Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.
Author's note I: I told a lot of you that this would be out "soon" or in a couple of days, so I'm very sorry my words weren't true. I'm on vacation this week and I stupidly thought I'd have plenty of time to keep my word...except my vacation happens to be at a fitness/health bootcamp (say what? Yeah, everyone I know thinks I'm crazy too) and I've been working out to my max 6 hours a day all week. Needless to say I've been collapsing into bed every night this week before 7:30 PM. Getting 200 words out each night has been nothing short of a miracle.
Author's note II: Some things have changed since I initially thought of them, but I did listen to "Runaway" by The National a lot while thinking about Bella and Rosalie's fight.
Say something. Anything. The silence in the room was so absolute, Bella could easily make out her own thundering pulse. She remained standing by the door as she waited for Rosalie to make a move. Rosalie appeared as petrified and still as one of Carlisle's paintings.
The buzzing from both of their phones broke the stillness, though the tension remained. Alice had texted them both: 'You might want to go outside for this'. Oh shit. They knew what a message like that implied...Wordlessly Bella and Rosalie heeded Alice's warning and walked out the door...and not a moment too soon. Just as the door closed shut behind her, Rosalie leaped to the nearest tree and pummeled it into oblivion. It all happened so fast she was a blur to Bella, who could only stand close to the cabin as her girlfriend took out her anger on everything in sight.
A minute of this and Bella had to redirect her attention to the mangled trees flying through the air. Rosalie seemed to have awareness enough not to send any in her or the cabin's direction, but the Jeep was not as lucky. Fortunately, Bella saw the twenty foot log that was about to destroy Emmett's favorite car in time to divert it to a different path.
"Why?"
Startled, Bella shifted her concentration from the trees that were no longer crashing to earth back to Rosalie.
"Why?!" Rosalie hissed again.
Bella gulped and took a shaky breath, but that proved to be too long a wait for Rosalie. The last remaining tree was quickly uprooted. Rosalie slowed down finally, but spent the last agonizing minutes before Bella found her voice tearing through the fallen branches. When she finally stopped...when she finally lost the wild look in her eyes, the remnants of that part of the forest lay at their feet like the remnants of a violent earthquake.
"I didn't want to be the reason he stayed away," Bella whispered.
"Edward," Rosalie spat. "Him. The reason you ran off before. Edward...who's made it very clear what he thinks of our relationship...you risked your life with five other vampires you've never met...for HIM?!"
No, not for him. "Not for him," she repeated out loud. "For Esme."
"Bella!" Rosalie threw her arms up in the air. "We've all left. 100 years is a really long time for this many of us to not get sick of each other. Edwards's left before! So has Emmett! So have I!"
"Did any of you leave because you felt you couldn't be part of the family anymore?!" Bella yelled back. "I didn't think so."
Rosalie kicked a stone away in frustration. "You could've waited for me," she said. "We could've gone together."
"Would you have? Really?" Bella asked quietly. "I am sorry to have kept you in the dark. Truly, I am. I did it because I thought it would be the only way."
"Five vampires who-"
"Who were just as civilized and polite to me as your family," Bella interrupted. "I wouldn't have gone if the impression you all gave me of them was any less. Rose," she sighed, "I think they were more scared of me that I was of them after they saw what I could do."
Rosalie fidgeted in front of her as Bella closed off all her arguments.
"He thinks I'm a heartless bitch," she finally said. It was the first time since their fight began that her eyes reflected something other than anger. "He thinks I'm a whore for what I'm doing with you and Emmett. That our relationship has no meaning beyond sex. Of all people, Bella...him, of all people..."
The torment in Bella's eyes immediately erased all remaining anger from Rosalie's. She watched in alarm as smoke creeped out of one of the torn branches to their side.
"I couldn't stand it anymore," Bella whispered. "You, Emmett, Alice and Jasper couldn't care less, I know. But Esme and Carlisle cared. I have spent more time in your house than I care to keep track of...and Edward has spent more time than that away from it...and it's all because of me! First because of my scent, then because of what I knew and our relationship. However way you want to phrase it, what matters is that Carlisle and Esme love him like a son...and I'm the reason he's gone."
If Rosalie had a beating heart it would be pounding. She listened to Bella's words but most of her attention was fixated on the flames rising up, catching on the piles of logs all around them.
"She's a mother," Bella spoke, no longer looking at Rosalie and instead staring hard at the billowing fire. "If he's what she wanted she should have him. I have no right to stand in the way of that."
The log closest to Bella split open like an egg, its interior so hot that it flowed out like lava. Rosalie slowly approached her and put a hand on her shoulder.
"Bella," she whispered worriedly. "What's going on? You're losing it."
Immediately, the flames died out and Bella moved closer inside Rosalie's waiting arms.
"I'm sorry," she whimpered, tears streaming down her face. "For this...and for before."
"Ok," Rosalie shook her head as she tightened her embrace as much as safely possible for Bella. "It's done. It's over. I'm sorry too...for reacting the way I did." She kissed her softly on the forehead, wishing she could do something to stop the tears coming down in front of her. "Come on, we'll have to clean up here before we leave."
