Saviour - What if the men Shelby gave her baby to hadn't been the loving parents she thought they would be

Rating - T

Characters - Shelby & Rachel

A/N - I'm going to continue this for a while, I've got quite a few ideas but if there's anything anyone wants to see then let me know and I'll see what I can do to fit it in. Updates might be a little slow until after Christmas but there will be more!

Grocery shopping with Rachel hadn't been as terrible as Shelby thought it might be, they'd sat together at the kitchen table before they went to the store and looked up recipes on the internet, together they'd picked out things they'd like to eat and used those recipes to build up a shopping list. Shelby had been disappointed but not surprised when Rachel asked what several items she put in the cart were, she also discovered that her daughter thought white, pre sliced was the only type of bread available and Rachel looked like Shelby had given her the world when Shelby told her she could pick out a long crusty baguette. Something so simple as picking a box of breakfast cereal had taken almost fifteen minutes as Rachel had never been given a choice, she'd told her mother she had cornflakes or she had nothing, and they were usually eaten dry because her fathers had told her that, as a vegan, she couldn't have milk. It had however become clear to Shelby that her daughter's diet had been so limited that she should introduce new foods slowly just in case Rachel had any unknown allergies. She'd picked up a small note book so she could jot down what new foods Rachel ate and when she had them, so if anything made her ill they should be able to easily find out what it was.

Once they returned home Shelby served lunch, chicken salad sandwiches on the baguette that had excited Rachel followed by a bar of chocolate Rachel had taken nearly ten minutes to choose. It had taken Rachel a while to choose things but she had chosen them which made Shelby happy, even though Shelby had to ask her to choose things Rachel had eventually made the final decision on her own. They'd spent almost half an hour in the toiletry aisle as Rachel smelt every bottle of shampoo, conditioner and shower gel before choosing ones she wanted to call her own. Even a simple bottle of shampoo had Rachel smiling like a child at Christmas and it was over lunch that Rachel had admitted that all she ever got from her fathers was a plain bar of white soap, but then again the only place she had to wash was a rickety old sink in the corner of a basement that only had cold water. Shelby had mentioned the worry of allergies over lunch and while she mentioned introducing new foods slowly she'd reassured Rachel she would never restrict the amount of food she ate. Rachel understood Shelby's concerns and together they came up with a, fairly short, list of foods Rachel had been 'allowed' and the foods she'd eaten whilst she was with Shelby.

"I'm going to see both our principals tomorrow" Shelby said as they snuggled together on the sofa, Rachel had confessed that the shopping trip had exhausted her so she was laid out on the sofa with her head in her mothers lap, "I need to tell your principal that you're living with me now, and I think we should both take some time off. A week at the least, to give you some time to settle in here."

"Thank you"

"It's okay" Shelby smiled, running her fingers through Rachel's hair, something she already knew would relax Rachel and probably send her to sleep, "there's a lot of things we'll need to do starting tomorrow, to get you officially in my custody, and I figured there might be a few things you want to talk about, and it'll be easier for you to talk about things if we're both here together." Rachel said nothing but Shelby knew she wasn't asleep yet, "Are you worried?" Shelby asked, "about coming to talk to me in case I'm busy?" Rachel nodded slowly. "Okay" Shelby suspected as much, "how about we both set aside one evening a week, we can decide which evening once you've decided whether or not you'd like to join any clubs or teams at school. And on that one evening we make the effort, I'll turn off my cellphone, unplug the landline and the tv and that can be our time. Does that sound good?"

Rachel couldn't help but beam, her fathers had never made any effort to spend time with her and Shelby was going to spend one whole evening with her each week. "Could we play board games? I always wanted to, but I was an only child and my fathers..."

Shelby was shocked that the girl had never played boardgames, "of course we can, but we'll have to go and pick some out first, what do you fancy getting?"

"I don't know."

"You like English right?" Rachel nodded, "then maybe we should start with scrabble."

Rachel nodded again, "Okay, what, what is it?"

"Scrabble?"

"Yeah"

"Well there's a board with lots of squares on and a bag full of square tiles, you pick out eight random tiles to start with and you have to use your letters to make a word, the next person has to make a word with their letters but it needs to intersect one of the words already on the board. Each letter you use is worth a different amount of points and some of the tiles on the board give you bonus points. You keep taking turns until there are no tiles left and the person with the highest score at the end wins. Does that sound good?"

"Yeah" Rachel smiled, "it does".

