Revised 1/14/2020...

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The Customer Is (Not) Always Right

Chapter 8: A Ridiculous Request

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"Hey Gondo! May I borrow your hatchet?"

After a moment, Gondo breaks his concentration and looks up from his work. "Sure thing, buddy!" he grins, sliding the hatchet out from under his desk and handing it to me. "Just don't cut yourself."

"Haha, I'll try not to! Be back in a flash," I say, a broad smile plastered across my face. Cut myself. That's actually not a bad idea.

Hatchet in hand, I head straight for the main entrance. Once outside, I pause and scan the surrounding hills. Looks like it's all clear.

In one swipe, I chop down that bothersome signpost by the door. The top half of the stake parts from the bottom and falls to the ground with a satisfying thud. Slinging the hatchet over my shoulder, I pick up the downed sign and drag it around the building. To the dumpster.

My mother was only too eager to tell me how so many people were inquiring about my whereabouts the night I was locked up in jail. Not having the time nor energy to go on a wild goose chase for the sign's owner, I decided this was the quickest and most efficient to dispose of that little problem. Besides, I'm 90% sure the Potion Shop couple is behind this, probably in an effort to scrounge up a few more rupees at night. They're always concocting up new ways to get on my nerves whether they mean to or not.

Oh well. It doesn't matter anymore. It's gone now. I toss the sign into the nearest garbage can.

"Hi Rupin!" A soft voice from behind startles me. I whip around.

"Bertie! Heeey," I grin, fidgeting with the hatchet. My first impulse was to hide it behind my back, but I stopped myself. That would look suspicious. "I didn't hear you coming!"

"Sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you," Bertie mutters an apology, rubbing at his temple. His baggy eyes pass over the hatchet in my hands. "What are you doing back here?"

"Huh? Oh, I was just chopping down some shrubs!" I bluff quickly, keeping my body between his line of sight and the trash can. "It gets so overgrown back here, you know."

"Ah." An unassuming smile forms on his face. "That's a good idea! I don't think anyone is as diligent as you about keeping this place neat and tidy, Rupin."

Whew, he bought it. "It's nothing," I give a light chuckle and wave his compliment away, "just trying to improve everybody's standard of living."

Something is off. There is no way he should be able to sneak up on me with that screechy little monster in tow.

And then I see it. Like an apparition, a pudgy little hand appears over Bertie's shoulder, clasping the missing rattle.

"The baby's rattle!" I exclaim, scarcely believing my eyes. "Where ever did you find it?!"

The baby brings the clunky toy smashing into the side of Bertie's head. "Ow!" he yelps, gently pushing the rattle away from his face. "Yes, we're overjoyed to have it back! Would you believe a bird got ahold of it and had it in its nest? Must have picked it up after the baby dropped it somewhere."

So that's where it disappeared to. I'll strangle that bird if I ever get my hands on it.

"I tried to get the rattle back myself, but the bird snatched it out of my hand and flew away!" Bertie goes on. "Thankfully, a kind young knight found the bird's nest and retrieved it for us, so now the baby's happy again. And I can finally get some rest..."

He draws a long breath and exhales slowly, as if telling that short tale completely took it out of him. This is so ironic. Here we are, at the scene of the crime, and I've just thrown away another one of Bertie's things. Only now this time he's going to find out.

"That's wonderful!" I remark, trying to stall for time. "And the missus?"

"Ah, the missus," Bertie breathes out, shoulders slumping. "She sleeps like a log now. I guess she's grown accustomed to the baby's...episodes."

"Wow. That's amazing."

"Mmhmm."

Yep. This conversation just petered out. Bertie looks around awkwardly, scratching the back of his neck. "Um...excuse me." He adjusts the sling on his back and limps toward the trashcan I threw the sign in. I have no choice but to step out of his way. I linger nervously, cringing to myself as he bends over the can and peers inside.

"Did you throw something away by accident?" I ask suddenly, without thinking.

"Oh," Bertie lifts his head and turns to face me, smiling thinly. "No. Just checking to see if anyone threw away anything nice. You know what they say...one man's trash is another man's treasure!"

