I was just about to log on to post this when my WiFi noped out on me. Its still being uncooperative so I'm posting this from my phone, so I'd like to apologise in advance for any potential weird formatting or any typos etc I may have missed as I prefer to read through things on my laptop before posting.
Rachel felt a little better when she woke, she'd rolled away from Shelby in her sleep, but as soon as she woke she saw her Mom was still in bed with her, Shelby fast asleep, one arm stretched out into the space between them as if she was reaching for Rachel in her sleep.
Rachel couldn't help but smile as she shuffled back closer to her Mom and gently cupped Shelby's hand in her own, "Rach" she yawned as she stirred, rolling onto her side to face her daughter, "are you okay?"
"Yeah" Rachel nodded, "I didn't mean to wake you."
Shelby gently stroked her thumb over the back of Rachel's hand, "it's okay" she reassured her, "I was only dozing."
"Okay" Rachel nuzzled closer to Shelby, tucking herself into the woman and allowing herself to be held, sighing happily as she felt Shelby begin to trail her fingers up and down her spine, "can we stay here a little while?" she asked quietly.
"Of course" Shelby kissed Rachel's hair, "we can stay here as long as you want."
"You don't mind laying here with me?"
"Not at all" Shelby kissed Rachel's hair, smiling as she felt Rachel's fingertips, once again, begin to trace gently over the faded marks on her stomach, "I know that if I went to Nanna and told her I was upset or scared or that I just wanted a hug, she'd hold me for as long as I needed her to, and I'll do the same for you."
Rachel smiled slightly, "Aunt Amy told me" she whispered, "before our nap, she said sometimes she goes to Nanna and Grampy's just because she wants to be near her Mom and Dad."
"There we go then" Shelby smiled, pulling Rachel a little closer, "if we're both saying it it must be true, and it's not just Amy, sometimes I still call Nanna, just because I need her opinion or her advice, and sometimes I still sit with Grampy, he has a knack of getting me to talk about things I need to get off my chest whether I want to or not."
"Aunt Amy said that Uncle Luke and Uncle Matt ask Grampy to go fishing with them" Rachel said softly.
"They do" Shelby nodded, "that's their way of telling Grampy they've got something going on that they need to talk to him about, that they need some time with their Dad to try and work it out. It doesn't matter how old you are Baby, it's okay to still need someone to hug you and tell you that everything's going to be okay."
"I can't believe I grew in here" Rachel said as she stroked her hand over Shelby's stomach, "I see Aunt Amy and how her stomach's growing and, I don't know, it feels weird to think of you like that, because of me."
Shelby chuckled, "you definitely grew in there, I'd spend hours chatting to you, especially in the middle of the night when it was just me and you, and you'd always be really active when I was talking to you, I used to think that was your way of letting me know you were listening."
"You really loved me right from the start?"
"Yeah" Shelby ran her hand through Rachel's hair, "I signed the contract saying I'd have no contact with you before I was even pregnant, but as soon as I found out I was pregnant, what I'd agreed to do started to sink in, and the first sonogram I had…" she shook her head, "you were just a little grey blob on a grainy screen and I, I couldn't even tell which end was your head and which was your butt, but I knew I loved you, and I knew walking away from you wouldn't be as easy as I first thought. My one regret is not getting someone to read over that contract for me to see if it was legal, to see if I could keep you." Shelby often wondered if that's why Hiram and Leroy had chosen her as their surrogate, a naieve 18 year old, some 'dumb kid' who wouldn't think to check the legalities of a contract they'd signed, who wouldn't realise the enormity of what they were about to do, until it was too late.
"You didn't know what they'd be like though" Rachel whispered.
"Of course not" Shelby pulled Rachel closer, "If I had any idea I'd have left, I'd have got as far away from them as I could before you were born, but, as much as we both wish we could change the past, we just have to focus on the fact that you're here now, I've got you Baby and I promise, I am never going to let anyone take you away from me again."
Rachel had perked up a little and she was tucked into Shelby's side, her head on her Mom's shoulder as Shelby read to her when there was a soft knock at the door a little while later.
