As the days passed by, Brittany went through the cycles of grief. She started out very weepy and emotional, but then her emotions soon turned to anger. She needed somebody to blame, and that person was going to be Denver.

Being that he had hurt her already, it was easy for Brittany to place the blame on him. She kept on saying how unfair it was, that he had another child to go back to. In a rational sense, Brittany knew this didn't make his grief any less valid, but right now she wasn't feeling very rational.

When blaming Denver wasn't enough, she'd look for other people to blame.

"When we went to the doctors for my first check-up, they should have known something was wrong. They told me my hCG levels were low but that they weren't concerned. Maybe they should have been concerned. What if this could have been prevented!?"

Santana hated not being able to give Brittany the answers she wanted, but what she hated most of all, was when Brittany would run out of blame on other sources and start blaming herself. Despite constant reassurance from Santana, that there was nothing she could have done better, Brittany still blamed herself; and it hurt.

It was hard for Santana seeing Brittany so angry, and it was even harder seeing her upset, but the worst part was when they were 10 days in, and Brittany started shutting her out completely.

Brittany began to feel completely numb inside, and as a result she started bottling all of her feelings up. Despite Santana's best efforts, she just couldn't get Brittany to speak to her about anything at all. She'd just watch, as Brittany moped around, spending most of her time in Santana's room. The tears had stopped and were instead replaced by a lifeless expression.

One day Santana watched as Mila went over to give her a painting that she'd done for her. Brittany smiled momentarily and then left it on the side, disappearing upstairs again. It wasn't like Brittany at all, and Santana was worried. By the look on Mila's face, she was worried too.

"Don't worry sweetheart, you know that Aunty Brit-Brit is just extremely sad right now, but that doesn't mean she doesn't love your painting. She's just having a hard time expressing herself. Why don't you go and pin it up on the fridge so that she can see it later?" said Santana, bending down to Mila's level to assure her.

As Mila went off to put the painting up, Santana breezed cautiously upstairs. As expected, she found Brittany perched on the bed, staring out of the window. She knocked, so not to startle Brittany, but she didn't even turn to acknowledge her.

"Hey, you" she started softly "I wondered if you might like to watch a movie with me and Mila. I can go to the store and get all of your favourite snacks…"

She waited in anticipation for a response from Brittany, but inside she felt stupid for even suggesting that snacks and a movie could make things okay. She decided to try a different approach as she walked over to Brittany, her voice desperate.

"Brit…babe, will you please just speak to me? I'm really, really worried about you. I know that you are hurting, and I just want to help you, but I can't do that if you don't let me in"

Brittany said nothing again, and by now Santana was feeling really lost and a little hurt. She knew she shouldn't feel that way, because it was obvious Brittany wasn't herself, but she couldn't help it. She had promised Brittany's parents that she would take care of her, but right now it just seemed like Brittany was slipping further and further away. She swallowed as she addressed Brittany again.

"Brittany…I think you should go and see your parent's tomorrow. It might do you some good to have a change of scenery, to speak to your mom. I just feel like at the moment…I'm not helping you. Maybe you need your mom and dad. Maybe they'll be able to support you in a way that I haven't…" she trailed off, waiting in apprehension for Brittany's response.

She half expected Brittany to turn around and shake her head frantically and snap out of her daze, the way she had when her parents had suggested she stay home with them in the first place. But to Santana's surprised, Brittany nodded in agreement.

She was pleased, because she thought it would do Brittany some good, but she was also concerned in case she had done or said something wrong to change Brittany's willingness to open up so suddenly. She knew she shouldn't think like that, but it was hard not to.

The next morning Santana drove Brittany to her parents' house, and as she pulled up outside, she felt awkward. This was never an emotion that she felt around Brittany, but right now it was feeling all too real. She didn't even know whether Brittany would want a hug goodbye. She didn't even know if Brittany was going to come back to her apartment, or whether she'd just stay here now. Then, out of nowhere, Brittany answered that question for her.

"Will you come and pick me up in a few hours when I'm done?" she asked, her voice small and her features looking ever so pained and vulnerable.

Santana cleared her throat of emotion. She wasn't sure if it had transpired from the relief that Brittany wanted to stay with her still, or from the sting of seeing Brittany looking and sounding so fragile. She reached forward to squeeze Brittany's hand reassuringly.

