This chapter's a little longer than usual, but I sort of wanted to get through this so the story can move on, I hope it's okay!
Everyone was sleeping again when Jimmy returned from his run, however his arrival home woke Max, and, after finding his parents room empty, the boy padded sleepily into the living room, stuffed dinosaur under one arm as he rubbed at his eyes.
"Hey" Amy said quietly, sitting up from where she'd been sleeping with her head on Shelby's shoulder when she felt the couch dip beside her.
"Why are you sleeping here?" Max yawned as he climbed under the covers and tucked himself into his Mom's side.
Amy shifted slightly to cuddle Max, "the storm woke Auntie Lelly and Rachel too. We couldn't fall back to sleep so we decided to watch a movie and we fell asleep watching it."
"Oh" Max nodded, "okay. Can we watch a movie later? When Rachie and Auntie Lelly and Lily's waked up?"
"How about we watch a movie tonight? You can stay up when we get back from dinner? That way you can still play in the pool later" she suggested as she gently ran her fingers through her son's curls.
"Can we have popcorn?" Max's face lit up at the thought of being allowed to stay up later than usual.
"Sure" Amy chuckled. "I'll send Daddy to the store later, but you only get popcorn if you eat all your dinner okay?"
Max nodded and yawned again, "I will. I promise."
Jimmy was only too happy to make French toast after his shower, and, after waking Rachel to eat, Shelby made sure she was always within touching distance of her daughter, reassuring her with soft kisses and gentle touches, reassuring her that she was there, she hadn't gone anywhere, she wouldn't go anywhere.
Rachel was grateful for her Mom's presence, thankful that she didn't seem angered or upset by how clingy she was being, didn't mind that Rachel sat a little closer than usual at the table as they ate and she seemed to know just how much Rachel appreciated the physical reminders that she was there, the kisses to her temple, the gentle squeezes of her hand to remind the teen that she hadn't gone anywhere.
"Amy said the storm woke you last night" Jimmy said softly as Shelby and Amy cleared away the dishes, Amy being careful not to stand between her sister and her niece, wanting Rachel to have Shelby in her sightline as much as possible.
"Yeah" Rachel whispered, "it did"
"Do you want to give swimming a miss for today?" he offered, "I don't want you to feel like you need to push yourself if you're tired."
Rachel shook her head, "I, I'd like to try. If that's okay?"
"Of course" Jimmy smiled, "but we'll just take it easy yeah? And if you want to stop, you tell me."
"I will" Rachel nodded, not realising how tense she was until she relaxed at the feel of Shelby's hand on her shoulder.
"Good, now" Jimmy turned his attention to his own children, "do either of you two need help getting ready?"
"Me" Lily giggled, "I get stucked" she said at the same time Max told his Dad that he was fine.
"Okay, go pick out a swimsuit" he told her, "I'll be through in a minute."
"Come on" Shelby gently took Rachel's hand, "you can use the bathroom while I get dressed and then we can swap" she said with a smile, keeping hold of Rachel's hand as she led her towards their bedroom, stopping only to grab Rachel's blanket and bear from the couch. "I'm not going to leave this room" she told Rachel as she put the blanket and bear on the bed, "and if you need to come back in to check that I'm here" she reached out to gently cup Rachel's cheek so she could look her in the eye as she told her, "I don't mind that at all Baby, if you need to keep talking to me so you know I'm here then you do that. Whatever you need to do Baby, we can do it okay?"
Rachel nodded and nuzzled against Shelby's hand, so Shelby took the opportunity to pull Rachel close, realising how much Rachel needed the hug when she felt her daughter clinging tightly to her shirt. "Mom" Rachel whimpered, feeling a little bit overwhelmed by how accepted and loved she felt, despite feeling anxious and scared about something that, deep down, she knew wasn't an issue.
"It's okay" Shelby held her close, "I'm nit going anywhere. I'm going to get dressed whilst you use the bathroom, then I'll use the bathroom so you can get dressed, and then we'll go outside. Together. I'm not going to leave you."
"Okay." Rachel took a deep breath to try and calm herself.
"Okay?" Shelby kissed Rachel's hair, "do you need to take a minute?"
