Chapter Sixty Six: Terms and Conditions

"Commander, this is the oldest data pad I have ever seen," the lawyer, Mr. Pax, said. He was an older turian who came highly recommended. Shepard wanted to go over the Krogan treaty with someone who knew something about galactic law. They were sitting in the Normandy's mess hall going through it.

The treaty basically said that the Krogan wouldn't repeat the Rebellions when the genophage was cured. It also gave rights to the other species to release the genophage if the Krogan got out of hand. Shepard had no idea if it meant anything to any side, but maybe there was a chance that they would honor it.

"I'm not so good at technology. A simple data pad is about the only thing I can use and even then I can barely function," Shepard said.

This conversation was bringing back a memory with Tali he had tried to forget. During their time defeating Saren, a mission came up where re-wiring was necessary. Colt couldn't even remember what he was re-wiring but he remembered what it felt like. Tali had tried to tell him that she should do it but Shepard just wouldn't hear it. Two seconds into it, he got shocked. Tali didn't stop laughing for hours and Shepard came to the realization that he was simply awful at anything technology related. It wasn't a bad lesson to learn.

"Not to worry, I can work with this," Mr. Pax swiped his talon across the data pad and started reading. Shepard watched him for a few minutes, but quickly got bored. Watching someone read was almost exciting as watching paint dry. Against his will, sleep came.

"Commander, Commander. Wake up," a rough voice woke him up from his nap. Shepard had his head thrown back on the seat in such a way that he knew he had been snoring, probably alarmingly loud. "Commander, well-I have no idea what to say," Mr. Pax said.

"If it's that bad, I can have someone else do it," Shepard wasn't too surprised at the fact his treaty was awful. "Maybe one of the admirals, but they're too busy. Hmmm..." Shepard was talking more to himself.

"You mistook what I meant, this is...amazing," Mr. Pax was looking dumbfounded at Colt. The lawyer was probably currently wondering how the technologically illiterate, famously arrogant, meathead with a gun was capable of doing anything else besides pulling a trigger.

"You sound surprised," Shepard narrowed his eyes at the turian.

"You're pulling our leg, right?" Garrus was over by the kitchen, his quest for food halted by this bombshell.

"Absolutely not. This is...I don't have words," Mr. Pax still had his mandibles on the floor. Colt surveyed the mess hall's occupants. Doctor Chakwas, Garrus, Traynor, and a few of his Ensigns had the funniest expressions Shepard had ever seen in his lifetimes. It was a combination of shock, disbelief, and astonishment mixed in with some horror. Colt threw back his head and howled in laughter.

…

That was definitely Shepard laughing. Liara had thick metal between herself and the mess, and yet she was easily hearing her favorite person's laugh wind its way around her room. As loud as it was, the whole ship could probably hear him. She came to the conclusion that A) Colt had said a joke that only a select few would understand or B) The funniest thing ever had been said and now the galaxy had nothing to look forward to. Either way she was missing out.

Liara made her way out to the mess hall where Shepard was now laughing harder. She was right about everyone hearing him because pretty much everyone was in the mess. Colt was the only one laughing and currently turning a concerning shade of red. "Your faces," Shepard got out between bursts of laughter.

He got up from the table where an unfamiliar turian sat and made his way to the kitchen laughing the whole time. Almost everyone was shaking their heads at their beloved leader and everyone was smiling at him. Happiness was contagious and Shepard was infected.

On his way to the kitchen Colt stumbled on a loose piece of carpeting. He tried to catch himself, but ended up on his face anyways. Something Prothean, presumably a swear word, came out of Shepard's mouth with the intensity of a thousand suns.

"Karma's a cold-blooded bitch Commander," James said. Shepard's right hand slowly rose from the ground, his middle finger the only one up. Liara had learned on the SR-1 that it was a common human non-verbal insult and she thought it was hilarious.

"For one day I would just like to not do something stupid. This was my opportunity and I have to trip. This is shit," Colt was still laying on the ground. Liara was close enough to hear him muttering.

"Is the master writer going to get up?" Traynor asked. This caused more laughs from the crew.

"I think I'll stay down here for a bit and wallow in my own self pity. Just leave me here to die," Shepard said. He was always so overdramatic.

"Commander, I'll just edit a few things. You could probably have this signed in the next couple of days," the new turian told the still incapacitated Colt.

"Sounds fantastic, thanks ," Colt slowly got back to his feet, "By the way I like how everyone rushed to help their friend when he tripped."

