Author's Note: This chapter was hard to write. I am very sorry for the wait. Everytime I tried to write something, it just didn't seem to work out. Hopefully it turned out alright. Hope you enjoy it! Everything in italics are dreams.
Chapter Seventy Three: After
Shepard could feel things spinning out of his control. He couldn't complain though. His death was certainly not caused by a mediocre event. It was all the right amounts tragic. However, he would've rather gone during a fight, saving someone, and preferably in the rain. Colt always imagined he would die in the rain. He supposed that maybe he watched too many vids.
When Garrus came running up, swearing at him, Shepard couldn't be more thankful. The prospect of dying alone seemed worse than the actual dying. "I hope your insufferable boasting wasn't a lie. Lying to me about your driving skills is a shitty thing to do Garrus," Shepard used his hand to wipe away some blood from his mouth. A tiny cough had brought up some blood to his mouth. The metallic, iron taste reminded Shepard of the situation he was in. "You'll be the one driving now," Colt cracked a smile. Garrus was putting on what felt like medi-gel all over Shepard's legs. Colt said, "I think you missed my left leg."
The turian looked up sharply and his mandibles worked for a second, like he was trying to formulate words. Finally he said, "Hold on, buddy. Heurta is coming, okay? Just stay here." His words made Colt want to chuckle, where was he going to go? The mall?...Then Shepard realized what he meant. Things must have been really bad.
"Don't be upset Garrus. This just means that I'll never become old and ugly like the rest of you. Not everyone can age as gracefully as Chakwas," Shepard left off the part where the rest of them would have families and lives, while he rotted in a hole. Life had not been kind to him. "You'll be fine without me," Shepard could no longer pretend that he was the center of the universe.
Garrus looked up with tears streaming down his face. "What?"
"You'll be fine without me," Shepard repeated, "I know it's hard to believe, but people can function without me around. I like to believe that everything is centered around me, but it's not. You made it two years without me, you can do it again."
Garrus looked like he was about ready to punch Shepard. "No I didn't," he huffed, "You have no fucking idea how false that statement is." This was too big of a confession. Colt had no idea what to say for once.
"Was I a good person?," Shepard grunted when pain started to break through the wall of shock. "W-was I-ah-paragon? Please tell..me I did the r-ight thing. Did… I do ggood?" He was pretty sure he had never felt this much pain in his entire life.
"You did fantastic," Garrus patted him on the shoulder. Even that tiny touch made it feel like he had been stabbed.
"Good..that's good," Colt breathed deeply, feeling and hearing a problem. Air got caught in his throat, blood stopping its easy flow. His breaths were weezy and wet. He wouldn't be surprised if someone told him his lungs had been shredded. Shepard hoped to God that he wouldn't suffocate again. Hopefully blood loss would take him.
"Shepard, keep talking," Garrus's voice took him out of free-falling. The medi-gel must've been doing its job because Colt felt the pain receding.
He figured this was the point where he made peace with himself, but the end hadn't made things clear. Maybe this was the part where he said goodbye to all of his dear friends, but he could only think about Liara. It turned out that Commander Colt Shepard was bad at something having to do with war: dying. "I don't know what to say. I suppose I should thank Liara for putting up with my shit. Not the joking and being an asshole kind of shit, but the other shit. And I know what I can be like, so that's nothing to play off lightly. I should've like-I don't know-gotten you flowers more and...umm...said the 'L' word more... But I suppose we all have those things we should've done. Just know that I tried. Believe it or not, but I did everything as best as I knew how to," Shepard murmured. Garrus looked at him with sorrowful eyes. Colt pulled in another ragged breath that seemed to rip open his entire chest.
"I'm so, so sorry everyone. If I had done a million more things in a million more ways...things would be different. It was just never enough. If I had just done things differently, if I had played the game with a better strategy," Colt tilted his head to look at the ceiling. Smoke and dust from the explosion were blocking out the Citadel's sky. It was odd how it rose, but then simultaneously lingered.
"Don't be stupid, Shepard. You're a hero," Garrus's words and then him gently grasping Colt's right hand made Shepard bring his gaze down. Suffocating above Alchera was way more more peaceful than this, but the tiredness felt the same.
Gar Bear made him realize something. Wanting to be a hero effected everything Shepard was. Colt wanted to save people so much it hurt. The need to be the good guy was probably one of the strongest things he had ever felt. He would die many more times to be the hero. Shepard had given up so much, probably too much, just to hear someone tell him he was a hero on his death bed. Being a savior was addicting. That need was at his very core, pathological in nature.
