Found this little gem. I had used bits of it but I scrapped a large chunk of it. Not too bad and some people have been asking for Surprise Package alternates.
Un-beta'd and Unedited and UN-EVERYTHING so please excuse misspellings; this is just for fun and to share something that did not totally make the cut :)
Daniel sat up in bed, in a cold sweat, gasping for air.
"She's not here, not here. She's dead Daniel, Jack killed her," he repeated to himself the mantra, the mantra he thought he didn't need to ever use again. The nightmares were back, but this time they had taken on a different focus than before Not being a Prior, trapped inside himself, not being Ascended, unable to help his friends and loved ones, but Hathor. It had been a long time since he thought of that, but the dreams he had suppressed for so long, memories he had forced deep down inside, were slowing traipsing their way back into his subconscious. He put his head in his hands, rubbing his face, trying to calm himself. It's only a dream, he thought, but that wasn't going to work. It never had before. He glanced at the clock. 4:13 a.m. It had been midnight when he went to sleep. 4 hours. That was at least peace with honor. Daniel rose from the bed and headed to the shower.
Since the commissary was open all night he stopped by for a cup of coffee, too tired to mess with Adrienne's coffee maker this early in the morning, and trudged himself to the lab to get some work done. He was alone today, Adrienne taking some much needed time off before a busy couple of weeks filled with missions and even a conference, so he wouldn't have to answer to anyone should he fall asleep at his computer. Not that she'd fuss, or mean it anyway, but she would worry. That was something he didn't need right now, Adrienne worrying. He loved her too much to put her through anything else, even if she didn't know it.
At 2 p.m. Daniel woke up, face on keys and his neck in pain. He sat up slowly trying to remember where he had put the Advil when he remembered that Adrienne had bought him a very large bottle on her last trip to that saving club she liked to go to, Sasquatch size she had called it, and had put it into his desk drawer. Sure enough, once he pulled the drawer toward him he could see the gigantic white bottle facing him, the generic name for Advil scrawled across the label. Adrienne was right, this was an obscene amount of medication. He reached in for the container.
THREE is your limit.
More than that your body gets used to it.
And I don't pump stomachs.
She had scrawled a warning, just for him, on the label in black marker. Daniel chuckled at his desk, opening the bottle and taking out only three as instructed. What had he done before her? He knew the answer of course, it wasn't as if his life and work here at the SGC was bad before, not in the least, but Adrienne was a pleasant little addition to his existence. Except for the falling in love with her part. That was just a bit annoying. He looked at the screen and realized he had no idea what he had been working on since the early hours of the morning, nor was he in any mood to care. It was too early in the day to try to go back to bed, so he did what he felt was the next logical course of action. He went to find Adrienne.
$40 was really too much for it, after all, it wasn't true Regency Style, just a late 1940's revival, but the statue spoke to her. Of all of the gods and goddesses represented in her apartment, Aphrodite was nearly non-existent and for good reason. Now, Adrienne just felt like she needed the old girl to maybe make things start to happen.
"I hate you Daniel," she said, setting the figure back onto the shelf, beginning to give herself the 'you have become one of those pathetic women' lectures.
"You're not even at work, what did I do now?" a voice behind her asked. Shit like this, she thought and turned around to face him, her hands on her hips.
"Do I need to secure a protective order?" she asked, teasing, wondering how he had found her, but inside hoped she knew. That he knew her so well that he knew to check here and her exact order of antique shops. Daniel just rolled his eyes and shook his head, admitting nothing.
"This coming from the woman that can kick my ass? Sure, go ahead, see how much work you get done then..." he teased and reached back for the statue she had just replaced, glancing over at her.
"Aphrodite?" he asked, raising his eyebrows. Adrienne took the statue from his hand and set it back down.
"Yes, Aphrodite. I feel like I might need to soften the place a bit, not focus so much on gloom and doom. That's unhealthy," she responded.
"Dionysus is not a god of gloom and doom; if I recall it was more like sex, drugs and rock n' roll," Daniel clarified, finishing his sentence as he was punched in the arm.
