Saviour - What if the men Shelby gave her baby to hadn't been the loving parents she thought they would be
Rating - T
Characters - Shelby & Rachel
A/N - A couple of people have been asking about Rachel's dads, they won't be back but you will find out what happened to them, probably in the next chapter, you'll find out whether or not Rachel's going back to school in the next chapter too.
Rachel spent most of the day just watching, she curled into the end of the sofa watching her family interact with one another, she knew if she approached them she too would be included in whatever it was they were doing but for now she was happy to just watch.
She saw seven year old Alex push four year old Holly, causing her to stumble backwards into the coffee table, Emma was quick to pick up her daughter and comfort her but Rachel's breath caught in her throat as she saw Matt take hold of his son's wrist, "Seven minutes buddy" he said firmly as he moved his son into the corner of the room and turned him so he was facing the wall, "we've already spoken about your temper once today, if you want a toy someone else is playing with then you ask them nicely. If they say no then you wait for them to be finished. I'll call you when your time's up. If I see you turning around or leaving the corner before then I'll start counting from the beginning."
Rachel couldn't take her eyes off Alex and she was terrified when, seven minutes later, Matt called Alex over to the armchair where he was now sat, "sorry daddy" Alex mumbled.
"It's not me you need to apologise to Buddy. Do you know why I put you in the corner?"
"I pushed Holly cos she wouldn't give me the car"
Matt nodded, "that's right Al, you need to go say sorry to Holly and find something else to play with okay. You can get the car as soon as Holly's done with it."
"Okay daddy"
"I love you Buddy." Matt wrapped his arms around his son.
"I love you too Daddy."
"Okay" he kissed Alex's head, "go say sorry to Holly then grab your new game, I'll play it with you."
Rachel was shocked as Matt simply ruffled Alex's hair before allowing him to run off, apologise to and hug Holly before going to find his game, she was shocked, she knew Shelby had said her family weren't into physical punishments but watching Matt punish Alex had just confused her, she'd been beaten black and blue for getting a D on an essay yet Alex had only had to spend seven minutes in the corner for pushing his cousin over.
"Hey, who said you could sit in my chair?" Rachel was broken from her thoughts by her grandfather's voice and she turned to find him stood by 'his' chair by the fire, the chair where Lily was currently sat.
"Read me story Pappy?" she asked with a cheeky grin holding out a book she'd unwrapped earlier that morning.
"A story eh?" Paul raised an eyebrow, "you know what you need to do before Pappy can read you a story."
Lily giggled and stood up in Paul's chair, the grandfather crouching slightly so Lily could use his shoulders for support, "Love you Pappy" Lilly smiled before giving him a sloppy kiss on the cheek.
"I love you too Lil. Let me get my glasses and we can read your new book." He picked up his glasses from the mantel piece and put them on before lifting Lily from his chair and sitting down with her on his lap.
"Tired Pappy" Lily sighed as she made herself comfortable on her grandfathers lap.
"Okay" he reached for a blanket that was thrown over the back of his chair, "I'll read to you, you close those pretty eyes and get some sleep okay."
Lily nodded, "Love you Pappy."
"I love you too Lil" he kissed her head before beginning to read the book, "Once upon a time..." Lily fell asleep almost instantly but Paul knew Rachel was still listening to the story so he continued to read, "and they all lived happily ever after." He stood from his chair and laid a sleeping Lily on the sofa beside Rachel, making sure she was covered by the blanket before moving back to his chair, "come talk to me" he said softly as he turned his attention to Rachel and patted his lap once he sat back down.
"I, I'm too big" Rachel protested as she stepped over to the chair, "I'll hurt you."
"Nonsense" Paul shook his head, "Your Mom and Aunt Amy still like to sit with me when things are tough, if I can sit with them I can sit with you, besides, I've cradled all my children and every other one of my grandchildren in this chair, humour me and let me get the full set." Rachel slowly stepped closer to the chair and sat cautiously on her grandfathers lap, she told herself her mother was only at the other side of the room, Shelby had promised Rachel she'd never be hurt, there was no way Shelby would let Paul hurt her right? "Your Mom said you've had it rough" Paul's voice was soft and gentle as he moved Rachel to sit properly on his lap and began to rock the chair slowly.
"Yeah" Rachel sighed, "I guess you could say that."
"I don't know all the details" Paul said truthfully, "and I won't ever push you for those details, if there comes a time when you want to talk to either me or your Nanna about everything then we'll be here to listen but right now I'd like to tell you something if you don't mind?"
"Okay" Rachel whispered, unsure of what her grandad was going to tell her.
