Chapter 28

Different Persons

Memory loss was expected, Kiku had said.

Yeah, but this was a little much.

Alfred felt strangely aghast and almost offended, as Toris came out of his shock and actually rolled his eyes in nothing short of disgust.

Ivan was loopy, alright, and in a bad damn way. Awake, but not really himself.

Ivan gazed at Ludwig, still smiling away, clearly very interested in getting Ludwig's name.

Ludwig's face crumpled completely, and even though he opened his mouth, he didn't manage to utter a word. Just looked down at Ivan as if his world had suddenly ended, and Ivan looked quite alarmed for it. Ludwig abruptly bolted upright, and Alfred could see that his eyes were already squinting and that he was close to crying. Alfred didn't make a move when Ludwig turned on his heel and left the room very quickly. Toris watched him go, and likewise made no move to stop him.

Ludwig went for Kiku, no doubt, and Alfred pitied Ludwig too much to follow him.

To be forgotten by the man that Ludwig loved more than anything else...

Couldn't imagine.

Toris' eyes were lidded in that familiarly condescending way, face droll and sighing through his nose. If Alfred didn't wanna be here, then, whew, boy! Was Toris ever ready for Ivan to keel over dead so he could call it a day.

Ivan lifted his arms weakly in the air as high as he could for the binds as Ludwig fled, and called, gently, "Hey! Wait! Wha— What did I say?"

Silence.

Ivan looked around the room, very clearly confused, and when his eyes settled on Alfred, he asked, in a deeper voice, "What the hell did I say, huh? Man. What is it with me? Why do I always make them run away? No matter what I do, I always make them run away, or cry."

Ivan stared at Alfred, with that effortless expression of bewilderment, no malice at all there upon his face. Ivan spoke to and looked at Alfred as if they were two men having a drink in a bar together.

How painfully surreal. Bizarre. Couldn't even wrap his head around this. Ivan really didn't remember. Didn't remember Ludwig, and didn't remember Alfred.

This goddamn son of a bitch was really starting to make Alfred's blood pressure rise.

At Alfred's silence, Ivan's expression went from confusion to annoyance, and that feeling was very mutual.

Ivan heaved a great sigh, his arms fell wearily back down to the bed, and then with a groan he collapsed into his pillow, closing his eyes and wincing as he restlessly squirmed. A low grumble in Russian.

It was absurd, ridiculous, but somehow Alfred had a stupid mental image of a much younger Ivan, fresh to the country, perusing New York bars hopefully only to send potential love interests darting away in frenzies, because Ivan was so big and intimidating and scary looking and not so handsome. That charming smile falling every time someone went running. Ivan sighing and lowering his eyes before moving on. No one ever smiling back at him.

Until Ludwig.

Alfred scoffed to himself. Dumb. His head was a wreck, almost as much as Ivan's literally scrambled brain.

After a moment, Ivan asked, to the ceiling, "Where am I?"

Toris didn't give Ivan the time of day, so it was Alfred who finally grumbled, crankily, "In the hospital, like you said."

Ivan's eyes snapped open, pinned Alfred in a second, and it was very obvious in his pursed lip and low brow that he was not amused. Alfred didn't flinch, didn't look away, braced up just like he did with Gilbert to let Ivan know that there was no way in hell Alfred was going to be pushed around. Ivan had a temper, Ludwig had always said so, and Alfred's smart mouth was already riling him up, even though Ivan was half-dead and nowhere near completely lucid.

Ivan looked quite dangerous in that second, and Alfred bristled up, but from excitement more than fear.

Oh, please, please, please pitch a fit, please, needed Ivan to start screaming and ranting—

Ivan didn't.

Just sent Alfred his most potent, burning glare, but stayed silent.

Alfred was intensely disappointed.

His future relied upon Ivan's temper, and so far Ivan wasn't exactly being the raging bull that Alfred needed him to be. Alfred was annoyed, but not entirely defeated, because Ivan had just woken up. Wasn't fully aware, wasn't himself yet, had lost a good deal of memory, and so Alfred still clung to the unpleasant hope that Ivan would continue being the designated villain.

For now, though, Ivan was confused, bewildered, lost to time and space, and he eventually sighed through his nose and then turned to Toris, barking a question to him in Russian. Presumably the same question, and Toris was as inclined to humor Ivan as Alfred was, merely curling his lip, lifting his chin, and scoffing.

Ivan turned his head back, nostrils flaring in anger as he glowered away at the wall, and Alfred felt a twinge of guilt.