Amy waited until she heard Shelby call her in before stepping into the bedroom, smiling when she saw her sister and niece cuddled together, Shelby had been so good to Amy and her siblings when they'd needed help with their families so it was nice to see Shelby able to be a mother to her own daughter. "I'm about to make a start on lunch" she told them both, "Lily and Max want to have a picnic by the pool, I just wondered if you wanted to join us?" she looked at Rachel before telling her, "it's absolutely okay if you'd rather not though."
Rachel thought for a moment before shaking her head, "I'll come out" she nodded, "I erm, I need to use the bathroom first."
"Okay" Shelby kissed Rachel's temple "I'll wait right here for you, I won't go anywhere without you."
Amy waited until the bathroom door closed before holding out her arms to her sister, "come here."
Shelby frowned slightly but stood from the bed and let Amy wrap her in a hug, "are you okay?"
"I'm fine" Amy nodded, "are you?"
"Of course, why wouldn't I be?"
"C'mom Shel" Amy raised an eyebrow, "it kills me to see her upset and she's not my daughter. I hope you know I'm here for you as much as I am Rachel. You don't need to be tough around me."
Shelby smiled, "I know Amy, but I'm okay, it's not easy seeing her like this but she's talking to us, she's telling us how she's feeling, that's something."
"It is, and you're doing a great job Shelby, you've made sure that she feels safe enough to open up and be honest about how she's feeling" they heard the toilet flush in the ensuite and Amy kissed Shelby's cheek, "I'm going to make a start on lunch, but you know where I am if I can do anything for either of you."
Amy was just leaving the room when Rachel came out of the bathroom, "is everything okay?" she asked, not hesitating to walk straight over to Shelby's side.
"Everything's fine" Rachel didn't need to ask, Shelby instinctively wrapped her daughter in her arms, "she just wondered how you were doing."
"We talked for a while earlier" Rachel admitted, "I…"
"If you're about to apologise for talking to your Aunt and not me then please don't Baby, you open up to whoever you're comfortable with, whenever you're comfortable okay? You don't need to apologise or explain."
"Okay" Rachel whispered.
Shelby kissed her hair, "ready to go out or do you want a minute?"
"I'm okay" Rachel nodded, allowing Shelby to take her hand as they headed out to the patio.
"Rachie" Lily beamed when she saw her cousin, "you have good nap?"
Rachel smiled and nodded, "I did thank you."
"Mommy said the storm waked you up" Max looked up from the picture he was colouring, "did you get scared?"
"Yeah" Rachel felt Shelby squeeze her hand as she answered honestly, "I did."
"Me too" Max nodded, "but Mommy comed into my bed and snuggled me so I wasn't scared. Did Auntie Lelly snuggle you so you wasn't scared too?"
Rachel nodded again, "yeah, she did, she read my book with me."
Max grinned, "Mommy told me a story too, but not from a book, just from her head" he looked to Shelby, "you was good making Rachel not be scared."
"Thank you" Shelby smiled, "I do my best to make sure Rachel's never scared."
"Cos yous her Mommy and you love her?" Max asked.
"That's right" Shelby chuckled, pulling Rachel closer and kissing her head.
"We think we're going to stay in tonight" Amy said as they ate, "Max wants to watch a movie and I'm a little tired, obviously you can still go out if you want to, but you're welcome to join us too if you'd rather."
"I'm going to go to the store later" Jimmy told them, "to get some popcorn and a couple of pizzas and things."
"What would you like to do?" Shelby asked, she thought Rachel could probably do with a quiet evening in but she wasn't sure if she'd want to take the opportunity to have dinner with just her Mom for company.
Rachel thought for a minute, "can we stay here?"
"Of course we can" Shelby smiled, gently squeezing Rachel's hand, "I think a quiet night in might be what we all need."
Surprisingly, both Lily and Max were happy to stay out of the pool after lunch, Lily asked Rachel if she'd read to her and Max asked Shelby if she'd play animal snap with him. So the family all settled down in the shade, Lily curling up against Rachel, Max and Shelby sitting at opposite ends of a sunlounger as Amy and Jim took the chance to spend some time in each others company they sat together, Amy's back against Jimmy's chest, chatting quietly and occasionally sharing soft kisses, Jimmy's hand gently stroking over the curve of his wife's stomach.
