."
"Yeah." I chuckle. "I'll slide a curtain open." I begin to push the covers off of me but Brittany stops me.
"No, that's okay. I like it this way."
"Oh, okay." I say, and save us from an awkward silence by asking if she'd like to watch some TV. " I think there's a few movies on."
"Okay," she replies, then looks around for a place to sit.
"Sit here." I scoot over on my bed and make some space for her.
She responds with a thankful smile and imitates my position by resting her back against the headboard. "Can I take my shoes off?"
"Of course."
We settle in to watch the second half of The Fifth Element and when it's over she quickly asks, "Do you want to play 21 Questions?" It's so sudden that it seems as if she had been thinking about it for a while and was waiting for the right time to bring it up.
Out of habit, I almost say yes to her but the thought of having to answer so many questions about myself makes me uncomfortable, so I offer an alternative. "How about we make it ten questions. Five each."
"Okay. I'll start!" Brittany turns to face me and crosses her legs underneath herself. She already looks intrigued and it makes me worry about the type of questions she will ask. "What's your favorite food?"
Easy enough. "I don't think I can choose just one. I love food way too much, but one of my favorites is pasta. Like, I'll literally eat any pasta that I come across, especially cheesy ones."
"Mmm. Like macaroni and cheese?" Brittany asks.
I giggle. "Sure. That stuff's good, but there's many others. Maybe I can make some for you sometime."
"Oh, I'd love that! I love trying other people's food," she says, excitedly. "Ok, your turn. Ask me something."
"Ok. Ummm… Well, you're going to be a veterinarian, so what's your favorite animal?"
"I can't choose just one!" Brittany chuckles. "I probably love them as much as you love food, but if I could, I'd love to have a pocket sized panda and carry him everywhere I go."
"What? A tiny panda?" I laugh. "Like a keychain?"
"Not like a keychain, like a tiny pet," she corrects.
"Right." I laugh again. "You're weird."
Brittany gives me a toothy smile, clearly not bothered by being called weird. "I like being weird."
"Yeah." My laugh dies down. "Weird is good. It's different. I like that you're different."
Brittany's smile gets wider and she dodges my gaze as she asks the next question. We ask each other a few more light hearted questions, but when question number four rolls around, Brittany decides to get a little more serious.
"Ok, so," she starts with a hint of apprehensiveness. "If you could turn back time and be with one of your exes, would you do it?"
"Um." I exhale a shaky laugh.
"Is that too personal?" Brittany asks. "I'm sorry."
"No, it's fine. I uh… I wouldn't turn back time. I've only had one girlfriend…" I say, feeling myself become increasingly embarrassed. I really can't believe I'm admitting this to her. "And I would never ever get back with her, so no, I wouldn't turn back time."
Brittany nods.
"I know what you're thinking; it's pathetic that I've only had one girlfriend."
"It's not," she says. "It really isn't. It's hard finding other girls to date."
"You found one pretty fast in college," I say.
Brittany laughs. "Yeah, well. That didn't last long, did it?"
"Yeah, guess not." I take a sip from the Gatorade she brought me and wet my lips before asking the next question. "How about you? Would you get back with any of your exes?"
She quickly shakes her head. "No. I'm looking for something different now."
"What do you mean?"
"I want something more… concrete. I'm not saying I want to get married, but I'd like to really fall in love, you know? I'd like to find someone who I could be with for more than just a few months. I've loved people, but I've never really been in love. So..." She shrugs. "I want to experience that now."
"Yeah, I understand… kind of."
Brittany chuckles. "So last question. Since we're in the time travel topic; if you could go back in time and undo something you've done or said what would it be? Or are you one of those people that doesn't look back?"
I think about this for a moment. "Well… I don't like looking back and wondering what if, but there are some things that kind of haunt me."
"Really? Like what?"
"Honesty?"
Brittany nods. "But only if you want to tell me."
"I do want to tell you… I need to tell you," I say.
"What is it?" She asks, curiously.
"Now that we've been spending time together, I've thought about this a lot, and I need to tell you that I'm really, really, really sorry about how awful I was to you when we were younger. And I'm so sorry I let Quinn be so mean to you. I really am."
Brittany's head hangs low and she smiles, sadly. "It's okay."
"It isn't. I knew your feelings were being hurt and I continued to be the way I was. I allowed my fear to take over and didn't do the right thing which was to be a decent person to you because you were always so good to everyone."
"What do you mean fear?" She asks.
"What?"
"You said you let your fear take over."
"Oh...I just- I meant-" I stutter. I've said too much and don't know how to take it back. "I guess I just mean fear like… fear of not looking good in front of Quinn or other people-"
"By being my friend," Brittany finishes.
