Saviour - What if the men Shelby gave her baby to hadn't been the loving parents she thought they would be
Rating - T
Characters - Shelby & Rachel
A/N -You'll get to meet some of Shelby's family in the next chapter. If there's anything you'd like to see happen then let me know and I'll do my best to fit it in. Someone mentioned a few chapters ago that they'd like to see how Rachel reacts to getting her period, I've got that written but there's a couple of things I want to happen first, including Rachel going back to school, so yeah, anything you'd like to see let me know.
Lyrics in italics from Count On Me - Whitney Houston
A blood curdling scream woke Shelby just after 2am and within seconds she was stood by Rachel's bed, "No" she screamed as she thrashed wildly, "please Momma, please don't let them get me."
"Rachel" Shelby said loudly, placing her hand on Rachel's shoulder and shaking her firmly.
"No, please, no, I don't want to go. Get off me." Shelby didn't step back fast enough and one of Rachel's flailing arms hit her across the face hard enough to make her take a step backwards and clutch at her cheek for a moment before Rachel's screams reminded her why she was there. "No Momma, please, why aren't you stopping them. Momma. You said you loved me Momma."
Shelby could almost hear Rachel sobbing as she carefully loosened the sheets that were tangled around Rachel's body before climbing into the bed and somehow pulling the struggling girl onto her lap. "Shh baby, I'm here, I've got you. I love you and I'm never going to hurt you."
Fifteen minutes later and Rachel was still unsettled, nothing Shelby had done had woken the small girl so Shelby just held her, rocking her gently and humming a soft tune. Shelby jumped as Rachel tensed in her arms. "Please" she begged, "I'm sorry, I'll do anything. Not that, please don't, please" Rachel once again began to struggle in Shelby's arms and this time it was her knee that somehow ended up connecting painfully with Shelby's stomach.
"Come on baby" Shelby shook Rachel again as she brushed dark hair hack from Rachel's sweat covered forehead, "you need to wake up now."
"Please" Rachel whimpered, "don't, I'll do anything."
Shelby sighed as she felt the leg of her pyjamas dampen. "Rachel" Shelby shook her again, "wake up please." She was getting desperate now, she was usually able to wake Rachel up straight away but not this time. "Rachel" she repeated. This time Rachel's eyes popped open and she sat up quickly.
"What...why..." She realised that not only was she wet but she was wet and sat on Shelby's lap and promptly burst into tears.
"Shh" Shelby continued to rock Rachel, "you're okay, it's okay." It took Shelby almost half an hour to calm Rachel down, "Oh baby" she sighed and kissed Rachel's head, "we can't do this every night darling, you need to get your rest."
"I'm sorry" Rachel began to get worked up again, "I'm sorry."
"Hey" Shelby kissed her again, "it's not your fault, I'm not blaming you. Did you have a nightmare when you slept with me?" Rachel shook her head, "okay, let's get cleaned up and you can sleep in my bed at least until we see the therapist and start to work through these nightmares." Shelby had already called the therapist recommended by Rachel's paediatrician, but had been unable to get an appointment until the end of the next week.
"No, I can't, I can't make you do that, you don't need to."
"I do baby. The doctor said that you need to rest up and it breaks my heart to see you like you were earlier. I can't keep doing that, I can't watch you hurting. And on a purely selfish level I love cuddling with you, if you're sleeping in my bed it means there's more time for cuddles." She hoped her last reason would lighten the mood a little, "now let's get changed and into my bed, you go clean yourself up and I'll strip the bed and bring you some clean pyjamas and then go get changed. You can come get in bed as soon as you're ready." She remembered what Rachel had been screaming in her sleep, "if I'm not in my room I'll be changing in my en suite, I'll leave the door open so you can come in if you want."
"I'm sorry" Rachel whispered, still playing with Shelby's shirt, "about your pyjamas."
"It's okay darling, as long as you're okay. And I'm sure I'm not the first Mom in the world to be peed on, in fact I'm sure a lot of parents have had their children do worse than pee on them."
Once Shelby got Rachel into the bathroom she made quick work of stripping the bed, she'd put the clean sheets on tomorrow. She opened Rachel's drawers and sighed when she found the girl had no clean pyjamas left. She made a mental note to put some in the laundry when they woke before grabbing two pairs of pyjamas from her own room, leaving one outside the bathroom door for Rachel and quickly changing into the second herself.
When Shelby stepped from her ensuite she found Rachel hovering by the door, "jump in" she said with a smile, "you don't have to wait for me."
"I'm scared" Rachel admitted as she slowly walked towards the large bed.
"What about?" Rachel sighed but said nothing, "do you want to tell me what your nightmare was about?" Shelby asked.
