Well, it's been a while! But watching Glee on netflix has got me wanting to pick this up again, I'm not sure if anyone still wants to read it, but I suppose there's only one way to find out!
Shelby was the first to wake the next morning, a quick glance at the clock telling her they'd slept until almost 9.30. She didn't wake Rachel though, the girl was tucked into Shelby's side and Shelby knew there was no way she could wake her. She didn't know how the anxiety meds Rachel had taken would affect the girl, she'd never had to take them before but Shelby knew the doctor had mentioned that they could make Rachel sleepy, so Shelby was content to let her sleep until she woke naturally.
She didn't have to wait long, Rachel stirred in her arms less than fifteen minutes later, "Momma" she mumbled sleepily as she woke.
"I'm here baby" Shelby brushed Rachel's hair from her face, giving her a moment to wake up before asking, "how do you feel this morning?"
Rachel groaned quietly as she remembered her Mom finding her in a blind panic in the bathroom. "I'm sorry" she whispered, "about last night."
Shelby kissed Rachel's forehead, "you don't need to apologise Darling, I just want to know how you're feeling."
"I'm okay" Rachel said quietly, not lifting her head from where it was buried against Shelby's shoulder.
"You worried me last night" Shelby whispered as she ran her fingers through Rachel's hair, "so much that I decided I was going to call Alice this morning" she said honestly, "and ask if she could see you sooner than your next appointment. But I'll believe you if you say you're feeling better this morning." She paused for a minute, not sure how Rachel would react to what she had to say next. "I would like you to talk to someone though" she kissed Rachel's hair as she heard the teen's breath hitch, "you know you can always talk to me, but it doesn't have to be me, you can call Aunt Amy or Mrs Puckerman or one of your friends, I even have your guidance counsellor's cell phone number, or if you want, I can make the call to Alice's office."
Rachel nuzzled closer to Shelby, burying her face as she mumbled, "Aunt Amy."
As worried as she was about her daughter, Shelby couldn't help but smile, "I'm sure she'd love to hear from you."
"She won't be mad?"
"Not at all Darling, she loves you. She'll be happy that you called her. How about we get some breakfast and then call her?"
Rachel bit her lip, a nervous twisting in her stomach making her well aware of the fact that, anything she did eat, wasn't likely to stay in her stomach for long. "I'm not hungry" she whispered.
"You need to eat something Darling" Shelby ran her fingers through Rachel's hair, "how about a smoothie? Or we could have some fruit now and something more substantial when you're not worrying about calling Aunt Amy."
Rachel's face fell, she hadn't realised how well her Mom could read her, "I'm sorry".
Shelby kissed her temple, "you've got nothing to be sorry for Rachel, I understand that you were never able to be open with your father's. That being able to express how you're feeling without consequence is something you're still getting used to, and that's okay. Just as long as you know that you can open up to us, to any of us. You can tell us anything and all we'll do is love you."
She couldn't begin to think of words that would express just how grateful she was, just how lucky she felt to suddenly be part of such a warm, kind and loving family. So Rachel simply nuzzled closer to Shelby, relishing the feeling of two strong arms holding her closer as she quietly suggested, "maybe we could make pancakes later?"
Even after months of living with Shelby, Rachel still seemed reluctant to eat at times, like she was struggling to let go of the idea that food was a luxury she had to earn instead of the necessity that Shelby would never withhold from her, so the fact she'd suggested a meal with no prompting meant the world to Shelby, "that sounds great to me" she smiled, "so how about you get yourself sorted and I'll go downstairs and cut up some fruit to tide us over until then?"
Rachel nodded, "Okay" she clung to Shelby for a moment longer before shuffling away from the woman so she could get out of bed, "thanks Mom."
Shelby didn't bother getting changed, just headed downstairs in her pyjamas, pausing only to get the sheets and pyjamas that had been left in the bathroom the night before, wanting to put them in the laundry before Rachel saw them and got upset again.
"Here you go" she smiled, handing over a bowl of mixed berries covered in natural yoghurt when Rachel came into the room.
"Thank you" Rachel smiled as she sat down at the kitchen table.
"How are you feeling?" Shelby asked as she sat beside Rachel.
"I erm, I've got a stomach ache" she admitted quietly, knowing Shelby wouldn't react badly.
Shelby nodded and reached out to squeeze Rachel's hand, "that's normal, once you've eaten something I'll get you a painkiller" she promised.
Just like she said she would, Shelby gave Rachel a painkiller once she'd finished her fruit before handing over her own cellphone to her daughter, Amy's number on the screen. "Can I…" Rachel looked from the phone to the floor.
Shelby reached out and put her hand on Rachel's chin, lifting her daughter's face so she had no choice but to look her mother in the eye. "Whatever it is, just ask me Darling, the worst I'll do is say no."
"Can I go upstairs to call her?"
Shelby kissed Rachel's forehead. "I'm going to go into the basement and do some yoga, you call Amy from wherever you feel most comfortable, and if you want to come down when you're done then you can, if you want some time to yourself then just come and find me when you're ready."