"Ahaha, yep." So long as he doesn't try to sell it to me later.

He utters a self-conscious laugh. "I bet you get that a lot."

"I do."

Another awkward silence. Bertie excuses himself with a mannerly nod and starts leafing through the trashcan again, the upper half of his body disappearing inside. The baby wiggles on his back, sticking its little legs straight up in the air. I dally in the area a while longer, using the hatchet to slice down a few tall weeds. Bertie picks through the trash for a whole minute without mentioning the sign. Huh. Maybe it wasn't his after all.

I toss the weeds away and wander off, casting one more glance over my shoulder for good measure. The baby watches me leave through its malformed eyelids, running a long, slobbery tongue over its reclaimed rattle. I sure hope Bertie sanitized that thing. Then again, this is Bertie we're talking about.

I go back inside the Bazaar and return the hatchet to Gondo. Now there's just one more errand left to run. I head over to the bank stall adjacent to Gondo's. As usual, the girl at the counter is staring off into space, looking bored as all get out. She leans on her desk with her chin resting in her hands, a white scarf tied over her blonde pigtails. For some reason, I always feel inclined to be exceptionally nice to her. Mostly to see if I can get her to make an expression other than a dull stare.

"Hello!" I chirp with extra enthusiasm, flashing her a pleasant smile. "Peatrice, right?"

She inclines her head toward me and looks at me as if I'm bothering her. "That's me."

Only took me a year. "I need to deposit some rupees in my mother's vault."

She passes me a form and a quill in silence. Peatrice is cold. I think if I were sitting under Sparrot's tent across the room from her, and she wasn't moving, I might think she was dead. I quickly fill out the form and sign it, designating 500 rupees as the amount to deposit. For now, I acknowledge begrudgingly, piling the massive sum of rupees on top of the paper. Leaning heavily on one hand, Peatrice slides it in front of her and counts the money. Her eyes gloss over the form.

"Five-hundred?"

The corner of my mouth twitches. "Yes," I confirm, trying not to let my displeasure show through. "That's correct."

Smoothing back her pigtails, she collects the rupees and rises out of her seat. She steps toward the wall of vaults behind her, moving rather sluggishly. Sheesh. If we had a reward for worst customer service...nah, it would go to Manhands.

I have to avert my eyes as my hard-earned rupees are locked away for all eternity, never to be seen again. Finally, Peatrice returns to the front desk and hands me a receipt. I tip my hat to her.

"Have a nice day!"

"Thanks," she replies glumly, sinking back down into her chair. "I'll just be watching dust settle on my counter."

I give an amused snort. Well, at least she's honest. I guess.

I go back to my shop, looking over my receipt in dismay. Thinking about all those wasted rupees makes me sick. I'm going to have to make a lot of sales if I am to make up for such a crippling financial setback. Luckily, I was able to re-locate the island where I buried the blue feathers. They were a little dirty from sitting under a rock for a day, but still in good shape. These self-healing shields had better be worth all my trouble.

As I'm taking down my 'lunch break' sign, I notice a thirty-some woman with short, mousy hair striding toward my shop at a brisk pace. She's toting a little girl by the hand, looking very preoccupied.

"Where is your father?! This always happens when we go shopping," she mutters, chewing her lip in irritation. She turns and catches my eye. "Would you mind watching my daughter for a few minutes? You're not doing anything."

Before my mind can process what she just asked of me, she leaves her daughter with me and runs off.

"Wait—Ma'am!" I yell after her, rushing to the edge of the counter, but she's already gone out the door. "Ma'am!" I call again. She doesn't come back.

Really? Really? 'Not doing anything?!' Has she no respect? Just because Bertie hauls his infant to work every day doesn't mean we're running a babysitting service over here!

Releasing a frustrated huff, I lean over the counter and peer down at the child that was so hastily left in my care. The little girl is cute and almost doll-like in appearance, with a round, impish face and a plume of dark hair shooting out the top of her head. She tilts her head up at me, giving me a little dimpled smile.