"Couyon, why you stalkin' me?" she asked, wondering still how in the world he tracked her down, at this particular antique shop, in the middle of her day off. She took out her phone, thinking it might be hacked and then remembered that the man barely knew how to work his new laptop. Daniel just laughed.
"I was bored, nothing exciting, so I thought I'd come and annoy you. And criticize your decorating. That's always fun," he added, backing up so he didn't get socked again. She just made a face and walked past him, heading for the next aisle.
"Well, you are welcome to shop with me, but you can't cramp my antiquing mojo. This is very cathartic for me," Adrienne explained, rushing over to an urn sitting on the floor. It look like red face, a reproduction of course but it would have gone well in her living room. Great, he was thinking like her now, worrying about having matching antiques.
"All shopping is cathartic for you Ad; you're a woman," Daniel replied, kneeling beside her, trying to see what she had in her hands. The price point must have been right, because she was holding it back in front of her, and reading the Greek inscription.
"Text doesn't match the story," she declared and set the vase down, standing once more.
"Good," Daniel agreed, "because it looks like it should be holding someone's ashes. That's rather gloomy." Adrienne started to laugh from ahead of him, having already dashed to a display case of figurines. Resigning himself to this afternoon activity, a slight part of him throughly satisfied following her around the antique mall, he stood once more and trailed behind.
"Mojo Indy, don't mess with the mojo," she warned, standing on her toes to see something he could not make out and carefully reaching out her hand.
"So, no making fun of anything?" Daniel clarified. Adrienne turned to face him smiling.
"If you reach to get me high stuff, I can allow a small percentage of teasing," she said. Daniel walked beside her to where she was pointing to something black on the top shelf. He reached for it and passed it over, not bothering to see what it was.
Adrienne froze.
"Ad, if it costs that much, should we really be holding it?" Daniel asked, but Adrienne didn't respond, just stood there, holding whatever that was in her hand and not saying a word. Daniel leaned around to see. Holding it loosely, as though she were as afraid of the item as much as she was afraid of putting it back, Adrienne relinquished her find to his grasp. It was an ash tray, a small black ashtray that from a distance must have looked like a grape leaf, but was really an oak leaf. Confused, Daniel peered closer and saw some text, in gold lettering, written on the inside.
The Red Oak Motel
The motel. The one she had lived at for those few years after she had lost her home. The one where she had stayed with her dad. The one that had burned down. The one where... Daniel took the ashtray from her hand and set it back on the shelf.
"That's ugly as hell and you hate smoking. Come on, there was an entire section of columns near the entrance, and aren't you always saying that you need more columns" he said and pulled her arm gently back to the front of the store.
Daniel was relived that once Adrienne was out of the shop she appeared to be faring much better. He hadn't expected a reaction so strong, one of total and complete fear. Adrienne was such a strong person, and that one weakness had surprised him, especially since he knew she could have easily wiped the floor with those two men. But he knew why she hadn't; he knew that she had just accepted her fate for the sake of her father, like she had almost accepted her fate for his sake as well. She walked over to the beetle, silent but not unhappy and shook her head when she saw that he had parked his jeep right beside her in the small lot. Pointing over at it, she smiled at him.
"Stalker," she accused again, laughing. Daniel rolled his eyes.
"Fine, I'll leave," he replied, having no intention of leaving and knowing full well that she wouldn't send him away. He started to dramatically make his exit when he heard her whining behind for him to stop. Pausing, he glanced over his shoulder.
"What do you want to do? I'm shopped out anyway," Adrienne lied, feeling flattered that he had come to find her and just wanting to spend time with him. Alone. Away from work. Daniel shrugged. A part of him was slightly disappointed that it was so early in the afternoon and he couldn't just suggest going back to her apartment and watching a movie, sitting side by side on her sofa and having her fall asleep on his arm like she always did. He looked down at his watch.
"Well, I skipped lunch so do you want to go get an early dinner?" he suggested, not mentioning that reason he hadn't eaten breakfast, or lunch, or slept much for that matter. Food usually worked with Adrienne, especially off base. As he expected, Adrienne's face brightened with the mention of food.
"Thai?" she suggested, her mind already thinking curry and peanuts.