Ah, hell...

Ivan was disoriented and probably very scared, and instead of comforting him, the only people around were being intentional assholes. Alfred lowered his eyes to the floor, as Ivan wrung his wrists restlessly against the ties. But no matter how angry and agitated he was, Ivan didn't start screaming, and didn't try to break free.

Figured.

Alfred glanced up, and observed.

Ivan was a bit smaller than he had been just a week prior, from that coma, his head was still wrapped, hair sticking out from the bandages on one side, the circles dark under his eyes. He looked utterly exhausted, so tired, brow always crinkled from the immense amount of pain he must have been in. His pale skin still had that yellowish tint to it. A man who was very sick was easy to spot, and Ivan certainly fit the bill.

And yet, for how awful Ivan looked, there was something about him that caught Alfred's eye.

Something familiar.

It took Alfred a good minute to figure out why :

When Alfred looked at Ivan then, when he met his eyes and saw his face, it was easy to recognize the man from Ludwig's wedding photos. Ivan looked just like he had back then, had that same air about him, despite his haggard appearance and cranky mood. Ludwig had been right all along, and there was no point in denying it anymore. Ivan was different, and it was obvious for even Alfred to see. A different man. A different person.

Ivan. Ludwig's husband. A man given an unfair hand.

A threat.

A man that could so easily swoop in and once more charm cold Ludwig right off his feet, no matter how tightly Alfred clung to him. Ivan had done it once before, and apparently was already interested in doing so again. For god's sake, Ivan had woken up, dazed and confused from a coma, and the first thing he had been interested in was the pretty blond beside of him. Hadn't even asked yet what the hell had happened to him, so focused was he on Ludwig. Hooked up to a million cables, head on fire, wrists tied to a bed, and still Ivan saw Ludwig and thought, 'This is more important.'

Russians sure did take romance seriously.

Ivan had nothing but glares for Alfred and Toris (rightfully so, admittedly), but oh, boy, had Ivan ever put on the charm for Ludwig.

The door suddenly clicked open, and Ivan and Alfred looked over at the same time to see the doctor striding in, a bleary-eyed Ludwig right behind him.

Ivan sat back up with an inhale, eyes falling immediately on Ludwig and that soft smile rising again. Ivan's foul mood and agitation faded the second Ludwig was back in his sights, if only because Ivan had awoken with Ludwig holding his hand.

Kiku came forward and said, cheerily, "Nice to see you awake, Ivan! How are you feeling?"

"Like a satellite fell on me," Ivan said without missing a beat, and without once taking his eyes away from Ludwig. Kiku gave an airy little snort and came forward, reaching down to examine Ivan very aggressively. Ivan, sitting still and not moving a muscle, tried very hard to keep his gaze on Ludwig, despite how frequently the doctor moved his head around.

There was probably a reason Kiku still had Ivan's hands tied to the bed, and from the very pained way Ivan was wincing, it was likely so that Kiku could examine confused Ivan then without getting punched. A sound decision; Ivan may have been sick, but was still enormous.

Ludwig stood back for a long moment, staring at Ivan as if Ivan had finally stabbed him in the chest after many attempts, even as Ivan kept on trying to smile at him between Kiku's aggressive manhandling.

Alfred took a step towards Ludwig, but stopped quickly short, because he didn't know what to do or say. Nothing could have ever really made Ludwig feel better, at having his own husband forget who he was, and Alfred always put his foot in his mouth. Ludwig was heartbroken, and it was clear to see. Couldn't stand seeing Ludwig like that, really couldn't, but Ludwig was Ludwig, in the end, and, as he always did, Ludwig somehow managed to gather up his strength, to find his way, and with a shaking exhale Ludwig had steeled himself.

Ludwig stepped forward, and with every pace he took Ivan's smile widened, despite his hisses and winces as Kiku examined him.

When Ludwig was beside the bed, Ivan murmured, gently, "Hey. Sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. Really. Whatever I said, I'm sorry. You alright?"

Ivan's pretty voice crooned away to Ludwig, softly and soothingly, and the look on his face was quite frightening to Alfred, because it was easy there to see how much Ivan was already invested in Ludwig, despite not remembering him. Ivan looked genuinely concerned for Ludwig, and Alfred didn't know if that had something to do with Ivan waking up in the dark with Ludwig being the first thing he felt and saw. Imprinting, in some strange way.

Love at first sight, for the second time. How could that be? Wasn't fair.