"Hiii!" she waves, the sleeve of her oversized red shirt slipping down her arm.

"Hi..." I say in a cautious voice, returning her smile. "What's your name?"

"The name's Kukiel! Don't forget it," the little girl says, eyes sparkling. "I'm gonna go play with my special friend today!"

I exhale. Not even a minute and she's already sapping my energy. "And who might that be?" I ask, feigning curiosity.

"Uncle Bats!" she blurts out. She bounces up and down with excitement. "It's gonna be sooo much fun!"

She starts prattling on about Uncle Bats and grabitude crackles. Whatever that's supposed to mean. I am really not good with little kids. I just never know what to say to them when they start spewing nonsense like this. And so I find myself falling into my usual smile-and-nod routine.

"Mm hmm...wow! That's nice..." I glance at the doorway. Where is her mother?! It's been way longer than a few minutes! Suddenly, a woman appears at the entrance. I am relieved, then immediately disappointed when I realize she's not Kukiel's mom. This woman is quite a bit taller, with attractive facial features and thick chestnut hair that falls over her shoulders in waves. I recognize her from somewhere. I think she might be one of my mother's lady friends. She hovers in the doorway, looking a little out of place. Like she just wandered in here by accident. Could be the heat. It just keeps getting hotter and hotter out there.

Suddenly, her eyes lock with mine.

"Hey. I know you," her breezy voice seems to float across the room. "You're Goselle's baby boy!"

My nose momentarily wrinkles with distaste. 'Baby boy?'

"What's your name again?" she asks, moseying up to my counter and leaning against it. Dragging her fingers across it. "Lupin?"

"Um," I hesitate and swallow, suddenly feeling a little nervous at her approach. "Actually it's...Rupin."

"Rubin?"

"Rupin."

"Rubin?"

"Rupin."

"Oh! Robin!"

I groan internally. I don't bother correcting her again.

"I'm Mallara," she says with a spacey smile. She folds her hand across her chest, inadvertently drawing my attention to her...uh...endowments. "It's a pleasure to finally meet you, Robin."

My heart pounds in my chest as I try to keep my eyes from roving over her shapely hourglass figure. "Uh...yes! Likewise," I stammer, giving a tiny bow. She just stands there and stares into my eyes with her misty blue ones. A little too long for comfort. I smile at her uneasily.

"Mind if I take a look around?"

"Oh! Yes of course!" Ugh. Get ahold of yourself, Rupin. "Let me know if you have any questions."

With a slow nod, she turns and walks around the counter toward the entrance of my shop. Her perfume teases my nose as she passes by. It's not too often good-looking women come to browse my wares. Then again, perhaps she didn't come for the wares.

All of the sudden, I remember Kukiel. She's still standing at the foot of the counter, looking up at me with a pouty expression on her face.

"Don't. Go anywhere," I whisper to her, giving her a warning look. I linger near the edge of the shop, keeping Kukiel within my sight, but I can't seem to stop my eyes from wandering to Mallara. The air is thick with her presence as she mills about my shop, floating from display to display. I'm sneaky about staring, of course, averting my eyes if she so much as turns in my direction. Now that I'm getting a closer look at her, she seems a little rough around the edges. Her hair, though pretty, seems to have lost some of its lustre, and subtle age lines mar her sharply elegant features. And she has patches sewn into her clothes! How cheap. Likely, she's not younger than forty.

Yep, she's an old bat. Forget it.

"Maybe I should buy Pipit a present," she wonders to herself, twirling a strand of her wavy hair. "Do you think Pipit would like some deku seeds?"

How the hell should I know? "Who's Pipit?"

"Oh, silly me, you don't know who Pipit is, do you?" She smiles. "He's my son."

Ah. So she's a mom.

How about that.

"Oooooh, how much is this?" She plods over to my old broom leaning against the back wall and picks it up. Really?

"I'm sorry ma'am, that's not for sale," I inform her in a patient tone. "That's the store's broom."