Then, another thing occurred to him. At what point did Colt end and the Savior of the Citadel begin? One being the physical embodiment of all that is good in the galaxy, while the other one was so painfully human. He hoped they were the same person. "That's all I wanted to be, Garrus," Shepard said. Then as an afterthought, "I don't wanna die." He hadn't had enough time. His breathes rattled in his chest, it sounded like a can with a penny in it being shaken.
The turian squeezed Colt's hand. "You're not going to," his friend said. He looked like he believed it, too. Shepard couldn't find the same optimism.
"You're my protege. My apprentice, if you will. I think I taught you everything I know. But now it's time you learn something I never mastered. The art of saying goodbye. It's hard to let go Garrus, the hardest thing there is. But you will, and so will everyone else. You'll be fine," Colt felt everything slowing down. Laziness crept into his limbs and made him feel deliciously warm. The agonizing pain he had felt earlier was replaced with a numbness he could learn to love.
"We're not saying goodbye," Garrus's grip around Shepard's hand tightened. Colt had always been awful at goodbyes. Nothing came out right, he always gave false hope, and they never provided closure.
Without thinking he asked, "Do you think Cerberus messed up? Bringing me back?" Ever since he was restored, Shepard had this nagging feeling that four billion creds had been spent on the wrong person.
Garrus moved away from Shepard's legs towards his head. Then he leaned his forehead against Colt's. Garrus was a good friend. Comfort and numbness filled Shepard's world. "That's the only good thing Cerberus has done," the turian said. Shepard found it kinda funny how Cerberus had brought him back from the dead, and then had so readily killed him... No one would bring him back this time.
Colt somehow managed to bring his right hand to their clasped hands. "The war can't stop… You'll kill the Reapers. Don't worry," Colt patted Garrus's hand. Shepard wasn't a stranger to death. He knew what it felt it like. He remembered every last detail about his deaths. From the hissing of his oxygen line above Alchera to the high he felt before slipping into unconsciousness in some run-down house on Earth. This time felt different. This time the fire was still burning.
Shepard had too many wrongs he still needed to right. The Reapers still had to be vanquished. He didn't want to leave behind Liara, Garrus, Chakwas, James, Tali, Miranda, Liara, Samara, Traynor, Liara, Rosebud, EDI, Joker, Liara, Wrex, Grunt, Legion, Jack, Anderson, Cortez,Liara, Daniels, Donnelly, or Liara. This time he wanted to live. But he was powerless against the rising tide of darkness. Coldness hauled itself through Colt's entire body, starting in his legs. Exhaustion prevented him from shivering. A brief memory of New York's merciless winters passed through his mind. But it was only a flash through his mind, shock and blood loss tugging incessantly on any thought.
It was odd having life so easily blown away in the breeze. To feel an entire world ebb away, to experience true fragility. The former being an old acquaintance and the latter being petrifyingly new. He had been at the top of the world a few minutes earlier, a few minutes earlier everything had been filled with glory. Rainbows were practically flying out of his ass at Cerberus's defeat. But then the Illusive Man had decided to be a coward and use a deadly trap. The difference a few minutes could make...
…
Water. That's what that feeling was. It grabbed at his face and then receded. He identified the sensation under him as sand. His eyes were closed tightly to avoid getting saltwater in his eyes. The back and forth of the water lasted a few minutes before Shepard grew tired of saltwater lapping into his mouth and splashing against his face. Colt dug his hands into the sand and pushed himself far from the greedy water.
After what could've been seconds or hours, Shepard found the strength to open his eyes and look around. He was laying on a beach and a few feet away there was a green field. The sun was shining with a kind brilliance. Sheer determination to feel that lovely grass made Colt drag his soaked body away from the water. He flopped on his back and let the grass put life back into him.
"The battle's over... and you've won," a voice suspiciously like his father's was right above him. It was the same musical and yet utterly calm voice he last heard around fourteen years ago. Shepard could feel a gentle breeze whispering through his hair and the long grass. His eyes were closed, but he could feel the sunshine. Living on a spaceship had made him forget what organic sunshine was like.
"You're the Alliance's hero," his father's voice was beside him this time. Kinda funny to hear that from one of the Alliance's original war heroes.
Instead of thinking about his father's military genius, Colt steered down another path, "Do you think I did good?" Shepard had his hands behind his head. He was half asleep.
"Ya," Rowan said. Shepard had always loved how his father could say so much in just a couple words. God, he missed him terribly. They stayed silent for awhile after that.
