Upstead (First Kiss)
Chapter 24
I am back with another chapter and I am apologising in advance. Many of you might hate me after what I have done in this chapter, but I think it is a great move and will help the story evolve in a more positive way. It is an emotional chapter. Nonetheless, I am open to any comments, good or bad, all are welcome. I do hope you enjoy. :)
Hailey heard Jay but she didn't know what to say. Again she was caught up in a situation in which either decision would be wrong in a way and there was no way to harmonise the different ways. She was stuck and she didn't know what to do. She looked at him and said, more to herself, "I don't know."
That statement for the moment suggested that she was neither here nor there and it was a safe zone. Jay too didn't know what to say right now, he certainly did not want her to leave Chicago but he didn't have any way to express that either. Hailey put her hand through her hair and combed it, this action always made Jay want to kiss her, but today he was glued to his spot and simply satisfied himself with looking. Then it seemed as though Hailey had a sudden idea and she headed for the door, picking up her phone and jacket. She was leaving and that too without saying anything. Jay had to stop her, he couldn't just let her go. He quickly moved towards the door as well and said in an even tone, "Hailey if you leave, we are done."
He himself wasn't sure if he wanted to say this, but the cat was out of the bag and Hailey looked at him incredulously. She hadn't been thinking on those lines at all and now his statement infuriated her. If this was the condition, she had just got her answer. She glared at him and said, "I was going to meet Voight, I hadn't decided to leave just as yet. But it's good to know where you stand."
Jay just stared at her, still in shock by his words and now by hers as well. She spoke again, "You really have made this easier for me Jay."
And the worst part of it was that he knew what she meant. She would leave him and take the job in New York. He blocked her way completely now, he had to convince her he didn't really mean it, he was simply tensed and worried. Hailey looked down and said pleadingly, knowing this was only going to get worse, "Jay… let me go."
He didn't move, but simply stared at her. Then he said, "I can't, I cannot let you go."
At that Hailey looked up at him and asked, "Why not? I thought you didn't want to speak to me."
Jay knew this was going to happen, he would try to tell her the truth but she wouldn't be interested because all this while he had been so indifferent and rude. He tried nonetheless, "Hailey, you can't go to New York."
She looked at him and asked, "Why the hell not? You've made your choice Jay, now let me make mine."
Jay hesitated in giving his response because he didn't know what to say. If he said he loved her, which he did a lot, it wouldn't have the value it generally would because he was behaving in any other way than a person who was in love would, and she wouldn't buy it. So what else could he tell her?
He whispered, "I need you."
Hailey saw the desperation and emotion in his voice but she didn't care, it was her turn to be mean and direct, "For what? For sex? For someone whom you can avoid and hurt all the time? For someone to whom you can just say anything you feel like?"
He stared at her in shock, clearly hurt by her words, "Hailey why are you bringing down our relationship to such a level?" he asked in a sad tone.
It was her turn to look at him in shock, "I am degrading our relationship? Do you even understand what you're saying? You're the one that just gave me an ultimatum!"
He looked her with clenched jaws and wondered how he could take that statement back. But she continued, "You're the one who thinks our relationship is so fragile. I never even thought of breaking up until you brought this condition."
"What about earlier? When you had just got the call? You were in the middle of suggesting a break up," Jay countered.
"That was different Jay. You weren't being honest and I figured what was the point of even being in a relationship when you didn't want to tell me the truth," she shot back.
"But Hailey, you've lied to me so many times recently," he said exasperated.
This time she looked at him with pain in her eyes, "I have never lied to you Jay. And I thought you knew that and believed that."
"Hailey!" his voice was louder now, "What about the time when you told me you were leaving Intelligence? Wasn't that a lie?"
She stared at him and wondered why he was still stuck in that point, "Jay, I did not lie to you, I wasn't hiding anything from you, I was simply waiting for the right moment."
"Oh, so the right moment was after we just shared the best moment in our lives together, is that right Hailey?" he asked scoffing.
