This isn't what I had in mind for this chapter, but it seems Rachel wanted to have a bit of a chat with her Momma before getting out of bed, so that's what happened!
"Hey sleepyhead" Shelby smiled, putting down her book and brushing Rachel's hair back from her face when her daughter began to stir beside her.
"Hi" Rachel smiled, the dopey, half asleep look on her face warming Shelby's heart, "have you been awake long?" she asked as she yawned and stretched before curling up again and laying with her head on Shelby's thigh.
"About an hour or so" Shelby began playing with Rachel's hair, "but before you say anything, no I shouldn't have woken you, I don't mind you sleeping and I was fine laying here and reading my book."
Rachel chuckled, "what are you reading?"
"The Great Gatsby" Shelby said, still running her fingers through Rachel's hair, "McKinley's syllabus is slightly different to Carmel's, so while you've been at school I've been rereading some of the ones I haven't read in a while to refresh my memory."
"That sounds like a good idea" Rachel nodded against Shelby's thigh before a content silence fell between them.
Shelby loved mornings like this, loved weekends where they had no plans and could just spend time together doing nothing, and she knew moments like this would only become more precious once she started working again.
Rachel had grown to love moments like this too, the days where she barely slept, her bed a dirty mattress on the floor, seemed so foreign now, her past life a million miles away from waking up in one of the most comfortable beds she'd ever known, her Mom more than happy to have Rachel share her space. Rachel couldn't help but think back, her mind reminding her of the days where she had to be up at the crack of dawn to do chores, where, if she slept in for even five minutes, she'd be woken as a bucket of ice cold water was poured over her. And now, now she had this. She knew there'd be days where she and her Mom both had to be up early, but she'd been woken my her Mom before, she'd woken to forehead kisses and fingers combing through her hair, she'd woken to comfort and love. And Rachel knew, knew that as much as they might have to rush to get out of the house on time some days, she'd still get days like this. Days where her Mom would just hold her and let her wake in her own time, days where they'd snuggle up and forget that there was a world outside the safe space Shelby had made for them both.
"Mom?" Rachel said quietly.
"Yes baby?" Shelby continued playing with Rachel's hair.
"I love you."
Shelby smiled, "come here" she gently pulled Rachel to sit up, holding her daughter close. "I love you too Darling" she whispered as Rachel curled into her side, her head on Shelby's shoulder, "I love you so much more than you could ever know."
"I feel it" Rachel whispered, "I feel that you love me. Before, with my… with them, I thought they loved me. They said they wanted me to be the best person I could be, that the things they did, the things they made me do, were to make me better and I believed that. I believed them but now, I know that what they did wasn't right. I know that wasn't love, because this is love, taking me to see a therapist, making sure I'm up to date with schoolwork, letting me share your bed so I don't have nightmares, making sure I have food and clothes, just holding me like this. That's love. You love me and I know that."
"Oh baby" Shelby pulled Rachel closer, burying her face in Rachel's hair as she felt her eyes fill with tears. "You're right, I do love you, and it makes me so happy to know that you feel that love. And if I'm honest, I'm glad you know that what those men did wasn't right." Shelby had noted how Rachel hadn't referred to the Berry men as her fathers so she didn't either. "I want you to be the best you that you can be too, but I promise you I'll never be like them. I will support you and encourage you. When you're on top I'll be there cheering you on, and if you're struggling I'll be right there to help you out. You will always be absolutely perfect to me Rachel, and I know you struggle to believe me right now, but one day, one day I promise you that you'll look in the mirror and you'll see the brave, confident, intelligent, caring, beautiful, strong young woman that I see every time I look at you. And I am so, so proud of you baby, never, ever doubt that."
"You're right" Rachel whispered, rolling the hem of Shelby's pyjama top between her thumb and index finger, "I don't see myself like that, not yet anyway, but if I am all those things, then it's because of you. I, I know I've changed since I've been living here, and not in a bad way, it's like, I didn't realise how broken I was until you started putting me back together again."
Shelby kissed Rachel's hair, before nuzzling against her for a moment as more tears fell, "as much as I hate that you were ever broken in the first place, I would help you put yourself back together over and over again Rachel, now and in the future. It doesn't matter how old you are, it doesn't matter where you are or what you've done, I will only ever be a phone call away. But you're the one that's done all the hard work Rachel, everything you've been through, you're the one that's picked yourself up time and time again, you're the one that's faced so much and every time you've dusted yourself off and tried again. And that is why I think you are one of the strongest people I know."
