Upstead (First Kiss)

Chapter 23

Hello guys! Here is the new chapter. Again a lot of things are happening and there are sad moments. Please bear with them and look at them as helping the story move forward. I, in fact, have several ideas as to how this story could proceed and I am quite certain those ideas might be captivating. Anyway, we'll see about that when the time comes. Until then enjoy this chapter. :)

And happy new year to you all. I am wishing all of you a year full of good health and progress. :)

Hailey knew she had to get out of there before she broke down completely. It seemed that her entire world had come to an end abruptly and the person she had thought would hold her in this moment was in fact the person who had caused this. She left his door in tears and sat on her bed heavily unable to control her emotions any longer. She lay down slowly and pulled the sheets over her trying to get rid of the sudden chills that had gripped her body. She pulled the pillow that was beside her head and sobbed into it. What was happening? Why had their relationship taken such a turn? Neither of them in a million years would have thought that a moment would come in which they wouldn't be able to look the other in the eye. Hailey was devastated and that was an understatement. She just wanted to go back to his room and talk to him, ask him what the hell had happened. But she knew she couldn't, she just couldn't because Jay had made it clear he didn't want to discuss anything. She fell asleep in a while, too tired to think. It was a disturbed sleep, but it was something. Suddenly she turned in her sleep and half saw a figure standing not too far away from the bed. It could have been the darkness, or the grogginess from her sleep, but she couldn't recognise the figure and she leaped out of bed and stood up her heart in her throat. She quietly reached for the gun on her nightstand and the figure didn't fail to notice that and it approached her in one swift motion and stopped her. Hailey screamed, scared now. The person put his hand on her mouth trying to silence her and that's when she realised she needed to calm down.

"Hey, it's me. Stop screaming," came Jay's soft voice.

The moment he saw she had come back to her senses he let go of her hand and removed his hand from her mouth. Hailey exhaled, letting out all the fear and tension. She looked at him, still wondering whether he was really there. He now held her hands slowly and smiled briefly. Hailey was still in shock, because a few hours ago he didn't even want to look at her and now he was being romantic. The only thought that popped in her mind was, was he drunk? But he seemed sober and surprisingly in a good mood. Hailey figured she was still in her sleep and didn't try to rack her brain over this anymore. Jay had taken her hands and was leading her to the bed now, he made her sit and looked into her eyes. Hailey sensed what was going to happen and she didn't fight it. Jay smiled at that and gently pushed her on the bed making her lie down completely. Hailey was smiling from her position and waited for him to join her. He did, by jumping playfully on her and making her laugh loudly. The veins on her forehead were popping out prominently now and Jay too laughed aloud, thrilled by this little moment. His veins too popped out and both of them were laughing like children. Finally Hailey said, "I missed you."

He looked at her a moment longer and said, "Me too."

And now he captured her mouth softly and Hailey realised how much she had missed him and wanted him. They parted for breath and Hailey asked, "Jay, what are you doing?"

"Kissing you," he said with a broad smile.

Hailey couldn't help but smile but she still pursued, "Jay, are we good?"

He looked at her and said, "Hailey, I want to make up. Let's end this silence and forget anything ever happened."

Hailey looked at him in surprise but she was relieved to hear that Jay was willing to let go of this incident. But there was just something wrong about this entire thing and she couldn't help but doubt everything that was happening. Something just didn't feel right, but she couldn't pinpoint it. But before she could further analyse this Jay was kissing her neck and roaming his hands over body. And this was enough to stop her from doing anything at all. She revelled in his touch and made him feel the same way. Soon all their clothes were discarded and they were wrapped in the sheets, smiling, giggling and teasing each other. They were rolling playfully on the bed and they had reached the edge and Jay was threatening to push Hailey down. Hailey glared at him and said smiling from within, "Don't you dare!"

He just looked at her and laughed. He always loved teasing her and the fuss she made was even more adorable. He continued pushing her, faking it most of the time but Hailey thought every time she would fall. He had enough with his fun and he said, "How about I come with you?"

But before she could say anything they rolled over and Hailey screamed, "Jay!"

Darkness, sweat and ragged breathing accompanied Hailey when she opened her eyes trying to prevent her fall, but realising in a moment that that was just a dream and she was all alone in the room. She held her head and looked down trying to shake off the dream, it was too good to be real. There was no way this was going to blow over so easily and Jay had made it clear that he wasn't going to forget this so fast, even if at all.