"Of course, I will honey. You just give me a call whenever you're ready for me to pick you back up, and I'll be here"

So off Brittany went, and Santana decided to use the time that she was gone to invite her own mother over. She was in much need of some comfort herself. She felt guilty and terrible inside, feeling like she had failed Brittany, and wasn't helping her as she should be.

As Mila excitedly chatted away on Maribel's lap, Santana could sense a sadness in her daughter's eyes, as she sat at the table across from them.

"Why don't you go pick out a book Amorcita? Then I can listen to your reading" Maribel said, so she could have some alone time with Santana and find out what was troubling her.

"Okay Abuela" Mila smiled sweetly.

"She's such a good girl" said Maribel, watching Mila skip off upstairs, before turning to Santana with a laugh "Much more well-behaved than you were at her age"

That was all it took for Santana to break down, to be alone with her mother, without her daughter seeing and being concerned. And without Brittany there, who she needed to be strong for. She could finally let all the emotions that she had been feeling out. She just felt so useless in the whole situation and seeing Brittany in pain like this was hurting her more than she ever thought possible.

She realised that she hadn't even grieved for the baby herself, her sole focus being on Brittany, but now alone with Maribel; everything was coming to the surface.

"Speak to me Mija, what's going on? Is it Brittany?" Maribel asked knowingly, reaching out to place a hand on Santana's arm.

Santana nodded meekly, as she proceeded to tell Maribel everything. How hopeless she felt in helping Brittany, how desperate she was to take her pain away, how Brittany had started shutting her out and she was worried and didn't know what to do.

And Maribel listened, and nodded and soothed her daughter by stroking her arm, until Santana was finished talking and she could say her piece.

"Santanita, what you are describing with Brittany sounds completely normal. You have to remember, she is going through a traumatic experience at the moment, so she's going to react in many different ways" Maribel explained gently " grief usually comes in stages, and it sounds like at first, she was very upset and now she has moved on to a new stage of anger and emptiness. There is no right or wrong way to deal with grief, and all we can do is stand by her side and support her for whatever she needs"

"I know Mami" Santana sighed "But it's just so hard to watch. I just wish there was something else I could do"

"Your presence alone will be enough for her Mija. Trust me. She may not be showing you that right now, because she is having a hard time expressing her emotions at the moment. But just you being there, will mean more to her than you ever know"

Santana nodded, grateful for her mother's wise words as usual.

"I think I'm going to look at some resources online as well, see if there's any suggestions out there, that I can do to help her" said Santana, her determination to support Brittany tenacious.

"That's sounds like a great idea Santana" Maribel nodded "can I make a suggestion to you…if you don't mind me staying here when you go collect Brittany, I could speak to her. I think there is something I could say that may be of comfort to her"

Santana was confused, she wasn't sure what her mom could possibly say to Brittany that would be so helpful, but she nodded in agreement.

"Sure mom, anything we can do to help get my Brittany back"

An hour later when Santana went to pick up Brittany, she sat in the car hopeful. She didn't go in, she just waved at the Pierce's from the car. She didn't feel like she could be near them, because despite Maribel's words, she still felt like she was letting Brittany and her parents down.

But she did at least feel a renewed sense of strength since the conversation, so she sat in the car hopeful. Maybe being around her parents would be good for Brittany, and she'd get back into the car a little less closed off.

As Santana pushed open the door for Brittany, she greeted her with a big smile, switching on her most positive tone of voice.

"Hey Brit-Brit, how was it? How are you feeling?"

"Was okay" Brittany shrugged, absentmindedly staring out of the window.

Santana had to bite her lip to stop the tears of disappointment, but she kept her eyes fixed on the road and her tone light, as she attempted to get through Brittany's steely exterior.

"My mom is at mine. She popped over for the afternoon to see Mila and I, it's been nice" she smiled "she won't be staying much longer, but she wanted to speak to you before she went if that's okay…"

She trailed off, sneaking a glance at Brittany to check her reaction. Brittany might not even want to speak to Maribel, because it seemed like speaking wasn't an option for her right now, but Santana was desperately hopeful she would. Of course, she wanted to be the person to help Brittany, but if she could find comfort from anyone at all right now, she'd be happy with that.

As Brittany stayed silent, Santana let out a quiet sigh. She just hoped Maribel would be able to get through to her.

When they walked through the door Mila ran over excitedly and hugged Brittany's legs.

"Hi Aunty Brit-Brit, we missed you!"