I frown. That's not it at all but it's better than the truth. Or is it? I'm yet again hurting her feelings just because I don't want to risk being hurt by accepting the truth out loud. By accepting that she mesmerized me since day one. "I'm sorry," I say, accepting her theory. "But know that I'm so happy that we're friends now, and I plan on never taking you for granted ever again…" She remains silent as she pulls on the cuffs of her jeans, so I ask, "We are friends now, right?"
She looks up at me and the corner of her mouth lifts upwards. She's somewhat smiling but there's still a hint of disappointment on her face. "Yeah." She nods. "We're friends."
"Great,: I say, feeling my whole body relax. "That's really great. It makes me really happy to hear you say it," I say.
"Yeah, me too."
She coyly offers me her arms and I gladly allow her to wrap me in them. This is the first time we've held each other and she smells so fresh and oh so sweet that I start feeling like maybe I should take a chance and tell her the truth. Maybe I could be hugging her and kissing her right now.
"Santana," I hear her pronounce my name as I day dream in her arms. "Are you going to get that?"
"What?" I ask, still holding her.
"Your phone."
"Oh," I say as I zone back into reality and pick up my ringing phone. "Hey."
"Hey back! How are you feeling? Did Brittany stop by?" Sugar asks all at once.
"I'm better and yes she did. She's here now."
"Still? I thought she was just going to drop some things off. What are you guys doing?"
"We were watching a movie. What's with all the questions?"
"Geez. Can't I be curious about what my best friend who used to be in love with my other best friend and my best friend who is in love with my best friend are doing?"
"...What? Sugar, I honestly don't get half the things you say over the course of a day."
"Can I go over?" She asks.
"What? Now?"
"Yeah. I just got out of class and don't want to go home. I mean, unless there's a reason why I can't go over?"
"Why would-" I know what she's doing. She's been doing this ever since we went out to that bar and she saw me and Brittany dancing. Since that day, she's become convinced that something is going to happen between Brittany and me. "You have to stop doing that."
"Doing what? I'm just asking if I can go hang out with you guys, if you aren't… busy."
I roll my eyes. "Of course you can come over."
"Oh…Ok. Well," she pauses, "I actually just remembered that I have to go home and get ready for a date."
"A date with who? It's Tuesday night."
"Anyway," she says, ignoring my last comment. "Thanks for the invite. Nice to know I was welcome."
I sigh, not bothering to question with her. "Yeah, okay. Have fun on your date."
"Thanks!"
When I hang up, Brittany sits back next to me and snatches the bag of Sour Patch Kids from my night stand. "Sugar?" she asks.
"Yeah." I say, and watch her selectively pick out a few red candies. "Aren't those supposed to be for me?" I ask in monotone.
"Oh." She says as her chewing becomes slower. "Sorry. I just had a few..."
"I'm kidding!" I laugh. "I'm totally kidding, but are you saving some for later?" I point at the sugar crystals near her lips.
Brittany blushes and runs her fingertips over her mouth.
"No, it's- Here." I say, swiping her chin clean.
"Thanks." She smiles.
"You're welcome. Want to watch another movie?"
She quickly nods in agreement and together we begin surfing through the channels.
/
It's the end of the semester and I cannot be more stressed out. My days have consisted of attending class, studying for finals, writing papers, putting in a few hours at a local sandwich shop and squeezing in some sleep time whenever I can. I haven't seen Sugar in days because she's been just as busy as I am, but we still text each other once in a while. The only time I get to see Brittany is when she walks with me to class every other morning. We've actually developed a small routine; before we meet at school, I make a pit stop and buy some coffee while she stops to buy pastries or sandwiches for us. I'd be fine drinking coffee alone but she insists on us eating something every morning, so I just go with it. When we meet at the school parking lot, I give her a coffee and she gives me something to eat which I enjoy on our way to class.
Today, however, I'm running late and didn't get to make my usual coffee run, but when I get to our meeting spot, a smiling Brittany is already there holding a McDonalds paper bag.
"Hey," i say in a shaky voice; being out of shape can definitely be embarrassing at times. "Sorry I'm late. I totally overslept and didn't have time to go buy coffee."
"That's okay," Brittany says and combs back the messy bangs hovering over my eyes. "You really did oversleep. You didn't even do your hair, and you always do your hair."
I sigh and run my hand through my hair, tempted to ruin it some more so that Brittany will fix it again. During the past month it has become increasingly difficult to not enjoy and yearn her touch. "I can't wait till this crap is over. I'm about ready to jump out a window to avoid all this stress."