"...Oh," she says. She sets the broom back down, seeming disappointed. "That's too bad. My Pipit is always telling me to stop paying housekeepers and do some dusting around the house, but I just can't bring myself to dig up the broom." She looks in my eyes and gives an airy laugh. "I'm starting to think we never even had one."

I can only imagine what this woman's house must look like. "So let me guess," I play along, grinning, "the house just keep getting messier."

"Yup! It just keeps doing that," she giggles, hovering nearer to me. Too close. In my personal space. I stiffen up, and find myself unconsciously leaning away from her. She's so close.

"You know Robin, if you ever want to make a few extra rupees, you're always welcome to bring that broom on over to my place and do some sweeping."

Did she just...wink at me?

"Don't worry, my son's on the night patrol, so he won't find out." She leans even closer and breathes in my ear, "it'll be our little secret."

My stomach flips. Our little what? What?! What's going on?!

"Your face is really red, mister!"

That voice—Kukiel! I nearly forgot about her! I touch a hand to my face. She's right. I'm flushing pretty badly.

"Really red!" she shouts again, "like a tomato!"

I gape at the little girl, mortified. S-shut your mouth, kid! "T-that's because I always look like this!" I save, glancing in Mallara's direction. I utter a nervous laugh and add quickly, "My mother's complexion."

Kukiel puts her hands on her hips. She looks me up and down skeptically. "You don't have a mommy," she says, like she thinks I'm joshing her.

I just blink at her. "Yes I do. Everyone has a mommy."

"Nuh uh. Old people don't have mommies."

"Just how old do you think I am?" I quiz her, raising an eyebrow.

"Mmmmm..." She pushes her lower lip out in concentration and considers me. "One hundred!"

I just stare at Kukiel blankly. I am so done with this. She bursts into giggles.

"Aren't you a cutie," Mallara coos, gazing down at Kukiel with fondness. She turns to me. "Is she yours?"

What?! She looks nothing like me! "No! No," I say, still a little jumpy. "Just babysitting."

"Oh. I thought so. I didn't think you looked quite old enough to have kiddos of your own." She emits a long, dreamy sigh. "Still so young."

An involuntary shudder wracks my body. I give an awkward cough, not quite sure how to respond to that. The way she said that was just...eesh. Why did that rub me the wrong way? Surely she's not...no, that's silly. It's ridiculous to presume such a thing. I'm just overreacting. Yes, I'm completely overreacting.

Overreacting.

"Hey, my son's been wanting one of those fancy lookin' metal shields," Mallara says, drifting over to my shield display. "Do you think Pipit would like a metal shield? "

"A metal shield?!" I perk up instantly, regaining my wits. "Oh yes! I think Pipit would certainly love one of those." I turn on my salesman charm which seemed to have been nonexistent until now. "That splendid iron-cast shield is one of the best shields you'll find anywhere, and it sells for a reasonable price—a mere 100 rupees!"

"I'll take it!"

What? No persuasion necessary? Is this really happening? Mallara reaches into her pockets, and the gentle clink of money reaches my ears. She slowly outstretches her hand and unfurls her fingers to reveal a single red rupee.

My smile evaporates instantly. "Oh my. Ma'am, you—ahem—you don't have enough rupees to pay for this item!" I recover, brimming with false sweetness. "You mustn't tease me like that!"

"Huh?" she blinks down at the red rupee. "Ooohhh! For some reason I thought it was 200." She gives a ditzy laugh, bopping herself on the head. "Whoopsie!"

"Ahahahahaha!" I slap my knee and burst into fake laughter, pretending like she just made the cutest little blunder ever. Like it was no big deal. Like she didn't just dangle 100 rupees in front of my face and snatch them away at the last possible instant. This woman is so incompetent! Idiot! Dingdong! Feathers for brains! Completely irresponsible!

"Mom?!"

I turn to see a yellow knight with spiky brown hair. Oh, hey, it's that's kid who snubbed me for Gondo's repair shop. My features settle into a scowl.

"Hi Pipit!" Mallara waves to him cheerfully, a dopey smile on her face.

