A/N: Hola, readers! So I was hoping to have this chapter up a few days ago but I got hit with the worst case of writer's block. But happy days are here again and chapter 7 is all ready for you viewing pleasure. I really appreciate the reviews and follows. Honestly, it keeps me going and I'm so glad to see such a great response. Without further delay, here is the next installment.
Let's go back to the place where it all began.
Clare stared at that text for what felt like a lifetime, unsure of why the words were making her heart swell in her chest. The reality of it all was that Eli was asking to head out for drinks at the very same dank bar in which he'd met her: completely drunk from each Bloody Mary she indulged in. It was a hole in the wall bar, barely even recognizable to a passerby that wasn't too keen on the area and yet his delivery had more or less swept her off his feet.
He was a writer through and through- that much was for certain. There was a sense of romanticism to it that Clare couldn't quite shake though she was willing to bet Eli wasn't of the same mind. Since she'd stopped by the theatre earlier in the week, she and Eli had formed a friendship of sorts. On any given day, Clare could expect a text from Eli. It was never anything too major or important but all the same, she found herself anxious each time her phone would buzz, seeing the three letters that comprised his name flashing across her screen.
Try as she might have to deny it, Clare was beginning to like him but it was a small crush, fleeting- or so she continued to tell herself. She already knew Eli's policy on dating though she didn't necessarily agree with it. How could someone so charming and thoughtful rule out the possibility of being in a relationship? Clare could admit the timing would be hasty regardless of the fact. She was still fresh off a break up with Jake but as time went along, Clare realized how much easier it had become to forget about him. Admittedly there were days she'd see him in the office and her heart would sink to the pit of her stomach but just as quickly as it would happen, Eli would come to mind. He was the antidote to sooth her troubled mind and it worked like a charm each and every time.
It wasn't something that Clare had consciously decided to do. Eli was just a great person to be around, whether the company was in person or through a technological means. No matter how trivial the text was, whether it be a simple "Hello" or "How are you?", Clare was always sure to feel her pulse quicken just knowing he had been thinking about her. She was well aware it was a futile mission. She'd never seen someone so stuck in their ways like Eli had been dead set on not dating. But a part of her, perhaps a very naïve portion of her mind wanted to believe she could be the exception to the rule one day.
There was still so much about him that she didn't know but Clare was looking forward to getting the chance to sit down with him and talk. The day of her visit to the Tarragon Theatre, she had been granted some insight into the inner workings of his mind. To say she was intrigued by him would be a vast understand statement. Maybe it could be attributed to her inner journalist or an insatiable thirst to know more but Clare's mind would wander to him more often than she cared to admit aloud. This was the last thing she had been expecting but as she knew better than anyone these days, life never went according to a single plan. It was far better to live for the moment rather than make plans for tomorrow.
Her eyes flashed back to the screen on her phone, an unrelenting series of butterflies taking flight in her stomach, much to her chagrin. She didn't want to like anyone but it would have been impossible not to feel something of the romantic nature towards Eli. All the same, Clare was sure she could do away with those feelings. It would only lead to disappointment later down the road when she'd be hit with the hard truth once more that Eli wasn't someone who felt inclined to date. In the end, a friendship was what she longed for most and it was something she was certain Eli could provide.
Nodding to herself, Clare squared her shoulders as she typed up a quick reply.
Sounds good. I'll see you at seven then. And no, Drunk Clare will not be joining this evening, she quipped, pleased with herself for making light of their first meeting.
Damn, I was hoping she'd grace me with her presence but Sober Clare will have to do. I can't wait, he replied soon after.
Biting back on her lower lip, Clare ran a hand through her auburn curls, a low groan leaving her as she set her phone aside on the couch. Glancing up at the clock above the television, Clare noted she still three hours to mentally prepare herself for this outing with Eli. It wasn't a date by any stretch of the imagination but that didn't stop her nerves from acting as if it were.
This would be the first time they would truly be alone for a day and the significance of that wasn't something that Clare could easily do away with. She doubted it registered in Eli's mind as anything more than what it was on the surface. It was hard to tell what Eli was thinking and she had to wonder if that was an innate skill he had or if it was a trick he'd acquired over the years. Whatever it might have been, Clare was always unsure of how to take his words, knowing it would be all too easy to misconstrue it as flirting. He was as sarcastic as they came; quick witted and never without some type of comeback up his sleeve. It was something that Clare had quickly grown to appreciate and even admire about him.