"We knew a little trip wouldn't hurt the Commander Shepard," Garrus said, "I have a question though. How did you manage to write something so good?"

"It's really not that unbelievable, my dear chicken-person. If you haven't noticed already, I'm not a bad diplomat. To be a decent diplomat you need decent speaking skills. Sophisticated speaking goes with sophisticated writing quite nicely," Shepard found new ways to surprise Liara everyday. A small smile spread across her face when she realized that everyone had underestimated Shepard's intelligence. If there was anything they should've learned during their time with Shepard, it was to never underestimate him.

Garrus was looking at Shepard mischievously, "Chicken-person?"

Shepard grinned, "The resemblance is uncanny."

…

Why was Liara the only asari with eyebrows? More importantly, why hadn't Colt thought that was weird earlier? Seriously, they had known each other for years and had dated for most of that time but Shepard had never thought about it. In fact he had only made the connection while watching Liara's eyebrows furrow in concentration while she straightened the medals pinned to his chest.

"Liara, why do you have eyebrows?" Colt decided that there was no use dancing around the issue.

She continued to straighten out his dress blues, medals, and sword without looking up, "They're tattoos I got when I was around eighty."

"Why?" Colt looked a little closer. The blue glow from their fish tanks cast eerie shadows across her face, making the young maiden look much older. Shepard decided that he hated seeing that, so instead he watched their fish. Liara had just gotten some Belan Jellyfish and Colt loved watching them propel easily through the water

"I was feeling very rebellious at that age. Benezia wasn't paying me any attention when I visited from the University and humans had burst onto the galactic scene. So it was the perfect storm of inspiration and craving attention. Plus I thought humans looked so expressive with eyebrows," Liara finally looked Colt in the eye. She smiled and wiggled her eyebrows.

"Did you think we were handsome and/or pretty?" Shepard flexed his arms for Liara. He enjoyed showing off to her.

"I still do," Liara answered correctly. She felt his bicep and nodded approvingly, making Colt swell with pride.

"Flatterer," Shepard would've hugged her, but he wore approximately five million medals.

"I try," Liara pecked Colt on the cheek. Cerulean met electric green eyes for a long moment. "You should probably go sign the treaty now."

"I'd rather stay and talk to you," Shepard decided it was his turn to be the flatterer.

"Believe me, I would too," Liara was winning at making him feel amazing.

"You should come," Shepard smirked at Liara, hoping to distract her from how needy he sounded.

"Do you want me too?" Liara's eyebrows/tattoos furrowed once more as she studied Colt's face.

"Ya."

"I'll come."

…

"You guys see how the press is kinda taking pictures?" Shepard asked the small posse accompanying him to the treaty signing.

"Why are we hiding in the shrubbery?" Garrus whispered.

"We're observing the battlefield before charging in. Plus I find it really funny watching you guys crouch in bushes, thinking this serves any purpose," Shepard let his words soak in.

"Shepard, you can sometimes be a total ass," James said before climbing out of the carefully sculpted island of shrubs by the walkway to the signing. Everyone groaned and climbed out after him.

"You guys can blame Traynor for that little embarrassment. She bet me I couldn't get the galaxy's best and brightest to hide in the carefully landscaped little scenes on the Citadel. Looks like she lost," Colt grinned like an idiot at each of them. "Anyways, see how the press is bored? Watch this."

Shepard cracked his back and then walked into the fenced off area. Security was supposed to be airtight, so Colt walked confidently to the center of the walk way. The response was almost immediate when the press realized who had just sauntered into center stage. Cameras started going off like crazy, reporters started shouting questions, and almost all the attention was placed on Colt. He loved it. The rest of his friends stood next to him.

"Commander, mind smiling?" Someone shouted.

"Sorry guys, the Alliance handbook states quite specifically that once in dress blues, there is to be no fun," Colt still did not smile at the camera people. He had never seen anyone smile in dress blues, so why break tradition at this point?

"Is that really what it says, punk?" Shepard turned to find a one Admiral Shepard next to him. She shot him look that would've been a smile, but they were in dress blues.

"I believe so Admiral," Colt resumed posing seriously for photographers. "I didn't know they needed the crypt keeper to sign this."

Hannah shot him a look that almost made him smile. Almost. "I didn't know they let hot-headed commanders write important treaties," Hannah easily retorted. "Anyway, I should go. Hackett is motioning at me to go do the handshakes," she patted him on the back and started to leave.