She looked at him in confusion and asked, "Are you pissed at me because I ruined that moment or because I didn't tell you? Jay, you're taking this nowhere."
"Hailey, I felt betrayed when you didn't tell about that," he said softly.
But I bloody did!" she screamed.
"I meant earlier," he said looking down.
"There was no earlier Jay," she said, composing herself.
Jay gave up, still uncertain whether he was able to let this go. He knew that this wasn't of primary concern right now, he had to find out if she was leaving for New York, so he asked, "Fine, what are you doing about the offer? Are you leaving?"
Hailey was slightly more relaxed now, now that the other subject was left hanging still without any definite conclusion. But the fact that it was left in the dark was enough for the moment. Then she answered his question, smiling a little, "You know, when you put that condition, I was"—
Jay interrupted her, "For God's sake! I didn't mean that Hailey. I just said that because I was terrified you were leaving."
"No, Jay. But you're right, we do need a break. This isn't working out and I don't want to drag it into more unpleasantness."
Now Jay was cautious and equally worried. He went towards her and grabbed her shoulders and asked, "What are you saying Hailey?"
She wasn't looking at him now, her eyes were staring into blank space, tears had formed in her eyes as well, "I am saying perhaps we should break up."
"No, no. You don't mean that Hailey," he said frantically, searching her eyes.
She didn't reply, she wasn't even looking at him. So he continued more panicked than before, "Hailey, Hailey, listen to me. You can go to New York, you should join the FBI, but we can still be together. Come on, what do you say?"
She looked at him finally and said, "I don't think so Jay. It doesn't work this way. And I think we need the space and time to clear our heads."
"So are you saying this is over?" he asked in a whisper, fearing her response.
"I am saying it is required," she said looking him directly in the eye.
He stood there for a moment longer and suddenly removed his hands from her shoulders with a jerk, which shook Hailey and the tears that had gathered in her eyes, rolled down now. Jay was facing the other way now, hands on his face, probably wiping and stopping the tears. He bent down, hands on his knees, still not showing his face. Hailey was looking at him and she had half a mind to leave, because she couldn't see him breaking down like this. But she slowly approached him and dared to put her trembling hand on his shoulder and ask, "Jay… Are you going to...," and she trailed off unable to complete her sentence.
She tried again, "Are you going to be alright Jay?"
He slowly got up, sniffling and wiping his eyes. Hailey withdrew her hand immediately. He turned towards her and she confirmed that he was crying and for once he didn't even bother to hide it. She was in tears as well and for the first time none of them could stop the other's tears. He looked at her finally and said, "What do you think?"
At that Hailey was forced not let out the sob that was threatening to emerge from her. She had to get the hell out of here. It wasn't as though she wasn't feeling the pain or the hurt, but she had already accepted, or at least she thought, that this was the right course of action, at least for the time being. She thought it best not to reply and decided to leave. She turned around to leave when she felt a hand grab at hers, and she had almost expected it. But the next thing she hadn't expected and it took her off guard; Jay pulled her towards him and kissed her deeply. His mouth was really taking hers in his and Hailey was already on her toes. She didn't even get a chance to react properly, let alone reciprocate. And just like that she gave in, realising that this wasn't going to happen for a while now, if ever. Jay wasn't bothered one bit by how she reacted or what she thought, he needed this last kiss before everything went to hell. But the moment he reached for the hem of her T-shirt she stopped him and stepped away slightly. His eyes were still closed and for a brief moment Hailey saw how much he wanted this. He opened them and met hers, for a moment green and blue mixing. Then they separated, Hailey gently wiped her tears. Jay spoke, "Hailey, you don't love me anymore, do you?"
She looked at the floor for a long moment, unable to bear the impact of these words and then looked at him and said softly, "What do you think?" repeating his words.
Then she turned on her heel and left the apartment without looking back. Jay watched her go but didn't move even an inch, he stood where he was, thinking that he probably will never move again in his life. She had left the door slightly ajar, he took mechanical steps to close it and collapsed against it, finally feeling all the emotions take over his being and nab at his insides.
