Saviour - What if the men Shelby gave her baby to hadn't been the loving parents she thought they would be
Rating - T
Characters - Shelby & Rachel
A/N -Xanidoo, you mentioned in your review that you'd like to see how Shelby would punish Rachel, right now I can't see Rachel doing anything that would cause Shelby to punish her so I've worked it in in another way, I hope you like it.
This is the last chapter I had (mostly) written so updates are probably going to slow down a little, but I'm going to aim to update once a week.
Shelby sighed as her phone began to ring on the coffee table a little after three, Rachel had hardly said two words to her since that morning and, as she sat, curled into her self in the armchair, it was as if the girl wasn't allowing herself to seek out the comfort she knew only her mother could give her, "Hey" Shelby answered the phone as she saw her sister's name flashing up on the screen, "what's up?" Shelby left the room to speak to her sister and sighed when she entered the room a while later to find Rachel still curled into the armchair staring into space, "Rach, Rachel baby, can we talk?" she sat on the edge of the coffee table, "that was my sister Amy on the phone, her son's had an asthma attack, he's fine but she wants to take him to the hospital to get him checked over, she wanted to know if I'd watch my niece. I told her you were here and I'd have to make sure you were okay with it. If not I said we'd drop her off at my Mom's."
"What, what are they called?"
"Her son is called Max, he's five, almost six and her daughter is Lily, she just turned three a couple of weeks ago."
Rachel nodded, "okay".
"Are you okay with her coming over? Shelby asked, "I don't mind taking her to my Mom's and Amy said she'd understand if you'd rather not have her bugging you."
"No, it's okay" Rachel said quietly, "she can come over" of course she could, she was Shelby's family, she couldn't ask Shelby to send them away just because she was there.
"Okay" Shelby leant forward and placed her hand on Rachel's knee, "can we put an end to all this now please. I can't sit watching you hate yourself any longer. I'm not going to punish you for what happened and I think you've punished yourself enough. We've got about twenty minutes until Amy gets here with Lily and I'd like to spend it holding you."
"I'm sorry" Rachel whispered.
"It's okay" Shelby pulled Rachel from the armchair and sat in it herself before pulling Rachel back down onto her lap, "it's okay baby, it happened we've dealt with it and it's over. Let's just put it behind us and move on."
By the time Shelby's sister arrived Rachel had once again cried herself to sleep in Shelby's arms. Shelby laid the sleeping girl on the sofa when she heard Amy open the front door, praying she could warn them that Rachel was sleeping before they woke her.
"Hey" Amy greeted her older sister, "thanks for doing this" she passed the toddler and a bag over to Shelby, "I'm hoping we won't have to stay in but I've packed her some pyjamas, a pull up and a bottle just in case. I'll ring you when I know what's happening."
"Okay" Shelby smiled, "I'd introduce you to Rachel but she's sleeping, it's been a tough day."
"Oh God" Amy sighed, "what happened? Are you sure you're going to be okay with Lil? I can take her to Mom's if you'd rather."
"Rachel has nightmares" Shelby told Amy, "last night was the worst so far, I, I couldn't wake her" Shelby felt her eyes fill with tears, "I couldn't wake her so I got in bed with her to try and calm her down, I was holding her, she was obviously fighting something, and, well" Shelby shifted Lily slightly so she could lift her shirt up and show Amy the bruise, "I wasn't going to tell her, but she saw it. I told her I wouldn't punish her but it's like she felt like she needed to punish herself. I don't know, I do know, oh Amy, they were so terrible to her."
"Oh Shel" Amy sighed, pulling her sister into a half hug, "you've got her now though, that's what matters."
"I know" Shelby used her free hand to wipe at her eyes, "I just wish I had her all along."
It was then that Lily noticed Shelby's tears and reached out to help wipe them away, "No be sad An'Lelly"
"I'm okay Munchkin" Shelby forced a smile, "I'm okay?"
"Can I see her?" Amy asked, "I promise I won't be long, Maxie's waiting in the car."
Shelby thought for a second before nodding, "okay. She's in here" Shelby carried Lily into the living room where Rachel was asleep on the sofa.
"Oh my God" Amy gasped as she followed her sister into the room, "she's your double, she's tiny though, how old did you say she was?"
"She's fifteen a week before Christmas."
"Poor thing" Amy sighed, "I'm sure living here will do her the world of good, you'll be so good with her Shelly, you're great with all our kids, and I know Rachel's a little older but, she'll love you, she's a lucky girl to have you."
"Thanks" Shelby smiled, "mentally, she's still so young, she's begging for someone to love her. All I seem to do is hold her."
