Chapter 17
If it hadn't been for the sleeping infant cradled protectively in Harry's arms Hermione probably would have been in the air being swung around in circles and kissed feverishly. The words poured through Harry's ears like butter beer and he stared at her in disbelief. She wanted him to go with her to Australia. The words were surreal and he had the urge to pinch himself, but couldn't find a free hand to complete the task.
"Harry…" Hermione continued wringing her hands timidly looking up at him through heavy lashes. "I want you to go to Australia with me… as friends."
And there it was, the single most dreaded line that Harry had ever heard… as friends. Harry couldn't hide the look of sorrow that fell on his features, but he quickly covered it up with a smile.
"Harry… we are still friends aren't we?"
"Of course," Harry blurted out effortlessly. They would always be friends, no matter what.
Hermione couldn't help the grin that crept through her lips and she shyly let out a breathy chuckle. Harry's heart beat fluttered at the beautiful girl in front of him. Truth be told they were friends, they would always have that easy going relationship with one another and Harry was relatively convinced he could bury his feelings, but something had changed the moment their lips had touched and they both were aware of it. There was a secret between them separating them from the clear line that came with friendship.
"I have to ask…" Hermione hesitated, "does Ginny know?"
"Yes," Harry muttered reliving the painful moment. He had never wanted to hurt Ginny.
"She knows what happened… that night…"
"No, but she knows… that I…" Harry hesitated unsure of what to say, "she knows that it's… not her anymore… and that quite possibly it never was…"
Hermione leaned against the tree trunk groaning in protest pulling her arms up to her forehead, "What do you mean it never was…?"
Harry peeled his eyes away from her and ran his free hand through hair. "She knows that it's you…"
Hermione raised her eyes the truth weighing heavily between them as Harry stared at her his expression unreadable.
"Why are you looking at me like that?" Hermione shrieked audibly her voice cracking slightly.
"God forbid that I don't have a stupid fake smile plastered on my face!" Harry bit his lip. He wasn't sure why he had raised his voice to her, but anger clouded his natural judgment.
"I didn't do anything!" Hermione shot back anger flaring in her stomach.
"Oh right," Harry murmured under his breath turning to head back towards the Burrow.
"You're the one who told Ginny!" Hermione threw her arms in the air following after him, "What were you thinking?"
"She already knew!"
"So you decided to what, confess your undying love for me, to Ginny of all people?"
"Yes," Harry sneered at her, "that is exactly what I did! Oh Ginny sorry I don't love you anymore, not sure if I ever did! Been Hermione all along, sorry!"
"You did not say that!" Hermione gaped at him her eyes wide.
"What difference does it make? She knows now!"
"Did you tell her about me?"
"What about you?" Harry lowered his voice slightly.
"About, what we did?" Hermione couldn't help the tears forming in her eyes.
"I spared her the gory details. As far as she knows I have kept my feelings to myself." With his final word he abruptly turned needing to end this conversation as quickly as possible. He needed to breathe and Hermione made that prospect very difficult. Whether he was angry, turned on, or happy, she always seemed to get his blood boiling somehow.
"Harry James Potter! Don't walk away from me!" Hermione yelled after him.
"I'm not," Harry seethed through his mouth in a sharp whisper, "I'm bringing Ted back to the house so that he can sleep and doesn't need to listen to us yell. I heard enough of that growing up from a fucking closet under the stairs."
His comment hit Hermione hard in the chest. Harry had always made light of his living situation finding humor in almost everything about his aunt, uncle and buffoon of a cousin, but while Hermione had always known there was more to it, she didn't realize how tragic his childhood had really been. He grew up without the love of a mother or father and still turned out to be an amazingly selfless person. Some people go through minor tragedy and end up as angry bitter humans capable of evil, but never Harry. He was in that stance a miracle boy. She sighed watching his retreating figure move closer to the mass of people huddled outside the Burrow and crossed her arms fighting back tears. One by one her feet began their descent as well, her body traveling where her mind had no desire to be.
Harry was only half surprised when he heard a creek on the floor behind him and he turned to find Hermione waiting at the door expectantly as he silently placed Teddy in the makeshift crib Mrs. Weasley had put together.
"Harry we need to talk," Hermione insisted harshly.
