Upstead (First Kiss)

Chapter 22

Hello folks! I am back with another chapter. Inspiration has struck and I want to make full use of it and write as much as possible. Hopefully, the quality too is up to the mark. This is another emotional chapter, so brace yourselves before diving into it. Nonetheless, enjoy! :)

PS: This chapter has a lot of parallels with some of my earlier chapters. I hope you can see them, otherwise you can always read back and see for yourself what I am talking about. Cheers. :)

This was a nightmare and it appeared one from which Jay or Hailey could not come out so easily. If Voight had come at their doorstep he had probably known that Jay was here. The million dollar question was how the hell did he know these things. It was almost embarrassing after a point to talk to him about such things. Hailey joined the men meekly and held her breath hoping this would end well and quickly. Jay was frozen near the door and Voight was standing in the middle looking from one to the other. Hailey's heart was in her throat, she probably had never felt so scared in her life. She looked down, unable to meet her Sargeant's eyes. The more the silence lasted the more it became evident that Voight was pissed. Then he spoke in a low voice trying his best not to let his anger spill out just yet, "Do you realise what you have done? Do you realise you have gone behind my back and disobeyed my direct orders?"

Both of them looked up to see who Voight was addressing and they realised he was speaking to both of them. Instantly their eyes reverted back to the ground, because this was just the beginning. Seeing them not responding Voight continued, anger more evident now, "I don't tolerate such behaviour in my unit. I should throw both of you out of this unit this very instant."

Still, they didn't respond nor look up at him. And this was pissing Voight off. He moved towards Jay and Jay was forced to look up at him. Voight spoke, "How many times have I told you no sleeping around in this unit? You don't seem to understand the consequences of this Jay."

Now Hailey knew that Jay was under the spotlight and her heart ached, he didn't deserve this. She simply looked at him, defeated and helpless. Voight continued, louder each time, "I don't know what to do with you Halstead. You don't deserve to be in Intelligence if you are going to behave so recklessly."

Hailey was only looking at Jay, hoping to catch every little reaction but there were none. Jay's face was as blank as a slate, but she knew that he was breaking apart from inside and wouldn't last too long. Voight went on, "I warned you specifically Jay, but still you broke the rule and came here. Who do you think you are?"

Now he turned towards Hailey and spoke to her, "I didn't expect this from you Upton. I thought you were more sensible and level-headed than Halstead."

Hailey just stared at him realising that words were not going to solve this matter. She just waited for his next attack. He went on, "Hailey, it will only take me a minute to send you back to Robbery-Homicide. If your personal life is no important then do something that doesn't involve risking your life everyday, because I can't tolerate this nonsense in my unit," he finished screaming now.

He yelled now, looking at both of them, "This is my unit, and if you have a problem with my rules and how I do things, get the hell out! I don't need incompetent people."

Hailey was nearing tears, it was a good thing that both of them were the targets of Voight, because if she would have been alone, she would have long broken down. She had had her fair share of screamings from Voight, but this time was different. Jay too had kept it together because they had shared the burden, but he was terrified from within. He and Voight had clashed on several occasions and he knew the outcome. Seeing that none of them still spoke, Voight continued, "I am suspending both of you for a week and until this undercover case is wrapped up. And I can't promise if you'll ever set foot in Intelligence again."

There was a distinct chill that swept through the room and Jay and Hailey felt as though their entire worlds had come crashing down. This could not be happening and especially for the both of them. Suddenly Jay spoke, in a tone that suggested he had lost everything he loved and didn't care anymore about the outcomes, "You know what Sarge, since you are most probably going to throw me out, I just want you to hear this."

The moment these words left Jay's mouth Hailey knew this was going to get ugly. He continued nonetheless, "You don't understand the meaning of love, because if you did you wouldn't put us through this."

Voight was amused by this statement and he asked, "Are you telling me I am heartless Jay?"

"Yes," Jay answered, bracing himself. He added, "And you yourself admit to this fact."

Hailey was trembling from within now, this was not going to end well. Jay had to shut up before Voight lost it completely. But Jay didn't care, as she had just noticed and continued, "Al was killed because of you and you still behave in this manner."

That had hit Voight at another level and he approached Jay shoving him in the chest and pushing him, "You stop right there Halstead."

Hailey was downright scared now, because if at all a fight broke out she would be of no use whatsoever. She had to persuade Jay to shut his mouth with her words. But Jay was really in his own world, "Your entire is family is dead because of you. Everyone you love is dead because you don't know how to understand love."

Hailey screamed now, "Stop it Jay! Shut your mouth! You don't know what you are saying!"

The situation was clearly out of hand now and Voight looked as though he would shoot Jay if he was handed a gun. He swung and punched Jay, hitting his jaw and making him falter. What Hailey had most feared transpired and she could only look. There was no way in hell she could stop Voight physically or even Jay for that matter. She tried to think what she could do when suddenly the main door opened and the team walked in. Seeing Voight reach out for another punch Kevin and Adam grabbed him from behind and stopped him. Jay steadied himself, still no particular expression on his face. Kim and Vanessa went to him and helped him up and held him. Hailey was glued to her spot and she for once wished she hadn't existed so that she wouldn't have had to see this moment ever. But it seemed Jay was not done, "Sarge, you don't realise the pressure you put on us regarding relationships is ten times worse than actually having the relationship. Why the hell can't you understand that we are humans and not robots!" he screamed, wanting to get out of Vanessa's and Kim's grip.