"Why not?" Daniel replied, running a list of non-spicy Thai cuisine through his head because of course Adrienne wanted spicy. She was smiling brightly as she popped down into her beetle, leaning over to turn on her radio before even putting her keys into the ignition. Rap music and a hippie car, only Adrienne. Feeling better already, Daniel climbed into his Jeep and followed her from the parking lot.
His assistant was surprisingly silent for most of the meal. Daniel had a pretty good idea what was wrong, despite thinking earlier that she was better, but he didn't want to discuss it, especially considering his own problems with sleep the night before. He could only imagine what horrors his brain was concocting for the night, a combination of both of their pain, and he didn't want to say anything to upset her further. He just kept eating his dinner.
"Thanks back there," Adrienne finally spoke first, stirring her curried noodles. He noticed she hadn't eaten much, not that she had ordered a very large portion or ever really did but she seemed to be eating much less than normal. Daniel nodded, his mouth full, swallowing quickly to answer.
"No problem," he said as the last of his chicken went down his throat. Adrienne stirred her noodles some more.
"I feel so stupid, you know, acting like that. Like an idiot," she continued, this time grabbing up a small pile with her chopsticks and sliding it into her mouth. He was pleased to see her finally eating something.
"You shouldn't. It was traumatic for you; you can't be expected to forget it," Daniel replied, feeling sick as soon as he said it. How could he expect her to forget when he couldn't, these many years later? And after he had... She swallowed and shrugged.
"No, I need to. I think it's time I do something about it besides be afraid," she declared, reaching for her soda. Daniel didn't know what to say. At a loss for words, he picked at his meal more and Adrienne did the same. They finished their dinner in relative silence, each of them paying their checks and leaving. For the first time in a long time, Daniel went back to his own apartment and Adrienne to hers and Daniel headed to bed early, hoping that a lack of sleep coupled with his sheer exhaustion would help him have an uneventful and relaxing night.
"Wake-up Ad," she heard a voice in her sleep, a voice that she recognized. A voice that was NOT Eric Northman. Opening her eyes slightly she saw him leaning over her, smiling, that grin on his face that could only mean that he was up to something. She brought her hands to her face and sighed.
"Is there anywhere I can be that you won't invade?" she asked through her fingers. He really had no boundaries with her. She wasn't quite sure that was a good thing.
"You gave me a key," he replied, jingling the set in front of her face. Yes, she had, she'd given him a set of keys a long time ago, back when his apartment had been fumigated and he was forced to spend the week at her apartment. Adrienne had never bothered to get them back and when he returned the favor by giving her his own key after the nightmare incident. Oh, how fun this confusing mess of a relationship was. Adrienne snatched the keys from his fingers and threw them across her room, accidentally tossing them into her urn/umbrella stand. Daniel glanced over and back down at Adrienne trying not to laugh. He loved messing with her.
"Well that was uncalled for," he stated, standing from where he had been leaning over her. Adrienne looked up.
"Why are you here?" she asked, uncovering her face.
"I had an idea come to me, last night," Daniel answered, lying just a touch. Technically, it was this morning, as he had sat up in bed once more, cold sweat trickling down his brow and am imagine of Hathor, peering over him as he heard Adrienne screaming in the distance. He hadn't slept as well as he had hoped, and like the night before was pleased with the few hours that he was able to get. But that was going to end, for one of them at least. Today, he had decided as he dragged himself from bed at 3 a.m. and for the shower, today he was going to help her through her fear, because while he might not be able to tell her that he loved her just yet, he could do this for her because he did.
"What kind of idea?" Adrienne continued, not trusting his early morning interruption. And it was early. Glancing at her clock she could see it was 7 a.m. On a Sunday. She was going to kill him, love or not.
"Are you getting up?" he asked, hoping that she wasn't going to throw him across teh room. Adrienne just rolled her eyes.
"Fine," she said and started to sit, waiting for the proper moment. Pleased that she was moving, Daniel turned to head for the door.
"Ok, so my idea is that we are going to face your fear head on. I've booked us a room, just the two of us, in the range and..." he stopped, surprised that she had not reacted adversely to the word range and turned around to gauge her reaction. He hoped that she wasn't shutting down already. But Adrienne wasn't up, or behind him at all for that matter. She was in her bed, wrapped like a burrito, a big purple satin covered burrito. Daniel sighed and went back over to the bed.
