Dani's first day on bedrest was mind numbing for her. She finished two books, ate so many snacks, and got in more arguments with her mom than she could possibly count. It was a breath of fresh air when her mom said goodnight as Jamie walked in with the kids.
She knew they got home because there was a barrage of yelling, slamming doors and running footsteps. The chaos of it calmed her. Dani knew she was supposed to be relaxing, but after everything she had been through, something about relaxing put her on edge. It was like that last night before everything got bad at Bly: a perfectly splendid quiet before the storm. Now, the noise reminded her of all the life pulsing around her.
The door to her bedroom flew open and the kids bombarded her with hellos. Flora jumped straight onto the bed and curled up against Dani's side while Miles took a seat on the foot of the bed, crossing his legs under him. Jamie was only a few steps behind them with an armful of plastic bags.
"Hey, hey, hey," Jamie scolded. "Told you gremlins not to come running in here all rampant like that."
Dani laughed as she planted a kiss on top of Flora's head. "What is all this?"
Jamie set the bags on the bed and started to pull out cartons of Chinese food. She handed chopsticks to everyone. "We missed you and thought maybe Poppins would like some company."
"We got your favorite," Flora said. She picked up the broccoli beef container and held it out to Dani.
"Aw," Dani said and took the container. She started to eat immediately. "How was school today?"
Miles swallowed his mouthful of chow mein and made a face. "Had a pop quiz in science. Why does English never have tests? I would pass those so easily."
"You don't learn as well if it's easy," Jamie said. She sent him a pointed glance as she reached into the chow mein container for a bite. "You been keeping up on your science homework?"
"I'm trying, there's just so much of it." Miles took the chicken from Jamie's hand and she let out a cry of protest. "I spend all day at school and then all night doing homework. It's not fair. Can't you just homeschool me?"
Dani huffed, "I love you, buddy, but absolutely not."
"Stop hogging the chicken, Miles," Flora cried. She dove across the bed to angle for a bite and knocked Miles's arm.
"Watch it," Jamie cried. "If you spill food on the bed, you're the ones doing the laundry. These kids." She shook her head and shared a laugh with her wife.
They spent the whole night together, piled in Jamie's and Dani's bed. Once dinner was done, Miles retrieved his and Flora's backpacks and the two started their homework, snuggled between their parents. At some point, the two nodded off right where they sat.
"Do we wake them so they can go to their rooms?" Dani whispered across the bed to her wife.
"Not yet," Jamie said. "They're getting older. Pretty soon they'll be too big for this."
"For the bed or to hang out with their parents?" Dani asked.
"Both," Jamie whispered. She reached over the top of them and took her wife's hand. "It's going to be okay. You hear? We've been through too much just to get to this point. So, it's going to be okay. It has to be."
Dani leaned her head back against the bed frame. "I'm so scared."
"We'll have answers tomorrow," Jamie promised.
After a few hours, Dani started to doze off despite the fact she was balled up in the corner of her bed with Miles pressed into her side. Jamie whispered it was probably time to move them or else neither of them would sleep. The au pair gently shook Miles while the gardener shook Flora. He had always been a deep sleeper, and it wasn't surprising that Flora stirred first.
The young girl opened her round eyes with a start and glanced around the room to gather her surroundings. Jamie whispered a few assurances and Flora settled back down. Through the darkness, Dani was just far enough away she couldn't make out the girl well, but she could hear her just fine.
"She's going to be fine, you know," Flora whispered. She pushed herself into a seating position and leaned against the headboard. "The baby. She's got a lot of life to live, so she'll be fine."
"What are you talking about?" Dani asked. Through her exhaustion, she didn't put together for another couple of moments what Flora was referring to. "Your dreams?"
"Yes, my dreams," Flora said.
Jamie rolled over and into a sitting position as well. "Can you tell us about them, little one?"
There was silence for a time. Then, Flora spoke. "I suppose 'dream' isn't the right name, but I'm not really sure what is. They're not jumbled puzzle pieces that fall into each other in choppy ways. It's more like a memory, I guess. Only it hasn't happened yet, but it feels like it has. It feels so real that I just know it's coming."
"What kinds of things do you see?" Dani asked.
"All kinds of things," Flora continued. "Sometimes it's just dinner the next day. Sometimes it's something from when I'm older. I had a dream about me at work in an office, once. Every once in a while, it's about someone else, but only as they connect to me. There's no dreams about the baby's future. Just fragments of my future where my sister is there. Does that make sense?"
"You ever see scary things in these dreams?" Jamie asked.
Another long silence from Flora. "A few. But, I don't think I'm supposed to tell you about what's in them specifically. If you know, you might make a different choice than you would if you didn't. So, I think I'm supposed to keep the details to myself, if you don't mind."
"Alright," Dani said. "Well, promise you'll tell us if something really bad shows up, okay?"
Flora let out a loud sigh, almost dramatic in nature. "I'm sorry, mum, but I just can't do that." Then, she started to shake Miles until he woke up. "We have to go to our rooms, now," she said to him. The two of them stumbled through the darkness together, Mile closing the door on his way out.
"Okay, then," Jamie whispered into the darkness.
Dani ran her hands over her whole face. "Fuck." She groaned. "I don't know what to do with that."