"The tap in the kitchen keeps dripping" Paul began, confusing Rachel, she didn't know why he was telling her that, "I've fiddled with it, Matt and Luke have fiddled with it, I think even Jim's had a go but nobody's managed to stop it dripping. The porch door rattles in the wind because it doesn't fit in the frame properly and every single step in that staircase creaks but you know what, I love this house. Your Nanna and I moved in here six weeks after we got married, three of my babies and two of my grandbabies were born upstairs and I know for a fact your Mom spent hours when she was just a little older than you trying to work out how she could sneak in after curfew and miss all the creaky floorboards on the stairs. Those squeaky stairs have had tiny feet pounding up and down them more times than I could ever remember, that porch door has been slammed, swung on and kicked open and the leaky tap has washed hundreds of dishes, cleaned tiny faces and little hands and filled hundreds of water bombs and water pistols, you see that corner of the hearth?" Paul pointed to the wooden frame of the tiled hearth in front of the fire and Rachel nodded, "Luke got three stitches after he hit his head on it when he was five, he wrapped a towel around his shoulders and jumped from this very chair thinking he could fly like superman. I guess what I'm trying to say Rachel is that this house is far from perfect and so are the people in it but I still love them. We argue, the kids sometimes fight, they get dirty and sometimes the little ones, well they smell bad" Rachel smiled slightly "but I love them anyway, you don't have to be perfect here Rachel, you just have to be you, we all want you to be here, we want to get to know you, one of the reasons I love this house so much is because of all the memories it holds for me, I'm getting old Rachel and Erin and I like to sit at night and reminisce, I want to be able to reminisce about things you've done, things we've seen you do, funny little things you've said. I'm probably just rambling on but what I want you to remember from this rubbish anecdote is that we are your family and we will love you no matter what okay. I know it might take you a while to be comfortable around us and that's fine. There are no limits, no conditions, we will love you exactly how you are okay?"
Rachel nodded, "thank you."
"You don't ever need to thank us for loving you."
Shelby smiled, she'd been listening to her dad speak to Rachel for a while now, "Hey" she finally made her presence known, "can I borrow Rach? Me and Mom have got something to show her."
"Sure" Paul smiled, "remember what I said kiddo."
Rachel stood from her grandfather's lap and followed Shelby and Erin from the room, she allowed herself to be lead up the stairs and up to Erin and Paul's bedroom where she'd taken her nap earlier, "sit down baby" Shelby sat Rachel on the edge of the bed, "I'll be right back." Rachel watched as Shelby and Erin walked over to wardrobe by the door, talking quietly to each other as Erin reached for something obviously on a high shelf, "this is for you" Shelby handed Rachel something wrapped in tatty sheets of tissue paper before sitting beside her daughter, and watching as Erin sat at the other side of Rachel.
"What, what is it?" Rachel asked as she held the bundle on her lap.
"Why don't you open it and find out?" Erin suggested.
Rachel placed her broken arm on top of the bundle to hold it still as she began to unwrap it with her good arm, "It, it's beautiful" she gasped as she saw the blanket the paper housed, it was made of crocheted squares in various soft, pastel colours and Rachel knew it had taken someone a lot of time, effort and love.
"My great grandma made it when she was pregnant with my grandma, her eldest daughter" Erin explained, "My Grandma used it with my Mom, her eldest daughter and I used it with your Mom, my eldest daughter."
"So now it's yours" Shelby smiled softly, "I was going to give it you, with Edward Bear, when I found you after your eighteenth birthday, but I thought that now you're here..."
"I can't take this" Rachel whispered, "it's, it's..."
"It's yours" Erin said softly, "I made blankets for all my other grandbabies just like my Mom made blankets for Matt, Luke and Amy, but you, you're the eldest daughter of my eldest daughter so this one, this one is all yours."
"And maybe one day, in the very, very distant future" Shelby emphasised, "you can use it to bring my first granddaughter home."
"I can't take this." Rachel sobbed
"Baby" Shelby wrapped her arm around Rachel's shoulder and pulled her close, "this blanket is yours, it's been yours since the day you were born but if you're not ready to use it now then that's fine, we can take it home and put it away somewhere until you are ready."
"Your Mom's right, Rachel, whether you take this home and keep it in a drawer or whether I put it back in the wardrobe this is yours, it will always be yours, even if you don't use it for yourself it will still be here if or when you want to use it for your own child."
"What, what if your first daughter hadn't had a daughter?" Rachel asked cautiously.
"But she did." Erin argued before answering the question Rachel really asked, "your mom would just have kept it. It's not my blanket Rachel, it stopped being mine as soon as I wrapped your Mom's wrinkly little butt up in it" she smiled, "just like it stopped being your Mom's blanket as soon as she gave it to you."
"Thank you" Rachel whispered as she ran her fingers over the blanket, "thank you so much."
