This isn't the chapter that I planned on writing this week, but it seems like Rachel still needed a little more comforting.
Alwaysagleek - I've already started writing the chapter where Shelby gets sick, but it won't happen until they're back from vacation, I hope that's okay.
Jim didn't really think much of it when he woke to an empty bed, he assumed one of the kids had woken early and Amy had got up with them. Ever since Max had been born, she'd been a lighter sleeper than he was and, though he told her time and time again, if she woke him he'd get up, more often than not, she'd get up with them and leave him to sleep. He pulled on his running gear and checked on Lily and Max, frowning when he saw they were both fast asleep with no sign of his wife. His frown turned to a smile when he walked into the lounge, Amy and Shelby were fast asleep on the couch, arms crossed over Rachel as she too slept between the two women, Rachel's blanket across their laps and the TV playing quietly to itself.
He smiled and took a picture of the three of them before going back to his bedroom, taking the covers from the bed to cover them a little better. "Shh" he whispered when Amy stirred, "it's okay, you're asleep on the couch."
"Mmm, there was a storm" Amy yawned, "it woke me and Max and I couldn't get back to sleep once I'd settled him, Rachel and Shelby were up too so we watched a movie."
Jimmy smiled and kissed Amy's temple, "want me to move Rachel so you can go to bed?"
Amy shook her head as her eyes slowly began to close again, "I'm comfy."
"Okay" Jimmy kissed her again, "the kids are still fast asleep, I'm going for a run. I love you."
Amy smiled, "love you too" she whispered as she dozed back to sleep.
Shelby was next to wake, frowning at the ache in her back before she remembered the night before, she remembered Rachel being terrified by the storm, she remembered coming inside and watching a movie with Amy. She panicked slightly when she realised Rachel was no longer sat beside her but soon relaxed when she realised Amy had laid down on the couch, and somehow taken Rachel with her, Amy laid on her back, Rachel tucked right into her side, the couch was wide, but still didn't give them much room, Rachel's arm was draped over Amy's stomach, her head tucked under her Aunt's chin, the hem of Amy's shirt held loosely between her finger and thumb, both Rachel and Amy resting their feet in Shelby's lap.
Shelby gently squeezed her sister's ankle when she felt her stir a little while later. "Shel?" Amy whispered, her voice slightly hoarse.
"Yeah" Shelby continued massaging Amy's feet, smiling when she heard her let out a content sigh.
"Tha' feels nice" Amy yawned, making no attempt to move.
"Good" Shelby said softly, "are you okay laying with Rachel like that?"
"Mhm" Amy snuggled even closer to her niece, an action Shelby hadn't realised was possible. "Is she okay?" Amy asked, gently running her fingers through Rachel's hair as Shelby continued massaging her feet. "She said she was scared last night."
Shelby sighed, "that's an understatement, she was terrified, I…" Shelby shook her head, "if I ever see those bastards I swear…"
"You'll turn and walk in the opposite direction" Amy said, "Rachel needs you, and she needs you here, with her, not in prison, no matter how much we'd all like to hurt them the way they hurt her we won't stoop to their level. We'll concentrate on supporting Rachel and helping her grow into the amazing young woman we all know she's capable of being."
Shelby sighed again, "I hate it when you get all sensible on me."
Amy laughed, "don't worry Shel, I still love you, despite your murderous tendencies."
Shelby rolled her eyes, watching Rachel sleep for a moment before telling Amy, "I forget how old she is sometimes, when she just wants to cuddle and be loved, it's like I get an insight into what she'd have been like as a child."
Amy smiled and gently stroked Rachel's cheek, "they starved her of affection for so long, it's not surprising she's taking as much as she can get now, but that's a good thing. It shows she's comfortable and she trusts us, she knows if she needs comfort she can come to us, to you, and no harm will come of her. She'll get the comfort and the love she needs and nobody will judge her or think badly of her for that."
"I know" Shelby smiled as she continued to massage Amy's feet, "I just wish they'd left her with me years ago."
"I think we all do Shel, but you can't change that, just concentrate on now, on the future. You've got her now and we're all here to help you give her a future that's the complete opposite to the one they'd have given her". Amy turned her attention to Rachel when she felt the girl shift slightly against her side and she dropped a kiss to her hair, "morning Pretty Girl" she smiled when she saw Rachel rub at her eyes before slowly opening them.
"Morning" Rachel nuzzled quietly into Amy's side before quietly asking, "where's my Mom?"
Shelby heard her whisper and gently stroked Rachel's calf, "I'm right here baby, I've not left you."
Amy kissed Rachel again, sensing she wanted her Mom, "I'm going to go pee and then check on Lily and Max, why doesn't your Mom lay with you when I'm gone?" she suggested, getting a nod in response before she stood up.
"Thank you" Shelby whispered quietly as she slipped past her sister, she knew Amy was giving Rachel an out, a reason to get the comfort from her Mom that she wanted without having to say it.
Amy gently squeezed Shelby's fingers, "it's nothing" she said, holding back the covers Jimmy had draped over them so Shelby could lay with Rachel.