"It'll be over soon," Brittany says, and comforts me with a one arm squeeze. "And I brought you your favorite." She hands me the white paper bag.
I pull it open and peek inside. "Oh my god, Brittany. You just made my day." I pull out the breakfast sandwich, unwrap it and take a bite, my eyes rolling back in joy.
Brittany laughs. "I would love to finish watching you devour that thing, but we should get to class."
"Right," I mumble with a mouthful, and we begin a quiet walk through our usual route. A few months ago this would have been awkward and maybe even nerve wracking but not anymore; we've become close enough to where silence isn't weird anymore which is really, really nice. "Oh," I start, "Sugar said we should have a movie night or something this weekend since we haven't all hung out in a while."
"We should," Brittany nods. "I can host. That way we give Sugar a break."
"I don't think she minds it. It gives her a chance to be extravagant but we can do it at your house if you want."
"Do what?" Brittany asks. "It?"
I swallow the last of my sandwich. "What?"
"You want to do it at my house?"
"Yeah." I shrug. "I don't mind. We can do it anywhere."
"Really?" She asks, overly surprised. "Anywhere?"
My brow knits together because this conversation is running longer than it should. "Yes?"
Brittany grins devilishly. "Okay we'll do it at my house."
The emphasis she puts on 'it' makes something in my head click and I finally get it. "Brittany!" I slap her arm.
Brittany tosses her head back and begins laughing.
I join her laughter. "You're so immature."
"Why?" She asks incredulously while her laugh dies down. "I'm just asking about our movie night. I don't know what you're thinking."
I shake my head, still smiling. "Whatever."
/
"Do you know what movie Brittany picked?" Sugar asks as we walk up to Brittany's front door.
"Not sure," I say. "I think she has a few for us to pick from."
"Do you think they'll be romantic movies?"
I glare at her as I knock on Brittany's door. "Please don't."
She smiles. "I'm just saying. It'd be fitting for the two of you."
"Seriously stop. Don't talk like that in front of Brittany. You know how curious she is. She won't stop asking until you explain what you're talking about."
"Aw, you know her so well!"
Brittany swings the door open and happily escorts us inside. "I just ordered some pizza. Do you guys want something to drink?
"Do you have any diet soda?" Sugar asks. "I'm trying to watch my weight cause my dad is forcing me to go to this big party thing that his company is having in a few months."
Brittany frowns. "I only have regular soda. I can get you some water," she offers.
"Okay. I'll have some of Earth's natural gift."
"What about you, San?" Brittany asks. "I have beers too. My sister's friends brought some the other day."
"Um... Yeah, okay. I'll have one. Thanks."
"Hey!" Sugar exclaims once Brittany leaves the living-room. "You guys should come with me to my dad's corporate party!"
"No thanks," I say, dryly.
"C'mon Santana! Please! It'll be one thousand times better if you guys are there."
"I'm sure it would be for you, but I'm going to pass."
Brittany walks back in with a few beers and a glass of water. "Do you guys want anything else?"
"Actually, yes." Sugar gives me a mischievous look. "I'd love if you and Santana would join me the day of the party . It'll be really fun. We'll have our own limo, we can drink fancy champagne and eat delicious food. What do you think?"
"I think that sounds pretty amazing. I'm in."
I pick up a bowl of Lays from the coffee table and begin munching away. "Well I hope you two have fun cause I'm not going."
Sugar snatchers the bowl from me. "Then you can't have any snacks!"
"What?" I scowl. "Sugar stop being stupid. Give them back."
Brittany takes the tray from Sugar and hands it back to me. "We don't need to be mean about it. If she doesn't want to go then that's okay." She sits between Sugar and I on the couch and takes a sip of her beer. "I mean, you'd be missing out on a super fun time with us but-" She shrugs.
"Thanks for understanding, Brittany" I say, emphasizing her name as I look at Sugar.
Sugar rolls her eyes and crosses her arms. "So what are we going to watch? Something romantic?"
I narrow my eyes at her.
"I rented 21 Jump Street, Argo, and Pitch Perfect," Brittany says.
"Oh!" Sugar claps. "Let's watch Pitch Perfect! I love that movie!"
Brittany turns to me and waits for my opinion.
"Yeah, let's watch it," I say.
Fifteen minutes into the movie, Sugar begins to complain. "God, when's this pizza getting here? Are you sure you ordered it Brittany? It's been like an hour."
"It hasn't been that long. It'll probably be here soon," Brittany says.
"I thought you were watching your weight, Sugar," I comment. Sugar and I have always shared the same love for food which is why I always roll my eyes at her when she talks about dieting. Plus she's already thin, so I'm sure she only talks about her weight in order to draw people's attention to her already fit physique.