"Ad, come on, hear me through," he pleaded, pulling the blanket from her. She held on tight from her side.
"Come back in an hour," she argued. Daniel let go of the blanket.
"You're acting like Vala," he accused. Adrienne didn't budge.
"No I'm not. I'm alone in here and want to be left alone. To sleep. Why don't you go bug her?" she responded from underneath her protective shield. Daniel let out a sigh.
"Fine, scoot over," he replied, "I'll just sleep here until you decided that what is an acceptable hour to move." Daniel pulled back the burrito shell once more, getting in beside her, intentionally leaving his shoes on and pulling the blanket over him, leaving her in the cold. It took Adrienne only seconds to react.
"Oh my god Indy get your dirty ass shoes and your big stupid ass out of my bed!" she shouted and stood, ripping the blanket off of him and shoving him to the floor. He caught himself before he hit and looked over at her. Dirty shoes, works every time.
"Perfect, I have food for you in the Jeep, let's get moving," he smiled, standing and reaching for the blanket to make her bed, a bit of a peace offering. Adrienne glared at him and stormed toward to bathroom.
Daniel hadn't lied, when they arrived at the range the young cadet was expecting them and led them right to the practice room in the far corner. Daniel hadn't brought any supplies with him, and he didn't need them, the room itself was fully stocked with an assortment of military fire arms, from basic Beretta M9 pistol to the P90 itself. Adrienne felt shivers rocket down her spine as she entered the room; there were too many guns, too many bullets and too many memories. Anticipating this reaction, Daniel put his hand around her shoulders and led her forward.
"It's alright Ad; I'm right here," he assured her. Adrienne just nodded her head calmly and proceeded onward. Closing the door behind them, Daniel reached into the supply compartment, a small crate at the back of the room to secure ear plugs and protective eye wear for the both of them and walked them over to where Adrienne was standing, her palms resting lightly on the ledge. She was overlooking the range area, her eyes focused on the target, the form of a man with a bullseye in the center of his chest rather than the standard red circular target. A man, of course, but Daniel couldn't anticipate everything. He rested his hand on her shoulder and whispered in her ear.
"Put this gear on and I'll take care of that. We can start with bulls-eyes. Or I can get a picture of Woolsey sent down here too if you prefer," he left his face beside hers, tempted for a just a moment to kiss her lightly and take the fear away, but he pulled back, afraid to linger. Adrienne looked down and turned, not taking the gear from his hands.
"Daniel, I don't think I can do this," she said quietly, pushing his offering away. Daniel shook his head, grabbing her shoulders, gear still in hand.
"Yes, yes you can Ad. You're the strongest woman I know," he answered and he meant it. Of all the woman he had ever known in his life Adrienne was the bravest of them all, because not only was she afraid of very little but she was also not afraid to admit when she was scared and would never take a risk to trying to do something she knew she couldn't do. And she wasn't afraid to ask for help. That, to Daniel, was real courage. She looked up at him, fear in her eyes and swallowed.
"I'll try. I need to be able to do this to be a contributing part of the team. Don't change the target. I can do this," Adrienne ordered, repeating the last part a few more times, trying to convince herself more than she was trying to convince Daniel. Smiling gently, Daniel slipped the glasses on her face and handed her the ear plugs. She took them, popping them into her ears, and turned back to face her fear.
They started with a small pistol, Daniel told Adrienne which kind it was, but she wasn't paying attention, her heart racing and her mind focused on not panicking. It was a very small gun, it looked like something Vala would make fun of, and Daniel stood first and spread his legs, holding his arms in front of him. He was trying to instruct Adrienne as to how she should stand, but she was too distracted by how hot he looked standing there with that gun. Made her want to drag him out of there and back to her quarters, but she shook her head, annoyed again by her feminine weakness, and tried to pay attention. He is not your boyfriend Addy; he is your boss and your friend. Focus.
