Thanks for reading! I had to post late for medical reasons, so I apologize.
Also, my twitter account was locked down so follow my backup in case I can't get it back: mini_stana
Owen, as promised, arrived only a few days later and slipped into a routine with the family not long after that. Everyone was glad for his presence. He drove the kids to and from school most days, cooked most meals, and helped Jamie out in the store when there were big shipments or big deliveries. Most of his day was spent on the phone with his restaurant doing work from the island in the kitchen.
Considerable progress was made convincing Owen to open up a restaurant in the states, but Montpelier wasn't the most up and coming spot. He played around with the idea of New York City which, while in the states, was almost six hours away. He said he didn't want to be in the US and not be close to them. The idea of Montreal was thrown out by Miles and something about it caught Owen's attention. That city was only two hours away and they spoke French– albeit it was Canadian French. It generally stayed as a hypothetical, though Dani did catch him on the phone with a real estate agent trying to get a feel for the property market in the city.
"How was the phone call?" Dani teased from across the dinner table as she sipped her iced tea. Owen choked a bit on his bite of garlic bread.
"What phone call?" Jamie asked.
"Uh," Owen said, he narrowed his eyes at Dani. She raised her eyebrows and gave an innocent shrug of a shoulder. "Well, I just thought I would call around and get a feel for the dining scene in Montreal."
A grin spread all the way across Miles's face. "Are you going to stay, then?"
The cook cleared his throat and wiped his face with a cloth napkin. Once it was secure in his lap again he held one hand in the air. "Now, nothing has been decided yet. But, I could probably be persuaded to take a short trip up there to see it in person." Miles was overjoyed by the idea and began to process the schedule for the coming weeks. Flora sat, silent. Owen tried to send her a look over the table, even tossed in some eyebrow-worm action. The most she could spare was a small smile before she returned to picking at the food on the plate below her.
Dani caught on to Owen's attempt to retrieve Flora from wherever she had floated off to. Her wife, in typical Jamie fashion, was far too distracted with her garlic bread to even be present much in the conversation. "Flora?" Dani asked. They were sitting next to each other and she talk too loud to catch the girl's attention. "Can you eat something please?"
"Oh, sorry," Flora blinked fast. She perked up in her seat and took a bite. "I was just a bit distracted is all." Despite the fact she was now eating, the young girl was still far away somewhere.
The first thing to really pull her from her trance was the phone ringing. She jumped and her fork clamored out of her hand. It surprised everyone at the table. Jamie was midbite with the garlic bread. Dani's eyes widened as she glanced back and forth between her daughter and the ringing phone. Owen and Miles stared across the table at Flora as if smoke had just started pouring from her ears.
She glanced around the table at all the pairs of eyes staring at her and she forced an awkward chuckle. "Just, took me by surprise is all."
"Alright, then," Jamie drawled. She wiped her hands on the napkin and stood. "I'll just get the phone then, since no one else seems particularly interested in getting it." With the gardener's back to the table, she didn't see Flora's eyes follow her every step to the phone. She didn't see Flora's chest begin to heave. The others caught all of it. Dani's hands began to wring the end of her shirt until her knuckles turned white, expectant. She wasn't sure what she was waiting for, but something about Flora's energy made her stomach twist.
Jamie answered the phone. She greeted her brother Denny and casually set herself against the wall behind her. There was a bit of light chatter for a moment until she checked her watch and questioned his being awake so late. That's when a silence passed. That's when Jamie's face fell, paled and her breath caught in her throat. She muttered a quiet thank you and goodbye before hanging the phone up.
"Jamie?" Dani said. She pushed her chair back and walked to her wife. The house was silent. No forks scratched against plates. No cups clattered against coasters. Silent. Dani set a hand on her wife's arm. "What happened?"
In a sudden movement, Jamie flung herself at the table. She set her hands down on it and leaned over the top of them until she was leering over Flora. "Did you know?" Jamie cried. Flora's eyes widened and she fervently shook her head. "You jumped when the phone rang. You knew and if you had told me, I could have stopped it."
"I didn't, I promise I didn't," Flora cried. Heavy tears rolled down her face and her shoulders began to shake as she cried. Over the past few years, Dani had seen Flora cry, but never like this. This wasn't sadness or shame or pain. This was fear. Flora was sobbing out of fear. Not even when the Lady in the Lake tried to carry her off did she cry like this. "All I knew was that there was going to be a really bad phone call for you. That was it."
"Why didn't you tell me?" Jamie yelled. "I could have called him just to be safe. You should have told me."
"Enough!" Dani screamed. Everyone stopped and looked at her. Her face was red and flushed. She slid a hand around Jamie's shoulder and pulled her back from the table. The interruption shocked Jamie into silence. "What the hell, Jamie?"
It clicked for Jamie, her reaction. She glanced between Flora and Dani for a second as all the anger slipped from her face. "I'm so sorry," she whispered to her daughter. "Flora, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have–."
The young girl pushed herself away from the table and ran up the stairs. Owen nodded her way and followed while Miles stayed put, unsure what to do. Jamie collapsed into one of the chairs and set her face in her hands.
