Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.
Author's note I: There's a song called "My Skin" by Natalie Merchant that I listened to a lot while writing this chapter. My interpretation for it in regards to this story...I imagine Bella's the one singing to her parents saying
"I've been treated so wrong
I've been treated so long
As if I'm becoming untouchable
I'm the slow dying flower
In the frost killing hour
Sweet turning sour and untouchable"
The house looked quiet and perfectly still but Bella wasn't fooled. She knew they were all inside waiting. Twelve hours had passed since she ran from Alice and Rosalie in town. In that time she had run over 50 miles northwest to Makah Bay, chosen the most deserted looking site, and unleashed everything she had. It was the only preparation she could think to do for today.
Just to be safe though, she stopped a few dozen yards from the house. She would go no further.
"I'm outside," she said. "This can't be done indoors."
The breeze Bella called carried her words right to the Cullens' ears. She knew she didn't actually need to do that-that their vampire senses could hear her without any extra effort on her part. But as far as the Cullens knew their secret was still safe. It was her cat that was out of the bag, not theirs.
She sat down against a tree, her arms tightly wound around her knees, and waited.
One by one, they appeared. Alice and Jasper in the lead, followed by Rosalie, Emmett, Esme and Carlisle, and Edward in the rear. Bella smiled slightly at Alice who promptly sat down on the ground close to her, indicating her support. Jasper followed suit. Bella hoped they'd feel the same way when she was through explaining. The rest of the family remained on their feet.
Bella's heart was pounding. She kept her head down and stared at the grass at her feet, truly at a loss for how to start. She remained like this, her mouth occasionally opening then closing shut again for several long minutes.
"Bella," she heard Carlisle warmly say. "Perhaps you should just start from the beginning."
She looked up at him, for the first time seeing his and the rest of the family's facial expressions. He was smiling gently, as was Esme. Emmett as always looked at her like she was the best thing since the first Atari. Rosalie...she could not read her. But she stood firmly holding her husband's hand while her gaze held hers unwaveringly. Edward looked bored.
The beginning...when was that? How does someone recall their first word? Or the first time they ate chocolate? This...thing was as much a part of her as any organ.
"What exactly do you know?" She asked, hoping for a clue but also, if she were to be honest with herself, to stall for time.
"Not a thing, Bella," Alice answered her. "Jazz and I have been digging, and I've been looking more closely. But they don't know a thing. I thought it'd be best for you to explain."
Bella nodded. "I don't remember...exactly how things started. I've heard bits and pieces from my parents when they thought I wasn't listening though. I know they started to notice something when I was 2 or 3."
She swallowed hard as she recalled memories she had long kept buried.
"There were some small things," she continued. "I'd grab a hot pot or spoon and it wouldn't bother me. I'd barely notice the temperature if my milk was heated too hot. I could walk on pavement on the hottest days without feeling any pain. Those kinds of things. They didn't happen often, and it was easy for them to ignore it thinking it was their imagination."
She took a deep breath and carried on. "Sometime when I was four, something happened that they couldn't pretend had not. My mom was in the kitchen, and I was tall enough to reach the stove. She walked out to answer the phone...and I think...no I'm sure that was the first time I saw the flames."
Bella closed her eyes, remembering this day through her own eyes. "It was so beautiful. I couldn't take my eyes off of it. Nobody told me that fire was bad. I remember thinking I'd just found the best toy ever...so I went and...played with it."
Her eyes glistened as she thought of her mother. "Mom came in and saw the knobs turned all the way up...and she saw me with my hands in the fire, laughing."
She stopped, remembering how horrified her mother had looked. She screamed, ran for Bella and pulled her from the fire. She had tears running down her face and Bella had tried to wipe them away, but Renee shuddered at her touch. From then on, she would always hesitate before touching Bella. Another deep breath.
"She didn't tell Charlie right away. She sat me down and explained how dangerous it was, the fire, and how badly I could've gotten hurt. It didn't make any sense to me, but I promised her anyway that I would never do that again."
She did do it again, though. Many, many times. It was impossible to resist. Every fire she saw from that point on was a dear friend to Bella. No two blazes were alike. Each had its characteristics...its own distinct color, its own dance, its own flavor. And they welcomed her as she welcomed them. They were the only companions aside from her mother and father that she had. Everyone else had already shunned her by the time she started school. Even her mother and father, though they tried very hard to love her unconditionally, kept her at an arm's length.
"I couldn't keep my word though," she summarized. "It, or something like it happened again and again. And it got worse when I started school. It wasn't easy for me...other kids, teachers...they were much more difficult for me to deal with than fire. I struggled a lot. And it made fighting the urge...more difficult."
They didn't need to know just how bad it was for her. The stories and the rumors about her traveled from parent to parent, child to child, teacher to teacher. Whereas the first day of school for most children was a chance to begin anew, for Bella it was and would always be the same torture. It was amazing how many different groups of kids hated her. It wasn't just the rich, popular kids and the outright bullies who found pleasure in tormenting her. The smart kids, the quiet ones, the kids who volunteered after school, the kids with two dads and a cat...all of them united in making her life hell. The best days were when she made it home without speaking or being spoken to all day. On the worst days, she'd come home with a bruised body, ripped clothes, and shredded books. After she had been on her own for a few years, she started to wonder if maybe things might have gotten better if she'd stayed a bit longer. But Bella knew now that it was just the loneliness thinking for her. If she had spent seven years in that state of mind with those people...she was sure they would've killed her. Or more likely, she would've killed them.
"I messed up a lot. By second grade I could make sparks fly from anything. It would happen without me even thinking about it. By the end of the school year I could create small flames. They suspended me the last week of school for it. Willful arson, they called it..."