"Hey little one, I missed you too" said Brittany, offering the little girl a small smile. Santana felt a flicker of hope. It was a start.

"Brittany, sweetheart, come here" Maribel spoke, approaching Brittany with open arms. She hadn't seen Brittany yet, since the news. Maribel felt her shoulder become wet with tears, so she pulled away and took Brittany's hand.

"Come on, come with me. Let's go for a little chat" she said warmly.

And as she led the reluctant girl upstairs, Santana crossed her fingers that whatever Maribel was going to say, would help Brittany.

"I know people tell you how sorry they are in these situations, and I know it's not always what you want to hear, so I'm going to refrain from doing that" Maribel spoke softly, her voice laced with empathy.

She studied Brittany's gaze to make sure she had her full attention, before continuing.

"When we get pregnant, we instantly become mothers. We have…all of these hopes and dreams for our children from the moment we see the two lines on the stick. Then without warning, that dream is ripped away from you, and nothing makes sense anymore. You've done everything possible to care for the little life inside of you, but it's not enough in the eyes of the universe. You don't get to hold your baby at the end of it"

Brittany blinked as she watched Maribel, so accurately verbalising everything she wanted to say, but couldn't.

"We feel empty inside and we try to believe that what the doctors are saying isn't true. We feel…so overwhelmingly consumed by sadness, that we are scared that we'll never be okay again. Then we feel angry because…why me? Why don't I get to keep my baby?"

Maribel swallowed, her emotions finding her, as Brittany listened carefully with silent tears pouring down her face.

"We look for people to blame, and when that doesn't work, we blame ourselves. Nothing that anybody tells you makes you feel remotely okay. How could it? How could they ever understand this pain? We don't know how to express to anyone, the way that we feel anymore. So, we stop speaking. We shut everybody out, and we feel more isolated than ever before. And we so desperately want to pull our loved ones in and lean on them and shout and cry and tell them everything, but we can't. We push them away even further, until one day we reach breaking point. And when that breaking point comes, we're at rock bottom. But rock bottom isn't always bad because…it means the only way is up. Slowly but surely, we climb towards happiness, towards acceptance. We let people in, and we allow ourselves to feel and to express our emotions. The grief doesn't leave, it never will, but it gets better. And every day of sadness, is just another step closer towards healing"

A desperate sob escaped Brittany's lips, as Maribel finished her speech. In those five minutes, she had managed to articulate every inch of how Brittany was feeling. She had made her feel less crazy, less alone.

Maribel pulled Brittany into a strong hug, pleased that the words seemed to have gotten through. While seeing Brittany cry so frantically was a horrible experience, it was good to see, because it meant Brittany was allowing herself to feel.

As the tearful blonde pulled away, she looked at Maribel cautiously.

"But…how did you?" she began, but then one look at Maribel's deep brown eyes told her everything she needed to know. She gasped.

"You lost a baby?"

Maribel swallowed, with a sad nod.

"I lost three"

"Oh Maribel…" Brittany began, her voice empathetic and sad, but Maribel stopped her with her hand. It was a long time ago, and she didn't tell Brittany for sympathy, she told her to help.

"It was a long time ago sweetheart. It was before Santana and Pedro were born. I've never told them about it before…" she began "But I wanted to tell you because I know how hard it is to feel the way you are feeling. Like nobody could possibly understand your pain. But you are not alone Brittany. You will get through this, but you need to try and let the people around you in. I was the same as you, and I pushed George away, but in the end, it only hurt more"

She reached out to give Brittany's hand a firm but gentle squeeze before continuing.

"Let yourself lean on the ones that love you, because when you do, things will start to become a lot easier. I know it feels like the road ahead is long and rocky, and I won't lie to you, it is. But you will heal Brittany, I can promise you that"

"When did you…I mean how long did it take, for you to feel happy again?" Brittany asked carefully.

"There really is no time limit sweetheart. Everybody is different. It may come in waves. Some days you will feel happy, others you may feel just okay, and there will be some where you feel so consumed with grief and it feels the wound has been ripped open all over again. But it's okay to feel this way. It's different for everyone, no two experiences are the same, but for me, my ultimate happiness came when I got my rainbow baby"

"Santana?"

"Yes" Maribel nodded with a smile "She never understood why her father and I were so protective. You know how George in particular, could be very strict with her, but now you know why" she sighed.