"Yeah but a girl's gotta eat. I'm not going to carry around my own diet food." She sneaks a glance back towards the kitchen. "Did your mom cook anything tonight, Brittany?"
"Control yourself woman," I tell her.
Brittany kicks off her shoes and sets her legs across Sugar's lap. "Stay put. It'll be-" A heavy knock on the door cuts her off and Sugar throws Brittany's legs off herself when she sprints to the front door. Brittany takes a swig from her beer, turns on her side and lowers her head onto my lap. "I'm so glad finals are over," she says as she looks straight ahead at the TV.
"Tell me about it."
"I missed hanging out with you."
"And Sugar?" I ask, half joking.
Brittany chuckles. "And Sugar."
I remain quiet for a few seconds. "I missed you too Britt," I whisper, setting down my hand on her upper arm.
Sugar comes back in with an open pizza box and a already bitten slice in her hand. She stops near the coffee table when she sees us and sets down the box with a smirk. "I'm gonna get us some plates."
When she leaves to the kitchen, Brittany flips onto her back and looks up at me. "You're really not going with us to the party?" She asks.
I shake my head.
"Why?"
"It's a corporate. There's going to be old, boring business people all around. How is that going to be any fun?"
"But we're going to be there. Just go. Please?"
"Sugar begged me earlier. What makes you think I'll go if you beg?"
She thinks about it for a moment, her lashes fluttering as she blinks. "Well, because it's me who's begging."
I let out a light laugh. "Yeah, so?"
"What do you mean so? You can't say no to me. I'm super beautiful, and funny, and charming."
"You're also smart, kind, loyal and just about every other positive attribute can be added to that list, but I'm still not going."
"Please, Santana!" She tugs on my shirt and pulls me down towards her. "POR-FA-VOHRRR!"
Sugar clears her throat and it is only then that we notice her setting down some plates. Brittany lets go of me and sits up. "I was just trying to get her to come to the party with us," she informs Sugar.
"Oh, yeah?" She asks, grabbing another slice. "Any luck?"
"None yet." Brittany hands me a plate and holds my gaze as she does so. "But I'm not done trying."
When the movie is over, we play another one but Brittany falls asleep halfway through it, so Sugar and I decide to call it a night. Brittany denies being tired and blames it on the two beers she drank, but I know she's tired. We all are. Finals week really kicked our asses; so we decide to get going.
On the drive back to my house, Sugar begins her interrogation. "You guys seemed... comfortable tonight. I'd say that was cuddling, wouldn't you?"
"No, actually. I wouldn't," I say, deciding to go along with her.
"Oh, my mistake then." She glances at me and giggles.
"Sugar, will you please keep your attention on the road? I'd like to get home in one piece."
"Why do you always get so uptight and moody when I talk about you guys?"
"Because it gets annoying. Nothing is going to happen between us, and I wish you'd drop it already."
Sugar sighs. "Fine. I'm sorry. I don't mean to make you angry. It's just that I see a lot of good potential between the two of you and I'd wish you'd give it a chance. You're both my friends and I love you both very much. It'd be nice to see you together and happy."
I take a deep breath and exhale. "I know..."
"You do?"
"I meant that I know you say what you say with good intentions. It just gets under my skin because... well since we're being honest - and please don't freak out or make a big deal about it but - it's getting kind of hard to mask my... growing feelings for Brittany. I thought I'd get over them but it's just gotten worse. She's just so amazing. Maybe even more than she was before if you can believe that."
"Well, you already know what I'm going to tell you. I think you should tell her how you feel. And I also know what you're going to say. You're going to say you don't want to risk your friendship blah blah blah."
"But it's true," I say. "We're in a good place right now and it can all fall apart if I tell her and she doesn't feel the same."
"Look, I just..." Sugar rubs her forehead in frustration. "I feel like whenever we talk about this we just go in circles. It's like we have a script and we always argue the same points. You already know what I think. I think there's a good chance she still feels something for you. I mean, she was all over you tonight."
"She wasn't all over me. That was just Brittany being Brittany."
"If you say so," Sugar says, unconvinced.
I let my head fall back against the headrest and sigh. "Hey," I turn to her, "Thanks for being such a good friend. I appreciate your annoyance and support."
She smiles. "I love you guys, Santana. I'll always look out for my best friends."
"I know" I say, reaching for her hand. "I love you too."
Thank you all for reading! I hope you enjoyed this one.
I'll be starting school this week, so I might take a while to update again :( But I will try my best to make it a short wait.
xo