She found herself thinking on these small quirks of his and was looking forward to the chance of discovering more in the coming hours. He was a welcomed distraction from life but more than that, he was already becoming someone that she cared about. Never would she have been able to guess that such a thing could blossom from one random exchange at bar when she was far too inebriated to recall some aspects but here they were today.
Pushing herself up from the couch, Clare went over to her sound system and turned it on, allowing the euphoric instrumental disc to play in the open air before turning and walking into the main hall. She contemplated calling or texting Alli about this upcoming meet up with Eli but she didn't want to refer to her friend for every little thing pertaining to him. She could get through this night and fill her in at a later date, knowing that if Alli knew ahead of time she would demand to come over and dress Clare up for the outing.
A low groan left her as she realized she was at a loss for what to wear, wishing she had paid more attention to her wardrobe. She knew she was over-thinking but that was simply how she was naturally without a single sign of recovery. She figured it best to get a head start in the outfit planning, heading straight for her closet as she entered her room.
Going through the rack, she ruled out each item, deeming them too formal or too dressy. They were simply meeting for drinks and Clare wanted an outfit that could be casual but appealing enough to still catch his eye. A part of her felt foolish for putting so much thought into this but it was important to her, no matter how many times she would war with herself and say otherwise. She knew Eli didn't want to date but that didn't necessarily mean that he was opposed to taking a liking to a person. As far as she was concerned, it couldn't hurt to put some consideration into what she wore.
Clare stopped as she reached her favorite tunic. The embellishments along the collar were intricate with blue and silver detailing to accent the white fabric, complete with the option to do a bow. Smiling to herself she knew this was the top for the night as she went over to her dresser and took out her favorite pair of jeans. They fit her in all the right areas, Clare blushing in spite of herself at the thought of Eli taking notice.
Now that the most important decision of the night was resolved, Clare felt more at ease with the prospect of meeting up with Eli. The nerves were normal with any crush, a fact she had learned over the years through her experiences with guys. But Eli wasn't like any other person she'd dealt with in the past. They were all open to the prospect of testing the waters but Eli's heart was practically welded shut. Come what may of the night, Clare was just eager to have the chance to learn more about the guy who had come along and essentially brought new life into her.
"It. Is. Not. A. Date," Eli broke down for the umpteenth time as he walked along the sidewalk with Adam.
His patience on the matter was wearing thin but with Adam he always did his best to maintain his moods rather than snapping. But now his friend was walking a very fine line, one of which wasn't too strong to begin with. Since Eli had told Adam his plans for the night, his persistence had been kicked up a few notches. Eli tried to attribute it to the fact that Adam himself was embarking on a date night with his girlfriend Becky and therefore manifested that way of thinking into his own life.
But it couldn't have been further from the truth.
If he were to take a girl out, it certainly wouldn't be a bar, a dinner at best or something equally as neutral that would allow for them to get closer. This meeting with Clare was a simple get-to-know-you deal. He wanted to actually sit down with her and see her expressions rather than having to imagine how she was reacting to the things he had to say. Eli could relent enough and admit that he had been enjoying their banter throughout the week and wanted to actually dig below the surface with Clare a bit more.
She was the first girl he found himself gravitating towards after his breakup with Imogen a little over a year ago. The proverbial wounds of that relationship still hurt at times and he knew that opening himself up to someone else could very well run of the risk of reopening those emotional cuts.
He couldn't shake the words she had spoken to him at the theatre. It was more or less the same mantra his friends had been reiterating over the years but hearing it from an outsiders perspective resonated with him. He was sabotaging himself by closing off his heart but after being hurt twice by two people he genuinely trusted, Eli wasn't sure he could survive a third time. He had been broken too badly to possibly lose whatever bit of him still remained after those relationships took a nosedive.
Clare was bringing about this side of him he thought he'd said goodbye to years ago. He was seeing now that he really did have it in him to take time out to speak to a girl, to have that nagging need to want to know more. He still wasn't sure what to make of it but he certainly didn't want to rush things and confuse his feelings and mistake them to mean something more. He was perfectly content with friendship with Clare and while they'd only known each other a short while, she was quickly becoming someone he found himself thinking about and wanting to talk to.