Rachel nodded, "I love you Mom".
Shelby wrapped her arms around Rachel and hugged her tightly. "I love you too baby."
"I erm…" Rachel gestured to the phone. "I should…"
"Okay" Shelby loosened her hold on her daughter, "you know where I am if you want me."
Rachel smiled genuinely, finally starting to believe her Mom when she said she wasn't going to leave, "I know" she nodded before heading upstairs, cellphone in hand to call her Aunt.
Rachel stood in her bedroom for a moment before picking the family quilt from her bed and carrying it down the landing, wrapping herself in the quilt and making herself comfortable on her Mom's bed before hitting dial, her heart racing in her chest as the phone began to ring.
She was just about to hang up when Amy answered, "Hey Shel. How are you doing?"
"It's erm, it's Rachel, she said quietly.
"Oh" Amy sounded slightly surprised, "is everything okay?"
"I erm, I had a meltdown last night" she admitted, "Mom wanted me to speak to someone but if I, if it's… I can have her set up an appointment with my therapist if…"
"Hey no" Amy interrupted Rachel's rambling. "I told you you could call me whenever you needed to, I don't mind you calling me at all, in fact I'm glad you felt like you could call me."
"Okay" Rachel whispered, "thank you."
"Do you want to talk about what happened last night?" Amy prompted, correctly guessing that Rachel wouldn't start the conversation herself.
"I got my period" Rachel admitted, "it was the first time and I freaked out. Last night Mom wanted to ring my therapist for an appointment but she said that if I felt better this morning I'd be okay until my next scheduled visit but she still wanted me to talk to someone. Are you sure you don't mind me calling you?"
"Not at all" Amy said sincerely. "In fact I'm honoured that you felt able to call me."
"Momma said you wouldn't be angry."
"And I'm not Rachel, I don't say this often, but your Momma was right." Amy smiled when she heard Rachel chuckle, "do you want to talk about why you freaked out?" she asked, "or do you have any questions that you want to ask?"
"I didn't know" Rachel whispered. "I woke up and my stomach felt weird so I went to the bathroom but when I got up I noticed the blood on the sheets, I thought Momma would be mad at me for making a mess."
"Oh Darling, your Mom, she doesn't care about things like that, all she wants is for you to be happy and healthy. She knows that you didn't do it on purpose, she knows you can't help it. And if I'm honest, it's probably happened tk her at one time or another, I know it's certainly happened to me."
" I, Mom… she found me trying to wash my sheets in the bathroom."
"And what did she say?"
"She ran me a bath and got me some clothes. I erm, I had to take the pills the doctor gave me to calm me down. I don't really remember much until I woke up in her bed this morning."
"But she wasn't angry?"
"No, she's never been angry with me."
"And that's because she loves you" Amy reassured the teen, "she'd do anything to make you happy."
"I am" Rachel whispered, "I just get scared sometimes."
"I know" Amy wished she could reach through the phone and hug her niece tightly, "and that's okay, I don't know much about what things were like with your fathers, but I know it's a world away from living with Shel and it's okay if it takes you a while to get used to things being different now. And I know your mum would do anything, she'll tell you things will be different, every day she'll show you that she loves you, that you're safe with her, that our whole family loves the fact that you're now part of it, that you're back where you belong."
"I don't want her to get sick of me."
"Your Mom will never get sick of you Darling, she loves you so much Rachel, and it's taken so long for her to get to be a part of your life. All your Mom will ever do is love you and support and encourage you to be the best person you can be."
"I think that might be starting to sink in now" Rachel smiled.
"I'm glad, you're stuck with us now, we're not going anywhere" Amy smiled at the quiet chuckle she heard from the other end of the line, "do you have any questions about your period or anything, anything you don't want to ask your Mom?"
Rachel thought for a minute before shaking her head, "no, no I erm, I think I'm okay."
"Okay, well if you think of anything you've got my number".
"I have, thank you." Rachel shuffled to sit up, "I erm, Mom and I are going to make pancakes when I've done on the phone with you."
"That sounds good to me" Amy smiled, "I should let you go then so you can get started, and I could call your Mom later, see about all of us going out for pancakes at the weekend if you want?"
"I think I'd like that" Rachel smiled.
"Okay, well, you go and enjoy your pancakes and I'll call your Mom later to sort something out. And if there's anything at all you need then you call me okay? Even if it's the middle of the night."
"Thank you."
"No problem Rachel, I mean it, whatever you need, whenever you need it. We're all here for you. Now, you go and enjoy those pancakes, eat one for me yeah."
Rachel laughed, a sound Amy would never get sick of hearing, "chocolate or blueberry?"
"Oh, definitely chocolate" Amy chuckled, glad Rachel seemed to be becoming more comfortable with her.
"Deal" Rachel smiled, "I'll see you soon?"
"Absolutely. I'll call your Mom later and arrange something, I promise."
And for once in her life, Rachel allowed herself to actually believe that someone would keep a promise they made to her.