"Mom, what are you doing over here?" The knight strides over, eyeing the rupee in her hand. "You were supposed to use that money to buy food, remember?"

"Oh. Yeeeaaah...right," she says. "I guess I forgot!"

The knight lets out a disgruntled moan. "C'mon." He grabs her by the shoulders and steers her toward the exit of my shop.

"See ya later Robin!" Mallara calls over her shoulder, giving me a flirtatious wave. She lazily plods off in the direction of the café.

"Uh, hey," the knight mutters awkwardly, once she's out of earshot. He motions for me to come a little closer. "She wasn't...bothering you, was she?" He crosses his arms, a concerned frown on his face.

"No! No," I beam. "Not at all." Yes.

"That's a relief. Sometimes my mother...she...er," his brow creases, as if he's drudging up some unpleasant memory. "Never mind," he shakes his head.

"Hm?"

"Don't worry about it. It's nothing." He looks over his shoulder. I follow his gaze to see Mallara practically lying over Gondo's counter.

"For Goddess sakes. Mom!" he shouts, taking off after her. Did that really just happen? What on Earth just happened.

I slump against the counter and deflate, feeling a great deal less anxious now that she's gone. If I were ten years older and about 20% more desperate, I might take a run at that, but...no. What am I saying?! It is then that I realize how sweaty I've become. My shirt is sticking to me. Ugh, how gross...

Wait. Wasn't there something else I was supposed to be doing? I scan the immediate area—the counters, the Potion Shop, the entrance to the Bazaar.

Uh oh. The little girl is gone.

"Kukiel?"

My eyes widen in alarm. I spin around and see Kukiel's mother walking up to my shop with a tall, dark haired man that must be her husband. Impeccable timing.

"Kukiel?!" she calls out again, sounding a little more distressed. She looks straight at me. "Where's Kukiel?"

I cringe, hesitantly shrugging one shoulder in response.

"You lost Kukiel?!"

I draw back a little. "Sh...she was just there!" I burst out, pointing to an empty spot on the floor like that might make her reappear. "Not even a minute ago! She must have run off."

"Weren't you paying attention?!" she snaps. "How do you know she just ran off? For all you know someone could have just walked away with her! Do you even care?!"

My temper flares defensively, however irrational. I bite back a scathing retort. Yeah, well, maybe it's your fault for dumping her on me without my permission in the first place!

"Whoa, easy there, dear. Let's not point fingers," says Kukiel's father, placing a calming hand on his wife's shoulder. "I'm sure Mr. Salesman is very busy and had customers to attend to."

I ease up a little, grateful that the father has at least one modicum of sense. But of course, I don't dare openly agree with his sentiments.

"How can you be so lax over this?!" the wife shrills, pulling away from him. "Our daughter is missing, Jak! Missing! I can't take this anymore. First you're nowhere to be found, then when I finally find you, she's gone! It's maddening!" She turns tail and rushes out the door in a flurry, screaming, "Kukiel!"

The father sighs, shaking his head at the floor.

"I'm very sorry, sir," I say in all sincerity, folding my hands together. When people aren't screaming at me, I tend to feel more sympathetic toward them. Who would have thought? "I got a little...distracted. With a customer," I admit, leaving out the finer details. "If there's anything I can do to help—"

"Ehh, don't sweat it sonny," he says casually, waving a hand. "Happens a couple times a week. The tyke's a little magician! She just disappears in the blink of an eye. One time I lost her for a whole three hours," he glances from left to right, looking guilty. "Uh...but don't tell her mother about that."

"Heh," I grunt, relieved that I won't be joining the search party anytime soon. "Well, I wish you luck in finding her."

"Oh, we will," he says, sounding unbothered. "She usually comes back on her own. My bet is she'll be back before nightfall!"

I smile uncertainly, hoping for my sake that he's right.

"Yup." The man nods, a fond grin spreading from ear to ear. "She'll be back before nightfall."

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A/N: Next up: A customer actually buys something! Stay tuned.