Shelby smiled, Rachel's smile was infectious, "we can go to the toy store and pick up a few other games too. Monopoly's a classic but it can go on for hours so it's probably best if we save that one for a day when we've got nothing else planned. We used to play it at Christmas, one year we started at about 3 and we were still going at 1am" Shelby glanced down when Rachel didn't reply to see the girl staring into space, "you okay?"

"Yeah" Rachel sighed, "I'm just tired"

Shelby once again began running her fingers through Rachel's dark hair, "close your eyes then, take a nap."

"Don't you think I've slept too much already this weekend?"

Shelby shook her head, "if you're tired then you haven't slept enough. If you didn't sleep too well at your fathers' then your body's probably playing catch up. We can go and lie down upstairs if you like? I'll lay with you" Shelby suddenly remembered something, "actually, I've got something for you upstairs, come up with me."

Shelby led Rachel up the stairs and into the master bedroom, once Rachel was settled on the bed Shelby excused herself and walked into her large closet returning just a few seconds later with a large shoebox in her hands, "what is it?" Rachel asked as the box was put in her hands, it had been so long since she'd been given anything she wasn't sure what to do.

"Open it and see."Rachel could tell Shelby was nervous so she opened the box slowly, only to find, nestled amongst layers of white tissue paper, the softest brown teddy bear Rachel had ever seen in her life.

"I bought him for you when I was pregnant, one of the nurses took him to the nursery and put him in your cot but one of your fathers left him in my room whilst I was in the shower. I decided to keep him for you, I always planned on giving him to you, even if when you turned 18 you didn't want anything to do with me I promised myself I'd find you just to give you him."

"He's beautiful" Rachel had never had a teddy, or any stuffed animal really but she could tell, as she lifted the bear from the box, that he'd probably cost Shelby a huge amount of money, "I'll be sure to look after him" she promised as she began to wrap the bear back up in the tissue paper, only for Shelby to gently take hold of her hand and stop her.

"I bought him with every intention of you growing up with him, I hoped you'd drag him around by his leg and play in the mud with him. He was bought to be loved, maybe, one day, when you head off to college or you move into your own place he'll be there to give you the love and snuggles I would give you if I was there." She watched as Rachel lifted the bear from the box again, "are you going to give him a name?"

Rachel thought for a moment before deciding, "Edward".

Shelby smiled, "Edward Tedward" she chuckled, "now come on, let's lay down and have a nap" she placed the box and tissue paper on the floor by the bed, "you and Edward can get to know each other later." She saw Rachel studying the bear, "is everything okay?"

Rachel nodded, "yeah" she lied, laying on the bed with Edward in her arms.

"No it's not" Shelby brushed Rachel's hair from her face, "talk to me baby."

Rachel shook her had, "it's silly."

"Sillier than planning to keep a teddy bear for 18 years before you give it to someone?" Rachel nodded, tears silently creeping down her cheek, "I don't think it is darling, tell me what's wrong."

"What you said about him being there when you're not" Rachel whispered.

"I didn't mean any time soon" Shelby clarified, "I meant in like 5 or 10 years."

"No, I know that" Rachel sighed, "could, could you maybe sleep with him tonight so he smells like you?"

Shelby frowned, "you think I smell?"

"Not, not in a bad way" Rachel was scared she'd upset Shelby and tried quickly to dig herself out of the hole she assumed she'd dug, "I, I don't know how to explain it, but even though I've only known you a couple of days I already feel better whenever I can smell you, it's a little reassuring I guess."

Shelby had never felt so maternal, she'd read in baby books whilst she was pregnant that newborns would be able to recognise the familiar scent of their mothers but now, almost fifteen years later Rachel found herself comforted by the smell of her mother, "that is the weirdest, yet sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me" she dropped a kiss to Rachel's head, "of course Edward can sleep with me tonight, so can you if you'd like, and if you ever want to snuggle up in a shirt of mine or anything then you're welcome to help yourself".

Rachel rolled over to face Shelby, a huge smile on her face, "can I? Can I really?"

Shelby nodded, "of course you can darling, would you like me to get you something now?" Shelby saw Rachel fight with herself, she knew her daughter wanted to accept the offer but at the same time didn't want to put her mother to any trouble, "wait here" Shelby instructed. She bought out a tshirt, it was large on her so she wasn't surprised when Rachel slipped it on, not at all conscious of changing in front of her mother, the hem of the tshirt skimmed Rachel's knees, "take off your jeans Rach, get comfy" Shelby had changed into sweats whilst getting Rachel the tshirt, "I wasn't tired until I suggested taking a nap". She watched as Rachel carefully folded her new jeans and sat them on top of Shelby;s dresser before climbing under the blanket and allowing her mother to hold her tightly, 'yes' Rachel thought to herself as she closed her eyes, 'I could get used to this'.