"I didn't win the war," Shepard said after a couple hours. In fact they were losing with alarming speed. He wondered if he was an idiot for thinking they could win.
"I didn't say that. I said that you've won the battle," his father said simply. Shepard was far too peaceful to analyze his inner psyche at the moment.
"What are you talking about?" Colt opened his eyes to look upon his father. He looked young and healthy. Such a contrast to what Shepard remembered.
"I don't know, losing a lot of blood tends to make things confusing," Rowan replied. That little line woke up Colt.
Shepard sat up and looked down into a valley beneath the little grassy hill they sat on, "Where are we anyways?"
"Home, I suppose," his father gestured to the landscape. It looked like the farm he lived on from ages six to twelve, with a suspiciously Normandy-like house to the far right.
Rowan Shepard crossed his legs, "Son, can I ask you something?" Colt yanked himself from the pleasant sight of his childhood home.
"Sure."
"Where do you think you'll be when this is all through?" His dad examined him closely. His electric blue eyes were more intense than Colt had remembered them being.
"Probably dead," Colt answered.
"Probably," Rowan turned and watched something keenly. Shepard followed his gaze to a tree in trouble. Strong gusts of wind were whipping a ghost white tree around. It went on like this for several minutes. The tree was keeping upright, fighting it off, and towards the end was even winning. Then it snapped in half.
"What a damn shame. It was such a beautiful tree," his father shook his head.
...
"Did you pick the chillens up?" Colt's own voice opened this dream up. He found himself standing in a spacious, alluring house. It had the same layout as one of his mother's friend's houses. Colt had visited her house twice; once when he was thirteen and once when he was he was younger. He had imagined himself living in that house on several occasions. He hadn't thought about it in ten years. Besides very different decorations, the house was a doppelganger of the original.
"I have to pick them up at five," a pretty human woman walked out of a hallway to his right. "It's two right now," she smiled with obvious amusement, "Have I told you that you're a little absentminded?" She was giving him a look that he and Liara often exchanged. It made him uncomfortable.
Colt had zero control over his words or movement, "Several times actually. Sorry, I'm a little out of it." His body sighed and took him to a fancy couch. He tried to ask where he was, but the words would not come out. It seemed like he would be a quiet observer to this dream. "Spartacus is being a real ass. He immediately has to disagree with anything Tevos or I put forth. Should've let Udina win. The heartless bastard probably would've been better at getting through all this bullshit," Colt felt better with the end of his rant.
"I think you're doing an amazing job," she sat down real close to him and threw a hand around his noticeably smaller shoulders. In fact the usual strength he could feel rippling under his skin was replaced with a disturbing feeling of muscles that were completely and utterly average.
"Pretty sure you're supposed to say that," Colt turned on their vid screen and caught the tail end of a muted Alliance commercial.
"Did you ever think about joining the Alliance?" She asked in a respectful, hushed tone. It turned out that Colt was actually in the Alliance, but this dream didn't take any notice of that minor detail.
"Yes, but never seriously. Couldn't really not think about it, what with Dad being a war hero and Mom being an admiral. But I'm designed to save people, not kill them," Colt said.
"That reminds me, your parents are coming over tomorrow for dinner. Alex also said he'd pop in with Hope," she squeezed his shoulder and threw him a sympathetic look. Apparently seeing his dead family wasn't a source of much excitement.
"Holy hell. My parents, and Alex and Hope?" Colt failed to see the bad side to any of this, but his mouth was talking without any consent from his brain.
"The whole package," she leaned over and pressed a lingering kiss against his cheek. It didn't have the usual spark that he was now used to.
"Where did Alex pick up Hope? She's like the bitchy bitch from bitch planet," Colt had no idea who Hope was. "Sorry about that...are the animals okay?" Animals...Colt was liking the sound of this.
"Everyone's good. We're gonna need more chicken feed today," she replied. Colt wondered if she was making a joke about Garrus or if they really had chickens. He ran a hand through his hair, which was a couple inches long and spiked in the front. It was halfway between his buzz-cut and his long, flowing mane.
…
"Shepard," Liara's gentle voice started to form the new scene is Shepard's dreamscape. In a few seconds the surroundings slammed into place. He sat on the edge of a huge bed and was hunched over his curled fists. Long, brown hair fell over his face and obscured his view. Shepard felt so angry, making every other emotion pale in comparison. He was sitting in an enormous bedroom, the only source of light was coming from behind him, presumably Liara's bedside light. His shadow cast a disfigured blob on the wall. "Shepard, come here," she said. Shepard's body didn't shiver like it usually did when she said his name.