On her way to her car Hailey called Voight, hoping to speak to him. He had asked her to come over and so Hailey did fifteen minutes later. Voight let her in without asking any questions and shut the door. He had noticed that she had been crying and looked like hell. Finally he asked, "What's the matter Hailey?"
She looked at him and told him everything about the job offer. As she completed, he nodded, saying, "I know, she called me too some time back."
Hailey was relieved and terrified at the same time. What if Voight had told her about this recent incident? That would certainly change things. Then again Voight spoke, "I want you to take it Hailey."
Hailey looked at him in surprise, wondering if he really meant it. She managed finally, "What?"
"Yeah, I want you to take the job Hailey," he repeated himself. "You thought I would tell her what happened?" he asked now, causing her to look down.
"I didn't know what to think Sarge…" she managed.
"Hmm," he said. He paused for a moment then spoke again, "Hailey, what happened was that Jay found you, you didn't go looking for him. So this is not on you, although there were many things you could have avoided."
What he meant by the last sentence she didn't want to know, "But Sarge, Jay was really worried, mainly because he didn't know anything at all."
"Hailey, you think I don't know all that? He broke protocol where he wasn't even supposed to be. That's already a minus point right there."
Hailey could but nod, because Voight was telling the truth. He observed her and continued, "I know you are in love and I know how Jay behaves when he is in love, but none of this is justified. You have a job to do and you have to do it properly."
Hailey had to agree with his words. He continued, "And I know you're going through a lot right now, more than you are showing, but Hailey, Intelligence cannot run on emotions. You have to understand that."
"And I do, I really do Sarge. It's just that sometimes"—
"Sometimes they get the better of you?" he completed her thought.
She nodded and looked down. He spoke again, "Hailey I have something else I want to tell you. I will give either one of you your positions back, but not the both of you. So if you are in Intelligence, Jay cannot be there. And if Jay is part of Intelligence, you have to leave."
Now this was another bombshell that had landed on Hailey. Could things just stop happening for a while? Again she heard Voight's voice, "And that's why I want you to go to New York. Because as far as I know the both of you, neither of you will let the other sacrifice."
So in a way, this did seem like a doable and reasonable thing. If Hailey left, both of them would get to keep their jobs. Yes, she thought, this was the right move. But she had to let him know one more thing, "But Sarge, you have to make sure of one thing, you have to let Jay know that this wasn't something I decided on my own. It was something that seemed to be correct and you suggested it as well. I don't want him thinking I sacrificed my job for him and I am adjusting in New York because of him. I am doing it out of my own will."
Voight looked at her in surprise, "But why can't you tell him all this yourself?"
She looked at him and spoke softly explaining how everything had really started. She told him about how she was going to leave Intelligence after the UC case and how he had reacted. Voight too had not known that she was going to do this after the case. As she finished the whole story, Voight simply said, "You must really love him."
Hailey simply nodded and looked down. Then she spoke in a soft tone, "Although, we just broke up tonight."
She wasn't looking at Voight all the while. Voight let this information sink in and spoke warmly, genuinely meaning his words, "I am so sorry to hear that Hailey."
Hailey was just nodding, still looking down, sensing that her emotions would betray her now. Then suddenly she felt someone pulling her in for an embrace and she leaned into it, holding Voight gently. Tears were tumbling down her eyes now and she was silently sobbing. There was just something in Voight that always wanted to protect her and that's why sometimes he was worried about what Jay would do to her if things didn't work out. And the moment he was experiencing now was proof of that fear and he really felt the need to protect Hailey as though she were his own.
Congratulations for coming to the end of this roller coaster ride. It was a hell of a ride, but I was proud to write this chapter and I am enjoying each bit of it. So drop in your comments and let me know what you think. Come on guys, comment! Make it more interactive! It'll be fun! And thank you for reading and being part of this. :)