Muffled by her fingers, she said, "Mikey is dead." Dani sighed and dropped into the chair next to her wife. "He overdosed."
"Oh, Jamie," Dani said. She rubbed her wife's back with one hand and looked up at the stairs.
"And now I've completely traumatized poor Flora." Jamie groaned and sat up straight, returning her hands to her lap. "I shouldn't have talked to her like that."
"She'll be okay," Miles said. "That's not who you are and she knows that. Just give her some time to recover from the sting of it and she'll remember."
Jamie nodded and chewed her lip. "Thank you, sweetheart."
Miles looked down in his lap and scrunched his eyebrows together. "I'm sorry. About Uncle Mikey, I'm sorry. I know you were really protective of him."
"Thank you," Jamie said. She reached across the table and squeezed his hand. "Thank you."
He stood and pointed at the stairs. "I'm gonna go check on her. Let me know if you need anything."
Both women nodded and when he disappeared, Dani pulled Jamie into her. She just held her, quiet, for the better part of ten minutes while Jamie sobbed into her shoulder.
Something about their family being so fractured caused Denny and their dad to decide not to hold a memorial service. Mikey didn't have many friends and they thought it would just be easier to scatter his ashes somewhere he enjoyed. Denny insisted that Mikey wouldn't have wanted a big show of it, anyway. Jamie strongly disagreed and, after numerous arguments over the phone about it, she finally gave up and stopped answering their calls.
At first, Dani thought Jamie just needed some space to process. She went back to the shop the next day to help out. She wasn't fully in the clear for any pregnancy complications, but no one found any problem with her doing light work and customer service. Between Jamie's grief, and Dani's pregnancy, they were able to meld together to keep the shop running smoothly.
That is, until Jamie started taking longer and longer coming back from deliveries. Sometimes she would leave at ten in the morning and not come back until almost three when Dani knew very well it shouldn't have taken longer than an hour and a half. The first time it happened, Jamie said she just needed to drive around to clear her head. The second time, she said she had taken a walk. The third time, she came back smelling like beer, but got upset when Dani brought it up. Even so, Dani refused to let her work in the store and made Jamie go home.
She sat there, behind the counter, staring at a lackluster collection of lilies she was trying to salvage into an arrangement. The flowers hadn't been tended to much lately and whenever she so much as took a watering can to them, they started to keel over. A conversation from the day prior couldn't stop playing in her mind.
Flora had an appointment with Theo. It was sooner than normal. Usually they went every two weeks, but after what happened with Jamie, both Owen and Dani thought it wise to schedule sooner. When the session finished and Dani stood to meet Flora, Theo pulled the woman aside. She glanced over Dani's shoulder at the young girl and, when she was sure Flora was out of earshot, she whispered, "I can't say much, but… suicides cluster in families."
The words stung Dani to her core. She felt them, even now, rejuvenated by the smell of beer on her wife. As Theo whispered those words, it had weight. She could have been referring to anyone in the family, could have been sharing a statistic to encourage Dani to be aware. But something in Dani knew– Theo was talking about Jamie because Flora had a dream.
The sound of the bell rang through and snapped Dani's attention back to the present. She glanced over the countertop and almost scoffed at the timing of the universe.
Dani's eyes made contact with the customer and she pursed her lips. "I thought I told you not to come back."
Mrs. O'Mara pushed the strap of her purse higher up on her shoulder. "You– you did."
"Then, if it's flowers you're looking for, I'd suggest trying the yellow pages," Dani said. She clipped the bottom of a lilly and dropped it into the vase.
"I was hoping to talk to you," Mrs. O'Mara said. A wave of exhaustion drowned Dani. She didn't know how much more she could possibly take. Her mind battled with her own worries about her wife, she didn't need this on top of it. The exhaustion writhed in her and she knew she had little patience for this conversation.
Dani scoffed. "You lost that privilege when you slapped my wife."
A small smile passed over Mrs. O'Mara's lips. It was a mixture of hope and desperation. "Wife? You're married?" Dani raised her eyebrows and made a show of focusing on her task. A thought at the back of her mind asked herself how much longer she would have a wife, but she pushed it away. "Look, I want to apologize. I treated you so horribly and I just want you to know that it was a projection of my grief, and not actually how I feel."
Dani cleared her throat and dropped the shears onto the table. "It doesn't matter what was behind it, what matters is how you acted. And how you acted can't be erased."
"You know, if Edmund was still here, he would have forgiven you. I know he would have and I know he would have wanted to stay best friends."
The thought of that caused a dull pain to reverberate through Dani's chest. When they were together and she wondered what it would be like to tell him she was a lesbain, she always hoped that's how it would have worked out. He would be upset, but after he took a little time to heal, they would have continued as best friends. Tears jumped into her eyes and she desperately tried to blink them away. "He never would have slapped Jamie, even if he didn't forgive me."
Mrs. O'Mara nodded, "That is one of my biggest regrets." She took a deep breath and walked up to the counter. "Please, Dani. I miss you. We all miss you."
Dani stared at the flowers in front of her and chewed on her lip. Finally, she said, "Even if I did forgive you, I don't know if I could ever trust you again."