"Hi" Shelby laid on her side facing Rachel, smiling as Rachel curled into her instantly, "you're okay" Shelby held her closely, "I've got you, I'm not going anywhere, I've got you." Shelby remembered what Rachel had said the night before and gently pulled her closer, giving Shelby enough room to slip her hand under Rachel's tshirt to gently run her fingers along her spine.
"I love you Momma" Rachel clung tightly to Shelby, she'd dreamed that her Mom had left, that she was too much for her, and, as she wasn't quite fully awake, Rachel couldn't quite tell where her dream ended and reality began.
"I love you too baby" Shelby was reminded of the scared, broken little girl she'd first met and she hoped this was temporary, that the storm hadn't caused a huge setback in Rachel's mental recovery, "I love you so, so much."
Shelby smiled as she felt Rachel's fingers curl around the hem of her top, gently rolling the fabric between her thumb and forefinger, she wondered sometimes if Rachel even realised she was doing it, but she didn't want to embarrass her by bringing it to her attention, didn't want the teen to feel like she had to stop finding comfort in the simple action so she kept quiet. "I had a bad dream" Rachel finally admitted.
"Oh darling" Shelby kissed her hair, "do you want to tell me about it?"
Rachel took a shaky breath, "you got sick of me" she whispered, pausing for a moment before adding, "and you left."
Shelby tightened her hold on her daughter when she felt her begin to shake, "I know you might not always believe me, so all I can do is show you, I will never, ever leave you, not permanently, I might go to the store without you, I might go out with your Aunt like I did before, but I will always, always come back to you Rachel. I waited almost 15 years to do this, to be able to hold you, to show you just how much I've always loved you, and I would never walk away from this, from you. I know what happened to you before was awful, that they didn't treat you the way they deserve to be treated, but you're here now. You're here, and it's not just me Darling, your Aunts and Uncles, Nanna, Grampy, an entire army of cousins, we're all here for you, we all love you and none of us are going anywhere. You've got us and you will always have us, and if you struggle to believe that, then it's okay, not only will we keep telling you that we're not going anywhere, we'll keep showing you too."
"I'm sorry" Rachel mumbled against Shelby's shirt, "I was really scared by the storm and I, I know I'm a lot…"
Shelby kissed the top of Rachel's head, "you never need to apologise for your feelings. You feel how you feel, it's my job as a parent to help you cope with those feelings, and if that means I have to lay here and hold you, then I'll lay here as long as you need me to. And you are not 'a lot' Darling, please don't think that. You've been through a lot and you may have a lot of feelings, but you are not too much, you're not 'a lot', you're my daughter Rachel and I love you exactly as you are."
"I love you too Momma" Rachel whispered, wishing she could spend the rest of her life clinging to the woman who'd shown her nothing but love and compassion since the day they'd met, to the woman who'd simply accepted her and supported her without question.
Shelby watched Rachel for a moment or two, able to tell from the look on her face that she was thinking about something, "what are you thinking Baby?" she asked softly as she swiped away Rachel's tears with her thumb.
Rachel looked up at Shelby, "I just feel lucky to have you" she said quietly.
"Oh baby" Shelby kissed her again, "I'm the lucky one." They laid together for a while before Shelby's back began to ache again, "Rachel" she said softly, "I want you to listen to what I'm about to tell you" she said, knowing Rachel might worry that she was making excuses, she waited until she got a nod from her daughter before telling her, "I am happy to hold you in my arms all day if that's what you need, but I'm getting a little uncomfortable laying like this. Can we sit up? I'll still hold you, I just want to be a little bit more comfortable."
"Okay" Rachel whispered quietly, as Shelby predicted, Rachel was worried that her Mom was just saying that, that she didn't want to hold her anymore.
Shelby kissed Rachel's hair before sitting up, moving the cushions on the couch to make herself comfortable before holding her arms out. "C'mere Baby" Shelby held out her arms and Rachel was quick to scramble into her embrace. Rachel clung to her Momma, she knew she was being ridiculous, that she was acting like a baby, but the dream she'd had had scared her and she needed to reassure herself that her Mom was still there. She felt Shelby gently coaxing her into a more comfortable position, but she was so lost in her thoughts that it took her a moment or two to realise that Shelby had settled her into a position similar to the one Jim had held Lily in the night before, "okay?" Shelby asked as she wrapped Rachel's blanket around her shoulders and began stroking her back.
"Yeah" Rachel whispered, sighing happily as she put her head on Shelby's shoulder, understanding why Lily had fallen asleep so quickly the night before. She was chest to chest with her Momma, and, if she was smaller, like Lily, she'd be able to hear her heartbeat, and, whilst she wasn't small enough to do that, she could feel her Mom's breaths ghosting across her hair, and that was enough for her.
"You can close your eyes" Shelby said softly, "if you need to go back to sleep then that's okay Baby, I don't mind."
"I'm okay" Rachel murmured before letting out a yawn that betrayed her.
"Okay" Shelby chuckled quietly, "we can just sit here."
