Chapter Twenty Four: Uncertainty and Wires
"Do you even remember what Cerberus did? What they did to innocent people, to that Major?"
Shepard's conversation with Ashley echoed in his mind.
"Yes, I do. But I can't just say no. Hell, they brought me back, and besides, I need their resources. And it's not like the Alliance is rolling out the Welcome Wagon," Shepard said. At the time, he thought his argument valid.
"You've changed. I can see that by just looking at your face," Ashley said. A day later and her comment still left a sour taste in his mouth.
"Well, I know it's hard to believe, but they actually made me even more handsome," He said, even trying his grin that Liara mentioned. Looking back, it didn't work. Not even kinda.
"It seems like your humor is intact or at least your talent at being a total asshole," she said. Shepard was still trying to figure out if she was kidding.
"Ha-ha, very funny, but now we've come to the part where you join the Normandy," he said.
"You don't get it, do you? Joining Cerberus is the worst thing I could possibly do. It's the worst possible thing you could do!"
"Come on Ashley! Do you really believe I've changed? After all we've been through?"
"Yes."
That conversation happened a day ago, and Colt was powerless to get it out of his mind. She looked him straight in the eye when she accused him of being different. She didn't stutter or look away. Her words were sincere.
Maybe he was different. Maybe Ashley was right.
Maybe there was a way to see if he was real.
...
"Miranda? Can I ask you a question?" The usually confident Commander walked into her office timidly.
"Sure, what's up Shepard?" Miranda asked. She hoped this would be quick. Loads and loads of paperwork were waiting for her.
"How many fingers are actually... you know...me?" The Commander asked. He was staring intently at her face.
"Is there a problem?" Miranda asked, only half focusing on this bizarre conversation.
"Nope, I'm just curious," Shepard said. His nervous tone peaked her interest, drawing her from various datapads.
"Three, Shepard. Your right hand didn't have any fingers left."
He left without another word.
…
Colt stood in his roomy bathroom holding his combat knife. He'd thoroughly sterilized it; the only thing left to do was cut. He held his right hand over the sink and cut deeply into his middle finger. Immediately a thick, clear liquid started seeping out. He pulled the cut open to get a better view inside. Colt could see glowing orange wires mixed in with a few metallic pieces running the length of the cut.
"Commander, Miranda is at the door." EDI's voice startled Shepard away from his finger.
"Let her in, and tell her I'll be there in a moment," Colt said. He looked back down at his finger only to realize it already stopped bleeding...or whatever. Hopefully Miranda wouldn't even notice the cut.
Shepard mentally prepared himself for Miranda's wrath before walking out. She was sitting on his couch peacefully. A good sign. Then she opened her mouth. "What was that finger question all about?"
"Like I said, I was curious," Shepard said, his voice never wavering. Lying was getting really easy.
"Let me see your hands," Miranda said. Fuck. Shepard reluctantly held out his hands, and Miranda inspected each finger until she found the rapidly disappearing scar.
"What the hell, Shepard? We're having enough trouble dealing with the Collectors without you going and cutting your damn fingers," she said.
"I just had to see what this," Colt gestured to his body, "is." His voice sounded whiny, but at least Miranda appeared to soften up.
"Shepard," Miranda let out a long, heavy sigh, "It's true that you're almost all cybernetic, but the one thing that matters isn't." She knocked on her head and smiled a little. Her eyes darkened with something, maybe pity?
"Are you lying to me Miranda?" He asked. She was probably an even better liar than Shepard.
"No," Miranda said a little too quickly, "I'm serious. Have any doctor check, and you'll see normal biological functions from your brain. Your body, on the other hand, is a different story; over half of you is cybernetic. Now come on, let's go down to the mess."
"No, I'll stay here," Colt said. He wasn't ready to deal with other people's problems.
"Shepard..." Miranda started, her voice strained.
"I'll be fine, Miranda. I just need time," Colt said. He stood and walked her to the door. Despite the worried look on her face, she left without further complaints.
Had he changed though? The conversation with his Mom was a fucking nightmare. Before his...upgrade, he would've been kind to his mother. Before he would have never screamed at her or blamed her for things out of her control. Before he would've swept Liara right back off her feet, and he wouldn't have found himself without her.
Everyone he'd been close to was gone, either forging their own path or pushed away. Normal Colt wouldn't have done that. That Shepard would have forgiven his mom or, even better, he wouldn't of thought it was Hannah's fault at all. Normal Shepard would have felt something when he had electrocuted that unarmed Batarian.
Cerberus created a super soldier. He found that he could lift more, run longer, and faster. He was better. But was he Colt?
Liara would know if he'd changed. Liara was smart, she would know. She had to know. He was a bit reluctant to ask. The last time they talked he was not in a good place. Not that he was in a good place now, but at least he wasn't crumpled on her floor. It was fine. She understood. And besides, he had to ask. Nothing would get done without Liara's opinion. So he called her up on vid comm.
When she finally picked up, she was looking down at what he assumed was her desk. "T'Soni Information, what can I do for you?" She said.
"I like your little intro, it's pretty cute," he said. That would get her attention.
Liara sighed tiredly and said, "I only find information, sir." Then she looked up and a huge smile spread across her face. "Thank Goddess it's only you. What's up, Shepard?"
No use in stalling, so he dived into the heart of the issue. "Have I changed?" He asked.
Liara looked confused before saying, "I think that the only thing that has changed is your alcohol tolerance." It was settled, Colt would only be known for his drinking habits.
"Something's different, Liara. I cut my hand earlier and what came out was clear, not red. That is not normal."
"You didn't expect to have natural biochemistry after what happened to you, did you?"
"Well, no. It was still a shock though. I thought at least I would look normal. You know - red blood and no wires," Shepard said. He only ever sounded whiny these days.
"Look I saw you when you were...and it doesn't surprise me that a lot of you is cybernetic. I believe that whatever modifications were made, weren't made to you. Your mind is intact, and that's what's important," Liara said. She looked so damn tired.
"How would you know?"
Liara sighed for the billionth time, and simply said, "Trust me, I would know if you had changed."