Or maybe some part of Ivan did remember Ludwig, deep down, and that was why Ivan was so fervently drawn to him. Seeing something so strange and yet so familiar. Comforting, but foreign. No memories were ever truly forgotten; they were still there in Ivan's mind, even if they couldn't be dragged up, and something in Ivan heeded Ludwig's call, as he had when he had been so sick.

Ludwig's magnet was dragging in a planet this time, as opposed to Alfred's little piece of metal.

Ludwig tilted his head a bit, trying to smile, and as Kiku watched them curiously, Ludwig uttered, lowly, "No need to apologize. I should be the one saying 'sorry'. I didn't mean to— Well. I suppose I was just a bit overwhelmed. I'm just so glad to see you awake, after so long."

Ivan looked breathless then, smile wide and eyes crinkled, and his voice was much more content when he replied, "Oh, yeah? Well, you must be exhausted. Can't be easy, being a nurse. You probably work yourself to death. You should rest."

Alfred crossed his arms once more, huffily, and took again to leaning against the wall as he stared down this big ugly son of a bitch that was audaciously flirting with his damn man right there in front of him. Alfred felt in that moment that he was surrounded by assholes, and so perhaps he and Ivan had something in common for once aside from their taste in men.

Ludwig smiled, a bit sadly, and Kiku took charge then, by grabbing Ivan's face, forcing his head over, and holding his gaze.

"This isn't your nurse," Kiku nearly snorted, certainly smiling despite the unfortunate circumstances. "You're having a bit of memory loss, Ivan. You just underwent a very long, very dangerous operation. You've just forgotten some things. It'll come back to you."

Ivan's brow scrunched up as Kiku clenched his face, he looked understandably alarmed, and he repeated, a bit dumbly, "Memory loss?"

Kiku glanced over at Ludwig, and Alfred could never have expressed how grateful he was that Kiku stayed silent then and didn't chirp, 'Oh, yeah, this is your husband! Congrats.'

Ivan woulda been over the moon.

Instead, Kiku let Ivan's head go, and just like a magnet indeed Ivan turned his eyes right back to Ludwig, because apparently the dumb bastard was more interested in getting to know the stranger beside him more than he was figuring what his 'dangerous operation' had been.

Good lord, the hospital could have caught fire then, and Ivan still woulda stared over at Ludwig, not moving an inch even as the flames lapped at his feet, because he was just too intent on flirting.

"So," Ivan breathed, as Kiku began listening to his heart and lungs, "You're not my nurse, huh? Who are you? We know each other?"

Ivan was lit up, bright, eager, clearly very happy to think that he knew Ludwig.

Well. Guess that presently this was all Ivan really had going for him, since he didn't know where the hell he was or why. Ludwig was very handsome, and that was always enough to distract a man in even the most dire of circumstances.

Ludwig came over all the way, as Kiku took to removing Ivan's bandages, and reached out to rest his hand on Ivan's shoulder. Alfred could swear that Ivan had shivered.

"We work together," Ludwig finally said, vaguely.

Ivan cracked another one of those wide smiles, gawky canines poking out, and Ivan was very quick to ask, "You're my coworker? What are you?"

Toris was texting away, grimacing very potently, and Alfred could only imagine Gilbert somewhere melting down.

Ludwig brushed Ivan's bangs out of his eyes, free now from the bandages, and replied, with surprisingly good stoicism, "I'm an aeronautical engineer."

"No way," Ivan immediately crooned, even as he gave a great wince when Kiku prodded his head. "You can't be. You must be a model."

Ludwig blazed furiously red, gave a nervous laugh, and Alfred rolled his eyes at the same time Toris did, but without Toris' scoff of utter disgust. Kiku, perhaps a romantic under it all, seemed positively tickled, actually biting his bottom lip to suppress what would have been a smile.

Alfred's chest was hurting. An ache. The pain he was feeling seemed like such a stark contrast to that childish happiness on Ivan's face.

A man in courting-mode, contrasting with one in mourning.

In order to catch Ludwig's attention, Alfred had been bright and loud, as charming and shiny as possible, and Ivan was very clearly in that same frame of mind, putting on a show for Ludwig to draw him in. Trying to pretend that he wasn't in godawful pain, that he wasn't sick, that he wasn't bothered, because if Ludwig saw him as strong and brave and powerful then his chances of snaring Ludwig's attention was greater.

Alfred felt like he knew Ivan too well, suddenly, after having no feel of him for so long.

Didn't want it now. Not anymore.