Rachel took another breath "I'm okay" she whispered, "thank you."
"You don't need to thank me" Shelby kissed Rachel again "and I mean it, I'm not going anywhere and you can come out and check that I'm still here whenever you want."
Shelby reassured Rachel once again that she wasn't leaving before going into the bathroom, telling Rachel that if she wanted to join her then she could, leaving the door open slightly to reinforce her words as she got ready as quickly as she could.
Rachel was sat on the end of the bed when Shelby stepped out of the bathroom, the woman quick to embrace her daughter once again, Rachel wrapping her arms around Shelby's waist, letting her head rest on her Mom's bare stomach as she felt fingers comb through her hair, "want me to tie this up for you?" she asked gently.
"Yes please" Rachel nodded against Shelby's stomach.
"Okay" Shelby didn't step away, "have you put sunscreen on?"
Rachel nodded again, "I just need you to do my back please."
"Okay", again Shelby didn't step away, letting Rachel hold her for as long as she needed to. She smiled as she felt Rachel's fingers gently ghost over the faded stretch marks on her stomach, the marks usually almost invisible but now highlighted against her tanned skin, "I used to look at those all the time" Shelby told her daughter, "to remind me that you were real, that for those few months you were mine, that I might not have got to hold you, but I carried you for the first months of your life, that there was a little part of me out there somewhere, and that, whilst I might not be lucky enough to be raising you, you'd still been a part of me."
"I wish they'd let you keep me" Rachel whispered.
Shelby closed her eyes, still combing her fingers through Rachel's hair, "me too Baby, me too, but I've got you now, and I promise you, I'm never going to let anyone, or anything take me from you again." Rachel stayed in her Mom's embrace for a few moments longer before she pulled away and looked up at Shelby with a slight smile," ready?" Shelby asked, brushing Rachel's bangs from her face.
Rachel nodded, "ready."
It didn't take long for Shelby to tie back Rachel's hair and pin her bangs back from her face, and, once she'd applied sunscreen to her daughter's back they headed outside hand in hand.
Jimmy asked again if Rachel was sure she wanted to swim, and, after getting a nod in response he joined her in the pool. He decided he'd take it easy with her for today, he wouldn't push her too hard so he started by holding her hands, gently pulling her through the water as she kicked her legs, she still struggled to keep them up sometimes and he found this helped, she could concentrate on what her legs were doing without worrying about her arms.
As always, Max bobbed along beside them, despite the fact he couldn't swim without his water wings yet, he'd become Rachel's unofficial cheerleader, clumsily swimming along with her, cheering her on, telling her she was doing good, providing all the high fives and encouragement that she needed. "Good job" Max held up his hand when Jimmy stopped, making sure Rachel had her feet firmly on the floor before letting go of her hands.
"Thanks" Rachel smiled, high-fiving her cousin.
"What's next Daddy?" Max asked.
"I thought we could try swimming across the pool a few times if that's okay?" Jimmy asked Rachel. She nodded and he smiled, "Are you okay if I put my hands on your stomach?"
"Yeah" Rachel nodded again, Jimmy always asked before he touched her and she appreciated that. At the beginning of her 'lessons' he'd explain why he wanted to touch her too, but now she knew that he'd put his hands on her stomach as she swam to keep her afloat. Jimmy was pretty sure that Rachel would be able to swim across the pool unaided by now, but he also knew she wasn't that confident in her own ability, so he'd keep a hand on her stomach to 'help' her float, even though he knew she was doing most of the work herself.
"You're doing great Baby" Shelby praised as Rachel sat on the sunlounger beside her a while later, "you'll be able to do it on your own soon."
Rachel blushed slightly at the complement, "I still feel like I'm going to sink if Uncle Jimmy lets go" she admitted as she made herself comfortable.
"Well when you're ready to try on your own, you tell me and I'll come in too, me and Uncle Jimmy can stand either side of you in case you need us, but I think you've got it Baby, you just need to believe in yourself."
"Maybe I'll try tomorrow" Rachel said shyly.
"Whenever you're ready Baby, you don't need to do it just because I've said I think you can."
"Will you come in with me tomorrow?"
