Chapter 2
The next few days passed in a daze for the trio. Ron was with his family for the most part. He rarely was seen away from George or his mother's side. He had grown into a fine young man and he was playing an important role in the recovery of his family. The Weasleys kept mostly to the great hall, finding comfort in those around them.
Hermione spent most of her time with Ginny or Ron and had taken a great comfort in helping the other refugees with whatever they needed. She was an irreplaceable asset and had already begun discussing plans with Professor McGonagall for rebuilding Hogwarts over the coming summer.
The few remaining members of the order were securing the travel route for the survivors. Even with the death of Voldemort, nobody wanted to run into a vengeful pack of death eaters on the journey home. Until they returned the students and families were stuck in the pile of rubble that had not so long ago been the castle.
Something beautiful had happened over the last few days though. The families had found a companionship with one another. Even though things were different and sad right now people had a chance to not live in fear and what a beautiful thing that was.
Of course Harry didn't see it that way as he stood in the astronomy tower that overlooked the school grounds and the beautiful lake that remained untouched shimmering with the setting sun. He remembered standing up here just last year with Hermione peacefully watching the sky as Ron sat a few yards away. Immersed in his thoughts he allowed the memory to take over and he closed his eyes in a trancelike state.
"Ron's okay with it you know," Hermione turned away from the view to face Harry full on, "you and Ginny." She chuckled trying to lighten the mood. "But if I were you when he's around I'd keep the snogging to a minimum."
Harry broke eye contact looking down around the grounds. "I'm not coming back Hermione," he muttered half-heartedly. "I've got to finish whatever Dumbledore started and I don't know where it will lead me, but I'll let you and Ron know where I am when I can."
Hermione looked at him for a moment then turned away grasping the railing. "I've always admired your courage Harry," a smile played at her lips, "but sometimes you can be really thick." Their eyes met in a silent recognition as she continued. "You don't really think you're going to be able to find all those horcruxes by yourself do you?"
His hesitation was all the answer she needed as she held his emerald eyes steady and tilted her head sideways to keep his gaze.
"You need us Harry."
And their hands met on the railing a simple gesture that would mean so little to most people, but to Harry it meant everything. The promise of Hermione's unwavering presence conveyed with a tiny hand squeeze that had barely lasted a moment. But with her hand in his it was the most at peace he had felt in a very long time
So now Harry stood staring out at the same scene, empty handed with no feeling of serenity whatsoever. He had showered, shaved, changed and eaten some, but he hadn't slept, not a wink in over 48 hours. He had tried of course, but the fear of what awaited him when he closed his eyes was enough to keep any wizard awake.
"Harry?" a quiet voice murmured behind him softly.
Harry turned and saw Ron standing at the edge of the stairs tentatively. "Hey," Harry responded somewhat relieved that it wasn't Ginny. He would face her sooner or later, but for now he would live in his memories until the harsh reality set in.
Ron accepted the invitation and walked over to the railing next to Harry. "I've never realized how beautiful this place was." Ron mumbled shyly.
Harry grinned slightly to himself, "Funny," he remarked, "I said the same thing to Hermione last year. I guess with all the stuff that's happened we missed a few things."
Ron shook his head, "Can't believe it's over."
"Me either."
Ron turned to face Harry, "Nobody blames you mate."
Harry shuddered at his remark.
"I'm serious," Ron continued admirably, "you are the reason we are all here, with a chance to live. It's not your fault that Fred or anybody died. It's not anybody's fault, but Voldemorts. So if you're going to hate somebody hate him, but don't punish yourself. Not now, we are all grieving Harry, so let's do it together the way we started."
Harry just stared blankly at the lake thoughts weighing heavily on his mind.
"You know you're killing Ginny," Ron continued, "She doesn't understand why you won't let us in."
At this Harry raised his head curiously.
"She understands that she will never be able to grasp what the three of us went through, it will never leave us. What Ginny doesn't understand is why you won't let me or Hermione help you."
Harry's stomach fell to his feet. Ginny was so good. So matured from the little girl he had met at platform nine and three quarters eight years ago. She didn't question selfishly why he didn't confide in her, but wondered why he wouldn't let anybody help him.
"And don't even get me started on Hermione," Ron shook his head.
"Persistent as usual?" Harry chuckled, a small smile threatening to break through as he pictured Hermione harassing Ron repeatedly.
Ron's eyes widened, "Told me if I didn't find you within the hour she was going to accio you."
At this the smile broke through, "I was unaware you could accio a person."
"Leave it to Hermione to figure it out. Bloody nightmare she is," Ron smiled fondly to himself and once again Harry felt he was intruding on a private moment.