"My dads came back" she said quietly, "they made me go home with them and you" tears filled Rachel's eyes, "you just let them take me, I was begging you to help me but you just stood and watched."
"Oh sweetheart" Shelby pulled Rachel into hug her and almost instantly Rachel began to cling to Shelby's shirt, it was as if that was her way of making sure Shelby hadn't left. "I would never let them take you from me, I let them take you once, I won't make that mistake a second time. If either of your fathers came here I wouldn't even open the door, I'd make sure you were somewhere safe and then I'd call the police." She kissed Rachel's head, "I know you don't believe it darling but I won't ever let anyone or anything hurt you. I'd put myself in danger if it meant you were safe. I know there's nothing I can do to make you believe that. I wish there was, but I'll do whatever I can to show you I'm nothing like them. I want you to feel comfortable here, I want you to feel comfortable around me and I get that that might take some time but I'll wait, whenever you need me I'll be here, day or night baby."
"I know" Rachel whispered as she sobbed into Shelby's chest, "I know you're not like them but sometimes I'm scared that you will be, eventually. That you'll get sick of me too."
"If I had a time machine I'd take you forward twenty, thirty, fourty years, I'd take you to the day you get married so you can see me there, the proudest person in the room. I'd take you to the day you have your first child so you can see me pacing the corridor waiting to hear that I'm a grandma. Birthdays, holidays I'd show you everything but I can't do that so we'll just take it one day at a time for now. You can go to sleep tonight knowing that if I'm not holding you in my arms when you wake I'll be downstairs cooking you breakfast. I'm not going to leave you and if for whatever reason I ever need to run out whilst you're still sleeping I promise I will wake you first to tell you where I'm going and when I'll be back and if possible I'll ask if you want to come with me. I'll never go anywhere without telling you where I'm going and when I'll be back. I lived without you for almost fifteen years Rachel, the worst fifteen years of my life" she kissed the tired girl's temple, "and I'm pretty sure the next fifteen years are going to be the best years of my life."
"I love you Mom"
Shelby smiled and shifted in the bed with Rachel still in her arms so she was lying under the covers, "I love you too darling and as much as I love talking to you I can barely keep my eyes open so lets get some sleep."
"What if I have another nightmare?"
"Then I'll wake you up and if I can't wake you I'll hold you until it's over."
"What if I..."
"Then we get up, we clean up and I'll change the sheets, it's not a problem." She saw the worry on Rachel's face, "would you like me to get a towel for you to lay on?" Shelby remembered what Rachel had said about her fathers making her sleep on puppy training pads and hoped offering her a towel to sleep on wouldn't bring back any bad memories."
"I could just sleep on the floor" Rachel offered.
"Don''t be silly, I can't cuddle with you if you sleep on the floor. I don't mind changing the bedding if anything happens but if you're worried I'll grab you a towel, it's not a problem."
"Could, could I have a towel please?"
"Of course" Shelby reluctantly stood from the bed, "I'll go get you one." Shelby flicked on the light as she walked into her ensuite again and caught sight of herself in the mirror, her right cheek was bright red from where Rachel had hit her, she thanked god that the lighting in her bedroom was obviously too dim to make it out and she hoped it would be faded by morning, she didn't really want to explain what had happened. She took a moment to inspect her stomach, there was no mark at the moment but it felt tender and she was sure it would bruise but at least she could keep her stomach covered.
"Come on now" Shelby said softly once Rachel was settled on the towel, "lets get some sleep" she'd made sure to leave the light of her ensuite on and the door open so she was able to flick off the light by her bed. "What's wrong?" Shelby asked a while later as she felt Rachel shift for what felt like the millionth time.
"I'm sorry" Rachel whispered, "I didn't mean to interrupt your sleep, I'll go and sleep in my own bed I'm sorry."
"There aren't any sheets on your bed, are you struggling to get settled?"
"Yeah" Rachel sighed quietly, and Shelby knew the young girl was close to tears.
"Come on" she let go of Rachel, "shuffle, fidget, get it out, wiggle then get comfortable." Rachel rolled over to face Shelby and laid still for a moment, "comfy?" Rachel nodded and Shelby kissed her forehead, wrapping her in her arms again, "okay, close your eyes" Rachel did as she was told, "clear your head, just concentrate on me."
"I can see it's hurting you I can feel your pain, it's hard to see the sunshine through the rain. I know sometimes it seems as if it's never gonna end, but you'll get through it, just don't give in 'cause you can count on me through thick and thin. This mother's love will never end, when you are weak I will be strong, helping you to carry on. Call on me, I will be there, don't be afraid. Please believe me when I say, count on me." It didn't take much, just one verse and a chorus and Rachel was gone. Shelby felt her daughter relax against her and sighed, "I love you" she whispered, kissing Rachel's head before finally closing her own eyes.
