Five standard years after arrival
"I don't think those are for you," Obi-Wan said, removing the gift hamper of cakes and jams away from Leia who was getting her hands too close to it.
"Can I have just one?" she looked up at him with round brown eyes and a familiar pout that usually had him wrapped around her finger, but Obi-Wan was not in the mood today.
"No. You still need to find your shoes young lady."
Groaning dramatically, she ran off, looking for her only pair of party shoes which she'd lost. They only had five minutes or so on the chrono before they needed to leave for Namusa to go to a friend's wedding party, and Padmé was getting exasperated at Leia's lost shoes, as well as Luke's insistence on brushing his hair in exactly the right way. Hogging the fresher, the boy had made her get ready later than planned, and the mood in the house was the usual amount of craziness that he had become accustomed to with two growing children.
"Daddy I don't even need shoes!" Leia called from the bedroom.
"Yes you do," he replied.
Padmé came into the living room looking exasperated and he tried not to stare. Her natural beauty shone from within, making her glow. Wild curls were swept up into a ponytail that fell down her back. She wore a loose blouse, spun from local cloth in a style similar to his own shirt, but with the addition of a tight bodice over her midriff that enhanced the slightness of her waist and pushed up her bust. Underneath that, a long skirt in the style of the local farmer women flowed about her legs.
Feeling that his admiration of her wasn't appropriate, he looked away to gather the hamper ready to put on the speeder. To his surprise, before he could walk away, she came closer, frowning a little. Standing still, he watched as she came very close, her hands going to his chest. Trying not to inhale sharply, her fingers brushed against his bare chest for the smallest of moments as she did up the top buttons of his nicest shirt and flattened out the folds a little.
"You shine up pretty nicely Ben," she said warmly.
"As do you," he replied, his voice suddenly dry.
"I found my shoes!" Leia called.
"Let's get going then," she replied, moving away from him and going to check on the twins as if she had no idea of the affect she had on him. Hopefully, it would stay that way.
A few years ago, he'd hoped that his feelings would pass in time, but instead, he'd only fallen more and more in love with Padmé, and now it had deepened to the point where he was beginning to slip.
There'd been a few times recently when he'd been tempted to just blurt out his feelings to her, and he'd almost done it. The recklessness of such an impulse unnerved him. That was not who he was. Obi-Wan prided himself on his level-headless, and his yearning for Padmé, coupled with the pressure to masquerade as her husband, had him at the end of his tether.
For the last five years, Padmé hadn't given him any indication that she shared his affections. Though she was happier now, he believed her heart was still closed off, and how could he blame her, after what happened with her previous husband. Obi-Wan was supposed to be the man who looked after her and made her feel safe. The last thing he wanted to do was alarm her or make her uncomfortable, and revealing his love for her would undoubtably do that.
The thought of enduring another decade until the children were of age with this one-sided love was unbearable. And so, for the last couple of nights he'd been pondering the idea about moving away. He could live nearby perhaps, so he could visit and train Luke and Leia, but far enough away that he wouldn't be in pain. But then again, how could he ever be apart from them when they all brought him so much happiness? Isolation from his new family would be equally unbearable.
Qui-Gon had only offered vague advice about trusting the Force when he asked him about his problem, and now he didn't know what to do. Things could not remain as they were.
The sun was setting as they drove into Namusa and parked outside the cantina. Since it was a small town and everyone knew everyone else, the entire neighbourhood was present. As they approached the cantina, Padmé took his hand for appearance's sake, and he noticed how soft it was, enclosed firmly in his palm. Breathing in deeply, he mentally prepared himself.
Folk music and loud conversation were already pouring out of the windows despite the party having only just started, and before they could get through the doorway they were being greeted enthusiastically by various friends, neighbours and families that Obi-Wan knew from school and the town. The rural fields behind the building had tables and a shabby marquee set up. It was covered in lights powered by Gonk droids, and underneath people and aliens were spilling out from the cantina and enjoying food and drink against the dusky sky.
Heading inside, he placed the gift hamper in the arms of the young human groom called Yusef, a farmer with red hair and a big smile. Obi-Wan strained to hear him over the loudness of the cantina.