Harry shuffled awkwardly as he tried to sort through his feelings. He and Hermione had been friends for a long time and he could remember thinking that Ron and Hermione should be together. It took seven years, but they finally were and they seemed in pure bliss with each other even with the trying times. Something had happened to Harry though in the few weeks they had spent alone in the tent. Something Harry hadn't been aware of at the time. Maybe it was codependence or familiarity, but Harry couldn't explain what it was he was feeling. All he knew was that he longed for those moments back. At the time he had yearned to be anywhere but trapped in that tent. He longed for Ginny, his friends, Hogwarts, he probably would have even settled for the Dursleys, but now that it was over why did he constantly long for those few weeks? Harry had come to the ignorant conclusion that it was because she had never left. Ron had been a huge part of the war, but somehow Hermione was just the one person who had never abandoned him. She had literally been there from beginning to end and for that Harry would be eternally grateful.
"How is Hermione doing?" Harry asked whole heartedly.
Ron shoved his hands in his corduroy pockets. "She's been a great help. I can't imagine not having her in my life. She's been great with Ginny too, distracting her, and mum as well. She's amazing that one."
Harry stared off into the distance. "She's brilliant."
"Bloody brilliant," Ron reiterated, patting Harry on the back. "Why don't you come to dinner, granted it's only cabbage and some old stew, it's better than nothing."
Harry obliged deciding to face reality for a change. The boys descended the stairs. "By the way, how did you know I was up here?" Harry pondered out loud.
"Ron clamored noisily down the winding stairs his ginger locks bobbing in front of him. "Hermione has been up here quite a bit, so I just assumed start here. She says it reminds her of simpler times."
Harry stopped for a second and his breath hitched in his throat.
"Well c'mon then," Ron murmured impatiently, "last night I got to dinner late and the food was cold tasted like rubbish!"
Dinner wasn't as difficult as Harry had thought it would be, the food wasn't marvelous, but it could've been worse. Ginny had engulfed him in a friendly hug and the pair sat with Ron, Luna, Seamus and George. The conversation was light and Harry was grateful for it.
Mrs. Weasley came in halfway through the meal and enveloped Harry in a vice grip, tears springing to her eyes as she talked about how wonderful he was. Other than that the evening was quite bearable. When Harry questioned Hermione's absence Ron answered with a mouthful saying something about McGonagall and the rest was incomprehensible. Harry had heard that she had been with Professor McGonagall often and he thought it humorous even after a war she couldn't stop working.
"Where's 'Arry?" a loud voice bellowed from the entrance hall a few hours later as Harry sat with Ron and Neville playing wizard chess.
Harry broke out the first real smile he had in days as he whipped around to see Hagrid, his oldest friend. The two sat and talked for what seemed like hours and Harry was grateful for the distraction.
"'Aven't seen 'Mione in a few days, 'ave you 'Arry?"
"No," Harry muttered a little too quickly and Hagrid's beady black eyes bore into his.
"You 'needa sleep." Hagrid spoke observing his appearance warily. Harry's hair was a mess and his face sunken. Two large bags had settled above his cheeks and even his glasses seemed to droop.
"Mmm," Harry muttered and the conversation came to a close as Harry insisted he was heading to Gryffindor tower to sleep. Of course he ended up lying in bed awake too terrified to close his eyes. He remembered the muggles called it insomnia. Aunt Petunia used to complain about it endlessly along with everything else.
Morning came and went and Harry drifted through the first few hours of the day mindlessly. It wasn't until 3pm that anything relatively interesting happened.
Everybody was summoned to the great hall and Kingsley Shacklebolt stood at the front of the room his voice projected by his wand as he spoke firmly out across the venue. Harry wasn't paying attention; his eyes were glued to the beautiful girl standing across the room. He hadn't seen her in a few days and immediately her presence calmed him. Harry didn't understand it, but he just stared as he noticed things he hadn't before. Her honey colored hair was in a simple braid down her shoulder a few loose strands framing her face. Her eyebrows were arched patiently as she listened intently and her chestnut eyes focused on Kingsley her expression relaxed. Why shouldn't Hermione be relaxed with Ron's arms protectively wrapped around her? His chin rested on her head as they observed together and Harry watched longingly from the sidelines.
Breaking his focus Harry tried to listen hard to hear was Kingsley was saying, but his mind was too clouded. He caught the tail end of it luckily. The routes had been deemed safe for apparition, floo, or portkey. This meant he would be going home, but panic rose up inside of him as he realized that he didn't have a home.
His gaze fell on Hermione again and he saw a look of despair cross her face. She didn't have a home either as her parents wouldn't even recognize her.
Even though the dark lord had been defeated Harry still felt a never ending blanket of suffering was draped over those he loved and he wondered if it would ever leave. He could deal with it, he deserved it in his mind, but he would not let those he loved suffer for his sins. So Harry wondered silently as he watched his best friends if the smartest thing for him to do would be to disappear.