Alfred tried to distract himself by observing Ivan's wound. A very large suture across the top and right side of his head. Looked quite gruesome indeed, and Alfred very quickly looked away, because it was making his stomach turn a little. Must have hurt more than any words could have described, and every time Kiku's flitting fingers prodded, Ivan's face scrunched up in pain.

Ludwig tried to distract Ivan from that agony by reaching out again and taking his hand.

As before, Ivan seemed quite mesmerized, as Kiku cleaned up the wound and started wrapping it back up in fresh bandages.

Another strong wince, a hiss, but Ivan shook it off, tried to bury it, and said, "I never got your name."

A short silence, as Ludwig gathered his bravery, and then Ludwig murmured, in that deep rumble Alfred loved, "I'm Ludwig."

"Ludwig," Ivan repeated quickly, eagerly. A hesitation, a crinkle of Ivan's brow, as he averted his eyes thoughtfully. Ludwig leaned forward, breath held, and Alfred waited anxiously as Ivan repeated Ludwig's name under his breath, as if feeling extreme familiarity. Just couldn't fire in the end, apparently, for Ivan lifted his eyes, shrugged it off, and carried on. "Ludwig. That's a German name, isn't it? Lovely. Well, I'm Ivan, as you know. It's my absolute pleasure to meet you, Ludwig. Well! Again. So. We must be friends, for you to be here. Is that right? I'm sorry I don't remember. I wish I did."

Alfred cursed under his breath, bitterly.

Disappointment, and not because Ludwig's name didn't spark Ivan's memory. More like disappointed that Ivan was alarmingly charming when he was attempting to win someone over. That fuckin' sucked.

So long seeing Ivan at his absolute worst that having him act like a normal human being was somehow jarring and in a way alarming.

Alfred wanted Ivan to rage, and instead Ivan decided to woo.

Creep.

Ludwig gave Ivan's hand a tight squeeze when Ivan winced again, and said, "We're very good friends. Don't worry. It will...come back to you."

Ludwig blinked too quickly, but held himself together so well then. Alfred would have been more impressed by Ludwig if he hadn't been so intimidated by Ivan.

Ivan's eyes ran over Ludwig's face, as if he just couldn't get enough of looking at him, and then Ivan whispered, "Very good friends, huh? Thanks. I, uh... I don't have any friends here. Can't seem to make any. Thanks for giving me a chance. You must be a saint, to put up with me."

...well, Ludwig kinda was a saint, Alfred would let Ivan have that one.

Alfred could very certainly feel an immense uphill battle.

But, oh—

Alfred scoffed and hung his head, all of that jealousy and annoyance suddenly fleeing him as quickly as it had come. Because, hell...

Ivan had forgotten everything, yeah, was charming Ludwig because he saw something he was interested in having beside of him for a good while, and that suddenly made Alfred feel under the dirt because goddammit, someone was gonna haveta look Ivan in the eye now and tell him he was dying.

How did you tell someone they were dying?

Ivan looked so happy. Clueless. A young, strong man, who would never have had any idea in his head at all that his time was up. A man from a country far away that had no family, no friends, all alone in this shitty city, and now he had to fight this on top of that with no one there to support him.

No one to hold him upright, because Alfred had been tasked with keeping away from Ivan the one person on the planet that loved him.

Alfred remembered sometimes why he hated the world.

Kiku must have suddenly pulled the bandages too tight, for Ivan suddenly gave a very vocal wince, nearly a cry, face contorting in pain and eyes squinting shut. A jerk of Ivan's hands, as they tried to instinctively raise up to protect his head.

Kiku pulled away a bit, uttering, "I'm sorry. I know that hurts. We'll give you something a little stronger for the pain, okay? Just be patient with me. Tomorrow, when you're feeling a little better, I'll untie your hands, alright? It's just to keep you from touching your wound as you sleep."

Ivan shrunk away from Kiku, instinctively, but a quick glance over at Ludwig had him suddenly gritting his teeth and trying very hard to sit still despite the awful agony he must have been in. Ivan's knuckles were white, and Alfred knew that the vice grip he had on Ludwig's hand must have been painful, but Ludwig didn't once twitch, didn't move a muscle. Just sat there, silently, and smiled at Ivan encouragingly.

With Ludwig beside of him, Ivan steadied his breathing and tried to be brave.

Alfred knew that feeling well; the need to impress, above all else. Pretending to be strong, brave, unbothered, impervious, so that Ludwig would see something worthwhile.