"Of course I will Darling, even if you're not swimming with your Uncle, if you want me to come in the pool with you then I will."
"I'm going to go and lay down for a bit if you still want to come" Amy told Rachel a little while later. She saw the look that flashed across her niece's face and reached out to take her hand, "if you want to stay here with your Mom then that's okay, and it's okay if you want to stay out here and then come join me in a little while, I'm going inside now, whether you join me or not is your choice and I won't be angry at you. I promise."
Rachel shook her head, glancing briefly at Shelby before telling Amy, "I'll come in."
"I'll be right here" Shelby promised, "I'm not going anywhere."
Rachel nodded, "okay" she nodded, hugging her Mom, nuzzling into her as she felt a kiss be placed to the top of her head. "I love you Mom."
"I love you too baby, enjoy your nap and I'll be right here when you wake up."
Amy took Rachel's hand after checking if she was ready to go inside, Rachel nodded and let Amy take her into the villa, "do you want to get your bear and your blanket?" Rachel nodded and Amy gestured to the bedroom, "go grab them, I'm just going to get a glass of water." She waited for Rachel to come out before leading her through to the bedroom she shared with her husband, "are you okay with me like this?" she gestured to the fact she was only wearing her bikini, "or would you rather I put something else on?"
"No" Rachel shook her head, "you're fine."
"Okay" Amy sat down on Jimmy's side of the bed, "make yourself comfortable." Rachel slipped under the covers as Amy turned up the air-conditioning, liking the room to be cool when she slept. "Okay?" she asked as she joined her in the bed, adjusting Rachel's blanket for her before holding out her arms, not at all surprised when Rachel curled right into her.
Rachel sighed quietly as she tried to relax, draping her arm across Amy's stomach, Amy smiling as she felt Rachel's fingers ghosting over her stomach, like Shelby, Amy had noticed how Rachel comforted herself by playing with the hem of her shirt and she could only assume the girl was subconsciously 'fiddling' with the hem of a shirt her Aunt wasn't wearing. "Aunt Amy" she said quietly after a few moments.
"Yes Pretty Girl" Amy was gently playing with Rachel's hair.
"Do you think I act like a baby?"
Amy pulled Rachel closer, not missing a best as she told her, "not at all. I think you're still so young Rachel, you're so young but you've been through so much, and I know I don't know everything about your life before you came to live with your Mom, and that's okay, you only ever have to tell me as much as you're comfortable with me knowing, but, I get the feeling that you missed out on a lot of love and affection when you were a child, and maybe you're making up for that now. But even if you're not, even if you just want to be cuddled and held just because you like it, because you want to, then that's okay too. Nobody in this family will ever judge you for wanting comfort or love."
"I'm scared that one day Mom's going to get sick of me" Rachel admitted.
"Oh Darling" Amy closed her eyes, "you might not ever understand this until you're a Mom yourself, but your Mom loves you so, so much Rachel, and she loves you exactly as you are, and all she wants is for you to be happy, safe and healthy, and she will do whatever it takes to get you there." She saw Rachel didn't look convinced, "You've spent enough time with Lily and Max to realise they've both got completely different personalities right?" Rachel nodded against her shoulder, "do you think I get sick of Max because he's a six year old boy who sometimes needs more encouragement and reassurance than his four year old sister? Or do you think I just love and accept him as he is?"
"You love him" Rachel whispered.
"I do, I love him on the days where he feels like he can go out and be brave and fearless and I love him on the days where he's scared and anxious and needs me to hold his hand and help him find his way through the day. And yes Max is younger than you, but you didn't have someone to help you through the scary times when you were younger, you had to cope with that on your own, and now you're adjusting to having your Mom, to having people around you who will help you, just like we help Max."
