And I'm back - started a new job a few weeks ago, so time and energy were in short supply lately.
Why did we follow this idiot into the creepy basement? We didn't come down here during the Blight – but I'm sure this is where that demon charged out from. The one Scruffy and Al had to kill, while we were dealing with all the other shit... whatever happened with that sword they found on it? You-Saw-Us. Everyone reacted like some famous guy once owned it, big historical thing, and then it just got dumped in the camp storage box. Hell, Bodahn probably stole it. No wonder he fucked off to Kirkwall and left Shoe behind to take the fall for him. Gonna bite that bastard, I ever see him again.
Now he's just gawking at the walls. Nerd, do you even know where the fuck we're going?
"Shouldn't you be paying attention?" Good point, Ari! And you, Mistress. I don't know what 'the Sentinels are misbehaving' means, like Hadley said before... but that doesn't sound good. Especially in this bloody place. Remember last time someone told us there was problems in the Tower?! 'The Sentinels are misbehaving' – who hears that, and thinks "well, dunk a butt! I'll take them on!'?
She didn't get an answer, but Ari tries again. "You said we need to talk to a statue? You know that chatting with inanimate objects is a sign of insanity, yes?"
"Not when they talk back" Nerd grins.
"The statue... talks to you?"
I'm with Ari. This is either a waste of time, or the statue will turn out to be a monster. Or both.
"It wasn't always a statue – you'll see."
Monster. Mistress, just once, can we not march right into the monster's bedroom?
"Calm down, Max. It's not like this will be the first talking statue we've met" she comments.
Oh yeah, the two morons in the Woods. I hated those jerks.
"Great. Let's all talk to statues" Ari grumbles. I fall back beside her. I'm with you. Literally.
We approach a door. Okay, no. The air smells creepy in there. Let's go the long way.
… And Mistress opens it up. I said 'long' way, not 'wrong' way.
Naturally, some suits of armour are alive. Also naturally, they attack us. Well, none of that is natural but you know what I mean.
Leaving the others to deal with the armours, I notice a weird rip in the air. When in doubt, bite the bloody thing. That seemed to have some kind of effect, so I keep giving it the chomp. Ari soon joins me, and starts stabbing it. You know what I miss, Ari? Living the peaceful kind of life where bashing at a hole in thin air would have seemed ludicrous.
"Yes!" Nerd shouts. "That tear in the Veil must be influencing the Sentinels! We need to close it." Sure, I knew that. I attacked this thing because of strategy.
"See? The Sentinels are going back to normal." So much as they get to normality. "We need to deal with the rest of these rips."
So does just bashing them sound good to everyone, or do we need some kind of special tool? … What would even be the correct tool for this shit? Probably some idiot with a magic glowy hand we have to stick into the hole, given how stupid today has been.
As we pass another chest, I stop and sniff. There's Mabari Crunch down here too?! Zero idea how or why, but I do appreciate whomstever has left it all over the Tower just for me.
We continue down the corridors for a while, and finally reach what Nerd claims to be the place.
Do they really let mages wander around down here? With the Veil tears and spiders and armours? Scruffy said that big Veil rip out in the swamp gave him headaches and demon whispers... no wonder that bald guy Mage went crazy and took over. At least they took out the 'phylactery' room? Whatever that means. 'Lact' is something to do with milk... I dunno what they'd be milking in this place, but I sure don't want to find out.
I turn my attention back to the group, as Nerd gets the door open.
"The prison is breached. I see the encroaching darkness!" a new voice booms out.
Aaaaaannnnnd we're done here. C'mon everyone, time to leave!
Nerd walks up to the damn statue. "Hello?"
"The shadow... will consume all!" Stop talking to it, right the fuck now.
"It's useless like this" Nerd declares. Hey, I hate the fucking thing too, but you don't have to insult it to its... worn-down bit that kinda looks like a face. "Something's causing it distress. Probably the tears. We'll have to deal with them first."
Well, isn't that fucking lovely? Doing the Templars' work for them, again. I wish more of them would be like that stupid one in Amaranthine, who yelled at us because she couldn't find Al's Changeling guy... last I heard, she went missing trying to find him in the swamp, and turned up dead. Good times.
Off to bite more air-holes... when I tell this story in future, I think I'll skip this bit. Hell, let's skip it right now! The only interesting thing is that the Sentinels aren't all armours, a couple of them are like translucent mages. So anyway, dear readers, back to the creepy statue.
"I am the spirit of-" here we go with it's life story. If it even is alive.
"Yeah yeah, adviser to Archon Valerius blahblahblah" Nerd interrupts. That was rude... but called for. Get to the point, Statue.
"Finn. Greetings" it responds. Ha! Loser boy has such a zero-amount of friends he talks to rocks, to the point they know his name.
"You know each other?" Mistress notes. Because he's a loser.
"We've spoken before, about the Imperium." … And the Templars let people talk to cursed statues about the fucking Tevinters. You guys deserved to get your arses kicked by the bald guy, before we showed up! "Straight answers are tricky. You have to parse through the grandiose mumbo-jumbo."
Great, so this could all be a waste of time.
He pauses for air, before continuing. "We know where a broken Eluvian lies. Can it be used to find others?"
Wait, what the fuck? We need to find Morrie, not your dumb mirror thing.
"Is that what we want, suddenly?" Ari mutters to Mistress. Right? Ari gets it.
"Our best lead is to assume Morrigan is searching for one, as well" she shrugs.
"Scry. The broken-glass, dagger sharp, will be your key" Statue moans. Some bullshit about lights and the Stone. So we want to go to Orzammar, to find Elven stuff? I give up listening to the stupidity and wander off. This has gone on for so long, I need drainage. And that orb looks like something that needs peeing on. Honestly, the smell of my piss might be an improvement to how stale the air is down here. Makes me feel stronger, at least.
"Something wrong, Warden?" I hear Ari ask. Looking over, I see Mistress has cupped her chin.
"No – just trying to think. I've been to Cadash Thaig, can't remember if it looked like Elven ruins" she answers.
"Well, at least we'll save time trying to find it."
Yeah, Nerd makes a good point... except for the part where you're not fucking coming along. I forbid it!