Adam had taken notice of how frequently he was texting away on his phone, his thumbs seeming to have morphed with the screen but he didn't pay him any mind. Fiona was curious as well, especially seeing how differently his mood was after Clare left the theatre. According to her he seemed happier than he'd been in a long while, giving him an accusing look when he tried to speak differently. His basic conclusion was that his friends were willing to jump at the first sign of life in his romantic field. He appreciated how supportive they were but there was still a lot of gray area as far as Clare was concerned.
Adam didn't seem too receptive to Eli's direct clarification, a scowl on his lips as he walked beside Eli with his hands in his pockets.
"Alright, alright. So it's not a date but it is a very promising hang out, right? I mean, you guys talk all the time. Now you all are actually meeting up. That has to count for something, don't deny it," he said, his tone stern though for Adam it didn't quite have the firm delivery he intended.
Eli shrugged his shoulders and sighed. "I swear you won't be happy unless I shout it from a rooftop that I'm in love with this girl. I don't know her but yes, I am looking forward to seeing her and finding out more. But it's just friendship, Adam. You know I can't do anything more than that."
"You can't or you don't want to? Because there's a line between the two and I'm not so sure you know the difference."
Stopping in his tracks, Eli stared after Adam who had continued walking until he realized Eli wasn't with him.
"What'd I say?" he asked innocently, truly at a loss for what he might have said to offend his best friend.
Drawing in a breath, Eli shook his head and caught up with him. "Nothing, don't worry about it," he mumbled as they continued.
Eli knew he was being sensitive about this. When it came to his feelings, he always was. It was both a blessing and a curse, enabling him to produce such noteworthy pieces due to the fact that he was good at having an emotional connection with his characters and getting into their mindsets. But when it was for him personally, in regards to love and relationships, it seemed to backfire. He was always the one who loved too hard and cared too much. He figured maybe he was putting his trust in the wrong people or perhaps he was the problem. Maybe it was a mix of the two but regardless it was enough of a deterrent to keep Eli away from relationships if he could avoid it.
He could admit, if only to himself, that Adam was right just like Clare had been after only having the one talk with him. It was painfully obvious just how much he let his past interfere with what could be a promising future.
"I know you're sick and tired of me harping on about it but I think you could actually like Clare if you gave it a real shot. I'm not saying you guys have to date or get married but a crush wouldn't be the worst thing that could happen. All I know it that she seems to make you happy. For the first time in over a year, I'm actually seeing you get excited about something other than your plays," Adam said softly, almost as if he were afraid to overstep again.
But this time Eli actually took his words to heart. He couldn't deny the fact that he and Clare had chemistry once he loosened the grip he had on his no dating disclaimer. She was smart and well read, easy to talk to and as far as he could tell a genuinely good person. After the breakup she had, Eli was glad to see that she was coming out of her shell more and more. She would fill him in on books she'd bought, eager to devote more time to doing the things she loved. With little things like a love for reading and writing, Eli knew that they had a decent basis for a friendship.
It had been so long since he last opened his heart up that he almost forgot what felt like to develop feelings for a person. Prior to this talk now, Eli hadn't been nervous at all to see Clare but now it was beginning to dawn on him that perhaps there really was a reason he couldn't help but smile each time her name appeared on the screen. Maybe he really did have a crush on her but the weight of that was what scared him, the implications that could follow as a result of growing attached to someone.
"She does make me happy," Eli said after a time, rounding the corner and continuing the walk to the bar which was coming up soon. "But she just got out of a relationship. I'm not putting myself in the position to be someone's rebound and we both know I do not know the meaning of the word casual. I'm an all or nothing guy which is why things have to stay this way until further notice."
Adam nodded his head as he let Eli's words sink in. "I'm just happy you could admit to that much. Play it by ear and see how it goes but if all signs are pointing to 'go', do yourself a favor and don't back out of it or come up with some bogus excuse as to why you have to cut things short. That's all I ask," he said, patting Eli on the back.
As they approached the bar, Eli stopped in front of the establishment and checked the time on his watch. He was early, just as he had been hoping to be. Now with this newfound revelation of sorts presenting itself to him, Eli was doubly thankful for the extra bit of downtime before Clare was set to arrive. He hated how anxious he felt, certainly one of the side effects of having a crush that he didn't miss. But for Clare, it was almost worth it.
"I'd better get a move on. I still need to get flowers for Becky before I pick her up," Adam said, glancing at his watch as well.