"Bye Mom, we need to have dinner or something soon," Colt said after her. She nodded in agreement and kept walking. Shepard answered a few more questions and then started heading toward the 'handshake room.'

"Commander, some people would say that you're betraying humanity," Colt had been answering questions from reporters here and there but this one caught his attention. "Going through all this trouble and putting a tremendous effort into helping turians has put some humans on edge. Some would say that you're more interested in turians than humans. They wonder if you have forgotten the First Contact War. Comments?" An asari reporter asked.

Shepard considered the question carefully. It was true that he was gaining Krogan support to help the turians but he was concerned for every species. Maybe it was wrong, but his loyalty was spread equally across the galaxy. His Spectre status had slowly erased his bias towards humans until it no longer existed. In the end everyone was a person. "The First Contact War was a massive miscommunication that holds no merit in today's society. Both sides acted the way they believed they should and now it's over. The turians have done nothing but aid humanity since then and it's time to let it go. We are more than our parent's war... I personally care about every species and race, turians included, so I try to help everyone. If the turians say they need Krogan support, then I'm going to try and give them just that. The Human Systems Alliance maintains that the turian hierarchy is a trusted ally. The turians are our friends."

Colt left it at that and continued towards the handshakes. Liara appeared at his side and despite being in his dress blues, he smiled. "Shepard, that was very well spoken...Why is everyone talking about handshakes?"

"It's a photo-op. Humans have been doing this for God-knows how long. Basically we shake hands with someone for ten minutes while our pictures get taken. Kinda odd, but we have to make sure the media gets our good side," Shepard tossed his head for emphasis.

...

Colt's hand was starting to hurt from all these handshakes that lasted ten minutes. The fact the next one shaking his hand was a young Krogan made his hand twitch. Krogan weren't known for being gentle creatures and this particular one didn't look like an exception. He was a young and upcoming warrior that Wrex insisted be in on the signing.

"Commander," the Krogan's voice was one of the deepest voices of anyone ever.

"Urdnot Jedrek, it's a pleasure finally meeting you," Shepard extended his hand for the handshake photo-op.

"The pleasure is mine," the Krogan said. It was hard to tell if his voice was malicious or just deep. Jedrek took Colt's hand and immediately had a vice grip on it. That would've been fine for a handshake that lasted a second, but it would last for ten minutes.

"Your grip is a little tight, mind relaxing your hand a little?" Colt asked. Instead of him loosening his grip; however, it tightened. "Can you loosen your grip a bit?"

"Commander, how will curing the genophage impact human-salarian diplomacy?" a reporter shouted. Pain was coursing up Shepard's arm.

"Do you think the Krogan will be accepted as a council species?" Another reporter asked. In fact they were just two of many questions, but Shepard wasn't listening anymore. How could he when his hand was currently being reduced to a small puddle?

"Let go," Colt wasn't shaking Jedrek's hand anymore. "Are you deaf? Let go of my hand," he was beyond being polite. Shepard yanked his hand from the massive Krogan, but he didn't let go. With each passing second the pain got worse.

"Commander, are you okay?" Another reporter had the decency to ask. Everyone seemed to stop when they realized something was happening, or maybe it appeared that way through pain tinted eyes.

"Please let go," Shepard asked. Soon he would pass out from the white hot pain. The Krogan's response was to twist Colt's hand to the left. Shepard let out a strangled yelp.

"YOU'RE BECOMING A NUISANCE SHEPARD. YOU WILL FEEL THIS," the Krogan's voice had changed into a mix of Jedrek's and Harbinger's. A rather large knife appeared in Jedrek's opposite hand.

Shepard had found that when the shit was starting to hit the fan, things did not slow down. Once, maybe twice, had a situation ever slowed down. The knife plunging towards his neck was almost a new experience. Shepard added this incident to the small list of things that slowed time. Colt found himself admiring the artwork on its handle while he awaited death. Screaming was loud in his ears, but far from his mind's forefront. Using his biotics didn't even cross his mind.

A blue wave sailed by him on the left side, hitting Jedrek square in his massive chest. For a horrible moment Colt was being pulled forwards with the Krogan, but Jedrek released his grip. Colt stumbled backwards; pain from his right hand was his only concern. Someone caught him from falling on his ass.