"Don't close your eyes like they do on TV, keep them both open, otherwise your target will shift. Squeeze the trigger and don't let the gun move you, hold your ground, just like when you fire your staff weapon," he concluded his instructions and adjusted his stance. With Adrienne only a few feet behind, Daniel checked once more that she was at an acceptable distance and fired the weapon. Adrienne held her breath, waiting for the explosion. Surprisingly, she wasn't scared, her heart rate remaining normal. She saw him turn, trying to see if she was alright, and she smiled.
"I can do that!" she declared, walking over to take the weapon, her chest bursting with confidence. With him here, right behind her, she could do it. Daniel handed it over carefully, stepping behind his assistant. He watched as Adrienne, today wearing yoga pants, dear God why did she have to wear yoga pants to do this, was she even aware that she drove him completely insane, took a stance at the ledge and aimed.
"Both eyes open!" he ordered, thinking to himself that she might go into some Sci-Fi movie mode of hers. He watched as she locked her shoulders and fired. The bullet hit no where near the center of the target, but it had hit the target. That was good enough for a first try. Adrienne set the gun onto the ledge and turned to face him.
"I did it!" she declared, making him slightly disappointed that she didn't leap into his arms with excitement. He scolded himself for even thinking about that right now and pointed back over to the gun.
"Empty the barrel. Try to get closer to the middle and once you are alright with that one we can move on," Daniel instructed. Nodding, Adrienne turned and grabbed the gun again, taking a stance. This time, Daniel looked at her face.
Adrienne did as she was told, emptying the barrel. She managed to hit the target every time but once, but still no where near the center. How in the world the woman could throw a knife and split a hair but couldn't shoot a projectile into a circle was beyond his comprehension, but he decided to leave it be and move onto the next weapon: the 9mm. It was situated on the rack next to the larger guns, so he grabbed a clip from the bullet case and slammed it into the gun, pointing it to the ground and turning to face Adrienne.
"Nice job, now we move a little bigger, the 9 mm," he stated, showing her the weapon. Adrienne began to shake her head before he had even told her what type of gun it was.
"No," she said, "Let's shoot a P90." Daniel disagreed.
"Ad, we have to move up to the larger guns; they have one hell of a kick back. You need to work your way up to that," he explained, cocking his head in the direction of the rack of weapons, arranged in order from smallest to largest.
"We don't shoot 9mm. We shoot P-90's. I think I need to learn how to use what I am expected to carry," she argued and for a brief instant Daniel hesitated. She was right, this was partially about her doing her part as a team member, and who knew when she might be in a situation where she had to use a P90, but she needed to work up to that. He remembered how hard it had been to learn in the reverse order himself, so he decided to stick to his guns, literally.
"Adrienne, listen to me, trust me, let's try the 9mm and then we move on to something bigger, like the Beretta..." he set the gun down and reached out for her but she shoved him away.
"I'm not touching that!" she screamed, loudly, loud enough as to draw attention were they not alone together in the range. Daniel was starting to catch on. This was why she needed to be down here; she needed to get over this. They must have used a 9mm. He could only imagine her fear at seeing the weapon, one that had been pressed into her face as she was pawed and slapped, one so close to causing her death. But she couldn't associate it with what happened to her, that was the work of two horrible men who were rotting in jail and not the gun in her hands. Daniel reached out again to clasp her arms.
"Adrienne, you can't let them own you. You can do this," he spoke softly but she was already crying and shaking.
"Indy, please don't make me. I can't, I just can't," she cried. Yes she could, he know she could. He squeezed her arms tightly, tighter than he should have, trying to calm her.
"Yes you can Ad, yes you can. You have to! You have to get over this!" he shouted at her, but it was no longer Adrienne in front of him. It was Hathor, her eyes glowing as she laughed, laughed at him, telling him that there was no escape. He squeezed tighter.
"No, this is NOT happening. This cannot happen again, do you understand me!" he was screaming now, his face in some sort of cross between panic and rage, trembling as he spoke. Adrienne was terrified, she had no idea why Daniel was acting like this; this was her life and if she never wanted to shoot a gun then she didn't have to. Sam didn't seem to mind in the least and Teal'c was overjoyed to have someone else master his weapon of choice. She didn't want to do this, why was he acting like this. She didn't need to learn how to shoot to recover, maybe she should just break down and go and talk to Carson, he would help but Daniel seemed determined that she do this. Here he was standing in front of her, hurting her arms, acting like a complete crazy person.