"Probably all that fucking dream hopping," Jamie huffed. She pulled herself across the bed until she could finally reach her wife. "Do we just let it be and hope she tells us if it's bad?"
"She's not gonna tell us," Dani shook her head.
"No, she isn't," Jamie agreed under her breath. "So, then what do we do?"
Dani grabbed her wife's hand and squeezed. "Keep her in therapy?"
Neither were too happy with that conclusion and neither slept well that night. The next morning wasn't any easier, but Dani was grateful the appointment was first thing in the morning. She didn't think she could take waiting the whole day.
Jamie pulled up in front of the doctor's office and turned off the car. They both sat there, still, staring straight ahead. All kinds of scenarios rushed through Dani's head. It was everything that could go right, and wrong. A shaking took over her hands and she curled her fists up to try to steady herself.
"Jamie, what if–," Dani started.
"We're not talking about that yet," Jamie said. "Nothing productive about 'what ifs'. No matter how much we over think, we can't prepare ourselves for what we don't know is going to happen."
Dani nodded and took a deep breath. "You ready?"
"No," Jamie muttered. "You?"
"No," Dani agreed. They both chuckled to themselves and stepped out of the car. They were the only ones in the waiting room and it was only a minute before the nurse took them back. On the exam table, Dani tried to take a deep breath to steady herself, but it didn't work. She took more and more, but none of it was easing her anxiety.
"Careful, Poppins," Jamie said. "You're gonna start hyperventilating." Dani slowed herself.
Dr. Lancaster knocked on the door and entered. She greeted the both of them and then sat down on a rolling stool. "So, it sounds like you had a trip to the ER recently."
"Yeah, on Wednesday," Dani said. "I was having some pain that turned into cramps after a while."
"The ER doctor said it could be placental abruption," Jamie said.
Dr. Lancaster nodded, "It's a bit early for that and you don't have any predispositions for it. Of course, it's still possible, so I'll take a look." She pulled out the gel and Dani instinctively pulled her shirt up. It didn't take long for the image to load onto the screen. The heart beat passed through the room and Dani's heart beat slowed in relief at the sound even though it didn't change anything. "Everything is still looking good. I'm not seeing anything of concern as of now."
"So everything's okay?" Jamie asked.
"I don't want to promise anything, because a lot can change in a pregnancy as it progresses, but I don't think you have cause for concern right now." Dr. Lancaster still waved the wand around and reviewed the image as she talked.
Dani let out a deep breath. "What about the pain?"
"That's hard," Dr. Lancaster sighed and turned off the machine. "It could be a sign that something else is going on and it could be a fluke incident. If it happens again, we'll run some tests and try to figure it out. Let's just start by having you come back in two weeks instead of four, sooner if it happens again."
"Do you want me on bedrest?" Dani asked.
The doctor thought for a moment. "I think full bedrest is unnecessary at this point, even partial bed rest feels a bit over the top. With that being said, don't lift anything heavy. Try not to stand for long periods of time or walk for long periods of time. Definitely don't work out or do anything too strenuous on the body. Avoid spicy foods, or potential trauma to the uterus like bumping into things too hard. Things like that."
"So, we're good," Dani said. She looked at Jamie who nodded and smiled.
"We're good," Jamie said.
In the car, Dani finally let out the tears she had been holding back, too afraid to cry. "She's okay."
Jamie picked up her wife's hand and kissed it. "She's okay."
At home, Dani wandered back into the house while Jamie drove off to the shop. She put on some music, made herself some tea, and tried to sit down with a book. The baby started to kick a bit and it pulled her attention. She pressed her hand against her belly and felt the kick, savored it.
Dani's book fell, forgotten, from her lap. Her mind danced to the day the baby would be born, how amazing that would be. A smile spread across her face at the thought of Jamie holding the baby for the first time. She was meant to be a mom, Jamie, even if she would have sworn it off five years ago. Dani remembered the smile that had plastered across Jamie's face when she carried Flora from in front of the fireplace that night they all stayed in the house together.
Then, she found herself thinking about names. Her and Jamie hadn't talked about names yet. They kept saying they would wait until the time was right and they would know it when they heard it. Neither really knew when the 'right time' was, but for the first time, Dani couldn't stop hearing lists of names travel through her head.
Dani tucked herself away in her library for the day. She pulled books from the shelves, paged through them looking at names, and bookmarked the ones she liked with sticky notes. Two hours later and she resurfaced, feeling a pang of hunger.
The phone rang while she ate goldfish by the handful (it was an argument in their house– Dani and Miles believed goldfish should be eaten by as many can be stuffed in the mouth at once while Jamie and Flora thought it was better individually). Dani answered through a mouthful of crackers.
"What are you eating?" Owen asked on the other end.
She paused and then swallowed. "Goldfish."
"You insult me," Owen said.
Dani laughed, "I didn't really have time for a whole charcuterie board."
They talked about life for a bit. Dani told him about the past few days of doctor's visits– the psychologist, the ER, and the OB/GYN.
"So, it's decided then," Owen said.
"What?" Dani asked.
"It's time for me to re-open my pop-up restaurant, Perfectea Splendid. Opening night, two days. Or, whenever I can get a flight."
Dani shook her head, "Oh, no, Owen, you don't have to–."
"I am," Owen said. "Jamie's great and all, but you two are probably going to need help. Besides, Miles has been begging for me to come."