"Colt," a very familiar voice said urgently in his ear. His response was a grunt. "Say you're okay," Liara begged. Her arms were under his armpits holding him up and his head was laying against her shoulder.

"I can't detect a knife lodged in my body anywhere, so I'd say we're good... I'm glad you came," Colt got back onto his feet.

"Me too," Liara sighed. She gave him a quick, exhausted hug. "I think we're even now," Liara looked twenty years older. It took him a minute to realize that she was talking about him saving her on Therum.

"We were even a very long time ago," Colt patted her shoulder.

"Commander, are you alright?" A very timid C-Sec officer asked.

"I'll be needing a new change of pants," that earned a few strained laughs. "Besides that? I just wanna sign this damn treaty and go home."

...

Colt had to say that one of his favorite parts about living with twenty other people was that dinner was not a dull experience. Currently he was watching a couple crew members do impressions of his face before he was almost stabbed. Even Rosebud would stop eating for a moment to watch the enthusiastic imitations. Someone even said 'I should go', making everyone laugh except Colt (he was confused as to why it was so funny), which only made everyone laugh harder.

"There was a massive knife heading towards the thing I breath with. Of course I wasn't singing and dancing show tunes," Shepard tried to explain the face he made before almost being stabbed.

"I think we need to deal with our problems by singing and dancing," Garrus pressed on with this offensive.

"Fine, next time I'm about to die, I'll sing and impress whomever is trying to kill me with my outrageous dance moves," Colt did a mini dance at the table to prove his superiority. He was about to mention how everyone but Liara stared in wonder as a knife was plunging towards their leader, but something on the vid screen caught his attention.

During dinner they always had the news on, but muted. The big Breaking News at the bottom of the screen made Colt unmute it. "The turian hierarchy has called a press conference. It should be starting at any moment," the reporter said.

The news channel cut from the reporter to a simple stage. The stage was empty except for a lonely podium with the hierarchy's insignia on it. A few seconds later, a turian with white facial markings walked onto the platform. His face was lit up by camera flashes, but he approached the podium without giving any indication it bothered him. Blue curtains behind him and a bare stage made him really stand out. He took a moment to adjust the podium's microphone. "Good evening everyone. We called this to announce the hierarchy's decision to give additional financial compensation to those affected by the Relay 314 Incident. Our actions taken during the incident were shaped by council law regarding the activation of mass relays. However, humanity had no way of knowing these policies. A simple miscommunication between our two species led to an escalation of violence that eventually led to an intervention by the Citadel Council. New policies regarding previously unknown species have been shaped by the incident and are helping to stop unnecessary warfare. The turian hierarchy understands that our previous hesitancy to pay additional reparations to those affected has been viewed as hostility towards humans. We want to convey that that is simply not true. Humanity is a trusted ally and the Human Systems Alliance has proven itself many times over as an important group to the galactic community. Turian-human relations continue to improve and we hope that the hierarchy has made it clear that we only want the best for humanity," the turian paused for a few long seconds. The look he had on his face told Shepard he was debating whether or not to say something unscripted. Finally his eyes steeled into resolve, "Humanity is our friend."

Commander Colt Shepard could kill a million Reaper ground troops and still not feel as accomplished as he did in this moment. Shepard had taken a swing at the wall between humans and turians, and the hierarchy had pretty much just decided to demolish it. Paying back more than they were required to made it clear that the turians acknowledged they were in the wrong, something most people thought they would never do. Shepard really didn't care who was in the right and who was in the wrong. He just wanted to move past that and now they were taking giant steps towards doing just that. Of course the people affected would probably get paid when the war was over, but it was saying it out loud rather than doing it that mattered.

"What are you doing, Loco?" James asked. He could feel the eyes of an entire starship crew boring into him.

"Savoring the moment before it starts," Colt was leaning back in his chair with his eyes closed.

"Before what starts?" James said.

"Commander, Admiral Hackett wishes to speak with you. Admiral Shepard is also requesting an audience with you and Admiral Anderson just sent a request to speak with you," EDI added to the excited chatter in the mess hall.

"Shepard, I'm getting nearly six hundred messages being sent to you a minute," Traynor's eyes were bulging while typing at her omni-tool.

"That, my dear James, is what 'it' is," Colt stood to put his half eaten meal away. He didn't know saying such a simple statement about human-turian relations would result in all this, not that he was complaining. Colt let the feeling of success and moving forward leak into his soul for a moment. He wondered if people often felt this good before something went horribly wrong.