The words made Mrs. O'Mara stare forlornly at the counter top. "I understand. Please know, if you ever need anything, I'm still here for you."
The words caused tears to spring into the back of her eyes. The past few days– years if she was being honest– had been so heavy. Mrs. O'Mara always had a way of sharing a feeling of comfort with Dani when she was struggling the most, even if Mrs. O'Mara didn't know it.
Dani sat quietly for a moment. She had missed Mrs. O'Mara. What her mother lacked, Mrs. O'Mara offered. It was a relationship she had grieved for years, but refused to let herself dwell too much on. Now, the feeling of loneliness crept inside of her. She missed her weekly coffee dates with the older woman, missed Wednesday night dinners, and Holidays with her. But, that was all in a different lifetime and Dani wasn't sure it fit into her new world anymore.
The hardest part for Dani, which she hadn't thought about before but now couldn't shake off, was that she had always imagined Mrs. O'Mara's presence in her children's lives. She could pretend it was because she had been with Edmund, but their families had been so interwoven for so long, Dani knew that Mrs. O'Mara would have been a constant even if she and Edmund were never together. None of that meant she necessarily wanted it now, but grief has a way of making old feelings feel present.
So, Dani made a very calculated decision. She stood up from the stool. The counter and the arrangement had blocked from view her pregnant belly and as soon she stood, Mrs. O'Mara couldn't keep her eyes from it.
"You're pregnant," she whispered. Tears glistened in her eyes as she returned her gaze to Dani's face. "That's incredible. Is it your first?"
"Third," Dani said. That clearly confused Mrs. O'Mara, but she didn't have the energy to explain her family dynamics to someone she was hesitant to let back into her life. She took a deep breath. "Look, there's just a lot going on right now in my life. I just need some time. I don't know how much, but I need it. I'll call you, okay?"
Mrs. O'Mara nodded once, then let herself out of the shop. Dani cleared her throat and dabbed the corner of her eyes with her finger. She didn't know what she wanted or where to go from here. The woman had clearly crossed some serious lines. Not only was she hateful about Dani's relationship with Jamie, she had gone as far as to slap Jamie over it.
Dani busied herself with another arrangement, but her mind kept returning to Mrs. O'Mara. No part of the woman seemed conflicted about Dani's relationship now. There was no hint of hate, disdain, or disgust. In fact, Mrs. O'Mara seemed overjoyed at the idea that Dani was happy. And, when the thought crossed Dani's mind, it settled in her gut as the truth she knew Mrs. O'Mara felt: it could have been anyone, and she would have reacted the same way. Dani could have brought home Owen and Mrs. O'Mara would have slapped him just as she had slapped Jamie. Because she was right, it was grief that made her blame whoever Dani was with for Edmund's death. In her pain, Dani's new relationship was twisted into the reason Edmund had stepped out of that car.
At the thought, her gaze lifted to the window even though the woman was long gone. The realization caused a flood of forgiveness to pour through her. She remembered all the ways grief had recreated itself into her life. She remembered how much she had hurt Jamie along the way with it and she remembered how Jamie forgave her even when she didn't have to.
Her mind flitted between Mrs. O'Mara and Jamie for the last hour in the shop. There was so much for her to weed through and yet she didn't even know where to start– or how to start for that matter. A nice, long bath felt like a good place, though, and as she walked into the house all she could think about was running the hot water.
"Jamie didn't come with you?" Owen asked. He stood over the oven and looked over Dani's shoulder to be sure the door was closed.
"What do you mean?" Dani asked. She spun on her heel and looked at the hooks next to the door to the garage. Sure enough, Jamie's things were not there. "Didn't she come home a couple of hours ago?"
Owen shook his head. "I haven't seen her and I was done with the shopping at noon." He paused, and took in Dani's face as her features descended into concern. "Is everything okay?"
Dani slowly shook her head no. "I don't… I don't think it is." She dropped onto a bar stool. "She's been flaking on the shop lately. And, and today she came back from the deliveries drunk."
"Fuck," Owen whispered. He turned off the stovetop and pushed the pot from the hot burner. "Do we go look for her?"
The kids emerged from the family room and joined the two adults at the island counter. Miles leaned over the top of it and started to dig through the fruit bowl, returning with a green apple. Flora hopped up onto the stool beside Dani.
"What's going on?" Flora asked.
Dani froze. Everything in her told her not to do what she was about to do, but she was desperate. She turned to Flora and, with her voice low and calm, she said, "Flora, honey, do you know anything about your mom? Do you know where she is?"
Flora held Dani's gaze, but her eyes flinched a little. "Mum, you know I can't say anything."
Miles cleared his throat and returned the apple to the bowl before he even took a bite. Instead, he focused his gaze on the counter top. "Tell her."
"I can't," Flora cried and turned her stare onto her brother. "You know I can't."
"Just tell her the last part," Miles insisted.
Owen caught Dani's attention, "Is this the dream thing?" All she could offer was a single nod before she refocused on Flora.
Flora whipped her gaze back around to Dani. "I can't say anything. But, I guess I can tell you, you're supposed to go looking for her. You two just have to go separate."