"If that's what she needs Shell...She's probably never had someone just sit and hold her. I really wish I could stay and tell you how great you're doing, but Max..."
"I understand, go, we'll be fine."
"Okay" Amy smiled, "I'll call you when we've seen the doctor, and you can call me whenever okay. You were there for me when I had my kids, I plan on being here now you've got yours. I love you" She kissed Shelby's cheek before leaning over and kissing her daughter, "Mommy loves you Munchkin, be good for Aunty Lelby"
"Say bye to Mommy" Shelby prompted and Lily smiled.
"Bye Mumma" she waved before blowing a kiss, "'love 'oo"
"Love you too" Amy smiled blowing Lily one final kiss before leaving the house.
Lily was laid on the floor, on her stomach, scribbling on some paper Shelby had given her when Rachel woke, "Hey sleepyhead" Shelby smiled and ran her hands through Rachel's hair, "are you feeling better?"
Rachel nodded, "I'm sorry, about earlier."
"Hey" Shelby kissed Rachel's forehead, "it's okay. Are you hungry? It's been a while since you ate."
"I hung'y An'Lelly" Lily spoke up, something that bought tears to Shelby's eyes, Lily had just turned three but already she knew that whatever she needed, all she had to do was ask and someone would get it for her. Rachel could be starving hungry and she wouldn't dare ask for so much as a glass of water.
"Are you darling?" Shelby asked Lily, "how about you come over and say hi to Rachel then we'll all go have a snack, it's too early to have dinner just yet."
Lily nodded and scribbled on her paper for a couple more seconds before she stood up with her picture in her hand, "for you" she said, uncharacteristically shyly as she held out the paper towards Rachel.
Rachel took the drawing, to her it was just coloured scribbles, but even though she'd never been around small children, she knew to Lily this was a masterpiece, "Thank you" she smiled back, "it's beautiful."
Lily smiled, "Come on Rae, is snack time" she reached for Rachel's hand and pulled her from the sofa, leading her to the kitchen, "An'Lelly" Lilly called, "come on, snack time." Shelby smiled as she followed the girls into the kitchen, maybe having Lily around for a while would be good for Rachel.
"Okay, what do you want?" Shelby asked as she walked into the kitchen and opened a cupboard, wondering what she could give the girls that wouldn't fill them up so much they wouldn't eat later. Both Rachel and Lily were already sat at the table, something Shelby assumed was down to Lily.
"I want apple An'Lelly" Lily said decisively.
"Magic word?" Shelby asked as she raised an eyebrow.
"P'ease An'Lelly, p'ease." Lily said with a cheeky smile
"Okay" Shelby grabbed an apple from the fruit bowl on the side, that was easy, now for the hard part, "what do you want Rach?"
"I, I don't..."
Shelby wasn't going to let Rachel say she wasn't hungry so she didn't let her finish, "would you like some fruit too? Or a yoghurt, or would you prefer something savoury?"
"I don't know" Rachel whispered.
"There's some pineapple left, we could share that if you wanted?"
"Okay" Rachel nodded, "thank you."
"It's okay" she said with a smile, taking the small plastic tub of pineapple out of the fridge and passing it to Rachel.
"An'Lelly, I no like Nineapple."
"I know you don't" Shelby said with a smile, "that's why I'm just about to cut you this apple up."
"Thank you An'Lelly" Lily grinned as Shelby placed the apple in front of her before sitting beside Rachel and eating a chunk of pineapple. She watched both girls for a while and it broke her heart, Lily happily ate her apple slices, singing quietly to herself between bites and Shelby could tell her legs would be swinging softly under the table. Rachel however looked terrified, she sat stiffly and she ate only occasionally. Lily was the child she'd always hoped Rachel would be, she was happy, carefree and a little bit cheeky. Shelby couldn't believe how wrong she'd been.
"I done" Lily said with a smile once she'd eaten all her apple.
"Okay" Shelby smiled, and pushed the last piece of pineapple over to Rachel, "let's wash your hands then you can go play."
"Rae play too?" Lily asked as Shelby lifted her up to watch her hands at the kitchen sink.
"I don't know" Shelby said as she stood Lily on the floor and passed her a towel to dry her hands on, "you'll have to ask Rachel if she wants to play with you"
"Play with me?" Lily walked slowly over to Rachel, "p'ease"
Rachel looked at Shelby and the woman smiled at her daughter, she wouldn't force her, "how about I get your blocks out?" Shelby suggested, "we can all play together"
Lily's face lit up, "Will you Rae?"
