Unsurprisingly, Rachel and Shelby both slept later than usual the next morning, it was almost 11am when Rachel woke, and, seeing Shelby still fast asleep beside her, she decided to surprise her Mom, carefully standing from the bed so not to wake her, and heading downstairs to make Shelby a late breakfast in bed.
"Hey Baby" Rachel was putting everything onto a tray when she heard Shelby's sleepy voice behind her, "what are you doing?"
Rachel turned sheepishly, "I erm, I was going to make you breakfast in bed" it was a stupid idea, she should just have stayed put and waited for her Mom to wake up.
Shelby wasn't angry though, didn't tell Rachel she was stupid or that she'd wasted her time, she just smiled at her daughter, "I'd better go bet back into bed then hadn't I? Do you need a hand carrying anything up?"
"No" Rachel shook her head, "I erm, I can manage, but if you'd rather eat down here…"
"Breakfast in bed sounds lovely Darling, as long as you're eating too?" Rachel nodded, "then I'll see you when you're ready" she smiled before heading back upstairs.
Rachel walked through the open bedroom door a few minutes later with a tray in her hands, she'd made bacon, eggs and toast for them both, coffee for Shelby and fruit juice for herself. She placed the tray down on Shelby's lap as she got into bed, biting her lip slightly as she saw Shelby looking at the contents of the tray, "is it okay?" she asked nervously, "if you'd rather have something else…"
"It's perfect Baby" Shelby gently squeezed Rachel's hand, "thank you, now, shall we eat before it goes cold?"
"Quinn said yesterday that she sometimes goes running with a running group" Rachel told Shelby as they ate, "she erm, I said I liked to run and she said she'd message me the details and I could go along with her. Could I do that?"
"Absolutely" Shelby leaned over to kiss Rachel's hair, "just let me know when it is, and if you need a lift anywhere. If you think it's something you'd like to do regularly then we can go out and get you some proper running gear if you want? You'll at least want a good sports bra and some running shoes."
"I used your credit card in the gift shop yesterday." Rachel looked up at Shelby.
"Okay" Shelby didn't mind, she'd told Rachel to use the card to treat herself, "Noah called me last night to say he was going to be a bit longer than he thought he would because he needed to stop for gas. I told him to get my card out of your purse to pay for that too. What's that got to do with getting you some sneakers and whatever else you need to go running?"
"I…"
"Darling, if you're worrying about money then please don't, I promise you, I will never offer to buy you anything if I can't afford it, unless it's something you need, then I'll do everything I can to get it for you, but that's not the case, I can more than afford to get you some shorts or leggings and some fancy socks or whatever you need."
"Okay" Rachel poked at her eggs with her fork, "thank you."
"Have you given any thought to what your therapist suggested?" Shelby asked as she reached for Rachel's hand and squeezed it softly.
She'd been a little surprised to be called back at the end of Rachel's last appointment with her therapist, usually she stayed in the waiting area and Rachel came out to her when she'd finished, but instead she found herself being led into the office where she sat on the couch beside Rachel, the teen quick to curl into her side. "I asked Rachel how she'd feel about taking an anti anxiety medication" the therapist told Shelby, "and she asked if we could talk about it with you."
The therapist knew Rachel had medication to take when she really needed it, medication that, so far, she'd only needed once, but she explained to Shelby how she thought taking medication daily might help Rachel as she tried to overcome all the fears insilled in her by her fathers, and learnt how to overcome her anxiety with other coping methods.
Rachel had initially asked her therapist to bring her Mom in because she didn't know how she'd begin the conversation at home, but as she listened to Shelby speak to the therapist, it seemed like Shelby was asking all the questions Rachel hadn't realised she wanted to know the answers to until she heard them. Shelby asked about side effects, about how long Rachel would take the medication for, how often it would be reviewed and if Rachel would be able to stop taking it if she changed her mind.
Rachel listened intently as her therapist answered her Mom's questions, but she didn't realise Shelby was talking to her until she realised both women were looking at her, "sorry, what?"
Shelby put her arm around Rachel and held her close, "I asked if you have any questions Baby?"
Rachel bit her lip, "do I have to decide now?"
"Absolutely not" the therapist answered quickly, "I understand that it's a lot for you to take in, and it's a big decision to make, you don't even have to tell me at your next appointment, you can take as much time as you need, whether that's a phone call in the morning, or you saying yes or no next month, think about it, talk about it with your Mom if you want and then let me know when you've made a decision.