"Thank you" Rachel whispered long after Shelby thought she'd fallen asleep.

"What for darling?" Shelby asked as she gently began running her fingers through Rachel's hair.

"For letting me stay with you."

"Oh darling" Shelby sighed, "if I'd have been able to I'd have had you with me since the day you were born and if I'd known, oh baby if I'd have known what they were like I'd have had you move in here before you had time to blink."

"I'll always remember this. Even if one day you get sick of me and ask me to leave, I'll always remember how good it felt for someone to want me."

"Rachel" Shelby's voice quivered as she tried to hold back her tears, "I'll keep saying it until you believe me, but nothing you could ever do would make me want you to leave. Honey you could tell me you were pregnant, wanted by the police and a drug addict and I would still love you, granted I'd probably ask you to get some sort of help, but I'd still love you and I'd still be there. I have always and will always love and want you. Even when you're 40 and I'm pushing 60, I'll still make time to lay with you like this if you want me too, hell I'll still do it when you're 60, you'd probably have to help me out of my wheelchair and onto the bed though" she joked. "I would give up everything if it made you happy darling. I'd live in a box under a bridge if I knew it made you happy."

"I don't understand" Rachel sighed, hiding her face in the bears fur, "you, you, you don't know me, how can you promise me that when my fathers couldn't put up with me, there must me something wrong with me. They said I used to be too clingy, I'm sorry, you shouldn't have to lay with me. You'll be glad of the break tomorrow when I'm at school, I'm sorry I just turned up and screwed things up for you. I'll make sure to stay out of your way."I know that's hard for you to believe but if someone told me I could guarantee your future happiness by giving up everything I had I wouldn't even need to think about it.

"Hey" Shelby pulled Rachel closer, "calm down" she could hear Rachel starting to hyperventilate and wondered how often the girl had panic attacks, "take some deep breaths, you're okay, you're okay." She continued to reassure Rachel until she felt the girl finally calm down, "I don't even know where to start" she admitted, "but you're not here because I'm putting up with you, you're here because I love you and I want you here. I know things are a little shaky right now, but you have no idea how much I am looking forward to getting to know all about you, and watching you become the beautiful young woman I know you're going to be. There might be times when you annoy me, there might be times when I annoy you too but baby that's life, I used to argue with my Mom all the time but I wouldn't be without her. And as for all the cuddling, I'm pretty sure I'm enjoying it just as much as you are. We've missed out on so much time with each other, there's nothing wrong with us making up for that right now, and I've already told you, we're both going to take some time off to get to know each other a little better." Shelby paused for a moment before asking, "can I tell you something? I want to be completely honest with you."

"Okay" Rachel whispered, terrified to hear what her mom wanted to tell her.

"Your dads didn't just take my baby the day you were born, they took a piece of my heart too. I've lived for almost fifteen years feeling like, no matter what I did, or who I did it with there was part of me missing. Yesterday morning when I woke up holding you, I felt like that missing piece was back. I feel like I'm whole again. I've done a lot of stupid things in my life, a lot of things I regret, but you" Shelby shook her head, "you, I look at you and I can't believe I made something so perfect, so beautiful. I'm constantly in awe that the tiny thing I saw for only a moment all those years ago has somehow become this, this miracle, this real person that I can hold and kiss and love. And I do love you, so much I think I might burst or something. I hold you and I never want to let you go. I want to protect you from everything. I know things haven't been great for you but I promise Rachel, I promise you that it'll be different now."

"I,I'm so glad you're not like they said you were."

Shelby frowned but didn't push Rachel to tell her more, she didn't want to make Rachel feel forced into talking, and she could tell from her daughter's voice that she was struggling to walk the fine line between being asleep and awake, and right now getting her exhausted daughter to rest was more important than finding out what lies the men had been telling her, "close your eyes baby, get some sleep, I'll be right here when you wake up."

"Okay" Rachel mumbled, allowing the feel of Shelby's hand rubbing at her back to sooth her to sleep

Shelby woke before Rachel over an hour later, "hey" she smiled as Rachel's eyes fluttered open, "feeling better?"

"Yeah" Rachel yawned, "thanks."

"Are you hungry?"

"What time is it?"

