Chapter Twenty Two: Realizations
Garrus and Mordin were tearing up Illium while he visited Liara. The thought of them awkwardly standing in her office and watching the reunion take place made Colt puke in his mouth a little.
The reunion, and eating ice cream, were the only things he was truly looking forward to. Everything else was just...old news. Somehow not worth it. Colt was still trying to figure out how to live after dying, and it wasn't going great. Maybe Liara could pull his head out of his ass.
Jesus. Seeing her after two years was a gift. For the first time, Colt actually wanted to thank Cerberus.
Maybe they weren't so bad. They did let him keep Rosebud. They did revive him, and so far they weren't telling him what to do. They gave him whatever he wanted. They didn't push. If Colt needed time, he was given it. If he needed to visit his girlfriend on Illium, there were no objections.
No. The Illusive Man wanted him to think they were his friends. This was how it started. Give him a long leash. Lull him into friendship. Bide your time and then rein him in. Colt was no stranger to being used.
"Did you hear me, Commander?"
"Uh ya, umm-"
"Nyxeris."
"Right, I knew that," He muttered.
"No varren in the broker's office," she said while crossing her arms.
"Are you really gonna tell a Spectre that? Especially an emotionally compromised Spectre?" Colt said.
She scowled but said nothing.
This was it. After two very short years, the dream team was back together. Colt couldn't contain his excitement any longer. He charged into Liara's office without so much as knocking. Whatever. He was back from the dead; he shouldn't have to knock, goddamit.
She was talking to someone via vid comm, but that didn't stop his biotics from flowing on his skin and generally twisting around his body. Oh fuck. The last thing he needed right now was to lose control. He tried to halt the building biotic energy, but his heightened emotions far overpowered his logical reaction. A singularity exploded from his hands, sending Liara, Rosebud, and Colt above the ground. Liara looked stunned for a second, which, given the circumstances, was completely understandable.
Hopefully she recognized him. Hell, he just had a few orange scars, shouldn't be too hard. Luckily, her confused look turned into something far more intense. She scanned him with her bright, luminous eyes and Colt felt his heart skip a beat. He attempted to stop feeding the singularity, only to be met with an intense pain at the base of his skull. Luckily, his biotics did start to recede, dropping Liara to the floor before he crashed to the ground himself.
"Sorry," he coughed out, "Cerberus decided on some sketchy upgrades." He rolled from his side to his back and concentrated on remembering where he was.
"Are you okay?" She asked. When he opened his eyes, she was standing above him with a furrowed brow.
"Never been better," he grunted. He clambered to his feet, all the while trying to ignore the pulses of pain radiating from the base of his skull.
"Biotics?" She asked.
"Cerberus thought I wasn't a good enough deal for four billion creds, so they threw in some upgrades," Shepard replied.
Putting on the cool guy front was a must considering the sad little stunt he just pulled. So he sauntered over to her desk and shot her his douchiest grin before saying, "Illium, huh? Wouldn't have guessed it." He flicked the dirt off his collar before crossing his arms and leaning against her desk.
Liara stared at him before bursting out laughing.
"Was it really that bad?" He whined, "You're not supposed to laugh at Commander Shepard, you know. It hurts my ego."
Liara shook her head with a grin but said nothing.
Colt said, "It makes me uncomfortable when you don't say anything. I feel pressured to talk when I really should shut up. Like right now. And if you continue to stay silent, I will continue to spout nonsense. Do you reall-"
She pulled him into a kiss that was probably the most unsatisfying thing ever felt. She pulled away almost as quickly as she had started in, leaving a very sad Colt in her wake.
"Shepard, how are you?" Liara spoke the words hesitantly, like he was some karate-wielding-foe instead of a loving boyfriend.
"Living the dream. You?" He asked. Colt usually had no qualms about speaking his mind, but oh lordy, lord did he have them now. He was dancing around the reunion they both wanted. Hell, Liara was dancing around the reunion they both wanted. She started the small talk thing and Shepard found himself unable to break it.
"Ya, me too."
"I'm also a dad," Shepard said after an awkward silence descended.
"What!?" Before, Liara had been cold and almost emotionless, while this word was said with the anger of a Krogan in a tutu. Shepard smiled at her change in tone and opened the pocket of his cargo pants. Almost immediately Rosebud's head popped out. Shepard thought that she was the cutest thing ever to inhabit the universe and watched as she panted and looked around the room curiously.
"Shepard, you have a varren in your pocket," she said. Apparently it was important to establish this.
"I know, her name is Rosebud," Colt said. He watched as his two favorite girls eyed each other.
"Why exactly do you have a varren in your pocket?" Liara's voice slipped back into a disinterested tone. Hopefully his story would bring her back. He started telling the Tale of Rosebud.
"I see," she said after his dramatized retelling. It hadn't worked. Her tone was still professional and distant.
