Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.
Author's Note: Soundtracks for this chapter are 'Tales from the Loop' by Philip Glass, 'Because This Must Be' by Nils Frahm, and 'The Winter' by Balmorhea.
Not without good reason, the mood in the Cullen home sank further into despondency than ever before. Rosalie, long gone but whose absence seemed more keenly felt than her presence, showed no signs of making any sort of decision, much to Emmett's and Alice's annoyance. Jasper's frustration with the family for not taking a more direct role in persuading Bella to change her mind was leaking out constantly, making it hard for any of them to be around him for long. Alice herself was unable to be of any use to anyone while the pack lingered, and so had taken to traveling away from the house more frequently just so she could get a glimpse of something...anything...but alas she got nothing from Victoria, their one big problem that has yet remained at large. And finally, Carlisle and Esme, after numerous arguments with Edward after Quil's death, were languishing with worry over him.
Edward had decided to search for Victoria on his own, and no amount of pleas from any of them had persuaded him from what they all believed to be a foolish mission. He was convinced, he said over and over, that the nomad had enough evidence to damn the family. The only thing that could save them now was to stop her from going to the Volturi.
"That means someone needs to kill her, and I have the best chance here of doing that," he had said after all attempts to dissuade him failed and he and Alice were saying their goodbyes.
"Don't lock me out like you did before," said Alice after hugging him tightly. "Let me watch out for you at least."
He smiled gently, and for a brief moment Alice and Edward were their old selves...each other's favorite sibling, driving the family bonkers with the silent and near instantaneous way they could talk to each other.
But the moment didn't last because his next parting words to her were, "You keep an eye on her too. Make sure she doesn't hurt anyone."
Alice knew, watching him disappear into the forest, that his final warning had nothing to do with the rabid nomad he was setting out to hunt.
Bella chuckled at the look on Leah's face after she went over the day's to-do list.
"You do this for fun?" Leah asked, incredulously.
She shrugged. The list was long, sure, but nothing overwhelming. Today's work in the cottage consisted of finishing up the spackling in the bedroom and bathroom so they could start painting and installing the molding in those rooms.
"You don't have to do this," Bella reminded her. "I'm perfectly capable."
Leah grumbled but tied on her apron nonetheless, before picking up one of the two spackling knives on the floor.
"Where should I start?"
Something unexpected but not unwelcome happened after the awful events at La Push and the subsequent three days with Quil on the Cullen property. Leah-snide, bitter, bitchy Leah had finally thawed her icy demeanor towards Bella. So improved was their relationship in fact, one might, upon close inspection, actually consider the two friends.
Bella led her to the wall and showed her how to grip the knife so the spackle wouldn't lump up. She carefully avoided looking at the bed-the only major piece of furniture in the little cottage, now protected from dust by spare sheets from the Cullens' house-but still managed to remember in excruciating detail the last time Rosalie had lay in it with her. Perhaps it was the speed with which Bella exited the room that clued Leah in on her thoughts, because the female wolf thankfully used some of her newly acquired tact and steered clear of the subject that was so obviously painful for her.
Five hours later, after a few do-overs and more than a few eye rolls from Leah, they finished the to-do list, showered, and found themselves walking down Port Angeles' main shopping drag with Alice.
"Take it easy today, Alice," Bella said though she held back a smile. "She's not used to what you call shopping."
"Moi?" Alice replied in mock outrage. "She should be grateful I'm taking time out of my day to help with this. And to think you were about to take her shopping at the Thriftway!"
"Hey! She is right here!" Leah grumbled. "And I don't need designer wear for school."
Alice closed her eyes. "She thinks Port Angeles has designer wear, good grief..."
"Just don't get your vampy scent on everything!"
"Says the dog whose fleas are crawling all over my car."
"You volunteered, shorty!"
Bella rolled her eyes. It was a good thing she was walking in between them.
"Can you two shut up already?"
Bella could tell the animosity on either side of her was half-hearted at best. Wolves and vampires were not supposed to get along and while neither of the girls hated the other as much as they were supposed to and indeed, as much as they used to, neither of them refused to cease the steady and often escalating abusive banter.
It was, to put it mildly, exhausting.
Both Alice and Leah turned the other way, though they continued to walk on either side of Bella, quieted for a few blessed minutes. Not for the first time, Bella wished she was with Jasper, Jacob, and Seth instead for the other trio was doing the exact same thing right at this very moment. Unlike Alice though, Jasper wasn't morally affronted by accompanying the male pack members to the Thriftway. He preferred it rather, Bella knew, to the much more crowded Port Angeles. Not that it would have mattered too much, for that was another surprising development made in the days after Quil's death. Finding no other guy to hang out with (who wasn't either a mind-reading creep or like a kid brother) and needing to talk about anything but what had just transpired, Jacob cautiously approached the 150-year old vampire and to everyone's surprise, the two struck up a tenuous friendship. It helped, Jasper later confided in her, that his scent was so repulsive he felt no desire to physically get close to him, much less drain his blood. Jacob and Seth's scents were so bad in fact, it actually helped Jasper tamp down his bloodthirstiness around humans too. Which is why, though ordinarily he would not have volunteered for an excursion to town without a family member to help keep him in check, Jasper found himself walking through Forks surrounded by humans on a busy Saturday. So long as Jacob or Seth stayed close (and they both knew to) he would be alright.