The following morning Jay woke up early, he had had enough of just lying down. He had tried sleeping, but that hadn't happened for a long while. And now he was sick of limply lying on his bed waiting for sleep to come to him. He went to the kitchen and put a pot of coffee on the stove and decided to check on Hailey. He walked slowly towards her room and noticed that the door was ajar. He peeked in cautiously wanting to make sure she wasn't awake. She wasn't, her eyes were closed and her blonde hair covered a portion of her face. He smiled and walked in quietly looking at her all the while. He stood beside the bed for a moment and watched her breath, watched her sleep. He pulled the sheets that had rolled down under her thighs up until her shoulders and covered her gently. He bent down wanting to caress her head but stopped. He didn't know if he was allowed to do that anymore. More importantly he didn't want her to wake up and see him like this, it would certainly stir up questions in her mind to which he wouldn't have the answers. He stared at her again, yes, he was absolutely in love with her but he didn't want to be vulnerable like before again, so he had put up this barrier. In spite of having decided not to touch her be bent down and caressed her soft hair in the gentlest of motions ever. He looked up again and saw she didn't even stir a little. He smiled again and bent down to kiss her forehead this time and the kiss was like cotton landing, one didn't feel the weight but one felt the delicacy. He got up slowly and walked out of the room looking back one last time, a small smile on his face. As he was out of sight Hailey gently opened her eyes and the first thing that came out were little tears. They were of joy but mixed with sorrow and sadness. Only someone who loved someone would caress in that manner and give a kiss in that manner. Why couldn't he just behave like this when she was around him? But after this little precious moment Hailey was sure that Jay did love her and that gave her heart a tiny bit of relief. She gathered herself and pulled on a jacket to fight the morning cold and stepped out of her room quietly. She spotted Jay in the kitchen and just stared at his bare back. It was an open kitchen, so one could really see what was going on there. He was facing the stove and doing something, probably making coffee thought Hailey. She approached him and he turned, their eyes met for a brief moment. She caught the slightest of smiles on his lips but he quickly put on a neutral expression.

"Good morning," she said, with a small smile.

He replied normally and again got busy with the preparation of breakfast. Hailey was getting impatient now, especially after the moment she had experienced a while ago. She spoke finally, "Jay, talk to me. Tell me what's going on. Let me try to help you."

He turned towards her and said, "Trust me, you cannot. And I'm dealing with it on my own in any case."

"But why can't you just tell me what is going on? You have been acting so distant and I am sorry to say, so hurtful these past few days," Hailey said, slowly trying to get to the crux of the matter.

"Hailey," his voice had a hint of irritation in it, "I already told you that I can't talk about all this right now. You have to understand and let it go for a while."

She stared at him, still not satisfied. His caress and kiss had really made her adamant on finding out what was going on. If he hadn't done that she wouldn't have pushed so hard, hell she wouldn't even have struck this conversation up again.

"You've changed," she said.

He looked at her for a long moment then said, "Yeah, and I have you to thank for that."

That was a straight arrow that hit her heart and caused a pang in it. He had changed, and this version of him was not nice at all. She let the sorrow pass and now went round the counter and cornered him between the stove and herself. He tried to find an escape but she grabbed his hand, with a force she hadn't intended to use, and spoke, "Jay, I am begging you. Please tell me what's going on. I can't see you like this anymore."

He looked at her and said, "Well, then you'll just have to get used to it, because this is how I am going to be henceforth."

She just stared at him, unable to comprehend his words, rather, unwilling to comprehend them. Then she spoke with a deep sigh, "Jay, this is not you. I know it with my heart that this isn't you. Why are you doing this?"

He didn't show any particular expression, but spoke, "This is me."

Hailey was really worried now, she still believed and knew that this was a lie. Jay had not changed in this manner, he was just trying to protect his heart from getting crushed, again. She asked one last time, "I don't believe you Jay, but if you tell me one more time, I'll drop it."

Jay clenched his jaw, the movement was so prominent that Hailey caught it. She had hope that at least now he would give in and tell her what was going on. He spoke in a deep voice, "This is me Hailey and I think the sooner you accept that the better."

Hailey's heart broke in that instant. She had really thought Jay would tell her the truth. And now she wondered why they were even together if they couldn't be honest with each other. She couldn't take this anymore so she said, "Fine, then I guess we shouldn't even be together anymo"—

And she was interrupted by her phone. Jay was relieved she hadn't completed her sentence, although he knew what she was going to say. Hailey went to get her cell phone and picked it up marching out of the room. For a moment she was simply listening, then suddenly the colour from her face was drained out, but there was a spark in her eyes. Jay stood looking at her, wondering what was happening now that she had to react in such a way. She was nodding now and finally said, "Yeah, I'll get back to you soon."

She hung up and looked into blank space. Worry and hesitation were evident on her face. Finally Jay asked, trying to be as calm as possible, "What happened?"

She looked at him and said, "I just got a job offer from the FBI in New York. That was the SAC, Isobelle Castille. I had worked with them when Voight had sent me."

Jay's heart stopped beating. This couldn't be happening again. Hailey could not go to New York again. The last time she had gone, it had been the most difficult and painful few weeks of his life. This could not happen, but he didn't know how to stop it either. All this while, he had pretended as though he didn't care about her, he wasn't bothered about what happened to her, whereas, it was the only thing that mattered to him. He pretended to be distant and mean, but from within he was as close as he possibly could be to her heart; he wanted to protect her, he wanted to hold her and he wanted to love her. But this situation had changed everything suddenly and he didn't know how all of a sudden he could change his mind. And after all that had happened, it was evident that Hailey was not going to hold on to this any longer, in fact, right before the call she was in the middle of suggesting a break up. All these thoughts and all these emotions invaded Jay's being and now he was internally crying. Losing Hailey was something he couldn't even fit into his understanding. But finally he asked, putting on a courageous and indifferent face, "Are you going to take it?"

And that concludes the chapter. I have left you on another cliffhanger (looks like I am getting good at them!) Anyway, I also thought of incorporating the storyline that we are to see soon when the show comes back in a week. Hopefully, I have made it interesting and intriguing. Please share your thoughts, I would love to read them. Thank you for reading. :)