Voight simply looked at him, attempting to finish him off by his eyes, because Adam and Kevin had a firm hold on him. Kim urged for Jay to get out of the apartment. He certainly needed to visit Med and get checked out, but more importantly he needed to get out before things got worse between him and Voight. They left, and Kevin and Adam let go of Voight who was still fuming. He walked towards Hailey and she thought he might actually hit her also, but he spoke, "Hailey, start packing up things and shutting down this apartment. This case is over now."

Hailey simply nodded, still too numb to utter words. Saying this Voight headed out and Kevin and Adam started helping Hailey with the packing. It appeared that everything had ended, but the repercussions were still to be felt.

It was late evening when finally Hailey had a free moment. She had spent the entire day wrapping up her case and briefing the appropriate people about it. Marc was to be used as leverage to bring down his boss, a major drug dealer. The fact that Halstead had come there was still under wraps and nobody knew but Intelligence. She had to speak to Voight several times as well but he seemed to have calmed down and he didn't even come down on her anymore. The matter was closed according to Voight and it would be discussed again after a week, until then he expected no one to talk about it. And Hailey understood that and respected his decision. In fact, there was a part of her that felt bad for Voight as well, because Jay shouldn't have said those things even if they were true to a certain extent. But nonetheless, now was not the time to poke his wounds, everything would be looked after later, at least tomorrow, not today, this day had been more than enough for everybody.

After all her work was over she only had one thought in her mind and that was to meet Jay. From what she had seen in the morning, he wasn't in good shape and that meant physically and mentally and most importantly, emotionally. He was broken and she knew it and she wanted to be there for him. So she headed straight to his apartment. The lights were on, so she assumed he was still awake. She knocked on the door and he opened it in a few moments. He saw her and the first thing he asked her was, "What are you doing here Hailey?"

He was still having difficulty looking at her and Hailey really wanted to get to the bottom of that. His direct question surprised her but she answered, "I wanted to see you."

He nodded and let her in. She entered sighing, thinking that at least this hurdle was crossed. It only struck her now that he wasn't wearing anything on top and the reason for that did not please her one bit. There were bruises on his chest and abdomen. He saw her staring and he said, "I am fine."

It was hard to believe but she didn't want to question him further so she said instead, "I'll just change and be back."

At that Jay looked at her and asked, "You're staying?"

This question hurt her more than it surprised her. What was this? And why was Jay behaving like this? She said then, "I won't if you don't want me to."

"Hailey, do whatever you want. I just asked," he said as though everything were normal about this conversation.

Hailey was pissed and hurt. Why was Jay being so mean and hurtful all of a sudden? What had gotten into him? She chose not to continue this and headed for the bathroom. As she entered Jay sighed loudly and went to his bedroom and lay down on his bed. When Hailey came out she noticed he wasn't there so she went to his room and from the door itself she could see him lying down. She considered for a moment what to do and chose not to disturb him. Instead she went to the spare bedroom and lay down herself. For an hour or so she was simply tossing around unable to sleep. She let another half hour go by before deciding to check on Jay. She quietly went to his room and stood at the entrance trying to see whether his eyes were open or shut. But she couldn't so she asked in a whisper that she herself could barely hear, "Are you awake?"

She half-expected an answer when he said, "Yeah."

He was awake, but what was she going to do? She hadn't really thought about anything. But her heart was aching and she needed relief and closure of some sort so she approached him. As she entered he took in her figure, she was wearing lose sweats and a rather tight sleeve-less tank top. He averted his eyes immediately. She looked at him and her heart broke once more, he was hurt, the bruises were proof enough but his entire body language suggested defeat and pain. She couldn't hold herself back anymore. She reached out to him and climbed him all the way, kissing his face, his neck and his bare chest. Jay was slightly taken by surprise because he hadn't expected this. He didn't know whether he should hold her or just not react. He remained passive and that caused Hailey to stop and ask in the softest of sobs he had ever heard in his life, "Jay… Talk to me. Why are you avoiding me? Please talk to me."

Jay had his hands around her body now but he wasn't specifically holding her either. He spoke in between her tears, "Hailey… I can't do this right now. Hailey please… I think you should go," he was whispering, certain that these words would shatter her heart into million pieces, but he couldn't help himself.

He didn't push away her shoulders but he wasn't welcoming them either. Hailey sensed the hesitation from his side and got down slowly, wiping away her tears and saying softly, "Alright, I am sorry. I am sorry Jay."

She stood a moment longer and walked towards the door. Then she turned at the entrance and asked painfully, "You must really hate me after all that has happened?"

At that Jay sat up on his elbows and said, "I never stopped loving you Hailey. I still do, more than you know. But I just can't trust you."

These words brought her delight briefly but with the same briefness a pain she had never experienced before settled in her heart and Hailey didn't know what to say. For the first time in her life she had felt emotional pain directly in the heart, without it being processed by the mind. And this experience was enough to shatter her heart. A fresh wave of tears appeared in her eyes and she let them drop. Jay didn't trust her and there was nothing worse than that in the world. Even if he didn't love her she would be able to cope with that, but him not trusting her was the last thing she had wanted to experience in her life, because their entire relationship, be it friendship or a romantic one which had only started, stemmed from this trust they had in each other. And now that trust wasn't there and it meant there was nothing between them.

And that concludes the chapter. These few chapters will be emotionally heavy but I am certain they will serve the purpose to the story as a whole. Hope you liked this one and didn't find it too sentimental and dramatic. Please do comment, I would love to hear what all of you have to say. Thank you! :)