"Daniel, I don't want to do this. Let go of me!" she screamed, pulling from his grasp gently, hoping not to set him off further than he had already gone, worrying what his reaction might be.
"Not this time!" he screamed again, seeing her face, her red hair, wait, no her brown hair, her brown eyes, the scared look on her face, that pierced eyebrow and nose, the blue eye shadow and let go. Adrienne pulled away from him, rubbing her arms.
"You're lucky I didn't knock your ass into the middle of next week Indy," she spat at him, storming across the small room. She keyed in the exit code and made her way out of the door, slamming it tightly behind her. Daniel didn't follow.
Adrienne was sitting in bed, reading when she heard footsteps on the other side of her door and the sound of someone at the keypad. She glanced up with her eyes only, not eager to lose her place in her book since she knew she would be getting next to no reading done over the next few days with the upcoming mass of work that was ahead of her come tomorrow. What a great Sunday, she thought. And of course, right when she wanted to relax there would be something that needed to be done, that was no surprise. It was probably Vala, trying to get Adrienne to go over the files with her one more time, her next stop being a Lucian planet with ancient ruins. However, what did surprise her was that it was Daniel standing at the door.
"Can I come in?" he asked in the passageway, quietly. There was something wrong with the look on his face, something sad, the anger from this afternoon gone. Adrienne was instantly concerned.
"Yeah Indy, is everything alright?" she asked, now closing the book and setting it on her nightstand. Without a word Daniel entered the room, closing the door and engaging the lock, turning again to face her. Adrienne was confused, what was going on with him? After their fight this afternoon she expected to see him, but tomorrow morning in the lab after he had given her time to cool off, most likely with Starbucks as a peace offering. Continuing in silence, he walked over to her desk and grabbed the small chair, dragging it over to the bed and setting it so that he could sit right at an angle where he was facing her. He took his seat and looked up.
"I owe you an apology," he started, his face so distressed. What in the world was wrong? She had never seen him like this. Adrienne was already shaking her head.
"Apology? For what?" she asked, tossing her legs over the edge of the bed to move closer to him. Sure, he would probably be upset about how roughly he had handled her, but she knew his moods and he would never really hurt her. She would beat his ass. In fact, other than just being a little annoyed by his performance this morning, she had already forgiven him. Daniel took a deep breath but continued to look slightly downward, as though he were hiding something from her. Clearly he was, but she was going to let him get to that slowly.
"For today. I really didn't mean to push you into anything you weren't ready for," he continued, his head still down. Adrienne reached out for his leg, squeezing it gently.
"Shug, I told you it was alright. You're exactly right, I can't let them control me forever. I have to stand up and face my fears. As soon as we get a free moment later this week, I'm going to give it a shot again, I promise," Adrienne answered, letting go and sitting back on her bed. Daniel just breathed out.
"I'm glad you feel that way, but you weren't ready, or didn't seem ready this morning. I pushed you and I did so for selfish reasons," he explained, clasping his hands in front of himself and starting to open and close them. That was one of his nervous ticks, Adrienne knew it well, and she knew something must be wrong. He went to speak again and started to tremble.
"Daniel, look at me, what's wrong?" she questioned, lost and upset. And scared. Daniel had become her rock, she counted on him for so much and here he was, falling apart right in front of her, in a way far different than he had when Kasuf had invaded his mind. Whatever this was, it was far worse. She reached out for his chin and brought it up meeting his gaze. It was then she saw something in him that she had never seen before, tears. His blue eyes glistened behind them, but he was clearly on the verge of crying. This wasn't like she had seen him before, doped and drugged into an emotional breakdown, he was just sitting here, with nothing to force this reaction. Adrienne didn't bother to ask for specifics, she reached out to him and pulled at his arms, bringing him to sit beside her on the bed. But he didn't come, he just sat there, frozen on the chair.