"I...I…"
Amy gently stroked Rachel's back, "I'm 10 years older than you are Pretty Girl. Sometimes I have a bad day and I just want Jimmy to hold me, sometimes I call your Mom, because I need to hear my big sister tell me everything be okay, or sometimes I go to Nana and Grampy's because I just want a hug from my Mom. Sometimes I still curl up with Grampy in his rocking chair because he's my Dad and, despite being an adult with children of my own, my parents are still a safe place for me. I know your Mom does the same too, she's even older and she still goes to our Mom and Dad when she's struggling with something, it doesn't matter how old you get, sometimes you just need your parents, I know that your Uncle Luke and Uncle Matt ask Grampy if they can go fishing, when they ask him that, it's their way of telling him that they've got something going on that they want to talk to him about. We're adults and we still go to our parents when we've got something going on that we feel like we can't deal with on our own and there's nothing wrong with that at all."
"Mom won't get sick of me?"
"Your Mom waited so long to have you Pretty Girl, she is absolutely over the moon to have you back in her life. She was so, so happy when she told me she had you back, I don't know if you believe me, but I promise you, with everything I have, I promise you she will not get sick of you. None of us will get sick of you."
"I'm sorry" Rachel whispered, "you wanted to nap, you didn't want me…"
Amy kissed Rachel's hair, "it doesn't matter Rachel, I'm here for you whenever you need me. I'd rather talk through this with you and be a little tired later than have you keeping all this inside and worrying about it on your own okay?" Rachel nodded, "I know you know you can go to your Mom if you need to, but if you feel like you can't talk to her, I will always be there, you can wake me up in the middle of the night just because you want a hug, I won't be angry Rach, and I'll never turn you away, the same goes for your Mom, your grandparents, your Aunts and Uncles, we're all here for you Pretty Girl, we all love you so much more than you will ever realise."
"Mom tells me" Rachel said nervously, her fingers still running over Amy's stomach, "she tells me she loves me and she isn't going to leave but sometimes…"she shrugged.
"Sometimes you need to hear it from someone who isn't your Mom?" Rachel nodded, "then I'll tell you as often as you need to hear it, and I promise you, you can come to me whenever you want, we'll find somewhere quiet if that's what you need, we can talk or we can just sit, whatever you need."
"Thank you" Rachel yawned.
"You never need to thank me for loving you. But for now, why don't we try and get some rest? We can talk more later if you need to."
"Okay" Rachel nodded against Amy's warm skin, her eyes already beginning to close, feeling better after her Aunt's reassurances. "I love you."
Amy smiled as she did every time she heard those words from her niece, "sweet dreams Pretty girl, I love you too."
The fingers repetitively stroking Amy's stomach soon stilled as Rachel quickly fell asleep, comforted by the warmth of her Aunt's body and the feel of her skin against hers and Amy couldn't help but smile, Rachel looked so innocent when she slept, like all her fears and worries just disappeared. Amy found her mind wondering to Rachel's fathers, she didn't think she'd ever be able to understand why someone would have a child just to treat them the way Rachel had been treated. She hadn't planned to have Max, she'd been terrified when she'd found out she was pregnant, but she'd never done anything but love him. Even on the days where she was exhausted and he was a stubborn toddler who wouldn't listen to a word she said, hurting him, physically or mentally had never crossed her mind. She didn't think she'd ever understand why they'd pay her sister a great deal of money to give them a child and leave if they were only going to abuse their child, and she would never understand why, if they didn't want Rachel, they hadn't found Shelby sooner, why they'd kept Rachel instead of giving her to her Mom, why they'd decided it was better to keep her shut in a basement than give her to a woman, a family, who'd do nothing but love her.
Amy didn't remember falling asleep but she woke when she felt Rachel shift against her, the girl waking with a jump, "Rachel" she said softly as she opened her eyes, seeing only fear in her niece's, "it's okay" she reached out her hand to gently lay it on Rachel's cheek, "it's okay, you're okay, you're safe. It's just me and you here, your Mom's right outside."
Rachel couldn't hear her Aunt's words, she didn't know what was happening, her head felt like it was underwater, a weight on her chest stopping her from breathing as her fingers scrabbled against Amy's waist, desperate for something to ground her, for something to cling to to stop her from sinking. "I, I…"
Amy could hear Rachel's breath catching in her throat, "take a deep breath Rachel, in and out, in and out" she watched as Rachel tried to follow her, "do you want your Mom?"
Rachel nodded frantically but grabbed at Amy when she tried to sit up, "no" Rachel cried, "no, don't go."