"It's my pleasure Beautiful."
Rachel sat with Erin and Shelby for a while before they made their way back downstairs and Rachel was ambushed by Max almost straight away, he'd got a new set of felt tips for Christmas and he wanted to draw on Rachel's cast. Shelby didn't see Rachel for almost an hour as all her nieces and nephews surrounded her, even 8 month old Rhys added his name in black pen, with a lot of help from his dad Luke and Charlotte signed the cast from the triplets. It was a little after seven and Shelby could tell Rachel was exhausted, "I think it's time to make a move" she told her Mom, "Rachel looks exhausted."
Erin nodded, "yeah, she does poor thing, it's been great to meet her though, she's an amazing girl."
"Yeah" Shelby agreed, "but then she's mine, I wouldn't expect anything less."
"Careful" Erin warned her daughter, "you don't want your head getting so big it won't fit through the door. You get Rachel ready to go, I'll get your presents together and let everyone know you're going."
"I'm tired Momma" Rachel whispered as they walked out to the car.
"I know sweetheart but we're going home now, we can change into our new pyjamas" Erin bought everyone pyjamas every year, "and snuggle up with Jasper and a dvd."
"Do you think he'll be okay?"
"I think he'll be fine, he had food and water, I left the heating on so he wouldn't get cold, he's probably been exploring the house while we're not in just like you did when I had to go to Carmel."
"I'm sorry" Rachel whispered.
"Don't be sorry darling, it's our house, not mine, you are more than welcome to walk around if you want to."
"Thank you"
Shelby sighed, she knew telling Rachel not to thank her would be useless, "we could order takeout too if you want."
"I, I'm okay, I'm still pretty full from earlier."
"You need to eat darling, I'll see what I can fix up for us, maybe just a sandwich or something."
Jasper froze on the stairs as the front door swung open, it was almost as if he thought he'd been caught doing something he shouldn't be doing, "Hi boy" Shelby put the bags of presents down before crouching down and stroking him gently between his ears, "have you missed us?" He rubbed back against Shelby's hand and Shelby turned to Rachel, "see, I told you he'd be okay."
Rachel took her shoes and coat off before sitting on the bottom step and allowing Jasper to step into her lap, she said nothing as the cat made himself comfortable and Shelby knew it wouldn't be long until Rachel was fast asleep. Shelby took off her own coat and shoes before carefully lifting Jasper from Rachel's lap, "go get settled on the sofa" she carried Jasper through to the living room and waited for Rachel to get settled under the blanket before she put Jasper back in her lap, "I'm going to change" she told Rachel, "I'll get your pyjamas out for you and you can change when you're ready."
"Could I have a shower?" Rachel asked.
"Of course" Shelby smiled, "do you want to shower now?"
"If that's okay?"
"Of course it is" Shelby smiled again, "come on, I'll help you cover your cast."
Half an hour later Shelby and Rachel were settled at opposite ends of the sofa, Beauty and the Beast was playing on the tv and they'd both eaten a light meal, "I was talking to Amy earlier" Shelby told Rachel as she grabbed the teen's feet and lifted them onto her lap, "she wondered if we wanted to go over there on New Years Eve. She said she'd cook and we could play games and watch movies and then Jim's got some fireworks for midnight. I said I'd see how you felt about it."
"Would everyone be there?" Rachel asked, unable to look her mom in the eye, she knew Shelby loved her family but Rachel had been completely overwhelmed by them all.
"No, just me and you and Amy, Jim, Lily and Max, and if you want to come home early or go to bed before midnight then that'll be fine, but if you'd rather stay here then that's okay too."
"I, I think I'd like to go. Is that okay?"
"Of course it is sweetheart, but it's okay if you change your mind too."
Almost before Rachel could blink it was New Years Eve and Rachel found herself at Amy and Jim's. Max was the only child that was still awake as midnight crept closer, Lily fell asleep a little before 10 and Rachel only lasted til 11, but at 10.50 Amy woke Lily and Shelby woke Rachel, "come on monkey face" Amy lifted Lily onto her hip, Lily's head lolling against her shoulder, "let's go see what Daddy and Mad Max are up to" she smiled at Shelby and left the room to give Rachel some time to wake up.
"Hey beautiful" Shelby smiled as Rachel's eyelids fluttered open, "it's almost midnight, do you want to come watch the fireworks or do you want to sleep?"
"I want to get up" Rachel mumbled sleepily, "I want to come with you."
They slipped their coats and shoes on and walked hand in hand into the garden to where Max, Lily and Amy were drawing shapes in the air with sparklers, "Here" Jimmy lit another sparkler as he saw his sister in law and niece leave the house, "you've got to write your name" he told Rachel as he passed the sparkler over, "it's the law." He smiled as he saw her begin to wave the sparkler in the air and took another stick from the packet, "Shel?"