Rachel nodded, slightly reassured by the fact that Shelby wouldn't leave her alone with Lily, "Okay, I just need to wash my hands."
"Lily and I will go get her blocks, we'll be in the living room when you're done". Shelby was Amy's go to babysitter so she had toys for both Max and Lily in the cupboard under the stairs, "Here we go" she pulled out the two boxes of megablox, a red one that Max had now decided he was too old for, and a pink one She had bought for Lily, "do you want anything else out?" Shelby asked, "or just the blocks?"
Lily frowned for a moment before smiling and reaching into the big pink box her toys were kept in, "Dolly" she grinned, pulling out a large rag doll and hugging it tightly.
Rachel, Shelby, Lily and Dolly played happily for over an hour before Shelby announced she was going to make a start on dinner, she left Rachel with Lily but only after promising her daughter that she wouldn't be gone long. When she returned, Rachel was sat cross legged on the floor and Lily was sat on her lap. Shelby could tell Lily was tired, she'd stopped playing with the blocks and was chatting to Rachel, holding Dolly to her chest.
"Dinner will be about twenty minutes" Shelby smiled as she made her presence known in the room, "and then I think it's time for someone to lie down for a little bit" she ruffled Lily's hair, "did you have a nap this afternoon?
Lily shook her head, "no"
"Are you tired?" Lily nodded, "We'll have dinner and then you can lie down for a little bit okay?"
Lily nodded, "I have my milk?"
Shelby shook her head, "you only have your milk at bed time Lil, you know that, you can have some regular milk though, or some juice."
Lily nodded, "okay"
Shelby was just about to put dinner onto plates when her phone rang again, "That was Amy" Shelby told Rachel, "Max had another asthma attack while they were waiting to see a doctor, he's fine but they said his chest still sounds a bit wheezy so they're going to keep him in over night just as a precaution, her husband Jimmy's on his way but he works in Chicago so he probably won't get here until the early hours. Are you okay if Lily stays here tonight and Jimmy picks her up in the morning? If you're not 100% comfortable baby then that's fine, I can take her over to my Mom's and Jim can pick her up from there."
Rachel shook her head "No, it's fine."
"Are you sure?"
Rachel nodded, "she's here already, and she's tired, it makes sense for her to sleep here."
"Okay" Shelby kissed Rachel's head, "I'm just about to put dinner out, would you mind getting Lily for me?"
Rachel shook her head, "what, what's for dinner?" she asked quietly.
"Nothing special" Shelby smiled, "just pasta and some vegetables."
"Okay" Rachel smiled slightly, "I'll go get Lily."
"Your Momma called me Lily" Shelby said as she watched the young girl pick sleepily at her pasta, "Max has to stay at the hospital tonight so you're going to sleep here and Daddy's going to get you in the morning."
Rachel had to blink back tears as she saw Lily's face light up at the mention of her father, "Daddy's coming?"
"Yeah" Shelby nodded, "he's on his way now but he wont get here til late so you're going to sleep here and he'll come get you in the morning."
"I'm sleepy now An'Lelly"
"I know you are" Shelby smiled softly, "finish your dinner and you can have a bath and go to bed, Momma left a bottle for you just in case."
"My milk?"
"Yeah" Shelby nodded, "your milk." Shelby saw Rachel frown at the mention of Lily's milk, she remembered Shelby calling milk 'regular milk' earlier and she wondered what was so special about the milk in Lily's bottle. "I'll explain later" she whispered in her daughter's ear.
Rachel nodded before looking at her plate, "I don't think I can eat any more, I'm, I'm sorry"
"It's okay" Shelby noted that Rachel had eaten even less than Lily had, "do you want to go watch a movie or something? I'm going to give Lily a bath when she's done, get her in bed so I an spend an hour or two with you before we go to bed."
"Yeah" Rachel sighed sadly as she stood and placed her plate in the dishwasher, "okay." She didn't really want to watch a dvd, she'd much rather stay with Shelby but Shelby had Lily to look after, Rachel needed to look after herself.
Rachel was sat in front of the tv, not really paying any attention to what was playing when Shelby's phone began to vibrate on the table and Rachel cautiously carried it up the stairs to where Shelby was bathing Lily, "your phone's ringing" she said quietly, "it erm, it says it's your Mom."
"Thanks" Shelby took the phone from Rachel, "can you watch Lily for a minute, I'll be back soon."
Shelby left the bathroom to talk to her Mom and Rachel knelt down by the bath where Lily was playing amongst the bubbles with a rubber duck and a yellow plastic boat, "Rae play" she handed Rachel the duck, "quack quack!" Lilly reached under the bubbles and frowned slightly before smiling and lifting out a frog, splashing Rachel with warm water and bubbles in the process, "wibbit."
