The next morning Santana woke up early. It was still dark outside, and she felt like she had barely slept. Her head was banging, her mouth was dry, her stomach was churning, and her mind was swirling with regret. She glanced over at Finn, from her position at the edge of the bed, where she always clung when she had someone sleep over.

Santana had no qualms with the physicality of sex, in fact she would often be the one to take the lead, as she was highly confident. It was afterwards she always felt the most vulnerable. She never wanted to cuddle or touch afterwards or do anything that might be considered as intimate. It sounded stupid because, sex itself was intimate, but she never wanted to add an emotional aspect. It wasn't a conscious decision, she just…couldn't. After sex she always wanted to get the person as far away from her as possible, but she knew it would look weird to throw them out, so she stuck to clinging to the edge of the bed instead.

She watched as Finn started to stir. Who would have thought it, after all these years? The Head Cheerleader and the Football Captain, finally hooking up. Now they were both just a couple of 'Lima Losers'.

Still at least Santana had Mila to call her achievement, she was one up on Finn there. Maybe finally sleeping with Santana, would be Finn's achievement. He had always been so desperate to.

"Ah my head!" Finn groaned, rubbing his eyes ferociously.

"Tell me about it!" Santana sighed. She really hoped Finn wouldn't want to stick around for long.

"What time is it?" Finn asked, as if reading Santana's mind.

Santana reached for her phone on the bedside table, lighting up the display to check the time.

"Just gone 7AM" she replied, frowning as she observed Finn frown and roll over. No way was she letting him fall back asleep.

"How do you feel?" she asked, in an attempt to keep him awake. Finn had only slept with one other girl before, Rachel, so she knew this was kind of a big deal for him.

"I just said my head is killing me!" Finn replied with a slight laugh, before realising what she was asking and sitting up slightly.

"Oh…that. Actually…not that great considering last night should have been my dream come true. But I feel…nothing. Empty almost" he continued

"Oh charming!" Santana laughed sarcastically, with a slight frown. Although she couldn't deny, she felt the same way.

Finn sat up properly to look at Santana.

"No sorry, that's not what I mean! You were great it's just…Rachel…I still love her"

Santana smiled sympathetically at Finn.

"Don't worry, I understand"

Finn returned the smile, before changing the subject, swaying away from any awkwardness.

"So, what have you got planned for your day?"

"Not a lot really. Mila will be coming home soon though…" she began

Finn took the hint with a smile.

"Well I'll make sure I get out of your hair then. Mind if I grab a quick shower first?" he asked.

"Sure" Santana smiled, as she led him off to the en-suite and set the shower up. She pulled on some clothes, and left the bedroom to give him some privacy, and headed off towards Mila's room, making sure it was tidy before she came home and inevitably messed it up again.

As she manoeuvred things around, picking up the cushions from the floor and stacking them on the bed, she spotted a new painting on Mila's easel. She walked towards it with a smile, eager to see her daughter's latest creation, but what she saw brought a lump to her throat.

Mila had painted a family of 3, standing outside a house. It was clear that the smallest one, was meant to be Mila, while the orange woman with masses of dark hair and the red lips was meant to be herself. But unlike most of her other paintings, Mila had also painted a man.

My Dream Family With A Daddy

It was titled.

"Santana?" she heard Finn shout.

Santana swallowed and pulled the painting from the easel; she would speak to Mila about this when she was home.

"Be there in a sec!" she shouted back to Finn.

Brittany and Denver were having breakfast, the radio on low in the background in an attempt to mask the awkward silence. Denver had come home late and then slept on the sofa. He was punishing Brittany, and she knew it. They still hadn't spoke, and you could cut the tension with a knife. Brittany decided the radio wasn't quite enough to mask it anymore.

"I dreamt I was an arrow flying through the air last night" Brittany chuckled, hoping Denver would go along with the conversation. Move on from the argument, act like it had never happened, no discussion needed.

Instead Denver dropped his knife and fork and rolled his eyes.

"You think you can solve all our problems by just pushing them aside, and talking about your stupid nonsense?"

Brittany suddenly felt small. It was a common occurrence for her boyfriend to make her feel like this now. She kept her tone light and continued. Desperate to avoid further confrontation.

"I'm sorry if you think it's stupid nonsense, I just thought it was interesting, and that you might like to know"

"How can you be a thing!?" he rolled his eyes, seemingly getting frustrated now.

