Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.
Author's Note: Sorry this is late. I had Valentine's Day obligations on Thursday, and I got home so late last night I fell asleep writing. This chapter and the last have been seriously emotionally draining for me. I'm tuckered out.
The seconds ticked by in absolute silence. Around Bella, the Cullens were frozen still, staring at her. Bella's eyes remained on Rosalie, whose own face was finally starting to betray the horror that was creeping over her.
"Bella, what are you saying?" Carlisle asked her slowly.
She finally tore her gaze from Rosalie's. Alice and Jasper rose and stood together to the side. They too were staring at her in shock.
Bella sighed. "I know...everything. I know what you are."
"You know...HOW?" Edward hissed.
She looked at him. "By accident," she said. "Two days after you came back from Denali...that's when I found out."
"That was almost two months ago..." Jasper whispered.
"I don't get it Bells. What did we do? How did you find out?" Emmett asked.
"You did nothing," Bella said firmly. "None of you did anything that led me on. It wasn't like that. It was..."
This power was far more difficult to explain. Really, it sounded ridiculous when Bella tried to come up with the words.
"Fire isn't the only...talent I have," she explained. "I can...manipulate wind. I don't understand it, but it allows me to parse through a lot more noise than other people can handle or comprehend. I can hear you. When you speak too low and fast for humans to hear, I can hear you. That's how I know. That morning in the school parking lot...after Edward came back...you were arguing about...me... and I heard everything. I'm sorry, truly. It wasn't intentional. I didn't know I could even do that. And ever since...I tried to step out of the room when you'd speak like that to avoid listening...but you did it so often. I couldn't help it. I didn't say anything so you wouldn't get in trouble with the Volturi."
She looked down again...anything to avoid Rosalie's horrified gaze.
"All this time," Alice whispered. "You knew. You came to our house, napped in my car, spent countless hours with us, alone. You must have heard how your scent affects us. That we had to restrain Edward to stop him from killing you. This never bothered you?!"
Bella looked up in confusion, and saw that Alice's bewildered expression was mirrored on all the of the Cullens' faces. Her heart fell in understanding. They don't get it, she thought. They haven't grasped the magnitude of what Bella had told them.
Her heart hammered in her chest and her fists tightened. Tell them everything, she thought.
"How many times have you lost control?" She asked, looking at Alice sadly. "Since you became...vegetarian...how many times have you taken a life because you couldn't control your thirst?"
Alice, for the first time since she'd known her, looked helplessly small. She shrank back into Jasper's arms.
"Two," she whispered.
Bella looked at Jasper. "Four," he said.
One by one, each of them quietly revealed to Bella how many innocent lives they'd taken. With the exception of Carlisle and Edward, all of them had erred since vowing never to drink human blood. She counted a death toll of 12.
She took in a harsh breath and fought to control her emotions, which were struggling and distressed with what she was about to reveal.
"That night," she said softly, referring to her 9th birthday, "328 people were killed. More than a third of them were children."
She felt the tears starting to creep down her face again.
"Afterwards, it was impossible to control it. The fires...the explosions...they'd come at random. Never as strong as the first time, but strong enough. Anytime I felt...anything, it would happen. Everything around me would combust. I did everything I could. I kept my distance from towns. Traveled at night...it didn't matter. 180 more people died because of me."
She knew every name. There were 508 sets of faces, birthdays, and brief tidbits of information stored in her mind. She knew that the youngest, a one-year old named Jonah, had said his first word a week before his death. She knew that Stephanie McKenna and George Hess were newlyweds out on a camping trip. She knew Tessa Michelin was about to leave for Arizona State, the first one in her family to get into college. She had read and memorized every obituary, every memorial page...
"So you see," she whispered. "I'm the monster here, not you."
Bella closed her eyes. She couldn't bear to see what they were thinking. They would see now...they would see how dangerous she really was. Granted, she was infinitely better at controlling herself than she was those first terrible years. But in less than four months she'd already lost control twice. Not to mention the many close calls she knew she had averted. Who was to say if the next time it happened, one of them stood too close and got caught in her wave of destruction? Immortality aside, they were vulnerable to fire. She shuddered to think of Esme or Alice, Emmett, Jasper, or Rosalie...Rosalie...reduced to ashes. The thought brought bile to her throat.