"Of course, don't let me hold you up. Tell her I said hi, yeah?"
"Sure thing; I'll tell her," he said, his face a little unsure before he spoke once more. "Have a good time tonight, alright? Remember, just see where the night takes you."
Nodding his head, Eli managed to muster up a smile. "I'll keep you posted afterwards. Now get out of here. You don't want to keep Little Miss Sunshine waiting," he teased, earning himself a playful jab in the arm by Adam before he turned to leave.
Once he was alone, there really wasn't anything else for Eli to do other than go inside and wait for Clare to show up.
Eli let himself in, the bar somewhat full but not too overwhelming that it would take away from their plan for the night. Going over to the bar, he took a seat and waited for the bartender to finish up with another patron before he order a whiskey and Coke for himself and a Bloody Mary for Clare, knowing that to be her drink of choice. She would be arriving any minute, trusting that the journalist in her was always punctual. Just then the door opened and immediately his eyes landed on her.
Even in such a drab space she somehow managed to look remarkable. As she looked around for him, Eli took those few stolen moments to look her over. She practically glowed in her white top, her jeans extremely snug, a fact he couldn't overlook no matter how much it made him feel the stereotypical male. When she finally spotted him, he was greeted to the most beautiful smile he'd ever seen. It was strange how important he felt just because she was looking at him in such a way. He smiled back and waved her over, Clare bounding towards him with her curls bouncing along.
"It's so great to see you," she said, her tone bright. She was in a really good mood and it was contagious. All his worry from before had now dissipated into nothing.
As she got seated in the stool beside him, the bartender returned with their drinks, setting them down on the counter.
"You don't waste any time, do you?" she teased, reaching for her drink and toying with the straw. "Thanks for this though, really. I didn't exactly think you'd forget but it's still nice of you."
"I figured I should start us off. I'll continue clinging to the hope that we can get you drunk enough to where you want to fall asleep right here," he teased, poking fun at the first time they'd met.
Hiding her face, Clare groaned and laughed. "I'll never live that down with you, will I?"
"Nope," Eli replied, making a popping sound on the letter 'p'.
"I should have known. With luck you'll do something equally as incriminating and I can take nothing but sheer delight in holding it over your head forever."
"Wishful thinking at its finest, Edwards. You won't catch me slipping up any time soon so I wouldn't hold my breath if I were you," he said confidently, helping himself to his drink.
Following suit Clare took a sip of her own, her eyes fixed on him. It had only been a few minutes and already she felt completely at ease with him, glad to see that their talks via text translated so well in person as well. It was reassuring to say the least. More than anything, she liked how comfortable and natural things were around Eli. Never once did she feel as if she had to watch what she said, knowing he'd appreciate any thought she ventured to share.
"We all make mistakes at some point and when you mess up, I'll be right there in the front row to see it. But speaking of audiences, how are things with the play going?" she transitioned.
"You'll be waiting until the end of time, I'm afraid. If it weren't so ill-advised I'd actually respect that level of devotion," he quipped, a sly smirk painting his lips. "Things are going great, thanks. Nice segue by the way. After the interview we had last week, it seems like everyone is even more pumped than they were before which is saying something because they've been jazzed for quite some time now. We're so close to opening night, it's almost surreal. It's bittersweet though, you know? After spending so much time writing it, going through auditions and rehearsals, I'm going to miss all the grunt work but the end result is something I know we'll all be proud of." He fell silent after that, almost embarrassed for going off on such a tangent but it couldn't be helped.
"I guess only time will tell on that. I can be a bit too persistent for my own good so we'll see." Drinking more, Clare tucked a curl behind her ear as he spoke, studying his face and noting how passionate he was about the play. "I can't wait to see it opening night. All this talk about the play and crashing that rehearsal has me excited for it. You're a brilliant director, Eli. I'm sure you get that all the time but it's well deserved." Smiling a bit, she licked her lips before she thought to ask him more about the interview. "Ian covered you, right? He's such a nice guy," she commented, more so to herself as she swirled her straw inside the glass.