What was worse was that she then promptly asked him for a favor and never once broke character from some cold emotionless thing. He also noted how pale she looked, how unhealthy.
Shepard left with a hacking job and Liara stayed on Illium. He tried not to notice how wrong it felt not having her on the Normandy.
…
"Are you Commander Shepard?" A woman about thirty years old said. She approached the trio traveling through Illium. This would be pretty routine; after all, he had done something similar thousands of times.
"Yes, I am," Shepard responded arrogantly. What he expected was around a million thank yous and a good job. What he got was one of the hardest slaps ever felt in the history of forever.
"I bet you don't even know how many people you killed just to save some crustaceous politicians, you arrogant son-of-a–bitch," the woman screeched. Shepard honestly didn't know what was happening and, what was worse, was that they were right below Liara's office. It would be weird explaining how he got manhandled by some stranger.
"Look lady. I have no idea what you're talking about but I'll give you a gold star for approaching three heavily armed people with an attitude like that," he said. Shepard needed sunglasses right now. He needed the hater glasses that everyone else on his team seemed to own. If he was going to be an asshole he might as well go full out and wear sunglasses while doing it.
"You don't even realize what you did, do you? Two years ago you decided to save the Council at the cost of hundreds of human lives. My-my husband was one of them. You killed him, you bastard!" She said.
Shepard knew what she was talking about. He had killed hundreds to save the Council and Destiny Ascension. The decision was made when he heard the captain and helmsman on the Destiny Ascension pleading for help, and without a second thought, he allowed Alliance ships to save them. Shepard was becoming shockingly good at thinking of people as statistics.
"Ma'am, your husband's death wasn't in vain. If I had allowed the Council to die, the political repercussions would have been felt throughout the galaxy," Shepard told her. It sounded good, but he didn't know if it was true or if he was just a master at bull shitting.
"Keep telling yourself that, Commander," she snorted. With that, the woman stormed away and Colt lost her in a crowd of people.
…
To say that Miranda was worried was an understatement. She wanted to curl up in her cabin, and she wasn't even the target of the woman's words.
It was clear that Shepard had never considered the hundreds of Alliance marines that had died. This was troubling considering his psych profile suggested he wasn't the greatest at coping with loss and a few hundred added to the mix wouldn't be good. His records repeatedly pointed out a high level of empathy and an almost perfect record of paragon actions.
Her worry turned to downright fear when he stood frozen for a solid two minutes. Nobody seemed to move. It was like all of Illium was holding its breath for Shepard.
She glanced at Garrus nervously, hoping an old friend could pull the Commander from his trance. Unfortunately, the turian seemed equally flustered.
Right when Miranda was about to say something Shepard simply turned and said, "Find some information on the two new recruits. I need to do something." Then he turned and walked away.
…
For the rest of the day Liara found herself unable to concentrate. Colt was back, he was back! Everything felt so unreal, so unstable. She had grown complacent with her job as widower and the fact that Shepard was alive hadn't registered. She could say it a million times out loud but no part of her would actually feel it. The world was still an eerie shade of black when it should have been lit by the sun.
Maybe going home would be beneficial. She needed to take it easy and consider everything that had happened. She started the tedious process of packing all her stuff for the day. She stacked a series of datapads on top of each other before reaching for her carrying case.
The door to her office opened with a hum. "Thanks for the heads up, Nyxeris, but I'm already heading out. See you tomorrow," Liara said.
When her assistant failed to reply, Liara looked up to find a very pitiful Shepard. Something was clearly wrong as he swayed unsteadily and slouched oddly. Goddess, was he hurt? She looked him over for any injuries before another thought occurred to her. "Shepard, are you drunk?" She asked. Liara couldn't help but smile at the sight before her.
Shepard, in complete Shepard style, bypassed her question and instead asked, "Am I a good person?" What a weird thing to ask.
"I can honestly say that you're the best person I've ever met," Liara said. She wasn't lying.
"How-how can you say that?" He said, before slumping to the ground. His back was pressed against the wall while his head was buried in his hands.
"I don't know a lot of people who would go out of their way to save some archeologist who was dumb enough to get herself trapped or someone who would save a baby varren," she said. Shepard was staring at his hands as if they had grown another finger.
"I killed hundreds of innocent people for the Council!" Shepard spat his last word out, before adding more quietly, "I didn't even think about it, just gave the order. What kind of person kills hundreds and doesn't even give them the courtesy of remembering?"
This was not a good thought train for someone who was currently saving the galaxy. "Shepard, now is not the time to grieve the lost. Once this war is over, we'll have all the time in the world to remember," she told him.
Colt looked at her for a long time with clear eyes. Maybe he wasn't drunk after all. If it wasn't alcohol, then what was it?
He slowly got to his feet. He looked at her once more before turning for the door and walking out a lot more sober than he should have been.
His problems were saved for another day. A day in the not so distant future. For now, they had to balance Colt's mind on borrowed time.