"Ad, I pushed you too far today not because I wanted you to be alright, it was because I wanted to be alright. I wanted to know that you can be alright again, after," he said as Adrienne watched a tear free itself from the corner of his eye and fall onto the floor. She reached out again for him, not trying to pull him beside her but to take him into her arms. This time he came and she could feel more tears escape and dampen her shoulder.
"After what Daniel, that you can be alright after what?" Adrienne asked tenderly, bringing her hand behind his neck to comfort him. She felt him hold onto her so she tried again to pull him up to the bed since in this position she was leaning over nearly falling onto the floor. Again, he did as requested, pulling back from her, wiping his face and standing to sit beside her on the bed. He took a breath and looked back at her, no longer crying, yet still with that somber look on his face.
"I was raped," he admitted slowly. The statement hit Adrienne like a train. Raped? By who? When? How? she wanted to ask but just sat there staring at him. That explained so much, so very much about the way he acted. Why he was so jumpy when it came to the topic of sex, why he as so concerned about Adrienne's own assault and helping her get over the trauma and fear. Why he wouldn't watch certain shows or movies when they hung out. Daniel had been violated, violated just like her, but rather than harness some irrational fear of guns and doorways, he had been able to overcome everything and carry on until now, until this very moment as he was falling apart right here in front of her.
"It was Hathor," he continued, "she used her power on me and put me in this state where I did as she asked, almost in a robotic like trance, but I was trapped inside, watching everything happen and unable to stop it, screaming to get out but couldn't," Adrienne just sat back and let him talk.
"She used me to impregnate her, to make more Go'ould, and it worked. Jack and Teal'c had to kill the offspring. But it wasn't just that, she used me, she took her time, she enjoyed me, and I was just..." he started to tear up again. This time Adrienne reached out for him, pulling him into her arms and hugging him tightly once more. holding him as he hold her, pulling his head to her chest, wrapping her arms the best she could around his broad shoulders. She held him like this for a moment, in silence, until her side hurt, making her realize that they were sitting at an odd angle.
"Lose the boots at least please," she requested and walked over to the light, shutting it off and returned to the bed, changing out the bright overhead for her reading lamp. Reaching out in the dimness she found him, sitting on the edge of the bed removing his boots and jacket. Once she heard them hit the floor, she reached out again, this time for his shoulders.
"I'm gonna sit on this bed and so are you. And you're gonna to sit here and cry if you need to and tell me whatever you feel that you can tell me or have to tell me and I am gonna listen. I'm not gonna judge or think differently of you; I'm just going to be here if you need me, ok?" she said. She felt him reach to squeeze her hand and saw him sit down, scooting over to the wall and resting his back against it, sitting crossed legged like she always did. Adrienne got in beside him, reaching her arms out and pulling him close. I love you Daniel, she wanted to say, I love you and I want to take the pain away. But she couldn't, not only was she still unsure what his reaction would be, but now was not the time. Daniel sat there for a long time, leaning against her shoulder and it felt to her as if he was doing as she had asked, sobbing lightly waiting to be able to speak. Daniel started to lay down into her arms, like he had when he was sick, like he had when the night visitors came, letting it all come out emotionally for the first time ever. Adrienne backed up, not really expecting that reaction but she moved to let him lay down on the bed, curled slightly. He dropped to total silence, but Adrienne still didn't speak, she just laid down beside him and wrapped her arm around him and holding him close to her.
"Ad, we need to switch, you're by the door," he said over his shoulder, realizing where he was, lying with her in her position of fear.
"I'm safe with you," she responded without thinking. Oh shit, she thought to herself, that was obvious. Her heart began to race.
"I'm glad you think that," he answered quietly and Adrienne realized he hadn't taken the statement like she has worried he would, that instead he thought she was trying to prove a point, a point about recovery. She squeezed him tighter.
"I hope you know that you're safe right here," she added. She felt him nod.
"I do," he whispered in response, those two words and nothing more.
"When did this happen?" Adrienne finally asked, hoping she didn't cross the line.
"A long time ago, a long long time ago. My first year with the program. I had forgotten it for a while, we were busy with other things, but lately, with things quiet, it's crept up again slowly," he explained. Adrienne felt herself start to tear up, guilt washing over her.