Brittany instantly opened her arms to give Maribel a hug, the two of them suddenly united in a way they had never been before. She was so appreciative of Maribel sharing her story like this, because now she truly did feel less alone.

"Life throws really difficult things at us, and we can't always find a reason. But we must gather our strength from the ones around us that love us. You'll be okay Brittany, I promise you, you will"

"Thank you so much Maribel" Brittany sighed, her voice thick with emotion and her eyes shining with fresh tears.

She believed her, one day it would be okay.

As Maribel and Brittany appeared downstairs, Santana was sitting reading her iPad, pensive and deep in concentration. But as soon as she heard the footsteps approach, she quickly stood up, eager to see how Brittany was.

She didn't need to ask, because no sooner had she stood up, was Brittany her arms. She felt herself relax into the blondes embrace, as she gave Maribel an appreciative smile from over Brittany's shoulder. She didn't know what Maribel had said, but clearly, it had worked.

"I'm so sorry San…" Brittany began, but Santana shushed her.

"Hey what are you talking about? Brit…you have nothing to be sorry for. I just want to be here for you, that's all okay. Whatever you need, I'll do it. You do know that, right?"

Brittany nodded.

"Honestly, just you being here is enough. I didn't mean to push you or anyone else away, I just…I guess I couldn't find the words to say how I was feeling. But I'm not going to let myself bottle my feelings up anymore, I'm just going to take each day as it comes, and eventually…we'll get there"

Santana smiled at Brittany's new-found positivity and strength, and she pulled her back in for another hug.

"Proud of you" she whispered gently, before pulling back to look at Brittany again.

"Listen, I was doing some reading while you two were upstairs, and…please Brit just say no if you don't think it's going to help but…I read about how it can be helpful to do something to remember the baby. Something special, to make it seem like you've said a goodbye…so I was thinking…maybe we could plant a tree in your parent's garden?" Santana said carefully, searching Brittany's eyes for a reaction.

"We don't have to, it's just an idea I had…" she rambled, but Brittany interrupted her.

"San, stop" said Brittany, raising her hand to stop the brunette's incessant rambling "I think it's a great idea. That would mean so much to me" she smiled, and Santana breathed a deep sigh of relief as she embraced Brittany once more.

Maribel, who had just said her goodbyes to Mila, walked over and watched them with a smile.

"I think I'll leave you girls to it" she said.

She gave Brittany another hug, squeezing her tight, before saying goodbye to Santana who thanked her mother once again for whatever she had said to break down Brittany's walls.

As Brittany watched their embrace, she couldn't help but notice Maribel squeezing Santana a little tighter. It brought a sad smile to her lips and made her realise how we never realise what silent battles other people may be going through. But it also made her realise, that no matter what, you're never alone.

In the days after Brittany spoke to Maribel, things got easier. She felt that bit lighter, knowing that someone as strong as Maribel Lopez had gotten through this. She began taking better care of herself in expressing her feelings, which included reaching out to work to tell them she needed another week off, at least. There was no way she could go back to New York right now, and she didn't have the space in her mind to think about what she wanted to do long-term. She was just taking each day as it came.

With Brittany doing better, Santana also found herself having more time for her own thoughts and feelings.

She was feeling so incredibly confused at the moment. Seeing Brittany in such a vulnerable position had stirred up such emotion for her and made her think about their relationship in a whole new light. She cared so deeply for her, that she was beginning to wonder if people were right when they said there was something more between them.

She imagined herself as being in a goldfish bowl with Brittany, where everyone was watching them, and everyone could see something that they couldn't see themselves. It was hard for her to unravel almost 20 years of friendship and analyse if it was platonic or something deeper. If it was something deeper, when had it changed? Her head was just a mess. All she knew was that she had always loved Brittany more than anything, but it wasn't until recently she had allowed herself to think it could be something more.

Then there was the situation of her having a girlfriend. A girlfriend who was nice and attractive and seemingly good for her, but despite all of that, she was finding herself losing her patience with her more and getting angry with her over little things.

She was really annoyed over Dani's off-the-wall comment to Brittany, and the insensitivity of it, even though she knew Dani hadn't meant any harm and was just trying to be nice. But then just as she was starting to think the relationship wasn't right, Dani would do something really sweet that made her feel guilty for thinking it.