"Does that matter? If you're hungry then you're hungry." Shelby twisted away from Rachel slightly to look at the clock by her bed, "it's almost five thirty"

"Okay"

"Do you want to make a start on dinner?" Shelby asked, "I thought we could try a pasta bolognaise, see what you think of beef. Pasta's a pretty 'safe' food and you're okay with bread so we know you don't have problems with wheat or gluten, and you've had tomatoes before, we could throw some other veggies in there too if you'd like, does that sound good?" Rachel nodded and Shelby smiled, "if you don't like it you don't have to eat it darling. I honestly don't mind cooking you a second meal if you don't like what's on your plate, all I ask is that you try."

"Okay"

Shelby leant over and kissed Rachel's forehead, "I'm going to go and make a start, you and Edward are welcome to stay here for a while if you like, you still look a little sleepy."

Rachel shook her head, "I, I'd like to get up if that's okay?"

"Of course it is, do you want to go and pull some leggings on under that tshirt so your legs don't get cold?"

Rachel looked surprised, "you mean I can keep it on?"

"Sure" Shelby smiled, "you can keep it forever if you want."

"Really?" Rachel's face lit up.

"Absolutely, now, leave Edward tucked in the sheets and go put some leggings on. I'll wait for you."

Rachel dropped an open tin of tomatoes whilst she was helping Shelby make dinner, and before the tin had even hit the floor Rachel was cowering in the corner away from Shelby, "I'm sorry" she whimpered, "I'm sorry"

"Rachel" Shelby approached slowly, "It's okay darling, it was an accident. you're okay."

"I, I, it got on your t-shirt" she whispered.

"That's okay" Shelby opened her arms, "it will wash, I'm more worried about you, come here baby."

"I, I'll make your shirt dirty too."

"Honey I can wash shirts no problem, come here." Rachel walked slowly into Shelby's arms and was instantly wrapped in a tight embrace, "shh" Shelby felt Rachel begin to sob, "you're okay darling". She held Rachel until she calmed down, "why don't you run upstairs and grab us both a clean shirt from my closet. I'll clean the mess up."

"What would you like me to do?" Rachel asked quietly as she handed Shelby a clean shirt.

"Thanks" Shelby took the shirt, "you can set the table if you like, everything's done here, we've just got to wait for it to cook."

"I, I'm not really hungry any more" Rachel lied.

"You need to eat something" Shelby turned to face Rachel as she pulled the clean top over her head, "I don't want you making yourself ill."

"But I wasted the to..."

"No" Shelby interrupted, "you didn't, accidents happen, things get dropped, knocked over, spilt. We clean them up and move on, there's a saying, 'there's no use crying over spilt milk', well, there's no use beating yourself up over a dropped tin of tomatoes."

"But you, you gave me the luxury of food and I wasted it, I made a mess , I, I..."

"Baby" Shelby held open her arms as Rachel began to sob, "don't do this to yourself."

"I'm sorry" Rachel sobbed as she once again fell into Shelby's arms, "I'm so sorry".

Dinner passed quickly, Rachel didn't eat as much as Shelby would have liked but she ate something so the mother wasn't complaining. It was about 10.30 when Shelby announced she was heading for bed, "are you coming up or are you going to watch tv for a bit longer?"

"I, I'll go to bed."

"Okay" Shelby smiled, "I'll come in and say goodnight when you've used the bathroom."

"I'm scared of sleeping" Rachel whispered, the covers pulled up to her chin so she could hide her face from Shelby, "I don't want to sleep in case I wake up and this is a dream"

Shelby smiled and sat on the edge of the bed, "I worry about that too, but it's not baby, it's not a dream I promise. If you wake in the night come and check, I'll be right across the hall in my room, if you want to get in with me then I really don't mind." She kissed Rachel's head and pulled the covers straight, "good night darling, I'll see you in the morning. I love you."

Rachel smiled and closed her eyes, "good night" she mumbled, sleep already taking over.

Rachel woke in the middle of the night with a jump and immediately began to cry. She'd slept without Shelby for the first time since Friday night and for the first time since Friday night she'd had an accident. Her fathers were right, she really was a baby an animal, she didn't deserve the luxury of a bed. Tears rolled silently down Rachel's cheeks as she stripped the bedding off and replaced it with a clean set, she wanted Shelby, she didn't know why but she felt safe with her mother, without doing anything at all Shelby made everything better. She walked quietly down the hallway and paused outside Shelby's room, the woman had left her door ajar to remind Rachel it was okay for her to go in and Rachel took a deep breath before stepping into the room. The curtains were open and Rachel could tell from the moonlight streaming through the window that Shelby was sprawled out in the middle of the bed leaving no room for anyone else so she did what she was so used to doing, she curled up on the floor and hugged her legs up to her chest. At least Shelby's thick carpet was more comfortable than the concrete floor in her fathers' basement and for that she should be grateful.