Amy took her time checking on both Lily and Max and using the bathroom, wanting to give Shelby and Rachel some time together but eventually she made her way back into the living room, sitting on the opposite end of the couch and wrapping herself in the covers Jim had brought through, "I was thinking if making French toast for breakfast" she yawned, "or maybe getting Jim to do it when he gets back. Does that sound good?"
"That's fine with me" Shelby nodded, "what about you Baby?"
"I've never had it before" Rachel shrugged, not lifting her head from Shelby's shoulder.
"You'll like it" Amy told her, "it's kinda like a cross between pancakes and toast, and we usually have it with some mixed berries or something."
"Sounds good" Rachel nodded against Shelby's shoulder before letting out another quiet yawn.
The three of them fell into a content silence, Amy and Rachel drifting in and out of sleep as Shelby patted Rachel's back, Amy once again finding Rachel's bear and holding it in her arms as she dozed. As much as she didn't want to, Shelby knew she had to move Rachel a little while later, so she kissed her hair to try and wake her, "Rach" she said softly, "I need to use the bathroom Baby."
"Mmm?" Rachel mumbled.
Shelby smiled at how adorable her daughter was when she was half asleep, "I need you to sit on the couch for two minutes, I'll use the bathroom and be right back."
"You'll come back?"
"As soon as I've been to the bathroom" Shelby promised.
Both Shelby and Rachel thought Amy was asleep so they were both surprised to hear her voice, "come here Pretty Girl" she held out one arm, "come cuddle with me til your Mom gets back."
Rachel nodded and sleepily crawled across the couch, so tired that she didn't care who was holding her as long as she got to cuddle with someone. "No" she mumbled when she realised Amy was trying to move her into the same position Shelby had been holding her in, "I'll hurt you" she protested, "I'll hurt the baby"
"No you won't" Amy told her, "your weight will be on my thighs, me and the baby will be fine" she said, moving Rachel to lay against her, and, despite her protests, Amy felt the girl relax as she settled against her, Rachel's fingers going straight for the hem of her Aunt's top. "I don't know what happened last night" Amy said softly as she ran her fingers through Rachel's hair, "but I'm here if there's anything I can do, and as much as I hate knowing you're hurting, I'm glad that you're letting us comfort you. Whatever's happened Rachel, you are so, so loved, I hope you never doubt that." She heard a quiet sniffle and tightened her hold on her niece, "oh Rachel" she whispered, "it's okay, it's okay to have bad days, God knows I had them after I was assaulted, it's okay to sometimes feel like you've taken 20 steps backwards. You won't feel like this forever, just try and remember that you're safe and you're loved, and one bad day doesn't mean you're back where you started, it's okay if you're not okay, you're allowed to need love and comfort. You're allowed to need reassurance, you're allowed to feel however you feel, none of that will change how we feel about you, no matter what, you've got a family who will love and support you, we're not going anywhere Pretty Girl, I promise."
"I'm sorry" Rachel sobbed, she didn't even know why she was crying, she'd always been too scared to show her emotions around her fathers, they always promised to give her 'something to really cry about' when she got upset, so being able to let everything out without fear of punishment wasn't something she was used to.
"You've got nothing to be sorry about" Amy reassured her, "you're allowed to be sad, you're allowed to be angry, confused, you're allowed to cry, and whatever your feelings, you're allowed to let us help you deal with that. You can feel however it is you feel, and we'll still love you, we'll still care for you, good or bad, we're your family and we aren't going anywhere."
"I, I'm ruining the vacation" Rachel sobbed.
"No" Amy said quickly, "you are absolutely not. You're upset and that's okay. Lily woke last night after a nightmare, Max woke because he was scared of the storm, that didn't ruin the vacation, I got a bit tearful on the plane here, that didn't ruin the vacation, and neither will this" she kissed Rachel's temple, "when we think back about this vacation, we'll remember your Uncle Jim teaching you to swim, we'll remember the boat trip we're going to go on, we'll remember drinking those fake cocktails out of fishbowls at the bar we went to the other night, we'll remember all the fun times we had together, we won't remember Lily having a nightmare or any of this. You haven't ruined anything for anyone Darling."
"Hey" Shelby made her presence known, she'd been back for a few minutes but she'd let Amy say her piece to Rachel without interrupting.
"Momma" Rachel sniffled.
"I told you I was coming back" Shelby helped Rachel move back to her lap, reaching out to squeeze her sister's hand in thanks, "you're okay, I've got you."
"I think she's tired" Amy said quietly, Rachel's cries sounding a lot like Lily and Max when they were exhausted but trying to fight sleep, when it took the smallest of things to upset them.
"I know" Shelby sighed, "I think we all are" she looked at her sister.
"I'll definitely be needing a nap later" Amy chuckled.
"Can I, can I nap with you?" Rachel's breath caught in her throat as she tried to calm herself down.
"Of course you can Pretty Girl" Amy reached over to stroke Rachel's back, "you don't have to ask."
"Why don't you close your eyes now?" Shelby asked gently, "try and get some rest before breakfast."
Rachel nodded and yawned, "stay?" she murmured quietly into Shelby's shoulder.
"Always" Shelby promised, "I'll always stay with you."