They were rounding the corner just before their destination when an unpleasant sound tore Bella away from her musings.
Catcalls. Multiple ones.
"Ignore them," said Alice nonchalantly. "Happens everyday."
But Bella didn't want to ignore them. They shouted unsolicited flattery after flattery but what they said to each other, thinking themselves out of earshot, carried an entirely different flavor. Out of their mouths and straight into her ears their words tumbled, and Bella was nearly overcome with a rage that burned white hot. Nearly, were it not for Alice's cool hand and Leah's warm one dragging her across the store's threshold.
"Chill, Pyro," said Leah. She was eyeing her wearily. "Save it for the real baddies, ok?"
Bella nodded once, eager to put distance between herself and whatever unpleasantness lay outside the store. Eager too, for distance from what could've, what would've happened if she had not had anyone to reel her in.
All morning, they sat without saying more than a few words to each other. Charlie was a loner at heart and Bella...well, you don't survive seven years by yourself in the wilderness without learning to appreciate the quiet. Not that this was exactly quiet; they could hear the trees rustling on either side of the river and the water rippled as fish of all sizes swam about. But it was the unceasing tapping that finally broke the silence between them.
"You nervous because you can't swim or something?"
Bella looked at him questioningly then realized he was referring to her tapping foot. In relation to the peace of the Quillayute River around them, she was probably making a racket against the aluminum frame of Billy's boat.
"Sorry," she said, and stopped moving.
"It's ok," Charlie replied. "For real though, can you swim?"
She watched him make an adjustment to her fishing rod while she answered. "Yeah. I taught myself."
And that was that for another 40 minutes. Charlie busied himself with the tackle box and the two poles occasionally, while Bella watched the horizon and fiddled first with the material of her jeans and then the silver necklace that hung close to her heart.
Rosalie's necklace.
Her foot started again without her realizing it, unaware that Charlie was giving both her and the jewelry furtive glances.
He cleared his throat. "I, uh, noticed Rosalie hasn't been coming by."
Bella said nothing. Her heart had seized up as usual when Rosalie's name was uttered. It was unnatural hearing it come from Charlie's mouth though. This whole outing felt unnatural, despite her initial excitement when Charlie suggested they go fishing together while the weather was good and before school resumed.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Charlie asked, looking most uncomfortable and indeed, like he wanted nothing more than the exact opposite.
She shook her head. No she really didn't want to talk about her girlfriend wanting her to become a vampire. She didn't want to talk about Rosalie running, leaving her yet again. She didn't want to talk about how it felt like her center of gravity was shifting repeatedly inside her. It was now 5 weeks since Rosalie had left. 5 weeks since Emmett disappeared after her. 5 weeks since Bella heard either of their voices, for she was afraid...so very afraid of what would be said if she made that phone call. She wanted to scream.
"I see..." Charlie looked at his lap before continuing. "Well, things happen. People change I guess...the others are ok though, right? No trouble with the other kids? Carlisle and Esme?"
It was possible he was fishing for more than rainbow trout. Charlie was sure to be curious of her relationship with the most talked about family in Forks. He had never brought it up before with her, but to be perfectly blunt he had never acted like a real father before either.
"They're fine," she replied.
But they weren't, really. You'd have to be a fool not to see the sadness that permeated the days spent with her adopted family now. Bella's refusal of immortality had indeed reminded them that she was anything but. She couldn't understand why this changed so much though. It made sense with Rosalie, but the rest? Until of course she started to wonder just how much planning they had been doing without her knowledge. What sort of future-because clearly they'd dreamt of one-had they concocted that involved Bella Swan with golden eyes? And how...how can they so easily forget, so easily overlook that before one gets golden eyes they must first live with red ones?
The tapping increased.
He started at her, apprehension clearly written on his face. "You sure? Are...are you sure it's safe?"
She whipped her head back, eyes flashing. "Yes, Charlie, just like the last time you asked me," she hissed. "It's been years since I've had an accident! I'm not 9 years old anymore."
He looked away, and Bella, furious with herself for being the one to dredge this up, practically vibrated from the anxiety. She could never forget, but she had also worked very hard to lock certain memories into the deepest reaches of her mind. There was enough plaguing her thoughts these days...this was the last thing she wanted to add to it.
Calm waters...Golden sunsets...Golden eyes...Golden hair...
It was her turn to look away so she could hide the tear burning its way down her cheek.
They sat like that for several minutes, separated by much more than the three feet between their seats, when Bella's reel jerked and bagan to unspool. Charlie grinned, probably more grateful for a break in the discomfort in the air than the potential fish, and helped her reel in her catch.
"Very nice," he nodded as he watched her pack the fish in the ice box like he showed her. "That'll make a fine dinner."