"Thank you very much Ben, these look delicious," he grinned, shaking his hand and then Padmé's. Obi-Wan put his now free arm around her, for appearance's sake, of course. "You and Priya look wonderful, and hello Luke and Leia!"
The twins looked up shyly and gave him a wave, clinging to the material of Padmé's skirt as the crowdedness of the venue was a little overwhelming for them.
"Eireen is around here somewhere," he pointed vaguely to where his newlywed bride could be. "Please, go make yourselves at home. Feast, drink, be merry!"
Yusef ushered them further into the cantina, and soon the they were swept up in conversations with friends under the pulsing multi-coloured party lights. Luke and Leia had overcome their shyness at seeing their friends, and had scampered off, leaving him with Padmé.
Heading to the buffet, they grabbed some fried nuna strips and some drinks, the two of them stood in the crowd and watched as the next jig was called, and couples lined up on the dance floor in front of the live band. The music was fast and played on folk instruments, and he observed with a hint of wistfulness how the newly wedded couple moved together. Wanting to ask Padmé to dance, but not wanting to overstep the careful barrier he'd placed between them, he turned back to the buffet and picked out some more food.
Soon, friends and neighbours were dividing their attention and the two of them split up to catch up with various connections.
ooooo
The drums were beating fast. Half the cantina was full of dancing couples, spinning and clapping and laughing in time with the beat. Padmé watched them, her eyes occasionally darting to Obi-Wan who was talking with Leia's best friend's father on the other side of the room. They were laughing, and she felt strange, seeing him from the outside.
"Your Ben is a wonderful husband, isn't he?" one of her co-workers from her shop job said beside her through a vocabulator, an Ithorian female named Barshekla. "He is so kind and speaks like a gentleman to everyone he meets."
Padmé turned to look up at her, nodding in agreement before pouring them both some bantha blasts and wincing a little at the high alcoholic content. She'd already had a few drinks offered by friends and she didn't want to overdo it. Her cheeks were already starting to feel very warm.
"Yes, he is wonderful, and extremely kind-hearted."
"My husband barely takes the time to look after our daughters," Barshekla took a sip of the beverage. "You should consider yourself lucky to have such a man."
"I am lucky," she agreed, feeling bad for her friend. "I try not to take him for granted."
Looking down at her drink then back at Obi-Wan, she couldn't help but smile as she saw Leia run to him with her best friend, a little girl called Nadira. They were jumping up and down and explaining something incredibly fast. He must've said something they wanted to hear, because the girls beamed at him and raced off again into the crowd. Feeling her eyes on him, he looked up and her breath hitched as they locked eyes across the dance floor. Breaking her gaze away, she had to take a swig of her drink to concentrate on something else.
"Do you plan on having more children?" Barshekla asked.
Almost choking on her bantha blast, Padmé cleared her throat and tried not to look too shocked. It was not unreasonable for a friend to ask that, he was her 'husband' after all.
"No, we um, we can't afford it right now."
"Ah I see. Still, sometimes accidents happen," she laughed with a knowing wink and Padmé felt even more heat rising to her cheeks. Barshekla was a kind friend, but she was brazen. "Better be careful Priya. I see the way he looks at you, I think he's definitely got more children on his mind."
"Barshekla!"
"I am teasing!" she laughed, patting her shoulder. "I'll see you in a bit, I can see Wasi waving me over."
She plodded off and Padmé took another gulp of her drink, trying to calm her thoughts. That look in Obi-Wan's eyes had sent heat to her stomach. A few years ago, she'd been convinced that she'd been growing attached to Obi-Wan because of their deepening friendship. But that had begun to change, and she knew now that she was undeniably attracted to him on a romantic level.
When they'd first arrived on Bakura, being husband and wife on paper seemed inconsequential, but now that they'd set up a life here, the facade was getting harder to keep up. She'd tried ignoring the feelings and waiting for them to pass, but they'd only increased until she could scarcely think of anything else when she was alone with him. Afraid of her affections, Padmé continued to push them aside, seeing no other solution.