Like how she had told Dani that she worried about Mila, because she didn't think she was coping as well as she was letting on with the news of the baby. Santana was worried that Mila didn't fully understand it, and she also knew she was feeding off the emotional energy in the apartment, and it was unsettling her. Dani's response to this, was to go out and buy a child-friendly book for Mila to help her process the loss. "Something Happened" it was called, and although it was geared towards children losing a sibling, Dani thought it may still help as Mila would still have been undoubtedly close to the child. The gesture touched Santana, and she thought that maybe she was being foolish for even starting to doubt their relationship.

She was just so utterly muddled with everything. So much so, that on one particular evening when she'd had dinner with Quinn (after some pushing from Brittany that she needed to get back to reality and start believing that Brittany wasn't going to break if she left her alone for a bit), as she was listening to Quinn gush about her latest suitor, she ended up blurting out;

"Quinn, how do you know when you're in love with somebody?"

The question took Quinn by surprise, and she let out a little smirk, but it had also taken Santana by surprise too. Who was she even referring to here, Brittany or Dani? She didn't even know. Her subconscious mind was just great at taking over nowadays.

"Are you thinking about dropping the L-bomb to Dani?"

Santana dropped her head. They'd actually already said it to each other, although Santana never planned for it. Dani had said it fairly quickly and at the time she had just said it back, because what else could she say? She definitely didn't love her when she first said it, it was way too quick. Then it became a routine of saying it so often, she figured she must love her. But now she was really starting to doubt all that. If she was in love with Dani, she wouldn't be thinking about Brittany so much and she wouldn't be so confused. She loved her, but she wasn't in love with her. But she wasn't going to beat herself up about that. It was early days and those feelings could still grow.

She laughed shyly and hoped Quinn would either answer the question or drop the subject. She couldn't go into the specifics with her. Luckily, Quinn settled for the former.

"Well…a lot of people will tell you that being in love is all excitement and butterflies and passion, and sure, with love comes all of that. But for me…being in love it just, feels like home. It's that simple"

Santana nodded her appreciation, before swiftly changing the subject. Dani was excitement, she was butterflies and she was passion, but she certainly wasn't home, not yet anyway. She forked through her spaghetti feeling more confused than ever.

Later that evening, she got back to find Mila fast asleep and tucked up in bed. She knew Mila would have been fluttering her eyelashes at Brittany to try and get her to let her stay up later, but Brittany had clearly stood her ground.

Brittany wasn't downstairs, so she figured she must be in the bedroom, and when she pushed the door open to find Brittany sleeping on the bed her heart melted at the sight. She looked so beautiful and peaceful. She worried that Brittany would get cold, so she went over to pull the blankets over her, being careful not to wake her.

She couldn't resist running her hand delicately over Brittany's soft face, smoothing the creases that had formed in her sleep. She instantly regretted it when she saw Brittany began to stir lightly.

"San?" she squinted, her eyes tired and confused.

"Shh, go back to sleep angel" Santana soothed, stroking Brittany's hair softly. She watched as Brittany closed her eyes again, a small smile playing on the blonde's lips. When she knew Brittany was safely sleeping again, she dropped an innocent kiss on her forehead, before leaving her to rest.

It was only 9pm, so she decided she was going to have a glass or two of wine before going to bed herself.

As she brought the red wine to her lips, she enjoyed the instant calm feeling that washed over her, as the warmth of the liquid glided down her throat.

She wasn't relaxed for long, before she heard Mila cry out. She quickly set the glass down and dashed upstairs. In the past week or so, Mila had been suffering with nightmares. She had spoken to her father about this, and George thought it was normal considering that Mila would be feeling unsettled at the moment and impacted by all of the high emotion in the house.

"Even if you try to hide it, she will still sense it. Children are very intuitive, and very heavily influenced by their environment and the adults around them. But don't worry Mija, it's all part of the process. She will be okay, and she will stop having the nightmares. We just need to keep an eye on her" he had told her.

But of course, for Santana, it was never nice seeing her little girl in distress.

She pushed the door open fast, ready to comfort her daughter, but when she got there, she saw that Brittany had already got there first.

The two of them had their backs to Santana, so they didn't realise she was standing there. And as she watched Brittany tenderly comforting a tearful Mila, whispering comforting words and rubbing her back, Santana felt a sudden bolt of realisation. It was like the fog had lifted and she could finally see clear.

Brittany was home for her.

And then it hit her like a truck. It hit her in the same way she had watched Brittany fall asleep earlier. Slowly, and then all at once.

"Oh my God…I'm in love with my best friend"