Toris was still texting furiously away, briefcase forgotten beside of him. Couldn't really convince Ivan in that state to sign divorce papers, when Ivan didn't even remember getting married.

Kiku finished at last, stood up straight, and smiled down at Ivan a bit proudly.

"It looks good! You're healing very well. I'm impressed with you, Ivan. You've been surpassing my expectations."

Ludwig lifted his chin, as he often did when he was feeling proud of Ivan, and smiled.

It fell once more, quickly, when Ivan finally asked the dreaded question.

"So," Ivan began, as he glanced between Kiku and Ludwig, "What's wrong with me? Did I have an accident? A car crash, or something? Why can't I remember?"

Alfred's stomach twisted, and Ludwig's eyes fell to the blanket, blankly.

Toris seemed unbothered, waiting as drolly as ever, fingers momentarily falling still from his mass texting parade.

Kiku pursed his lips, held Ivan's gaze, and finally said, "I want you just to rest up today, alright? You've been asleep for a long time. Rest today, and tomorrow we're going to sit down and talk about it. I want you to have a clear head."

Ivan might have been a little unnerved and scared by that, rightfully so, if the line of tension in his brow was any indication, but he was distracted easily enough by Ludwig. Sensing Ivan's apprehension, Ludwig gave Ivan's hand a jostle, and said, "I'll be here tomorrow, too. Don't worry. It'll be alright. Just take it easy today. There's no need to worry."

Ivan smiled again, a bit less brightly than before, teeth no longer showing, but gave a stiff nod all the same.

To appear unfazed in the sights of someone he found attractive, Ivan gave a weak scoff, and teased, "I'll owe you a bunch of dinners after this is over, huh? Some flowers, too. For staying here with me, and for me forgetting you." A sudden crinkle of Ivan's brow, a thoughtful look, and Ivan said, to himself, "Blue flowers. Blue's your favorite color."

Ludwig stared at Ivan very intently, eyes reddening as they started glistening, and Ludwig's voice cracked when he uttered, "That's right. You remembered something."

Ivan seemed encouraged, his face relaxed, and he exhaled heavily.

Alfred suddenly realized that he had never asked Ludwig what his favorite color was. Who thought of things like that? Ivan, apparently.

But then...

Something changed, something shifted, and Ivan's face abruptly collapsed. He looked so confused, suddenly, so lost, and Alfred hated it because he felt sorry for Ivan, and he didn't wanna feel sorry for that bastard. Ivan had woken up in the middle of a misty black forest, with nothing familiar in sight, and must have been indescribably vulnerable for it. Couldn't imagine how that felt, to be so alone and having no stable ground beneath.

Ivan looked scared for a moment, jaw clenched and pulse racing, and Ludwig leaned in, alarmed, to whisper, "Hey. What's wrong?"

Ivan shook his head, blinked quickly, swallowed, and uttered, "Nothing."

Had Ivan remembered something else?

Maybe he had felt something. A glimpse of those shadows. Darkness. The tumor wasn't completely gone, not all of it, and maybe the world still looked different to Ivan than it did a normal man. Something had startled him, made him uneasy, because his mind wasn't fully sound yet.

Kiku watched, very carefully, no doubt taking many mental notes as Ivan sifted through emotions and moods.

Ivan's pulse hammered away in his neck, and even though he must have been terrified in that second, he still tried hard to appease Ludwig, and whispered, "I'm fine. Really. You should go rest. I'm fine."

Didn't look fine.

Ludwig, far too close to tears, offered in turn, "I'll stay, if you want me to. I will, I—"

"No," Ivan interrupted, pupils very dilated and smile faltering however hard he tried to hold it up. "Really. I think... I'm just going to go to sleep. Really. Go home. I'll be fine. I'll see you tomorrow."

Alfred happened to glance down, and saw that the hairs on Ivan's big forearms were standing on end.

Petrified, absolutely and utterly petrified, scared to death, and Ivan probably couldn't even explain why, because he didn't know where or when he was and how he had gotten there and what was really going on. The world that Alfred saw was scary enough; couldn't comprehend how terrifying Ivan's must have been.

With that twinge of pity and sympathy making him sick, Alfred took a step towards the door, trying to spur Ludwig on. Ludwig, mercifully, took the hint, standing up at last and reaching out to rest his hand once more on Ivan's shoulder.

A long stare, and then Ludwig walked to the door, Kiku following him.

At the last second, Ivan called, "Ludwig."