Pouring herself some more drink to distract herself from her thoughts, Padmé felt steadied by the alcohol. When she looked back at where Obi-Wan had been standing, she was shocked to see that Nadira's father had gone, and instead a local farmer woman from the town she didn't know so well was talking to him. Who was that?
Frowning, she watched between the weaving bodies of dancers as the woman sidled closer to Obi-Wan. Her body language as she leaned into him, tucking her hair behind her ear and laughing at every word he was saying demonstrated her intentions. Padmé was surprised at the strength of the possessiveness she felt before she could check herself.
When she saw the woman gesturing to the dance floor in what looked like an invitation, Padmé turned and left the lively cantina, wanting some fresh air. Heading down the crowded steps to the fields outside and noticing that the sun had now set, she weaved between party guests and droids to the tent covered in lights and batted away a few mosquitoes. Finding one of the mothers she knew from school, a human called Jekhi, she struck up conversation and tried not to think of her fake husband dancing with another woman, because it was none of her business what Obi-Wan chose to do. He was his own person and she had no right to feel like this…but that didn't make it any easier to ignore. It hurt far more than it should.
"I think there's too much sugar in these waffles," her friend said. "My Denni is flying around here like a mynock in May with Luke and the other boys. I just know he's going to have a sugar crash and a tantrum before bed."
"When are you going to head off tonight?" she asked absently.
"When Denni passes out," Jekhi laughed. "Come on, let's have a shot, I never get to go out and drink anymore. Being a mother is too much hard work," she said, pouring them two glasses of the stronger stuff, deuterium-pyro. "Cheers!"
"Cheers," Padmé smiled, downing the shot with her friend and wincing as the alcohol burned her throat. "That's so strong!"
"This is the stuff the space pirates drink, isn't it? Stars…" Jekhi coughed and laughed.
Egged on by each other, they did another shot and Padmé was really starting to feel the effects when her friend pointed to someone behind her.
"Oh, Priya, your Ben's here," she said casually, looking over her shoulder.
Turning, her long ponytail swishing against her back, Padmé looked up into Obi-Wan's face and felt her stomach flutter again. She didn't know if he had danced with that woman, but again, she reminded herself it wasn't any of her business, despite being his 'wife'.
"Priya my dear, do you want to dance? The next jig is about to start."
His expression was so open and hopeful that, against her better judgement, Padmé nodded. Excusing herself, they left and headed back inside. Obi-Wan reached for her hand and slipped his fingers between hers, linking them together as their two hands became one. He led her through the crowd until they reached the dance floor and found an empty space.
Padmé barely had time to adjust to being in his arms as the speed of the folk song had them twirling and weaving, dancing with a wild freedom that left no question that they were living in the Outer Rim. Dancing in the royal court of Naboo was about as different to this as you could ever get. With a clap and a stomp, the townsfolk danced around them, the atmosphere full of nothing but sweat-stained merriment.
Lifting her up in his arms, Obi-Wan twirled her around and she shrieked with joy, forgetting her negative emotions from earlier. Her skirt fanned out around her in a rippling circle. Moving together, they danced freely across the floor as onlookers clapped and overhead lights flashed in all the colours of the rainbow.
Laughing breathlessly as he spun her around, Padmé's head fell back and she couldn't remember the last time she felt so alive. Her heart was jumping with the music, and the man she was dancing with was so wonderful. There wasn't anywhere else in the galaxy she'd rather be. Meeting his eyes, she saw overflowing happiness in his face that mirrored her own.
They came to a smiling, breathless halt as the music ended. Everyone applauded the band and took the chance to catch their breath. Padmé looked at Obi-Wan expectantly, noticing how the sweat on his brow only made him look more attractive. Feeling wavy, she gripped his arms a little.
"That was fun," she smiled, speaking loudly over the volume of all the talking in the room. The alcohol in her blood made her want to dance again, and she felt daring. "Another round Ben?"
"Happy to oblige," he agreed, giving her a charming smile.
When the music started up for the next dance, they were both surprised to hear that it was a lot slower, and more sensual than the last piece had been. There were no drums, only stringed instruments and a gentle flute-like melody. Instead of twirling in reels, the couples around them were…slow dancing.