Bella closed the cooler after visually measuring the enormous fish and muttered, once more without thinking, "Wish I thought of this when I was younger..."
And just like that, the heavy silence returned. Bella and Charlie resumed their posts by their respective chairs and fishing poles, neither one willing to divulge any more of their thoughts. Both of them, ironically enough, were thinking about the same thing. Bella's thoughts had wandered to the grim early years when her strongest memories were of those she killed and the endless hunger. And Charlie...Charlie doubted he would ever have the courage to ask how she had managed to survive...for his mind had lingered on that cursed night nearly 9 years ago, and all the nights since during which he wondered what he should have...what he could have done differently.
After an hour of unsuccessful attempts to fall asleep, Bella gave up and climbed up to the shed's sloped roof. It was a tried and true band-aid she had often employed to relax her racing mind, and she hoped it would work tonight. Every time she closed her eyes she saw Laurent melting piece by piece. Every time, she saw herself thrilled by it. She saw Charlie, horrified and disappointed at what she had done and what she still longed to do. She saw the Cullens, saw their lingering sadness that would only get worse as time crawled unrelentlessly forward. But most of all, she saw Rosalie. Their last moments played over and over like a skipped record...the beauty of Rosalie coming to terms with her nature...the question that sent daggers into Bella's heart...Bella's answer and the look on Rosalie's face when she gave it...
She regretted the finality of her answer-Bella could at least admit that she had chosen her words poorly. She should've eased Rosalie into it...should've explained her reasoning first and then the ultimate conclusion. But of the two, Bella was not the one to leave. She was not the one to disappear after promising to do the opposite. She promised. She promised...
Anger burned its way through her veins. Her chest seemed to reverberate like a canon and for a moment she wondered how Charlie couldn't hear it from the house. She tried...she tried everything that had worked before to calm herself, but the flame of anger was lit and nothing would extinguish it. Except...no...
She berated herself as she jumped off the roof and walked the perimeter of the structure over and over as if she could outrun the errant thought that had sparked in her. But it was like trying to avoid the only flame in an otherwise pitch black room. It couldn't be done. Even with eyes screwed shut, the light drew you in.
Laurent was hardly innocent.
No, she supposed he wasn't. Carlisle and Esme felt no moral quandary over his death, and had made it clear she shouldn't either. But they weren't there. They didn't see Bella's excitement grow as his panic did...didn't see her wicked smile as he tried to plead with her...
Laurent was hardly innocent.
She repeated the words like a prayer.
A snapping twig caused her to whip her head and stare into the treeline. When she saw nothing after a minute of hard searching, she called on the breeze to paint her a picture of what lay beyond her sight and it came back with a huge figure sitting not twenty yards from her shed. An enormous wolf.
She chuckled humorlessly. Of course. Count on the Uley pack to make watching her a priority.
Well they're not wrong...I am dangerous.
And before anything irreversible could happen...before the flames in her palms could grow any further...before the embers inside her could pinpoint the location in the forest...she was airborne...above the sea of trees...parallel to the road out of Forks...darting over buildings...and then she was motionless again on a flat rooftop in the middle of Port Angeles.
Her brain hadn't yet worked out what she was doing, but something inside her knew...for no sooner had her feet landed on the roof then she started to scan her surroundings. The sounds of the night wafted into her ears. It was extremely late. Stores had long shuttered. Few people were out at this time of night. But by fortuitous chance it was the last call at the handful of bars that dotted Route 101 and she sensed large groups lingering in that vicinity.
After maneuvering herself closer to that general area, she stood and listened, watched, and waited. It didn't take long.
She saw the woman exiting the bar alone, her head down, face illuminated by her phone's screen. She stumbled several times, turned down a street then retraced her steps, clearly unsure where to go. She didn't see the men following...but Bella did.
Just like the other day, she heard both their shouted drunken compliments and the darker intentions they mumbled to each other. The woman was so far gone though, Bella couldn't tell if she heard them...if she had any inclination of the danger not thirty paces behind her.
Unlike before, there was no Alice or Leah here to hold her back.
It was hours later when Bella returned to her shed. The woman had long since found her uber, unaware of what had transpired two blocks over. The men were surely on their way to a hospital by now after Bella used one of their phones to dial, then hang up on the 911 operator. They would live, but their burns would forever remind them of what sort of scum they really were. And Bella? She fell into deep, dreamless sleep as soon as her head hit the pillow.
Author's Note II: Sigh...I know, I know...when is she gonna catch a break? Why are things so damn dark and dreary? Well, need I remind you that we are in New Moon (ish) territory right now. New Moon is depressing. In New Moon, doormat Bella is pining for the dude she barely knows and has a psychotic break with reality. My Bella has issues too and they are far more justified. She's holding herself together way better than canon Bella did...she is functioning, after all. But below the surface...well...Rosalie has been, to put it in imprinting terms, her center of gravity. She was always the one (and to a certain degree, Emmett as well) that kept her grounded and at peace with her potential for violence. That's now gone, and we've added yet another PTSD-inducing trauma with Laurent...Ugh, poor Bells.