Eli rolled his eyes at her but was actually intrigued by her tenacity. He perked up at the mention of her coming to opening night, unable to still his heart from beating quickly at the thought of her seeing it all in its finished splendor. "You want to be there? I mean, of course. That'd be great if you could make it. You guys flatter me far too much but it means more than I can say, honestly. Playwriting and directing are seriously my life and it's incredible to see the response we've been getting." Though she hadn't meant it in a suggestive manner, his throat went a bit dry as she licked her lips, his eyes now trained on her mouth before snapping out of his reverie. "He was awesome to work with though I can't say the same for the photographer," he griped, setting his glass to his lips. "Such an asshole but whatever. At least when Ian comes back after the play, that's the last I'll have to see of that other guy."
"Of course I want to be there, silly. You didn't think I'd actually miss your play, did you? You do a wonderful job and it shows, trust me. This is only the beginning but you're off to one heck of a start, Goldsworthy," she saluted, raising her glass to him before giggling. Her face soon grew serious though, her heart sinking a bit. "The photographer…who? Why didn't you like him?"
Once more he felt his pulse quicken at her words, reprimanding himself as to not get swept up in things with her now. Even the sound of her laughter was enough to manipulate his breathing, making it so he had to focus on steading himself. He raised his glass as well and simply smiled, a bit too preoccupied to think of a response. "Yeah, Jake Martin I think it was. Let's just say he's not afraid to give an honest opinion on how trivial he thinks my play is. Like it damn near killed him to sit quietly for two hours and snap a few shots." He could hear the annoyance ringing in his words, downing his drink to busy him.
He hadn't noticed the look of shock that took over her features, how quickly her smile dropped from her face at the mention of his name. "Jake…I…I'm really sorry about that, Eli. He can be very blunt sometimes but I can't believe he would be so rude to you. He's lucky you didn't say anything to Janis," she hissed, her face scrunching up.
Eli looked at her then, taken aback by how upset she was. He tried to understand what caused the sudden change when it all began to click in his mind. He remembered the night they'd first met where she sat at this very same bar and mentioned her ex's name in passing. But it couldn't be.
"You're joking, right? Please tell me there are two Jake Martins running around your office and you didn't date that bastard," he all but pleaded.
Polishing off the rest of her drink, Clare coughed and shook her head, rubbing at her temple. "I wish I were kidding," she said solemnly. "Again, I'm sorry that he was mean to you. I don't know why he gets like that sometimes but don't listen to him, okay? Your play is phenomenal and so worthy of being featured."
"Stop apologizing for him, Clare. He's not your boyfriend. You don't have to cover for him." He shut his mouth quickly, seeing how she'd flinched at his words. "I just meant that you don't owe me an apology and I sure as hell don't need one from him. I'm proud of the work that we've done and it's going to take a lot more than some guy that doesn't know anything to take away from this moment."
He searched her eyes for a moment before she dropped her gaze, her index finger tracing the rim of her cup. "It's still like second nature for me," she said softly, still focused on her glass though he watched her unwaveringly. "I just wonder when I'll finally get that clean break I need to move on from him. It'd be a whole lot easier if he would stop ignoring my existence and actually told me why he dumped me. If it was something I did, I'd like to at least apologize for it…gain some closure on it all." Looking up at him, she let out a shaky sigh. "Sorry, I don't know where all of this is coming from. We can talk about something else, yes? I feel like I already ruined the mood."
"As much as I hate to say it, you won't lose that empty feeling until he owns up to the cause. But if I can say this, I really don't think you're the problem here. Call me bias but he's not exactly the most charming guy out there and to be perfectly honest, I'm surprised you guys were together. It's okay to talk about it; I don't mind hearing you out. I just want you to see that you can do so much better than a guy that doesn't even have the decency to clear the air after he broke up with you. It doesn't seem like it's possible now but trust me. One day you'll reach a point where he'll become nothing but a vague memory to you."
Clare closed her eyes as he spoke, knowing his words to be true. But even still it was hard to accept. Opening them back up, Clare could see how heartfelt he was and it was something she was quickly becoming fond of. He didn't sugarcoat anything or beat around the bush which too many people did far too often. Eli was straight to the point and she liked that.
"Well, it's anyone's guess at this point as to when that chat will happen so I guess I'm stuck like this. One minute I think I'm completely fine and then a reminder of him springs up and I'm back to square one. It's exhausting," she said, her blue eyes meeting with his green. "I just want to forget everything for a little while, live a life that's not my own. Does that sound weird?"
Eli smiled as she spoke, Clare's brows furrowing in confusion. "How much do you trust me?"