"I don't know, you know…I always have dreams like that" Brittany shrugged.

To her surprise, Denver started laughing, but it wasn't a nice laugh. It was a sarcastic, ironic laugh, and it goaded Brittany and made her feel dumb.

"Do you ever wonder why I never invite you to my conferences? To my work dinners?"

Brittany said nothing. She knew it was a rhetorical question. They'd had arguments about this before, because Brittany had always wondered why he never brought her along when all the other Lawyers brought their partners. It was like he was ashamed of her.

"It's because the people that I work with, you see they're all very well educated" he continued, in a patronising tone. Of course, they were well educated, they were lawyers "a lot of the conversation is very adult, it's centred around politics, around scientific debates, around controversial topics. My colleagues, you see, they have wives and partners who can get involved with this kind of stuff. They know what they're talking about. If they don't know, they shut up. They say nothing. They know their place. But you?" he laughed "You waffle on about all your whimsical airy-fairy crap, whether people want to hear it or not. You impose your stupid views on people and go on about your strange dreams. And you seriously expect me to want to introduce you to people? To have you socialise with people I respect. You're an embarrassment"

Brittany felt her face redden, and tears burn her eyes. She was used to Denver talking down to her, but never this bad.

"And you know? It wouldn't be so bad if you had other good qualities to you. Some 'wife like' qualities that might actually make me want to marry you." Denver pressed "Having my dinner ready for when I've come home from a hard day at work, would be a fine start, wouldn't it darling?"

Brittany looked down, her lip quivering, the tears falling fast. She flinched as Denver raised his hand to wipe her tears.

"Next time you have a strange dream, maybe you should dream you're something useful, like a gas stove? That way my dinner will be ready when I'm home" he smiled; in the most condescending manner Brittany had ever witnessed.

"If I ever took you along to anything. People would think we are a pair of fuck ups. But guess what?" Denver persisted, picking up his plate and heading towards the sink "that's exactly what we are".

Brittany's heart was beating out of her chest. It felt like she was hyperventilating. Partly from the dressing down she'd received, and partly from her fear that Denver was going to leave her. She'd began to feel like she'd be nothing without him now. In the past couple of years, he'd worked into her head that all of her successes were spurred by him. And after years of hearing it, she'd began to believe it. She'd unknowingly become quite dependant on him, and she didn't think she'd be able to do life without him. Panicked and anxious as she watched him leave the room, she threw out the one thing that she knew would make him stay.

"Den wait!"

Denver turned with a raised eyebrow.

"I…I want to try for a baby with you"

She said, in a voice so small, it didn't even sound like her own.

Denver's face suddenly softened, and he broke out into a huge smile. He stepped towards Brittany, who stiffened in his embrace, surprised by his sudden affection.

"Good girl Brit. That's what I want to hear. Shhhh" he soothed.

Brittany relaxed into him. He was becoming so unpredictable with his mood swings. She really didn't want a baby at this time, but she hoped it would be the making of them.

Later that morning, Santana had picked up Mila, who was now playing upstairs in her room, while Santana finished off some housework. As she finished everything she needed to do, she pulled off her rubber gloves, and retrieved the painting she had placed on the table, deciding now would be a good time to talk to her daughter.

Mila was playing with her dolls house as Santana walked in, she smiled for a moment just watching her play, before Mila turned around and noticed her Mom's presence.

"Hey Moo!" Santana smiled. Moo was a nickname her and Brittany affectionately used for Mila sometimes. Santana had always called her Mila Moo, which Brittany had caught on to, and one day Brittany had simply called her Moo. Mila loved it.

"Hi Mama" Mila smiled back sweetly, before turning her attention back to her dolls house.

"I wanted to talk to you about this picture that you made" Santana continued, walking over to the bed and sitting next to her daughter with the picture "It's a great picture baby" she nudged, trying to get her daughter to open up.

Mila smiled nervously, looking up at her Mom.

"Can you tell me what it's about?" Santana pressed.

"Well it's a picture of me…and you…"

Mila sighed and looked down, scared to say the next bit.

"…and Daddy"

Santana felt a pang in her chest. Her voice cracked as she spoke her next words.

"But sweetheart you…you don't have a daddy, we talked about this" Santana said gently, whilst tenderly stroking Mila's hair. She had told Mila she didn't have a daddy, and she didn't need one, because she had Abuelo, Abuela, Uncle Pabby, Aunty Brit-Brit, Aunty Quinn and lots of people who loved her. It was better that, than to tell her that she did have a dad, but he didn't want to know her. Of course, she'd explain more as she got older, but for now Mila had always been happy with what she'd been told.