Rachel looked up at Shelby, still poking at the food on her plate as she thought about the conversation with her therapist and her Mom, "I, do you really think it would help?"
Shelby nodded and tucked Rachel's hair behind her ear, "I don't think Alice would have suggested it if she didn't think it would help you."
"What if it doesn't work?"
"Then we try again, there will be more than one type of medication you can try, they can adjust the dose, or we try something else, you've already come so far Rachel, you're doing amazingly, therapy will help a lot, you'll learn coping methods, and I hope that, with time, your brain will adjust, that it will realise you're not in danger anymore and allow you to relax, and, if medication helps you get to that stage a little quicker, if it makes it easier to get there, I don't think that's a bad thing." Shelby ate a little more of her breakfast before telling Rachel, "I know Amy took medication after she was assaulted, I can't remember if it was for anxiety or depression or even both, but I know she'd talk about it with you if you wanted someone else's perspective."
"She…" Racheck frowned slightly, obviously she'd been told about what happened to her Aunt, but she hadn't really been told much about what happened afterwards and she hadn't wanted to ask.
"I'm telling you this because Amy told me I could be honest with you about what happened, she kept it to herself for so long that, when it all came out, she couldn't cope any more and she fell apart. She had therapy and she took medication for a while. I can only give you my opinion from what I saw, but to me, it seemed like the medication she took helped her get into the right headspace to start unpacking and dealing with everything in a healthier way than she had been."
"How long did she take it for?"
"I can't remember" Shelby said honestly, "about a year or so I think, but I do think it helped her. I can ask her to talk to you about it if you want?"
Rachel shook her head and stabbed some eggs with her fork, chewing it slowly before telling Shelby, "I think I want to try it."
"Okay" Shelby smiled softly, "we can talk to Alice about it at your next appointment, and if you think of any questions, let me know and I'll ask them for you if you need me to."
"You'd do that?"
"Absolutely" Shelby reached out to cup Rachel's cheek with her hand, "I will always advocate for you if you need me to, I want you to be the best version of you that you can be, and I'll do whatever you need me to to help you get there."
After spending the previous day out with her friends and coming home so late, Shelby had expected that Rachel would want to spend the day at home doing nothing, and, especially after their conversation that morning, she thought her daughter would need time to relax and decompress. So she was a little surprised when, after lunch, Rachel nervously asked if they could go for a walk in the park, but she didn't let her surprise show, agreeing to her daughter's request without a thought.
Shelby had realised a while ago that Rachel took nothing for granted, she was just as grateful for a walk in the park as she was for a trip to a theme park. They walked mostly in silence, Shelby happy to let Rachel set the pace, if she wanted to talk then Shelby would chat with her, but if she just wanted quiet company, then Shelby had no problems with that either.
They were a pleasantly surprised to find a jazz quartet playing on the bandstand so they spent a while, sat on the grass, listening to the music, Shelby's heart swelling with love when she felt Rachel's head come to rest against her shoulder, a happy smile on the teen's face, "baby steps" Shelby told herself, Rachel was making progress, it didn't matter how slow it seemed sometimes, she was still moving forwards and that was all that mattered.
Rachel didn't put up too much of a fuss when Shelby took her shopping for something to wear when she was running, Shelby making sure she had a comfortable but supportive pair of sneakers, not wanting her to get injured, along with a pair of running shorts and a vest that Rachel chose herself, Shelby promising that, as the weather got cooler, she'd bring Rachel back to get slightly warmer clothes to run in, not wanting to overwhelm her by buying everything at once.
"Just because I've bought you the stuff" Shelby said softly as they sat in the parking lot of the sports centre waiting for Quinn, "it doesn't mean you have to keep coming if you don't like it okay? If you love it and you want to run every week that's great, but if you don't enjoy running with a group, whatever, if you don't want to come back, that's fine too."
Rachel nodded and smiled, "I know, thank you."
"There's nothing to thank me for" Shelby kissed Rachel's cheek as she saw Quinn waving to them as she crossed the parking lot. "Enjoy yourself Baby, I've got my phone, if you're done before I'm back, call me okay?"
"Okay" Rachel truly believed that her Mom would come back to pick her up, she was beginning to believe Shelby when she said she wouldn't leave, "I love you Mom."
"I love you too Baby" Shelby smiled, placing a gentle kiss to Rachel's temple before she grabbed her water bottle and stepped from the car, Shelby watching as Quinn greeted Rachel with a hug before leading her over to the group of people already beginning to stretch and warm up.