"Oh sweetheart," Esme said, sadly.
Jasper held onto his wife. He was starting to feel dizzy from the turbulent emotions in this small clearing. He had never felt so much guilt and remorse from one person. It was an impossible thought to consider that Bella felt like this on a regular basis. Worse yet, that she went through this all alone for so long. It was a testament to her strength that she was even capable of joy. Her spirit was intact but he feared she was close to the edge.
The numbers were slowly sinking in. More than 500...Of the family, he alone probably killed as many, if not more people during his long and bloody life. He had long ago made peace with the past. Not that it was an excuse, but he was a vampire. Until he met Alice he didn't know there was another way. Their faces haunted him, but for 60 years he swallowed the painful venom and made the effort. With his family's help, he had accomplished what few vampires ever could. That knowledge helped offset the guilt he'd occasionally feel for the dead.
How did this child survive? How did she shoulder the responsibility? The knowledge of causing her own mother's death? Of so, so many others'? Jasper knew much of the shock emanating from his family fell more in line with his thoughts than any others. They too could not comprehend Bella's existence. That she could control wind and fire, though mind-boggling by itself, was less of an issue than her miraculous survival.
Edward was the only exception.
Like Rosalie, Edward never felt comfortable with his lot in life. Unlike Rosalie though, his preoccupation with their stolen humanity had more to do with a deeply set religious belief than with vanity. Edward truly believed they were without souls. He believed that this so-called eternal life they led was a mere purgatory, and that at its end there would only be a hellfire waiting for them. Needless to say, this colored his view on life rather negatively.
Jasper was reminded of this as he focused his ability on his brother, because he felt from Edward the same emotions he usually felt when his mind turned to morality. Amidst the usual absence of hope, Jasper felt an unfamiliar sense of bitterness.
Edward stared hard at Bella, trying to reconcile the crying, shaken girl in front of him with the beast that had claimed 500 lives. His own emotions were difficult for him interpret. He knew he felt terror and disgust during Bella's speech. 500 innocents. Even the vampires hadn't sinned so...starkly. His own record was impeccable. Oh, he didn't count the would-be rapists and murderers he'd disposed off when he left home so long ago. He hadn't lost control then. And they were most certainly not innocents.
It would be a lie if he claimed not to fear Bella. It was ludicrous, he knew, that a human could make him feel so small and vulnerable. But Bella was currently undergoing an emotional crisis...and they were standing in a semi-circle around her. A quick explosions from her was all it would take to wipe out their coven. The fire in the forest came back to the forefront of his mind. She had reduced miles of woodland to ashes. They could be next.
She is a monster, he thought. Such a gift was unheard of in the Vampire world. A human with this power was...unthinkable. Yet here she was...a child with the ability to wipe out the Vampire existence. She's killed so many. Edward was no fool-it was clear she felt remorse for what she had done. But at what point would she stop feeling guilty? He understood criminals...he had listened to so many of their minds before he'd ended them. Cold-blooded murderers justify their actions after a time. The thoughts strewing about in his siblings' and parents' minds suggested they believed because Bella had no control over the beast, she should not be held accountable for her crimes. How many times had he heard that one, he thought bitterly. All of the murderers he'd disposed of had begged for their lives...begged for him to understand that they couldn't help it.
No. She could help it. She does have control. She survived this long by herself...she must have been able to walk into a store or into an orphanage. She must have found the strength to deal with people. And if she had that strength, she should've used it more wisely. She should've gone to a more deserted location. She should've gone north, to the arctic or Siberia. She had seven years. More importantly, he knew what he would've done if he could...but Vampires are immortal, humans are not. She should've killed herself. No one person should be allowed to cause the destruction that she has in her short life. Edward found it impossible to pity her as his family did. If she felt so terrible over the lives she'd ruined, why didn't she end her own? Her mother was dead because of her! He imagined what his guilt would be like if he caused his own mother's death. He could barely grasp at it. Without a doubt, if he was in Bella's shoes he would've found a way to cease living.