Rachel smiled, "quack quack" she bounced the duck gently on the water before tapping it softly on Lily's nose causing the young girl to giggle loudly, neither girl noticing that Shelby had finished on the phone and was stood in the doorway.
She watched them play for a while before walking over to them and running her hands through Rachel's hair, "I'm back, you can go back downstairs if you like" Rachel leant her head against Shelby's leg, "or you can stay up here, I don't mind, Lily seems to love you" she knelt down beside her daughter and Lily was quick to pass her the boat. "My mom wanted to know how Lily was doing" she told Rachel as she splashed the boat about in the water to entertain Lily, "I told her you were here. She wanted to know why I hadn't told her already" she saw Rachel's face fall, "I'm not ashamed of you or anything, just so you know. My Mom can just be a little" she searched for the right word, "overwhelming sometimes. I told her that I wanted you to get settled in here before I introduced you to everyone, and I really just want to spend some time just the two of us for a while too. She understood and suggested we all go round for dinner on boxing day. I said I'd ask you first, I usually go round for Christmas but I'd like us to spend our first Christmas together together, without all the kids and my crazy parents causing chaos."
Rachel nodded, "that, that sounds good" she paused for a moment before asking, "how many nieces and nephews have you got?"
"Well Amy's just got Max and Lily but I don't think it'll be long before she's got a third one on the way, Luke's got three children, Holly, Jade and Rhys, Holly's 4, Jade's 2 and Rhys is" she thought for a minute "7 months. And Matt" she laughed, "Matt's got six kids. They had three boys, Alex, Henry and Sam after they had Sam they decided they'd have one last baby, they wanted a girl, but, to cut a long story short they ended up having IVF and well, seven months later they had triplets, three girls, Jessie, Cora and Phoebe. So that makes" Shelby counted on her fingers, "eleven" Rachel's shocked face caused Shelby to laugh and kiss her forehead, "welcome to the crazy! But seriously baby, if you feel overwhelmed by it all then you just have to say and we can leave" she kissed Rachel again before turning her attention back to Lily, "come on Munchkin, lets get you out before you turn into a prune."
Rachel was like Shelby's shadow as she dressed Lily in her pyjamas and got her settled in Rachel's bed, "if Lily's in my bed, where will I sleep?" Rachel asked after Shelby had read to Lily and they'd left the young girl to fall asleep.
"I thought we agreed last night" Shelby frowned, "that you'd sleep with me for a while to see if it helps your nightmares."
"But, but, I hurt you."
"That doesn't matter darling, you need to get a good night's sleep and it seems like you don't get that if you sleep alone. I'm not going to force you into sleeping on your own just because you accidentally caught me while you were having a nightmare. If you don't want to share with me then that's a different matter, I'll move Lily in with me and you can have your own bed back, it's your decision, but please baby, please don't force yourself to sleep alone because you think it's what you deserve."
Rachel couldn't look Shelby in the eye, "can, can I sleep in with you?"
"Of course you can, do you want to watch some tv or something or do you want to get in bed and watch a dvd?"
"I don't mind" Rachel said truthfully, no matter what was on she never seemed to be able to concentrate.
"How about we go downstairs, we can snuggle on the sofa whilst we watch something, I think there's some ice cream in the freezer too if you fancy it."
Rachel smiled, "that sounds good."
"Earlier" Shelby spoke softly as they laid together on the sofa, Shelby in the recliner, Rachel's head in her lap, "you were wondering about Lily's milk.
"I, I shouldn't have, it's none of my business"
"It doesn't matter, it's not some big secret, Amy would tell you herself, she breastfed Lily and Max, Max weaned himself almost as soon as he started walking, like he'd discovered how many other, more interesting things there were, but Lily, nothing Amy tried would get Lily to wean so she still feeds her, she expresses a bottle for her to have before her nap and then she nurses at night, but obviously Amy's not here tonight so she sent her with a bottle."
"Oh"
Shelby smiled, "don't feel like you need to keep it to yourself, everyone in the family knows and no one minds, it's not a secret, Amy says she'll only be worried if Lil still wants to nurse once she's at school. Max doesn't mind either, Amy, and Jim when he's home, make sure to spend some time with him too so he doesn't feel like he's missing out."
"Okay."
"Is there anything else you want to talk about?" Shelby ran her fingers through Rachel's hair as the girl shook her head, "are you sure darling? You don't seem yourself tonight."
"I'm okay" Rachel whispered, "just tired I guess."