"I have nothing to say," Harry stubbornly pushed past her and Hermione raked her fingers on his arm clasping his wrist tightly.
"Let go of me Hermione." Harry muttered as he continued walking.
"Not until we figure this out."
"There's nothing to figure out!" He gritted his teeth as he turned to look at her incredulously, "You. Are. With. Ron." Harry said each word with a heart stopping conviction.
"My turn," Hermione muttered quickly and before Harry could mutter a word in response the air around them mixed together in a whirl of events and they were spinning farther and farther away from the Burrow. They landed together seconds later Harry flat on his back a root digging into his spine as Hermione stood gracefully her hair mildly windblown.
"Jesus Christ!" Harry yelled in anger clenching the back of his head with knotted fingers. "What the hell Hermione?"
"Fun isn't it," Hermione sneered edgily at him as she took in the familiar surroundings of the Forest of Dean.
"What are we doing here?" Harry grumbled sitting up in a daze. "Oh bloody hell you took us here? Hermione we have to go back!"
"I don't think so," Hermione rocked backwards on her heels. "I think we need to talk."
"There is NOTHING to say," Harry growled standing brushing his shirt off. "Can we just end this?"
"Harry I want to figure this out. I need you to figure this out with me. I need to know how we can salvage this." She pointed to the space between the two of them, the metaphor symbolizing so much more.
Harry gripped his hair and shook slowly picking his words carefully trying not to explode. "I told you, we are friends."
"Then why do you say that with such loathing." Hermione cried out finally expressing the reason behind her behavior.
"I don't," Harry softened taking a few steps towards her at a loss for words. He finally took in the full volume of where they were and his breath hitched as he remembered the last time they were here. The Forest of Dean was different when Hermione was in it. The leaves were a little greener, the sky a little more blue, and the sun set a little slower. Her eyes were glassy with unshed tears and her chest raised and fell with shaky ragged breaths causing Harrys abs to tighten with a distant longing. "I don't hate you…"
"But, you just…"
"Hermione, what did I just confess to you minutes ago at the Burrow?" Harry held his arms out practically.
Hermione wiped a stray tear away and crossed her arms over her chest. "I know, but…"
"No, buts, and, or ifs about it," Harry's gaze wavered a little, but his voice remained poignant, "I love you Hermione. Whether we are screaming, crying, laughing, or not speaking… I love you. No matter what happens, don't ever question that."
Hermione didn't respond with 'I love you too' for she didn't know how she loved Harry… of course she loved him as a friend that had been known to her since she was eleven years old. He was her best friend… that was how she had always seen him, but even she couldn't deny that somewhere in the recent events something had changed, not just for Harry, but for her, she just didn't know what yet. So instead she responded with a simple, "Okay."
Harry sighed, "Good."
An awkwardness filled the air around them and the pair stood staring at each other with weary eyes.
"What are you thinking?" Hermione muttered nervously, unsure of what she was going to hear.
"Honestly?" Harry mumbled in response, "I can't tell you…"
"Why not?" Hermione frowned slightly. It wasn't as if their conversation hadn't been revealing.
"Some things are better left unsaid," Harry smiled at her through sad eyes and Hermione nodded in acceptance.
Hermione shrugged her tensed shoulders. She hadn't realized how much stress she had been holding the last few day and it felt good to take a deep breath away from the Burrow. She glanced up at the thick lush leaves encasing the scene before them and sighed in content harmony. "I'm a little envious."
"Of what?" Harry questioned leaning lazily against the trunk of a tree.
"You… this place," Hermione held her hands out to their surroundings. "I forgot how peaceful it is out here, how you can just lose yourselves for weeks… I think if we had stayed any longer this past winter we wouldn't have left." A smile crept onto her features as she continued, "I wanted to stay so badly… and then Ron came back and… we just sort of picked up." She stopped spinning and turned to Harry her almond eyes piercing his green. "What would have happened if we had stayed here Harry?"
"I don't know…" Harry muttered swallowing the never leaving ball in his throat.
"What if Ron hadn't come back…"
"Then I would have drowned," Harry muttered lightheartedly.
"I'm serious," Hermione brushed off his attempted humor and Harry's chest tightened as her gaze continued to stare holes in him. "What would have happened… with us?"
"I don't know," Harry spoke again softly speaking the truth, "But he did come back."