That summer, Charlie stopped taking her to play ball on the weekends. Renee no longer insisted that she try a few weeks of day camp. And Bella...she spent those long days playing her piano or wrapped up inside her ever strengthening security blanket. She taught herself enough self control that she thought she could get through each day without impulsively producing any fires. As long as she could make the time each day to do it when no one was looking...
She closed her eyes, knowing the next part of her story would break her. Alice, seemingly aware of her thoughts, gently laid a hand on hers.
"Your ninth birthday..." she said and looked at her carefully.
Bella nodded and stared blankly at the grass in front of her, aware that her eyes were already brimming with tears.
"There were only a couple of guests that night, a close friend of Charlie's and his wife," she said. Bella had no friends to invite. "I was being good. Being normal. After dinner Charlie left to get more beer."
Alice squeezed her hand, and Bella's breathing sped up.
"I don't remember what we argued about," she lied. "I was very upset though, more upset than I'd ever been before."
The tears were freely sliding down her face, which was contorted in anguish. Jasper let out a soft whimper. She felt him trying to send a wave of calm in her direction, but she was too far gone for that to have any effect.
"Something...shifted," she whispered. "Deep inside. That's the only way I can think to describe it. And then...it all came out. I didn't know how to stop it. It felt like it was pouring out of me...but it happened much faster than that. One second, my mother was standing in front of me. The next...she was gone. So was the house. So was half the neighborhood."
Bella shut her eyes and tried to stem the rolling sobs that were starting to build, knowing it was no use. For the next few minutes the only sounds to be heard in that part of the woods were Bella's uncontrollable crying.
Each of the Cullens stood perfectly still, eyes trained on the young girl. Jasper focused his abilities on them since anything-anything was more bearable than Bella's current emotions. He felt nothing but sadness and love from Esme, nothing he didn't expect. Carlisle, while also deeply moved by Bella's story, felt a burning curiosity. He could tell his father was itching to start asking her questions. Jasper caught his eyes and shook his head. Behind them, Edward still hadn't moved on from disbelief. Emmett, ever the shining knight whenever it came to his Bella Bear, felt a surge of protectiveness for her. He wished he could find a way to make Bella's pain recede...he hated seeing her like this. But he was also torn between his emotions for Bella and for his wife. He cast her furtive glances and quickly looked away. Jasper knew why. He winced as he focused his gift on the blonde. Rosalie felt a cold rage...rage against the fire that had mutilated Bella so, rage against her mother for not trying hard enough, rage against her father for abandoning her at her hour of need. But she felt a betrayal too...against Alice and Jasper for knowing what they knew, and against Bella herself for keeping this from her.
Alice, who was sitting partly behind Bella in order to offer a half embrace, held her hand again when her sobs died down and said, "you didn't live with your aunt."
"No," Bella shook her head. "I don't have any aunts."
"Where did you live, Bella?" Esme spoke up.
Bella looked up for the first time. Jasper sighed in relief that it was Esme's loving face that Bella saw first.
"Nowhere," she replied. "Everywhere."
She looked down again quickly. It took them a second to realize what she was saying. This time Jasper felt the shocked disbelief from all of them.
"This is dangerous," Edward hissed softly. They all, minus Bella of course, surreptitiously glared at him.
He continued though, undeterred. "If any of this is even true, then we are in the most serious trouble of our lives. She has the power to end us! And she obviously has no control over it!"
"Edward," Rosalie started, "So help me god, if you don't shut up right this second I will be the one to end you."
"Dude forget it," Emmett said, staring incredulously at his brother. "We're not leaving her. It's not up for negotiation."
"I'm sorry Edward," Jasper said. "But I won't leave her at her father's mercy."
"Actually, Edward may have a point," Carlisle said. He grimaced at the soft hisses, including one from his wife, sent his way. "Not for our safety but for hers. Her proximity to us does put her at a higher risk with the Volturi. And I fear to think what Aro would do if he finds a gifted person such as Bella. He would stop at nothing to acquire her."
"And in the meantime, she's one emotional meltdown away from blowing us up." Edward looked at his father and siblings like they were crazy. "You saw the damage out there. If Alice and Jasper were any closer they may very well have perished."
Bella closed her eyes and wished she could block this out. She was touched by her friends' steadfast defence...but deeply hurt that Carlisle was considering Edward's words. He didn't sound concerned at all. Was it because he had lived for so long that he didn't recognize the depth of Bella's feelings for him? She had thought...a man like him who would "adopt" these "kids"...who had built his family so carefully over the course of a century...she thought that maybe, just maybe a man like that might someday love her as he loved his other kids.
This was going to change everything, she thought sadly. The tears were in danger of returning. The worst thing was that deep in her heart she knew Edward, and Carlisle too, were right. Aro sounded like a collector. He would want her, and he would make sure he got her no matter who stood in his way. Alice, Rosalie, Jasper, Emmett, Esme...they would stand between her and any danger...and they'd perish for her, either by the Volturi's hand or her own. She had to protect them somehow. There had to be a way.
Next to her, Alice stiffened and gasped loudly. Bella jerked in surprise and glanced at her...only to find horrified shock etched in her golden eyes as the girl stared her down wordlessly.
Bella understood what that meant. Alice had seen what she'd just made up her mind to say...what she'd made up her mind to do.
She took a deep breath, rose to her feet, and looked at each of them..saving Rosalie for last.
"Edward's right," she said as she looked longingly into Rosalie's eyes. "Fire is the one thing that can end your existence. I'm too dangerous to remain with you."
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