Shelby woke just a few hours later to find herself laid on her back with Rachel literally laid on top of her. Rachel had shuffled down the bed slightly and she laid with her head on her mothers chest and her legs between Shelby's, Edward Bear's leg grasped loosely in Rachel's right hand. Shelby smiled and brushed some hair back from Rachel's face. Her daughter looked so much younger when she was sleeping. It was obvious that she felt safe with Shelby, even if she didn't feel able to admit it yet. Rachel frowned in her sleep and Shelby gently ran her fingers over the crumpled brow, smiling slightly when the action turned Rachel's frown into a smile. Her stomach ached even under Rachel's slight weight but Shelby knew she'd lay like this forever if it meant Rachel was happy.
"Momma" Rachel mumbled sleepily almost an hour later before frowning, "momma".
Shelby kissed Rachel's forehead, "I'm here darling, I'm here."
"Momma?" Rachel sounded confused and she slowly opened her eyes, blinking a few times as she woke up fully. "Momma".
"What's wrong baby?"
"I'm, what, I, I..." She shook her head and closed her eyes again, snuggling her head against Shelby's chest.
"Shh, you're okay" Shelby rubbed Rachel's back until she was certain Rachel had fallen back to sleep. It was another half an hour before Rachel opened her eyes again, "morning" Shelby smiled as Rachel tilted her head to look at her, "are you awake this time?"
Rachel nodded, "yeah, why, why wouldn't I be?"
"You sort of woke up about half an hour ago, you said my name a couple of times and then tried to say something else but you fell back to sleep again."
"I'm sorry I woke you" Rachel whispered, her hands once again finding the hem of Shelby's shirt before she gasped, "I'm laying on you, I'm so sorry" she tried to roll away but Shelby held her tightly.
"You didn't wake me, I've been awake for a while, and I don't mind you laying on me."
"You can't be comfortable."
Shelby smiled, her stomach ached terribly from where Rachel had kneed her during her nightmare but she said nothing, "it's fine" she lied, "as long as you're comfortable." They lied in silence for a while, Rachel playing with the hem of Shelby's shirt and Shelby running her fingers through Rachel's hair, before Shelby spoke again. "I read some baby books when I was pregnant" she told Rachel, "they all said that you could hear my heartbeat, that it'd be reassuring for you. I begged your fathers to lie like this with you when you were born. I wish I could have done it myself, I'm so sorry baby. I wish I could have done this sooner, I wish, I wish I'd been there baby."
"You're here now" Rachel whispered, her tears dripping from her cheek and soaking Shelby's shirt. "I, when I was younger I used to sit in the basement and beg you to save me. I used to dream about you coming and rescuing me and you have, you've saved me but being with you is so much better than it ever was in my dreams."
"That's because dreams end" Shelby whispered as her own tears began falling down her cheeks, "dreams end but I promise you baby, this is forever."
"I told them once" Rachel sighed, "I told them that one day you were going to rescue me. They said, they said you didn't love me and you never wanted me. They said you only had me because you wanted the money they gave you."
"That's not true" Shelby said defensively. "I had you because your fathers seemed like nice men desperate to have be parents, I signed a contract saying I wouldn't see you until you were 18 before I even got pregnant darling. But the second I heard the doctor congratulate your fathers I regretted it. You were the size of a pea when I had my first ultrasound but as soon as I saw you, I'll be honest I didn't even know where you were, the sonographer had to point you out, but the second I saw you I felt an overwhelming urge to do nothing but protect you. I was going to run away, get out of Lima and bring you up myself but Hiram found out and either he or Leroy were always around from then on. As for the money, I worked my backside off in dead end, underpaid jobs to send myself to college. All the money your fathers gave me for having you is in a trust fund for you. You'll get it all on your 18th birthday, I haven't had a single cent from it, I'm not sure how much is in there now but its all yours sweetheart."
"You've always loved me?"
"From the second I knew you existed. I've loved you so much."
"Why, why didn't you have any more children?"
"I thought about it" Shelby was honest, "but I knew no matter how many other children I had, They'd never be you." Rachel's stomach rumbled and Shelby was slightly glad of the interruption to the conversation, "come on" she kissed Rachel's head, "let's go get some breakfast.
Rachel rolled off Shelby and Shelby stood from the bed, stretching her arms above her head as she did so. She managed to stifle a groan of pain but she didn't notice the top of her pyjamas ride up showing Rachel the beginnings of a large bruise on her stomach, "what, what's that?" Rachel asked slowly.
"Nothing" Shelby quickly pulled her shirt back down, "it's nothing."