"I know I don't right now, but I dream about having a daddy. Maybe I'll have one someday?" Mila shrugged.

Santana swallowed to get rid of the lump in her throat. She felt so guilty.

"What's brought this on Meels?" she asked quietly

"All the boys and girls at pre-school seem to have a daddy. I just wanted to have one too" Mila said innocently, looking up at her Mom with her big brown eyes.

"Come here" Santana said tearfully, pulling Mila in for a big cuddle. She composed herself, as she had an idea.

"Well I bet all the kids at school, don't have a cool Aunty Quinn?" Santana enthused, and Mila shook her head in agreement "how would you like to have her look after you today?"

"Yaaaaaay! Aunty Quinny!" Mila shouted, all smiles, absent father briefly forgotten about.

Santana just hoped Quinn would agree to watch Mila, so that she could start her master plan. She left Mila to play and was about to call Quinn when her phone buzzed with a text from Brittany.

I dreamt I was an arrow last night. The little metal bit right at the tip of an arrow, whizzing through the air

Santana smiled as she read the message. She had always loved hearing about Brittany's dreams. She text back straight away.

What did it feel like?

Brittany sighed in relief as she read Santana's response. She could always rely on her best friend to make her feel better. To make her feel less weird, less stupid. She text back to answer Santana's question.

It felt strange!

Santana's reply was almost instantaneous.

Don't worry, you always have dreams like that, but it's just your complex and beautiful mind overworking :)

Brittany beamed. She wished Santana was here right now. Still fraught from the mornings' events, she could really do with her best friends' advice and cuddles right now. She typed out her response.

I miss you. X

Reading Brittany's message was all Santana needed to break down in tears. Upset over the conversation with Mila, she could really do with her best friends' advice and cuddles right now. She picked up the phone to call Brittany.

She told her everything about what Mila had said, and how she wished for a dad. Brittany listened and consoled in all the right places; she always knew the right things to say to make Santana feel better and calm her down.

"I just feel so damn guilty Brit, I mean, I hate Puck for doing this to her. But maybe it's my fault? I shouldn't have slept with a man who had no capability to step up and be a dad. Christ even Finn would have been better" she scoffed tearfully, casting her mind back to last night where Finn had actually been quite the gentleman. She was sure if he was Mila's dad, he would have stood by and done the right thing.

"There's no good thinking like that Sanny. You didn't plan for any of this, not falling pregnant, and not Puck reacting like the total douche that he is. If Finn was the father, or if the circumstances were any different, you wouldn't have the precious little Mila that you have today"

Santana sighed. Brittany raised a fair point. Whether she liked it or not, Mila was 50% Puck and 50% Santana. Wishing to change any of that, would be changing Mila.

"It doesn't matter who her dad is, because she's raised 100% Lopez" said Brittany, as if she could read Santana's mind.

"I don't know Brit…sometimes I just. I just wonder did I do the right thing, you know? Keeping her, on my own like this. When I made that decision, I made it by myself, without even consulting Puck about it. Was it selfish of me to do that, for Mila's sake? Maybe she…maybe she would have preferred to be adopted and have a mom and a dad. Two parents that love her, and not just one."

"Santana stop!" Brittany said firmly "you can't let yourself think like that"

She sighed as she thought about her words carefully.

"Mila adores you, and you adore her, and that's all the love she needs" she continued softly "the whole dad thing is just her natural curiosity, because for the first time she's around other kids with dads, but it doesn't mean she needs a dad. She's healthy and she's happy, and she's so loved beyond anything, by all of us. You have given her the best life, and you make me so proud every day. I know that Mila couldn't ask for a better mommy than you"

Santana felt tears at Brittany's words. She believed her. She knew Mila loved her, and she knew she was doing a good job, it was just hard at time. It didn't stop her wanting to grant Mila her dream though.

"I really miss you Brit. I wish you were coming over for my birthday like normal" Santana sighed.