Trying to hide her nerves at the situation she now found herself in, Padmé hoped that since Obi-Wan didn't see her in that way, he wouldn't really think anything of an intimate dance. Still, having to place her arms around his neck and feeling his hands settle on her waist did nothing to quiet her racing heart.
It felt so pleasant, and at the same time, so terrifying. Her confusion only increased when he drew her a little closer and they were flush against each other, their bodies only separated by thin layers of cloth. Everything felt so electric and vivid. The smell of his shirt, the pulse of his heart, the warmth of his body, the sturdiness of his frame as he held her closely against him, whilst they gently swayed to the music, it was too intense. She'd definitely had one too many shots. "Are you enjoying yourself?" he asked from above her, and she had no choice but to look up at him and see how alarmingly close his face was to hers.
The multi-coloured lights were now pulsing only in pinks and purples, emphasising the romantic atmosphere.
"Yes…it's nice to dance so freely. Yourself?"
"Yes, these are good people, though I worry your friend Jekhi is a bad influence," he joked.
She laughed at that, definitely feeling tipsy. "It's rare to have an occasion where I can enjoy a few drinks with friends. You wouldn't deny me that would you?" she pretended to act affronted.
"I doubt I could deny you anything."
"Good."
Feeling more than a little lightheaded and warm, she pressed her face onto his chest, not really caring what the consequences were at this point. Later on, she could blame it on all the bantha blasts. He drew his arms tighter around her and she relished in the feeling. It felt so right.
"How many drinks have you had?" he asked, his chest rumbling, amusement in his voice.
"None of your business Ben," she grinned with her own measure of cheekiness.
"What my wife does is my business."
"And what my husband does is my business," she countered, feeling the urge to blurt out what she wanted to ask. Feeling bold, she did. "…Did that woman ask you to dance with her earlier?"
"Yes, but I politely declined."
"Because you didn't want to start any rumours in town?" she smiled but it didn't reach her eyes.
"Because there's only one woman here that I want to dance with."
At that, Padmé couldn't help but move back and look up into his eyes. She searched his expression. Involuntarily her eyes darted down to his lips, she hoped he didn't notice that.
"You're not tired of my company yet? You see me every day."
"Believe me, I will never be tired of you."
Their eyes were locked, and again she could see that intensity simmering below the surface. They held the eye contact for a little too long. Or did she imagine that?
Smiling warmly and looking away, she tried to downplay the way his words had affected her. "You are too kind Ben."
They swayed, moving gently with the rhythm of the instruments. The flute lilted and the strings sighed gently, and she enjoyed the moment being in his arms far more than she should have. In the dreamy pink and purple atmosphere, surrounded by other swaying couples, Padmé's heart was conflicted and confused.
Was he interested in her? He'd never made any hints, but his eyes said otherwise. His hands on her waist said otherwise. His tender words said otherwise. Had Barshekla been right in her observation?
But she didn't want to think of Obi-Wan like that, she was terrified he would leave if she ever gave him reason to be uncomfortable. It had taken years of hard work to find this happiness she had now, if he left because of her one-sided feelings, it would be devastating. Nothing was ever worth that risk. No, she'd just have to hope this attraction passed in time. She had no other choice.
Placing her head back against his chest, she let the rhythm and the warmth take over her brain for a little while. Just for a bit, she could pretend.
When the song ended, the intimate spell was broken. The party continued with no more incidents, and Padmé went to find the twins when the chrono was reading midnight. She found Luke asleep on one of the cantina couches, his mouth covered in donut sugar, and Leia was crying outside with Nadira because she didn't want to go home, but wanted to have a sleepover instead. Obi-Wan, who hadn't had any alcohol, drove them all home, taking everything in his stride as he always did.
Once they were back and the twins were asleep, she lay down heavily in bed, her head spinning. Sharing a bed with him was tortuous enough, but after today, she didn't want to even look at him. It was all getting too much. Rolling over, she bid him goodnight when he lay down, and with all the mental strength she had, she pushed away all tempting thoughts of reaching out to him. How was she ever to endure this?