"Like you have to ask" Shelby laughed, taking the sparkler and moving to stand with Amy and the kids.
"Five, Four, Three, Two, One... HAPPY NEW YEAR" it was as if the whole street joined in the countdown before the sky was amass with colours.
"Happy New Year Beautiful" Shelby wrapped her arms around Rachel as Amy wished her own children Happy New Year, "we're going to do great things this year I just know it."
Shelby and Rachel gave hugs to Max and Lily as Jim pulled Amy close and kissed her softly, "Happy New Year Pretty Girl" Amy grabbed Rachel from behind and squeezed her tightly as Rachel watched Shelby kiss Jimmy, "This is going to be the best year of your life kid, just you wait and see, I promise you, this time next year your face will ache from smiling so much."
Amy moved on to Shelby and Jimmy slowly walked over to Rachel, "Happy New Year" he smiled.
"Happy New Year" Rachel replied softly.
"Can I give you a hug?" Jim asked? Rachel nodded slowly, she was quickly learning that Shelby's family loved to give hugs and Rachel didn't mind that at all. "It'll get better" he told her as he held her tightly, "in a years time we'll do this again, we'll get together and you'll see, things will have changed so much, things will be so much better for you, we'll all make sure of that."
"Thank you" Rachel whispered as tears filled her eyes, "thank you."
Jimmy squeezed Rachel tightly, "I'm only saying it because it's true Rachel, you've got a family who adore you, and trust me, I've been the new one, they're crazy and they're loud but they're amazing people, the second anything goes wrong, the second you need anything, they're all there. They're good people, it just takes a while to get used to how loud they can be."
"Jim-bob" Amy shouted her husband, "stop making my niece cry."
Jim laughed and finally let go of Rachel, "see. Loud and overprotective but they'll love you no matter what."
"Daddy" Lily frowned as she approached Jim and Rachel, "No make My Rae sad" she said firmly as she wrapped her arms around Rachel's legs.
"I'm sorry" Jimmy ran his hand over Lily's head, "and I'm sorry for making you cry Rachel."
"It's not your fault. I didn't mean to, I'm sorry, I..."
Shelby had been standing back, watching Rachel and Jimmy, she knew Rachel was beginning to build a relationship with Amy but was still nervous around Jimmy, Shelby couldn't blame her, the last men she'd trusted had left her on a stranger's doorstep in the middle of the storm. She was glad to see Rachel seemed to be okay in Jim's presence but now she knew it was time to step in, "take a deep breath baby" Shelby put her hand between Rachel's shoulder blades, "you're okay, you're okay."
"I'm sorry" Rachel sobbed as she crumpled into Shelby's arms, "I'm sorry."
"You've got nothing to be sorry for sweetheart, nothing at all."
"Can, can we go home?"
Shelby felt her heart swell as Rachel called her house home, "of course we can baby."
They said their goodbyes and were soon in the car, "I'm sorry I spoilt the night" Rachel whispered.
"You didn't spoil anything darling."
"We left early because I..."
"I want to stop you there, firstly, it's almost 1am, it's not early, and secondly, I'm glad we left Rachel, I'm glad you feel comfortable enough to tell me when you're comfortable. I'm happy you're able to tell me you're not happy and trust me to change that."
"I'm..."
"You're perfect" Shelby told her as she pulled onto the driveway and switched off the engine, "you are my perfect baby girl and I love you, exactly how you are. Your life has done a complete 360 recently and you're still going, so many people, people so much older than you, wouldn't have been able to still be as strong as you are." She placed her hand on Rachel's cheek and wiped away a stray tear. "I don't know what this year's going to bring for us sweetheart, but I can promise, no matter what it throws at us we'll face it together. You won't ever feel like you're on your own again. I know it's a big change sweetheart, no one expects you to hit the ground running, it's going to take a while for you to figure things out, to get used to how things are now but that's okay, we're here, we're not going anywhere. You have a family now Rachel, a whole bunch of people who want nothing more than you to be happy, whether that means you take a nap on their couch when we're visiting, you cry for an hour or you leave ten minutes after you arrive, as long as you're happy no one minds at all."
Rachel nodded, she didn't know how to respond to that, like always she was overwhelmed by the love she felt from Shelby, "Mom" she sobbed.
"I know" Shelby whispered, "I know" she glanced at the clock on the dashboard, "it's getting late and Mrs Puckerman is expecting us for dinner tomorrow, so let's get inside and get some rest, we'll take each day as it comes. Things will get better Rachel, I promise you, I promise you won't feel like this forever."