It was her birthday at the end of April, and Brittany always made sure to come back to Lima and celebrate with her, while Santana and Mila always went to New York for Brittany's, who's birthday luckily fell in the school summer holidays. Unless Brittany came back to Lima for her birthday, which she sometimes did, but the point being they always spent birthdays together. Unfortunately this year, Brittany's busy work schedule in choreographing a new Broadway show, meant she couldn't come back to Lima. Not that close to Press Night. They had last seen each other in February, on a brief trip Brittany had made to Lima to see her mom for her birthday.

"I know, me too San" Brittany smiled sadly "You know the offer is always there for you to come to New York though, if you fancied a birthday in the big apple"

"Brit, you know I'd love to but, Mila has school"

They stayed on the phone for a further 30 minutes, before Santana left to call Quinn, hoping she could rope her into watching Mila so she could commence her plan.

Brittany never told Santana about her argument with Denver in the end, she felt the girl was stressed enough without adding more to her plate. She did, however, have a brain wave of how to get Santana to New York for her birthday.

"Aunty Quinny!" Mila shouted excitedly, jumping up from the sofa as Santana let Quinn in.

"Hi, Miss Mila Grace" said Quinn, giving the girl a hug. She was wearing a big hat and a large pair of sunglasses, to hide her hangover.

Mila hugged Quinn's legs and looked up at her with a smile.

"You look extra pretty today, Aunty Quinn"

Quinn ruffled Mila's hair affectionately

"Really, because I sure don't feel it!" she laughed, turning to Santana with a laugh, then doing a double take at Santana's outfit. She was wearing a dress and heels, hair and makeup done to perfection, and looked far from the hungover mess Quinn felt.

"Mila, why don't you go pick some DVDs out to watch with Aunty Quinn" Santana smiled, widening her eyes enthusiastically. She knew Quinn wanted answers by the way her eyes were burning into her.

When she had asked her to come around and look after Mila and said she'd explain when she got here, Quinn had of course agreed, no questions asked. She was truly a great friend.

"Okay Mami!" and with that, Mila ran off upstairs. Santana knew she'd be there a while, contemplating what to pick.

"So…what's this about?" Quinn raised her brow, as soon as Mila was out of earshot, leaving Santana to fill her in on her plans.

"What!? Santana, are you actually kidding me?"

"No, what is there to lie about?" Santana replied, busying herself with filling her purse with all the items she needed for the night.

"Look, sorry babe but… I think you're being ridiculous. You've said it yourself; Calvin is a fuck boy!" Quinn sighed exasperated, being sure to mouth the word fuck just in case Mila was lurking "You don't like him. He's just comfortable for you. And he certainly isn't 'daddy material', I mean come on…!"

"What choice do I have? He's the only man who keeps coming back to me" Santana argued back "And look I know I could tame him" she shrugged.

"He's the only man that keeps coming back to you, for all the wrong reasons. You're not even putting the right energy out there to settle down and meet someone nice. This is just classic Santana sabotage. You're hurt by what Mila has said, and you then go on all irrational to fix the issue but…it's not going to work. Calvin isn't the right person for you, and you know that. You can't just start dating him because Mila wants a father figure. The right person will come along, at the right time, but until then Mila will be showered with love by all of us"

Santana turned to the mirror, applying the final touches to her makeup

"I know you believe in all that stuff Q but, this is my reality. I'm a 23, soon to be 24-year-old single mom, with no career and no prospects. I don't think I'm going to have all these suitors falling at my feet, like you have. In the real world, no one gives a damn about you, that's my view. You've just got to keep it moving and roll with the punches. Let's just be honest my life is going nowhere fast, and I need to just focus on keeping Mila happy"

It saddened Quinn to hear Santana's hardened view of the world and on life.

"Hey" she grabbed Santana's arm, forcing her to turn around and look at her "you have an amazing life ahead of you".

Santana smiled, and looked down, before turning back to the mirror. It was sweet she had such caring and positive friends, but she found it hard to believe them. Her luck over the years had turned her cynical. She never regretted Mila but, she hated the cards she'd been dealt. She wished life wasn't such a struggle. She had so much unused ambition inside of her.

"He won't make you happy" Quinn told her firmly, always the honest friend "but I can't tell you what to do." She shrugged.

It was the closest form of approval she was going to receive, so Santana smiled gratefully at her through the mirror, before continuing to apply her lip gloss.

"I can't lie though" Quinn continued "part of me hoped I'd come here today, and you'd tell me you were going on a date with Dani. You two really hit it off, you had amazing chemistry!"

Santana froze, clenching her fists slightly.

"Quinn just…shut up about Dani!"