"It's because of me," Adrienne stated, remembering how Vala and Carloyn talked about his nightmares stopping. The only difference between then and now was Adrienne. Adrienne, who just a few short months ago had told him of her own near miss with the two intruders and who had gotten so intimately close to him. Daniel paused and rolled over to face her.
"No, no it's not. You just told me about what happened. This has been happening for a while, like the other nightmares. It comes and goes," he explained and took a deep breath. He wanted to add that it was all so much better with Adrienne around, that since they had become so close and he spent so much time at her apartment and her at his that he slept better. He knew now it was because he loved her, that his love for her was, at times it seemed, the only thing keeping him together.
"I'm broken. I'm so broken, I don't even know what I'm still doing here," he said, his voice cracking slightly. Adrienne wanted to reach out for his face, kiss him, tell him that he was not broken, that he was the most perfect person that she had ever met in her life, that she loved him and she needed him here, but she didn't speak. She didn't say a word.
"That's all," he finished. "I just needed to tell you, to tell someone. Only the original team knows what happened, and Hammond. It's not in the file." No, it wasn't. The file had simply said 'kidnapped & held against his will'; she had read it like she had read every file of every thing he had ever done. There was no way that she could have ever known and he had told no one else, not even Vala. Maybe she was right...
"You can stay Indy, here tonight," Adrienne offered cautiously, her heart racing. She wanted him to stay, probably for reasons that she shouldn't. She did want to comfort him, but she wanted to hold him, to be close to him, to sleep in one another's arms. No verbal response, Daniel sat back up in the bed, like nothing had ever happened.
"No, I should go. I just wanted to apologize and tell you. It felt like something you needed to know," he said, crawling over Adrienne's legs and exiting the bed. She looked over at him, watching his silhouette leave in the darkness.
"I'm here if you need me. Always," she whispered.
"Thanks Ad," Daniel replied and slipped out of the room.
Alone, Adrienne sat up in the bed, her arms wrapped around her knees and stared at the closed door. She almost dashed out of the room chasing him into the hallway, to tell him that she loved him and she would take all of the pain away if he would just give her the chance. But she didn't, she just sat there and stared, her own tears forming in her eyes.
Daniel hoped his face wasn't red as he made his way back to his on base quarters. He was too tired and upset to drive home, but didn't want to go back to his room. He debated going to Kelnareen with Teal'c, that had done wonders for him on some many occasions, when he stopped in the hallway, realizing he had left his boots and his jacket. And his best friend. Even if he could never tell her how he felt about her, he just wanted to be near her. The simplest act of just sitting beside her and knowing she was there was enough to make him feel better. He loved her. He needed her. He squeezed his nose, trying to make it look like allergies to a group of cadets passing by and turned back for her room.
Adrienne was laying down, face pressed against the pillow and curled over to the wall. She couldn't read, so she lay there, trying to will herself to sleep, huddled underneath the blankets to fight the chill of sadness rather than the chill of cold. There was a noise again at the door, a beep, and then light from the hallway. The door opened and closed and she heard footsteps approach her bed.
Daniel got in beside Adrienne, without a word, crawling underneath the blankets and flipping over to turn his back to her. A part of him was still dying inside, not because of Adrienne, this time, but because of the memories this afternoon. He saw Hathor's face, close to his own, kissing down his neck and he felt his stomach churn. He tried to block out the memory, her words to him in Egyptian telling him what she planned on doing to him, what she had done to him, and he trembled. In his head he saw her reaching for his clothes when he felt an arm around his waist, almost making him jump, and he realized it was Adrienne.
"I'm glad she's dead. I'd have to go ape on that bitch for fucking with my best friend," he heard her whisper in the dark. He actually laughed lightly, reaching to wipe his face. She squeezed him tighter.
"She's gone Indy. It's just you and me and the team. We've all learned a lot since, and that will never happen again. I promise. And I am here to help you through this, whatever you need," she added. He reached his hand down and squeezed hers, which was draped over his stomach. He'd missed her entire speech. All he heard was you and me. He let that thought take over his mind as he let himself slowly fall asleep in her arms, imagining that she was his.