Rachel quickly put two and two together, "did, did I do that?" her voice shook and her eyes filled with tears, "oh God, I'm sorry" she whimpered, curling herself into a ball, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." She closed her eyes as she waited for Shelby to hit her, she'd blown it now, she'd never physically injured either of her fathers so she could only imagine what Shelby was going to do to her, she couldn't shut her in the basement, maybe she had a garage or a cupboard or something, or maybe Shelby would jut throw her out, there was no way she'd let her stay now. Rachel could already feel the sting in her backside even though Shelby hadn't hit her yet. She felt the bed dip beside her and braced herself, she jumped in shock when she felt a soft hand gently wipe away her tears.
"Hey, it's okay." Rachel felt Shelby lift her from the bed and expected to be placed over Shelby's lap for a spanking but instead found herself cradled in her mother's arms the way she had so many times over the past few days. "Calm down baby, you're okay."
"I, I hurt you" Rachel whispered, "I bruised you and, and I was laying on it, you must have been in so much pain, I, I'm sorry. Are you going to punish me now or later? I shouldn't have asked you that I'm sorry".
Rachel as getting hysterical and Shelby knew she needed to calm her down before she had a full blown panic attack, "Calm down baby, deep breaths, come on, you're okay" she rubbed Rachel's back and kept her own breathing steady, encouraging Rachel to match it until she finally calmed down slightly, "I'm not going to punish you for this Rachel so you can stop worrying."
"But I hurt you, I hurt you, I deserve to be punished."
"Did you do it on purpose?" Shelby asked and Rachel shook her head. "There we are then. You didn't even know you'd done it until you saw the bruise just then. You were having a nightmare, you didn't mean to hurt me. Sure, if we'd have been arguing and you'd have lashed out in anger then yes I'd probably have punished you but you didn't. You were scared baby and you obviously thought I was someone else."
"You let me sleep on you."
"Yeah"
"So I hurt you and then you let me hurt you again."
Shelby sighed, "Baby it broke my heart to see you fighting whatever you were fighting last night, when I woke up and you were sleeping on me, it was the most peaceful I've ever seen you, I was so happy to see you happy and relaxed that I didn't even think about my stomach, and it doesn't even hurt that much" she lied, "I'll take a couple of painkillers after breakfast and I'll be as good as new." She knew Rachel wasn't convinced, "it's just a bruise darling, nothing life threatening. I'm not worried so you don't need to be either." Shelby rocked Rachel until she'd finally calmed down and she knew she'd have to keep a close eye on the girl. A quick glance downwards and Shelby noticed Rachel had cried herself to sleep, "oh baby" Shelby sighed kissing her head, "I'm never going to hurt you." Shelby's own stomach rumbled and she carefully lifted Rachel into her arms, carrying her down the stairs before laying her on the sofa and covering her with a blanket.
When Rachel woke again it was almost lunch time and she was laid on the sofa with her head in Shelby's lap, "I'm sorry" she mumbled.
"You've got nothing to be sorry for" Shelby said sincerely, "do you want something to eat now?"
Rachel shook her head, "I don't deserve anything" she said so quietly Shelby almost didn't hear her.
"Rachel, look at me" Rachel twisted slightly so she could look at Shelby, "I'm not going to punish you for this so please, please don't feel like you need to punish yourself. Even if I was going to punish you I wouldn't do it by taking away your food, you don't have to 'earn' meals. I'd like you to eat something baby but if you don't feel up to eating I'd like you to have a protein shake or a smoothie or something so you don't get sick." Rachel didn't say anything, "will you try and eat something?"
"I, I don't think I can" Rachel said truthfully, her stomach was in knots and she was certain if she ate anything she'd just vomit it straight back up again.
"Okay" Shelby ran her fingers through Rachel's hair, "I'm going to make you a smoothie for now. Will you tell me if you get hungry?" Rachel nodded even though she knew she wouldn't, her fathers had taught her long ago that she should never ask for anything, if someone wanted her to have something they'd give it her.
Shelby smiled at Rachel as she placed the smoothie on the coffee table in front of Rachel, "here you go" she held a spoon out to Rachel, "it's quite thick so I bought you a spoon."
"Thank you" Rachel whispered, her dark hair falling forward to hide her face as she took the spoon from her mother."
"It's okay" Shelby brushed back Rachel's hair to kiss her daughter's forehead, "I'm going to tidy my breakfast things away, call me if you need anything." Rachel couldn't look Shelby in the eye so Shelby sat on the edge of the coffee table. "I mean it darling, anything." She sighed as she got no response, "I love you baby, whatever you might be thinking right now I love you and I'm not angry with you. You are more than welcome to eat that in the kitchen while I tidy things up but you are equally as welcome to eat it in here." Rachel nodded, "I'll just be in the kitchen baby. I love you" she repeated, kissing Rachel again before standing from the table and walking to the kitchen. Today was going to be a long day.