She exclaimed, her voice a little too high pitched.

Truth be told, Santana hadn't been able to stop thinking about Dani, and it was scaring her. She knew she couldn't pursue anything though. Mila wanted a daddy, not another mommy. And besides, Santana wasn't into girls like that. She just…needed to get laid.

"You got laid last night Santana" her inner voice told her

"Yeah but that was Finn, he was bad, it doesn't count" she told herself again, counteracting herself.

It was like the devil and the angel on her shoulder.

As she headed out for a date and tried to push Dani as far from her mind as possible, she found herself thinking about her more and more.

As Santana sat through her meal with Calvin, it became apparent to her that Quinn was probably right. She had no feelings for Calvin, and it was hard to force it. Still she laughed along at all his jokes, and allowed him to pay for her, determined to make it work. Feelings could always develop if she gave it time, right?

As they walked towards the car, Calvin cockily swaying ahead of her, she couldn't help her mind wandering back to Dani. She had been so excited around her, and this feeling dulled in comparison. It didn't feel right. Calvin turned back to look at Santana with a seductive smile, he clearly thought he was getting lucky tonight, and he was probably right.

"So…my place or yours baby?"

Santana suddenly felt nervous, and she had no idea why. She had always been the dominant one, the one to take the lead, but this time something felt different.

"Yours" Santana smiled shyly.

Calvin pulled Santana in by her hips, unable to resist her any longer, holding her close to his body. Santana closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. She had no feelings for him, but she couldn't deny his strong, possessive hold was attractive.

He smelled of the usual Calvin scent. Aftershave, cigarettes and a slight hint of honey whiskey. But Santana noticed a different smell. She breathed deeper against his collar, and that's when she realised. He smelt like another woman's perfume. The smell was so strong, he must have only been with her just before their date. How could she be so stupid, to think that this could be Mila's father figure. Her mind unclouded, and she suddenly came to her senses and pulled away.

Calvin frowned at the loss of contact.

"I can't do this. Our little thing, this back and forth we've had over the past couple of years. It's done, it's over." Santana said firmly.

"What? Baby come on. What are you talking about? We're perfect for each other"

"So perfect that you've been with another woman before our date today?" Santana bit back, with a raised brow.

"That was before you text me!" Calvin explained

But Santana wasn't stupid. She'd text him before 9am, it was now 10pm and the smell was strong and intense. Clearly, he had been with someone just before they met. Seeing she wasn't buying it; Calvin held his hands up.

"Okay, okay! I was with another chick just before I met you, I'll be honest 'bout it. But I didn't know what was gonna come of today. You know how we roll. One minute we're vibing, the next we're not. I've got needs I need attended to but, you know you're the only girl who can hold me down. You can make me into a good guy. You can train me"

Santana couldn't be mad with him, after all, they weren't official. But she knew Calvin was a young, hot, red-blooded male. He didn't want to settle down with Santana and Mila, not really. He just liked the game they played.

"I already have a child Calvin; I don't need another one" Santana retorted

Calvin, sensing he was getting nowhere, decided to play to Santana's weakness. He pulled her towards him again and kissed her neck, causing Santana to shudder. Then, he grabbed her face with both hands, running his thumb over her lip.

"You are so beautiful" he purred, pulling her in closer.

Santana's breath hitched, and for a moment she was speechless. Calvin always knew exactly how to get her. He had grown to know her body well. She closed her eyes and lost herself in his embrace, allowing herself to put her hand on his shoulder. As Calvin moved in to kiss her, she felt herself gravitating towards him, until snapping back to her senses. She let out a sharp intake of breath, and turned her head away from him, pulling back slightly.

"You know what?" she began, patting his chest before stepping back with a slight laugh "I'm actually serious…I am…we can't keep doing this. It's over Calvin"

She stepped away from him and began to turn to walk back to her car.

"So, it's like that!?" he shouted, "you're really stopping this?"

Santana smiled, proud of herself. Somewhere out of nowhere, she had found her self-worth, and she knew she deserved better.

"Yep, I really am"

"Psh! Your loss. See if anyone else will put up with your fucked up cold ways. You're damaged goods!" he scoffed "I'll speak to you in a months-time when you decide you need fucking again"

With that, Calvin stormed off towards his car, leaving Santana standing in an empty park lot. His words should have hurt, but they didn't. For the first time in a long time, Santana felt powerful and exhilarated.