"Is it strange that I'm sort of glad that they didn't want me anymore? Because it means I got to know this? I got to know you?"
"I think it's understandable to feel that way" Shelby agreed, "and I'm glad that they brought you here, even if the circumstances weren't ideal. I just wish they'd done it years ago, they could have gone off to live their lives and you, you could have been happy here."
"I've got you now" Rachel tucked her closer to Shelby, "that's all that matters to me."
Shelby sighed happily and kissed Rachel's hair again, "you have got me, and you'll always have me now." They fell into a comfortable silence, Rachel's head on Shelby's shoulder, Shelby gently tracing her fingers up and down Rachel's back, "Amy and the kids were going to come over for breakfast" Shelby told her a while later, "I can call her and cancel if you want?" she wasn't sure if the conversation she'd just had with Rachel meant that she'd just want to have a quiet day, just the two of them.
"What about Uncle Jimmy?"
"Something came up at his work last night so he isn't driving home until this morning, he won't be back until lunchtime, I think Amy was hoping breakfast here might distract the kids from the fact that he isn't home yet. But if you just want a quiet morning that's absolutely fine Rach."
Rachel shook her head," they can come round, it would be nice to see them. And anyway, we can have a quiet afternoon once they've gone home, before everyone comes over."
"Okay" Shelby smiled and glanced at her watch, "they won't be here for another 30 minutes or so, so we can stay here for a little while longer, it's only breakfast, Amy won't mind if we're still in our pyjamas."
Rachel nodded against Shelby's shoulder, "okay, that sounds good to me." She was still fiddling with the bottom of Shelby's pyjama top when she told Shelby, "I really like Aunt Amy."
"She likes you too."
"I had aunts before, but they were old and we didn't see them much, Aunt Amy, she's different, she's fun…she's like you"
"Don't let her hear you say that" Shelby chuckled, thinking for a minute before asking, "I'm really glad the two of you get along so well, I know it's going to take time but I think the two of you are going to have a pretty special bond."
"What makes you think that?" Rachel asks quietly.
"The age gap between you and Amy is similar to the age gap between me and her, I think she sees you the same way I see her. She always used to come to me if ever there was anything she needed to talk or ask questions about and she couldn't, or didn't feel comfortable going to Mom, and you, well, when you got your period and you were scared, when I asked you to talk to someone you decided on Aunt Amy without a second thought."
"I… Rachel trailed off, not even sure she knew what she wanted to say.
"I don't mind if you see her as an older sister, or an aunt, or a friend, or even just as someone who we see occasionally. As long as you're comfortable with her, that's all that matters."
"I am" Rachel reassured her, "I, I don't know what it is, probably that she is a lot like you, but I don't feel scared when she's there, and I know that if you weren't here, she'd look after me, just like you would. And I, I like that you and her, you're both honest with me, you talk to me like I'm an adult and I, I like that."
"I know we don't see them very often" Shelby kissed Rachel's forehead, "but my parents and my brothers would look after you just the same baby, none of them would ever let anything happen to you. And I promise you, if Amy, or my brothers or my parents ever so much as thought that I'd hurt one single hair on your head, your feet wouldn't touch the floor, they'd have you out of here in an instant. I can't speak for Amy obviously, but I will always be honest with you, and I'll always talk things through with you in a way that I think you'll understand."
Rachel nodded, "thank you".
"You don't need to thank me" Shelby gently squeezed Rachel's arm, now, as much as I love being cuddled up with you like this, I need to pee, and then we probably should get up and go downstairs, Amy's not often early but I know that the one time we're still in bed will be the one time she shows up early" she laughed.
Rachel nodded and shuffled away from Shelby, "I'll use the bathroom too. Are you sure I don't have to get dressed?"
Shelby shook her head as she stood from the bed and stretched out her back, "I'm going downstairs like this" she gestured to the pyjamas she was wearing, "but if you want to get dressed baby then that's fine, whatever makes you most comfortable."
"Okay" Rachel smiled shyly as she walked towards the bedroom door, planning to use the main bathroom so Shelby could use her ensuite, "I'll see you downstairs?"
Shelby smiled and nodded, "of course."