Edward wished his heart would stop contradicting his mind. Because despite his disgust and righteous outlook against Bella, he was torn... He continued to glare at her, but his mind scanned his family's and was now inside Rosalie's. His sister, who was still trying to process that Bella knew what they were, was currently going through her memories of her time with the girl and looking for any hint of apprehension or caution from Bella. The only such emotions she detected had to do with avoiding romance than with avoiding Rosalie's fangs.
If he wasn't so practiced with reading others, Edward might have gotten lost in her memories. Through Rosalie, he saw countless moments in which she was dangerously close to ignoring her self-imposed barriers and just kissing the girl. He saw nights spent within an arm's length of one another...both of them desperate but holding steadfast against moving closer.
But what evoked the strange, new bitterness he felt was her memory of yesterday afternoon. It should have been him, he realized with a start. That should have been him sitting next to Bella on the piano, creating music together. All along, it should have been him. It all made sense now. His reaction to her scent. Her ability to block him. She was the only person in the world he had to work to understand...the only person that made him try. It was why he asked her so many questions the few times they were together. For nearly a hundred years, Edward has never had to work to get to know someone...until Bella.
He understood now why he had been so horrified with Rosalie's desire to mate with her. Oh he still disapproved on moral grounds. Rosalie and Emmett were treating their marriage far too cavalierly. What they're planning is most definitely not ok in the eyes of God...even for a vampire. Marriage and mating were sacred in Edward's eyes, especially since of all of them he had been trapped alone for so long. Rosalie's plan to desecrate hers...with a woman...and with Emmett's approval made him sick. But his own feelings for Bella, he realized, were far more powerful than his disgust for his siblings. Bella was perfect...for him. She was supposed to be his mate. Finally, after a century of waiting, this was the perfect, the only one for him. And he was so close to losing her forever. He had to stop it from happening. He could hear Rosalie's thoughts...what she wanted to do. No!
Inhale for 5 seconds. Exhale for 5 seconds. Inhale for 6 seconds. Exhale for 6 seconds. Bella slowly calmed herself using one of the hundreds of techniques she had learned over the years. Esme's words brought her out of the darkness. In her eyes, she saw compassion and love. Carlisle too, looked at her with sadness and understanding. Could it be? Could she find a way to get through this...with them?
Then Edward spoke.
"Since you know so much, are you also aware that Rosalie and Emmett are married?"
Bella's heart froze. He wasn't saying what she thought he was saying, right? Her eyes snapped to his, and she silently begged him not to go there. Please, please don't go there.
At the same time, six pairs of eyes narrowed at the boy. Rosalie and Emmett started to growl.
"Edward," said Carlisle, warningly.
"Well? Are you?" He continued undeterred.
Bella nodded. "Yes," she whispered.
"Then what exactly did you think was going to happen? That she would leave her husband for you? That she would abandon a 70-year marriage for a human girl? For you?"
Everyone froze in shock at his words. Jasper nearly doubled over from Bella's pain. Rosalie's lips curled back. Had Edward glanced at her he would've had to close his eyes in terror. Never had Rosalie's eyes shone with as much brilliant hatred and anger as they had at this moment. But Edward didn't take his eyes off of Bella, who stood before him trembling.
The pain hit her like a thousand knives, as usual. But this time it was compounded by a deep sadness and guilt so strong her knees started shaking. It was all she could do to look at Rosalie and Emmett, who were now turning back to face her. Bella shook her head over and over again.
"I'm sorry," she whispered in anguish through the gushing tears. "I'm so sorry."
With one last look at her Rosalie, who would never really be hers, she turned and ran. A mile away she unleashed a trail of fire the Cullens would be unable to follow, and a strong gust of wind that would erase her scent.
Author's Note II: So yeah, Edward' an ass. Im sure I'll get a lot of that in the reviews. But I hope the insight into his mind makes him a 3-dimensional ass. He has his reasons. I hope, after you spend some time stewing in anger, you can pity him a little.
Anyway, I hope to hear from you.