"You should have said, we could have gone to bed."
"I sleep too much" Rachel sighed.
"You can have as much sleep as you need baby, no one's going to stop you sleeping if you're tired, come on, let's go get settled upstairs."
Rachel was already awake the next morning when, just after 6am Lily pushed open the door to Shelby's room, a toy giraffe hanging from her right hand "hey" Rachel whispered softly so she didn't wake Shelby, "are you okay?"
"'m tired" Lily mumbled as she rubbed her eyes sleepily, "wan' An'Lelly".
Rachel lifted the corner of the duvet, "An'Lelly's sleeping" she told Lily, "but you can get in here" she said. She had no idea if she was allowed to let Lily in the bed, but she couldn't turn the small girl a away and Shelby didn't seem to mind sharing her bed with her daughter, so Rachel figured she wouldn't mind sharing it with her niece too.
"T'ank you" Lily grinned sleepily as she snuggled into Rachel, "love 'oo".
Rachel smiled, sometimes she felt like Shelby loved her because she had to, but this was different, Lily was three years old, Rachel doubted she'd be able to fake it. "I love you too Lily." She ran her fingers through Lily's messy hair the way Shelby had done to her so many times, "close your eyes and get some sleep."
Lily nodded into Rachel's chest, "'m tired Rae."
"Go to sleep then."
"and you sleep."
"Yeah" Rachel nodded "I'll sleep too"
Rachel tried to sleep, but half an hour later, when Lily kicked her in the ribs for the ninth time, she sighed and climbed over the toddler, pausing to make sure she hadn't woken Shelby before leaving the room and laying on her own bed.
"Are you okay?" Rachel jumped at the sound of her mother's voice and as she rolled over to face the door she could tell Shelby was still half asleep.
"Yeah" Rachel bit her bottom lip, "I'm fine."
"No you're not" Shelby said as she moved to sit on the edge of the bed, "when I fell asleep Lily was in here and you were in with me, but now you're in here and Lily's in my bed."
"She came in, she said she was tired and she wanted you but you were sleeping" Rachel explained, "so I let her get in, I'm sorry, I shouldn't, I know I should have asked you but I didn't want to wake you."
"Hey" Shelby reached out to wipe away the lone tear that had rolled down Rachel's cheek, "I don't mind Lily being in my bed, but why are you in here?"
"I couldn't sleep" she said truthfully.
"Was Lily's fidgeting keeping you awake? I know it can be like sharing a bad with a worm sometimes."
"Yeah" Rachel couldn't look Shelby in the eye, "she is a bit wriggly."
Shelby frowned, she could tell something else was on Rachel's mind, "What's wrong beautiful?" she asked, "and please don't say nothing because I can tell there's something worrying you."
Rachel sighed, "can I ask you something?"
Shelby nodded, "of course, anything."
"Please, please don't be angry."
"I won't baby. What do you want to ask me?"
"Yesterday, after I" she gestured to Shelby's stomach, "you said if I'd hurt you on purpose you'd punish me."
"Yeah" Shelby frowned.
"How, how would you do it?"
"How would I punish you?" Shelby clarified. Rachel nodded, "I guess that depends on what you did. I will never, never hit you though, my parents never spanked me and I think I grew up okay. We'd sit down first I think, talk about what you did, why you did it, I'd like to think we'd be able to find a way to stop it ever happening again. I'd maybe take away your cellphone or your laptop for a couple of days, I don't know." Shelby thought for a minute, "you said your dads spanked you if you didn't get A grades?" Rachel nodded, "and I've already told you all I expect is for you to try your best, but if I found out you'd missed an assignment or handed some work in late you'd have to come straight home after school and do your homework as soon as you got in, but if you're struggling then please tell me. I can't help you if I don't know you need help."
"What if I need a spanking?" Rachel asked.
"You won't" Shelby said instantly, "I'm nearing 40 and neither of my parents have ever spanked me and I will never spank you. I don't think anything you could ever do would make me want to hit you so please stop worrying about it because it won't happen."
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be" Shelby kissed Rachel's head, "I'm glad you felt like you could talk to me about it." Rachel yawned and Shelby smiled, "come on" she held out her hand, "lets go get some more sleep before Lily wakes up, I'll sleep in the middle, protect you from the worm."
Rachel smiled and allowed Shelby to help her from the bed, "Mom" she whispered softly right before they walked into Shelby's room, waiting for Shelby to turn and face her before whispering, "I love you."
"Oh baby" Shelby kissed Rachel's forehead and pulled her into a hug, "I love you too darling, I always have and I always will."