"Would you have still… fallen in love with me?" Hermione's words trembled as she said the words out loud for the first time.
Harry hesitated, "You wanted to know what I was thinking before… I was thinking about when I started having feelings for you… trying to piece it together to make sense of the chaos."
"And…"
"Hermione," Harry whispered the words in case someone would over hear. "I can't think back to a time when I wasn't in love with you. I think a part of me always knew… it just took a lot of pain to bring it to the surface."
Hermione didn't know what to say or how to respond. She just stood there lamely biting her lip her hands folded tightly over her middle. "I wish… I knew what to say."
Harry stared off into the distance a serene look on his features, as painful as it was to bear his soul to the girl he loved, his mind was at peace for the first time in months. "You don't have to say anything… I thought about what you said… about Australia-"
"I was serious," Hermione interjected forcefully, "I want you with me."
"I can't go with you, it's too hard."
"But you just said that we were still friends no matter what…" Hermione anxiously responded her tears welling up quicker than she thought.
"We are," Harry leaned his back against the tree, "but it's too hard to be just friends when it's just the two of us. Something changed the last few months that won't let me be just friends with you. At least not when we are alone… I mean Hermione last time we were here… if I hadn't pulled back to look at you… I don't know if we would have… stopped."
Hermione blushed a deep shade of crimson as she remembered that night a little too well.
"I can see it in your eyes that you know it's true," Harry boldly held her gaze, "I'm not saying you feel what I feel for you or that you don't love Ron, but there is at least an attraction between us, and it's not safe for me to be around you."
"What are you saying?" Hermione mumbled at a loss for words.
"I'm saying… that I think I'm going to leave…"
"What do you mean you are going to leave, what go back to the Burrow?" Hermione questioned.
"No," Harry pulled at his hair, "I think I'm going to leave Britain for a little while."
"And go where?" Hermione held her arms out in pure shock, that being the last thing she expected to hear.
"I don't know, Africa maybe?" Harry smiled at the distant thought, "I've been thinking about it for a long time, and I just feel like I need to go see that there is still good in the world. And if there's not… well maybe I can help make it better."
"You already have!" Hermione yelled this at him, "Harry you've already done so much!"
"I know… I know…" Harry held his hands out to calm her, "but that doesn't mean I can't do more. This wouldn't be for the good of the wizarding world. This would be for the good of me, to know that I can make a difference and know that there is still… love in the world. I don't know it's hard to explain. I just feel like I need to experience something different, something by myself."
As much as Hermione hated the words leaving his mouth she understood exactly what he meant, for a lot of the time she felt that way too. Her tears that had been welling up for the entirety of the conversation trickled down her cheeks heavily, "Harry you can't leave."
"Hermione I-"
"Harry don't leave," Hermione sobbed more recklessly than she had planned.
"Hermione… I can't stay."
"Don't leave me," she persisted again desperation clouding her mind as she wasn't quite sure what she was saying. All she knew was that she didn't want to go another day without seeing those green eyes staring back at her.
"Hermione," Harry stepped backwards distancing himself a little bit, "I'm going to go back to the Burrow and give you some time."
"Harry… kiss me."
Harry's jaw dropped in shock. "What?"
Hermione gritted her tongue through her teeth and stepped forward pressing her hands to his chest, "I said kiss me."
With her palms pressed against his stomach and her lips parted slightly, golden hair full and magnificent in the sunlight Harry didn't think twice. He instantly enveloped Hermione, one arm sliding around her lower back the other wrapping around the base of her neck as he pulled her lips to his. His lips caught her own and he pushed her gently towards him passion consuming his rational thinking. Their mouths danced with a dangerous sensuality and when Hermione bit his bottom lip it just about pushed him over the edge. He pulled her flush against him his core burning with a longing he had hid for so long. So when Hermione pulled back suddenly, disappointment and fear was quick to step in, but was erased as quick as it appeared as she pushed him backwards onto a nearby stump and continued her assault on his lips as she straddled him sliding her golden legs around his torso. Harry groaned in appreciation and tangled his fingers in her hair as she fiercely took control. Harry moaned in carnal pleasure as her lips found his way to the sweet spot right beneath his ear lobe and he let out a shaky whisper.
"You wreck me…" he husked against her skin capturing her lips once again as time became lost in the Forest of Dean.