Ludwig whirled around, very ready to spring back and stay at Ivan's side. But Ivan just sat up in bed, eyes wide and brow low, jaw clenched, looking yet so scared, and their gazes met.

A long silence.

Ivan began, "Ludwig. Did I ever— Are we... Did..."

Alfred waited, anxiously, but Ivan fell still, and lowered his electric gaze down to the blanket, going from fear to defeat.

"Never mind," Ivan murmured, lowly. "It's nothing. Never mind."

Felt like Ivan had been so close, had had something there, maybe something awful but something, but it had slipped away from him at the last second. Ivan probably couldn't discern reality from whatever garbled, frightening nightmare had been constantly playing up in his head. Didn't know what was real, and so stayed quiet.

Ludwig stared at Ivan for a long while, swallowing, and then said, "Tomorrow. I'll be back. I give you my word."

A weak, pale smile from Ivan, who uttered, "And you never break your word. Right. See you."

Ludwig turned back around and marched out, but did so only because he had finally started crying and he didn't want Ivan to see.

But, oh, did Kiku catch an earful as soon as they were a short distance down the hall.

Ludwig immediately leapt upon Kiku, crying as he was, whining, "What's wrong with him? Why can't he remember anything? I didn't expect any of this! This can't be— It's not permanent, is it? He'll remember eventually, won't he? Won't he?"

Had never heard Ludwig blabber quite that, shooting out questions left and right so furiously that Alfred could barely keep up with him, and it was worse because he was sobbing so furiously. Swear to god that Ludwig had cried more in two weeks than he had in his entire life, and Kiku eventually just reached out and placed his hands on Ludwig's shoulders, shushing him rather effectively.

"Ludwig. Take a deep breath for me, alright?"

Ludwig's crumpled face was hard to look at, as Alfred shuffled in the hall, ready to go, but Ludwig finally obeyed and took a deep breath, and then another, as the doctor kept him still.

Toris came sauntering out behind them, eyes still glued on his phone as he texted yet away to a wrathful Gilbert, abandoned briefcase tucked under his arm. Toris was always creepily calm, yes, but for some reason it annoyed Alfred more in that moment than it ever had. Toris looked more like he was a teenager on lame babysitting duty, texting his boyfriend about how bored and irritated he was, too good to be here.

Toris merely glanced up through his thick lashes at the doctor, curled his lip, and looked right back down.

Toris loved Ludwig, so much, but maybe Toris just hated Ivan a little more potently.

When Ludwig was finally quiet, in control of his breathing and no longer bawling, Kiku said, "I told you that memory loss is expected. Perhaps not quite to this extent, I'll admit, but I just spent nineteen hours rooting around in Ivan's brain, ripping things out. It's natural. I promise. Most of the time, the memories return, slowly but surely. Every time he wakes up, he'll probably remember a little bit more. Now, I can't promise that he'll remember everything, but I can guarantee that some of it, at least, will come back. If not now, then certainly after the second operation, his memory will be jogged. If not, then, well... Just think of it as a chance to start over anew."

Alfred bristled at that, as Ludwig stared miserably at Kiku through squinted eyes.

Start anew? Like hell. Everything Alfred was afraid of. Everything Ludwig might have desperately wanted.

Alfred would have waged war if need be to keep Ludwig. Wouldn't go down without a fight, that was for sure, wouldn't let Ivan win that easily. Not like that. For Ludwig, Alfred would have gone down fighting. Wouldn't go quietly. It wasn't Ivan's fault, and maybe Ivan had more right, far more right, because technically Ivan was still married to Ludwig, but Alfred had fallen in love with Ludwig and would have followed him the world over.

This wasn't fair to anyone, but that didn't mean that Alfred was going to just roll over.

Ivan might have been in love, but Alfred was, too.

The world wasn't a fair place, never had been, and so Alfred took crying Ludwig home, held him on the couch, and swore to himself that he wasn't going to lose to Ivan. Come hell or high water, Alfred was going to keep Ludwig, like Gilbert wanted.

By whatever means.

Ivan had had his chance. This was Alfred's time, and Alfred was steadily gathering up that fire and resolve he needed to be forceful. Ivan was going to be gone, sooner or later, and Ludwig was just going to have to sit down and accept it.

It was terrible, yeah, and he knew he shouldn't think it, but he couldn't help it, he couldn't : Ivan was dying, and so Ludwig had to stay with Alfred.

Even if in his heart he didn't want to.

Ivan was scared, and Alfred was determined to deny him the one thing that might have given him a source of light.

But he wasn't the bad guy...