Amy laid back down, "I'm not going anywhere Pretty Girl, you just keep focusing on your breathing, in and out." She continued coaxing Rachel to breathe as she blindly reached behind her until her fingers curled around Jimmy's phone, grateful that she'd let Rachel sleep on her side of the bed. "You're okay, you're safe" she told Rachel as she entered the date of their wedding anniversary to unlock her husband's phone before dialing her own number and putting the call on loudspeaker, hoping either Shelby or Jimmy would answer it, that Lily hadn't run down the battery when she'd been watching cartoons on the device.
"Daddy" Lily frowned, holding out the phone she was still using, "you's kissing Mommy."
Jimmy frowned and took the phone from his daughter, seeing his own name flashing on the screen alongside a picture of him kissing Amy's cheek, "Babe" he could only assume it was Amy calling him, "are you okay?"
"Can you send Shelby in?" she asked before turning her attention back to Rachel, "you're okay Darling, you're okay."
"Sure" Jimmy frowned, worried about his niece, "where are you?"
"In our room."
"I'll do it now" Jim promised, ending the call as he heard Amy reassure Rachel that her Mom was on her way.
Shelby had been slightly concerned by the side of the phone call she'd heard, but her worry only grew when Jimmy told her Rachel needed her and she raced inside, walking into Amy's room without knocking, "Amy" she frowned when she heard Amy telling Rachel to breathe.
"See" Amy gently stroked Rachel's cheek, "I told you she was coming, she's here, she hasn't gone anywhere."
Amy tried to sit up again but once again she felt Rachel's fingers curling into her side, "no" Rachel whimpered, "please."
"Hold my hand" Amy gently took hold of Rachel's fingers, "I'm going to stand up so your Mom can lay with you, but you keep hold of my hand so you know I'm not going anywhere."
Rachel gave the tiniest of nods and Amy kept hold of her hand as she stood from the bed, Shelby taking her place almost instantly, "Rachel Baby" she said softly, "I'm here, you're okay, you're okay."
She looked to Amy, silently asking what happened but Amy just shrugged, still holding Rachel's hand as she told her sister, "she woke up like that."
Shelby nodded before looking back at Rachel, "I'm going to help you sit up okay, it'll make it easier for you to breathe." With a little help from Amy, Shelby managed to move Rachel into a more upright position, shifting her so she was sat between Shelby's legs, Rachel's back against her Momma's chest, "that's it" Shelby gently rubbed circles on Rachel's stomach, "deep breaths, that's all you need to do, just breathe with me baby, just breathe."
Amy felt like she was intruding, but the grip Rachel had on her hand meant she wasn't going anywhere so she joined Shelby, exaggerating her breaths to help Rachel match them. "I, I…" Rachel shook her head.
"You don't need to explain anything Baby" Shelby reassured her, "just keep breathing nice and slowly, you've got it."
Eventually Rachel calmed down enough to loosen her grip on Amy's hand, "I'm going to go and get you a glass of water Pretty Girl" she said, placing a kiss to Rachel's cheek, "I'll be right back" she wanted to give Rachel and Shelby some time alone but she didn't want to think Rachel she was leaving her.
"Momma" Rachel whimpered, twisting in Shelby's embrace.
"I'm here Baby" Shelby helped Rachel get comfortable and pulled her blanket over them both, "I'm here and I've got you, you're okay." She began humming quietly and patting Rachel's back to try and settle her, her heart breaking as she felt Rachel's tears against her neck.
"Here you go Pretty Girl" Amy knelt on the bed and helped Rachel drink the water, Shelby noticing how she'd used one of Max's water bottles, the straw making it easier for Rachel to drink. "Good girl" Amy then used a damp washcloth she'd brought with her to wipe at Rachel's face, running the cool fabric over Rachel's forehead before wiping away her tears, "blow" she held the the cloth to Rachel's nose, smiling when she got a quiet giggle from her niece. She wiped at Rachel's nose before kissing her forehead, "I'm going to go and see if Uncle Jimmy's okay with Lily and Max" she took Rachel's hand when she saw her reach out. "I'll be right outside if you need me, nobody's going anywhere without you."
"Okay" Rachel whispered, "thank you."