If she thought that would distract her from whatever was bothering her, Rosalie was sorely mistaken. Instead, Bella stiffened as she looked around through Rosalie's arms. When her stance did not change for too unnaturally long, Rosalie had to ask, "what is it?"
The voice that answered her came from a very different Bella than the one she and her family were used to.
"I've woken up to this so many times," Bella whispered as she took stock of their burnt surroundings. "This much damage though...it reminds me of the first time."
Rosalie cursed her luck-what were the odds that she'd accidentally find a way to remind Bella of the day her normal life ended? They all knew so little about that night. Bella had never divulged more than what she shared the day all their secrets came out of the dark. She held her tighter, trying to keep Bella's gaze away from the fire while she herself looked around. The mutilated trees laying haphazardly around them were taller than her and Bella in some places. She could imagine how this scene reminded her of the past, especially that night. What was it like to wake up to that level of destruction? Bella said half her neighborhood was wiped out. How the hell did she make it through that night?
She was startled out of her thoughts when Bella suddenly reached up and kissed her hard on the lips. Surprised, Rosalie followed her lead and kissed her back though she quickly grew confused at the ferocity Bella was displaying. Before long, Bella's hunger could not be satisfied by a mere kiss and the younger girl violently unzipped Rosalie's pants.
"Bells?" Rosalie asked when it looked like Bella might attempt to rip her jeans off.
"Please," Bella panted through their locked lips. "I need...I need a good memory." Something other than death and tears for these flames to witness. She didn't need to explain because Rosalie, as always, understood what she didn't say as well as what she did.
Wordlessly, Rosalie lowered her to the ground.
They made love that night with a burning passion that was intensified by their slow pace. Though exhausted from the trip she had taken and the emotional toll from speaking to Edward and then fighting with Rosalie, Bella continued to touch and yearn for Rosalie's touch well until dawn. When she came the first time, Rosalie had to remind her that it was ok for her to release the flames too. After that, each time Bella came more and more fallen logs split open releasing innards of liquid fire so that by morning a haphazard ring of Bella's unique destruction stood around where the girls had been.
Later, after they altered the scene around the cabin so it looked natural and got into the car, Bella fell into a soundless sleep. Rosalie on the other hand spent most of the drive back arguing silently with herself.
If someone had told her just a year ago that she'd be contemplating turning a human...but here she was, barely six months since meeting Bella and wanting to spend eternity with her more than anything else she's ever wanted. Whenever the thought came to her mind, Rosalie drove herself crazy with happiness at the implications...and self-hatred at what Bella would lose. What right did she have to stop the course of time for anyone? Despite having what many would consider one of the best vampire "lives" one could have, Rosalie would give just about anything to undo it all and have a chance at a normal, linear life. Until very recently, even death as a result of Royce's crime would have been a more humane option than the frozen life she had to endure now.
Finding Emmett probably saved her from finding a way to end her existence. If it wasn't for the undeniable love she felt for him she would've long ago committed suicide by Volturi. Before him she merely existed. After...she lived. And now she had Bella. Rosalie wasn't a fool. She knew she would've never even met the girl if she wasn't frozen in time. The fullness in her heart that sometimes took her proverbial breath away when she thought of Bella and Emmett would never have taken hold if she wasn't a vampire. If Rosalie believed in fate she would've thought that she was meant to be turned in order to find the two people who would complete her.
None of this changed the fact that turning Bella would end her normal life. Now that she had some measure of control over her insane gift, Bella could more or less blend in with others. She could go to college, have a career. She could have a family. Rosalie gripped the steering wheel harder, thinking of the things Bella could have and she could not. Everyone in the Cullen household (sans Alice, whose past was still a mystery) was turned against their will by an outsider or because they were dying. Never before had any of them actually wanted to turn someone who had a choice. This was something they've all been thinking about, she knew, and a conversation that they couldn't keep putting off for much longer.
They were back in civilization when Bella awoke briefly. Rosalie smiled to herself at the small yawn she let out and how she unconsciously moved her hand to the middle of the front seat so Rosalie could intertwine it in hers. Bella stayed leaning on the passenger side window, probably too fatigued to change her position. A car pulled up next to them at a stoplight and Rosalie noticed Bella staring hard into it. She looked over and saw a family chatting inside-a mother, a father, and three children in the back.
Steeling herself, Rosalie asked tentatively, "Do you want kids, Bella?"
Whatever response she was hoping for, she certainly didn't expect Bella to curl her lip back and almost...growl.
"No," Bella said curtly. She didn't volunteer anymore and Rosalie, after looking at her face, knew better than to ask.
"Bella Bear!" Emmett shouted as he twirled his best friend around. "I'm impressed," he whispered. "Glad to see you back in one piece."
Esme was next. Though Bella was tired enough to pretty much collapse into her bed in the shed, Esme and Emmett couldn't wait till the next day to see her. While Emmett and Rosalie embraced, Esme took the young girl into her arms and didn't let go for quite some time.
"You didn't need to do what you did," Esme said quietly in her ear. "But thank you, sweetheart. Thank you."
Author's Note: Obviously there's a lot more to Bella's psyche than meets the eye :) Hope you enjoyed! Please review if you have a chance. I'm gonna go get my ass whooped some more today and tomorrow. :-/ Sigh.