Rachel had read three stories to her cousin when the girl shifted, settling herself chest to chest with Rachel, "more read p'ease" she mumbled as she settled down in the same position Shelby had held Rachel in earlier that morning.
"That's her 'I'm getting comfy so I can fall asleep' position" Jimmy told Rachel as he saw his daughter shift, "do you want me to take her inside and put her down for a nap?"
Rachel shook her head and gently stroked Lily's back, "I'm okay."
"We okay Daddy" Lily snuggled closer to Rachel, not wanting to move.
"Okay" Jimmy chuckled, "as long as you're both okay, just tell me if you change your mind."
"We okay Daddy" Lily repeated with a nod before looking up at Rachel and asking her to read her another story.
Jimmy was right, it didn't even take another two stories before Lily dozed off to sleep, "are you sure you're okay with her?" Jimmy asked when he noticed Lily was asleep.
"Yeah" Rachel nodded, "I'm fine" she didn't know what it was, but she felt a warmth inside her every time Lily fell asleep with her, a strange sense of pride that the toddler was comfortable enough to fall asleep with her.
"Okay" Jimmy didn't push, "but if you change your mind, if you get uncomfortable or too hot with her laying on you then let me know and I'll take her inside."
"Thank you" Rachel smiled shyly before chuckling when she saw Amy swat at Jimmy's hand.
"Rachel's a Corcoran" she told him, "we like to snuggle and she's making the most of Lily being still."
It didn't take long for Rachel to join Lily in the land of nod, she hadn't napped for long with Amy or Shelby and she was still tired from both the sleepless night and her panic attack, so, knowing she was safe with her family, she allowed her own eyes to close.
Whilst Rachel napped with Lily, Shelby spent the afternoon playing with Max, she loved all her nieces and nephews, but the bond she had with Max was different to the others, Amy and Jim had both been young, living in college dorms when Amy found out she was pregnant, so, for a while, they'd moved in with Shelby. She'd done all she could to help her sister and brother in law, including watching the baby so they could both study and work, Amy herself had admitted that Shelby had been like a third parent to Max when he'd been younger, something that was still reflected by how close the pair were, and eventually, Max too dozed off, only, unlike his sister, he curled up on his own sunlounger in the shade for his nap, leaving Shelby to relax in the sun with her book.
Rachel and Lily slept for over two hours, Jimmy moving the sun umbrella to make sure they were always in the shade, and Rachel only woke as she felt Lily climbing off her, "gotta pee" she announced as she raced inside.
Amy laughed and rolled her eyes, letting Jim help her to her feet so she could go and make sure Lily was okay. "I think I might go and get the pizzas and things, I'm not sure what time the store closes." Jimmy said as he stood too, "is there anything you want me to grab while I'm there?" he asked Rachel and Shelby.
Shelby knew Rachel sometimes felt ill after eating overly greasy or fatty foods, "are you okay with pizza or is there something else you'd like instead?" she asked softly, wanting Rachel to know she didn't have to eat pizza if she didn't want it.
Jimmy looked over at his niece, "why don't you come to the store with me?" he asked, "you can see what they have and then make a decision?" he saw a look of fear cross Rachel's face and quickly told her, "it's just an idea, if you just want me to grab something for you then that's okay too."
Rachel thought for a minute, desperately wanting to stay with Shelby, but at the same time, knowing she needed to push herself, she needed to take herself out of her comfort zone sometimes. "Okay" she nodded, "I'll go with you".
Shelby and Jim were both surprised that she'd agreed so easily, "Okay" Jimmy smiled, "do you want to go now?" Rachel nodded, reasoning that the sooner they went, the sooner she'd be back with Shelby, and she wouldn't have any time to talk herself out of it. "I'll just go grab a shirt and the keys" he told her, "give me five minutes."
Shelby wrapped her arms around Rachel as Jimmy headed inside, "I am so, so proud of you" she whispered as she held her close, "and I promise you, I will be right here when you come back, I might be in the shower or in our room but I will not be leaving this villa."
"I know" Rachel nodded, "I love you Momma."
"And I love you too baby, so very much."