"You don't need to thank me Pretty Girl" Amy kissed Rachel's knuckles, "I love you."
Rachel smiled, "I love you too."
Amy winked playfully, "see you soon."
Rachel nuzzled back into Shelby once Amy had left, "I…"
"If you're going to apologise" Shelby said softly, "then you don't need to. You've done nothing wrong Baby, you have nothing to apologise for."
"Okay" Rachel whispered, not really believing her Mom but not wanting to argue.
"Are you still tired?" Shelby asked after hearing Rachel yawn, she and Amy hadn't been inside for much more than an hour so Shelby didn't think they'd had much sleep. Rachel nodded against her shoulder and Shelby kissed Rachel's hair, "shall we go back to our room and lay down for a while?"
"You'll stay?" Rachel whispered.
Shelby nodded, "of course, we can read your book and we can nap together, we can stay in our room, together, for the rest of the day if that's what you want."
"Okay" Rachel nodded, "thank you." Shelby handed Rachel her bear and the bottle of water Amy had left behind before, with a strength Rachel didn't realise her Mom had, liftinf the girl into her arms.
"Mom" Rachel gasped, wrapping her arms around Shelby's neck.
"I told you" Shelby said softly "I've got you, I'm not going anywhere." Shelby carried Rachel the short distance to their own bedroom where she carefully put her down on the bed, picking up Rachel's book before she joined her on the bed. She waited for Rachel to cuddle into her before straightening her blanket over them both,
Rachel nodded, "I, I had the dream again, that you left and I, I knew you were outside but I couldn't, I wanted to come and see you but I felt trapped, I couldn't move and then I couldn't breathe."
"Oh Baby" Shelby kissed Rachel's temple, "I promise you, I'm not going to leave you."
"I know" Rachel whispered, "I just… It feels like my brain won't let me believe it sometimes."
Shelby smiled sadly, "then I'll keep showing you every single day that you're my world Rachel, I would never leave you." She held Rachel close for a minute before kissing her hair, "okay?" she asked softly.
"Yeah" Rachel yawned again, "I, I always feel okay when you're here."
"I'm glad to hear that" Shelby smiled, handing Rachel the water bottle, "can you drink some more water for me?" she asked, "I don't want you getting dehydrated..
Rachel nodded and took the bottle, "is this Max's?" she frowned when she saw the superheroes printed on the plastic.
"I think so, unless it's your Uncle Jimmy's" Shelby joked as Rachel sipped at the water, "I think your Aunt probably thought it would be easier for you to drink through a straw, you were, still are a little shaky" Shelby held up her index finger to stop Rachel speaking, "and that's not something you need to apologise for."
"I don't know why I feel like this" Rachel whispered.
"I wish I had an answer for you" Shelby said softly, "but sometimes you just have bad days, even I wake up some days and I just feel like I don't want to get out of bed and I haven't been through half the things you've been through. But if there's anything I can do to try and help you feel better, you just need to tell me Baby, and I know your Aunt and Uncle will do the same. And you can talk things through with your therapist when we get home too. You've been fine at home, and this is the first time we've been away from home for any length of time, maybe that's got something to do with it, you're out of your comfort zone, you're trying new things, you're out of your routine, that might all play a part in you feeling a little off-kilter."
"I am having a good time though" Rachel told her, "and I'm really grateful that you brought me with you."
"This might be our first vacation together Baby, but I promise it won't be our last, I don't care if you're sad or angry, leaving you and going on vacation without you will never be an option, not until you're an adult and living your own life anyway, and even then, even if you're married and raising a family of your own you'll always be welcome to come on vacation with me, my home will always be your home." Paul and Erin had made it clear to their children that, no matter how old they got, no matter where they were or what they were doing, they would always be welcome back in their childhood home, that they could turn up, any time of day or night and they'd be welcome, and Shelby only hoped that Rachel would feel the same way about her home.
"I love you Mom" Rachel rubbed at her eyes as she nuzzled closer to Shelby.
"I love you too Baby, shall we read now?" Rachel nodded and Shelby kissed her hair "Okay, you get comfy, and if you fall asleep, I promise you, I'll still be here when you wake."