Shelby had seriously considered waiting in the parking lot for Rachel to come back from her run, but she knew the girl needed to learn to trust her, Shelby needed to show Rachel that, if she left, she'd always come back, so she'd told Rachel that she was going to pick up a few groceries from the store, and, if she wasn't back before Rachel and Quinn finished their run, she wouldn't be long.
It took just a few minutes for Rachel and Quinn to settle into a pace that was comfortable for both of them. Rachel had never measured her distance before, she just ran until she couldn't run any further, so she tried not to push herself too hard, not wanting to exhaust herself too soon. She spent a while concentrating on her breathing, of the feel of her heart pounding in her chest, of her feet hitting the path, it had been a while since she'd run like this, and for once, she didn't feel like she was running from something, she was just doing something she enjoyed. Eventually she and Quinn began to talk, the pace they set meaning light conversation was easy, the pair talking about their plans for the rest of the summer making time pass so quickly that Rachel was surprised when Quinn pointed out the halfway marker.
"So what did you think?" Quinn asked once they were back at the sports centre, the pair stretching together to cool down. Quinn had noticed Shelby's car wasn't in the parking lot so she was hoping to keep Rachel busy until she arrived, "wanna come again next week?"
Rachel nodded, "I enjoyed it, I'm sorry if I slowed you down though."
"No, you were good" Quinn took out her phone, before they'd started their run she'd told Rachel about an app she used to track her runs, encouraging Rachel to download it too, "we did it in just under 37 minutes, my average is 34 so it wasn't that bad at all."
"I think I could go faster next time" Rachel said as she reached out, using the wall in front of her to balance as she stretched her quads, "or further, I didn't really know how far 5k was, so I didn't want to go too fast in case I couldn't make it all the way."
"Okay" Quinn nodded, smiling when she saw Shelby pulling into the parking lot, "why don't we do a couple more 5ks to get you into it and then try for a 10k in a few weeks?"
Rachel nodded, a smile on her face as she realised Quinn was serious, that she'd run with her every week, "yeah, that sounds good to me." Her smile grew when she saw Shelby walking across the parking lot, "Hi Mom".
"Hey" Shelby returned the smile,"did you have a good run?" she asked as she passed both girls a second bottle of water.
Quinn nodded, thanking Shelby for the water before telling her, "it was nice to have someone to run with, everyone I've spoken to is really nice, but they're all a lot older than me and I usually end up just running on my own."
"We're going to work up to running 10k" Rachel told Shelby, before nervously adding, "if it's okay for me to come back?"
Shelby nodded and reached out to squeeze Rachel's shoulder, "of course it is, I'm glad you enjoyed it" she looked to Quinn, "do you need a ride home?"
Quinn shook her head, "no thanks, I only live round the corner, it won't even take me 5 minutes to walk back, thanks for the offer though."
"No worries" Shelby gently squeezed Rachel's arm again, "I'll let you two finish off with your stretches and whatever else you're doing, I'll be in the car when you're ready to go" she told Rachel with a smile before leaving Rachel and Quinn to say goodbye, not wanting to hover too much. She was surprised when Rachel didn't follow her straight back to the car, but Shelby didn't mind at all that Rachel spent another few minutes taking to Quinn, in Shelby's eyes, it was just another sign that Rachel was becoming more comfortable, that she understood she could do things that most other teens would take for granted without punishment.
Eventually Shelby saw Quinn and Rachel hug briefly before Quinn turned and walked away, Rachel walking across the parking lot to the car. "Okay?" Shelby asked as Rachel fastened her seat belt.
"Okay" Rachel nodded, not speaking again until Shelby pulled out of the parking lot, "I, when we came back, I saw your car wasn't here and I, I didn't panic" she said honestly, "because I knew you'd come back, and you did."
Shelby felt her heart leap with pride at Rachel's words, "I'm glad to hear that Baby, and you're right, whatever I do, wherever I go, I will always come back for you."
"I told myself you were just at the store, and if you weren't back by the time we'd finished stretching then I'd call you, but you came back."
"I'm so proud of you Rachel" Shelby reached over to gently squeeze her daughter's hand, "you might not always see it, but you really have come a long way Darling."
Rachel smiled shyly before asking, "what are we doing when we get home?"
"Well you're probably going to want to shower, and then, if you want to, I picked up the ingredients for that paprika chicken dish we saw on the cooking show we watched the other day, I thought we could make that for dinner, what do you think?"
"Yeah" Rachel nodded, "that sounds great to me."