He took a deep breathe, unclenched his fists, and moved to the top of the bed. Shepard watched her movements with mild interest. His vision was blurring. He curled his arms around shins and set his head on his knees, trying to figure out what she was doing. Liara was throwing clothes into a bag hastily and occasionally glancing at him. "I'm going to my Dad's for a little while. Figure out some things," she said.
Shepard had been expecting harsher words. She had thrown around the term 'divorce' for a few weeks now. However, he hadn't really expected her to act on those words...So this was what the beginning of the end felt like. He had really tried, but things hadn't gotten any better.
The zipping of the bag pulled Shepard out of his stupor. He reached out and grabbed one of her beautiful hands. Her hand trembled underneath his touch and he recoiled, worried he had broken her. "Why are you going?" Shepard whispered.
Disturbing clarity shone in the asari's eyes. She said her words so low that Shepard's super-sensitive ears could barely hear them, "You've changed." Then she went out of the room, followed by the closing of the outside door. He curled into ball and wondered why she couldn't just wait a little longer. He would return to the old Shepard. Eventually. Instead she had left him alone with himself. There wasn't worse company.
…
"Shepard? Colt?" Garrus nudged his friend's shoulder. "Come on this isn't funny anymore," he shoved the Commander harder. Shepard's body slipped to the right and then after a few uncertain seconds he slid down the wall until he was laying on his side. One arm was sprawled awkwardly at his side, the other one must've been under him. His right leg was twisted grotesquely; what was left of his left leg was as straight as a pole. Even his cheek impacting the ground did nothing to wake the Commander up. A streak of roseate smeared the metal wall where Shepard had been propped. That unspeakable, glazed look in Shepard's dying eyes made Garrus wonder if the war was still worth fighting. Cerberus, the very people who had regenerated Shepard, had killed Colt's light. His natural luminescence, which usually bathed everything in a fifty mile radius with optimism, was suddenly sucked back into the source. The absence left Garrus's entire world gray.
Garrus still had to say a million and two things to Colt. There was so much he hadn't said. Now it would be too late. It would be too late for everyone to say what they needed. Hopefully someone had told Shepard how important he was to not only his friends, but the galaxy as a whole. He had never heard anyone say something like that, but Spirits did he hope that Shepard knew how loved he was.
"Garrus, calm down. He's just unconscious," Chakwas said sternly. Now that she pointed it out, Garrus could see the rise and fall of his chest. It was hard to see through the fragmented pieces of blood-covered armor but something was still going in the Commander. This was made even more evident when green numbers started to flash through his skin. The bright coding was especially concentrated close to the major wound on his mangled leg.
"Over here!" He heard the thick accent of another turian nearby. Moments later a swarm of medical personnel descended upon Shepard. Garrus dragged himself backwards so he wouldn't get in their way. Somehow, he climbed back onto his feet.
Garrus only picked up a few things here and there. Something about quadriceps femoris, the umbilicus region having the most superficial wounds, and plenty of other medical jargon he didn't even remotely understand. He had only learned very basic human anatomy and physiology. Garrus cursed himself for not knowing more, he hated losing control over a situation.
In an impressive amount of time, the swarm was lifting Colt into a waiting hovercar. There were so many people around the Commander, that it was impossible to see him.
Heavy footsteps to Garrus's right made him flinch, but it was just Javik. Having the Prothean around seemed like a betrayal to his captain. There was something inherently wrong about having someone around that didn't give two shits about Shepard.
"What about the rest of these people!" Javik shouted at the medical personnel. This was also the point where the surroundings started to break into Garrus's world. The screaming, crying, and begging would be something forever ingrained into his memory.
"They'll be treated later," a very important looking salarian said. He was shutting the back doors to Huerta's hovercar. He started jogging to the front seat.
"Why?" Javik took an aggressive step forward.
"They're not Reaper killers," the salarian said simply before hopping into driver's seat. Javik watched it fly away for a second before turning his furious eyes on Garrus.
Javik surprised him by saying, "You know he would've hated this. He cares too much about the greater good. But killing the Reapers is our first priority and if he can do that, then the Salarian is right." Then the Prothean turned and walked into the smoke cloud.
Garrus wandered around, looking for a something to sit on. Eventually he settled for leaning against a wall. He didn't think, he simply existed. A violent death always changed someone irrevocably.
...
"Liara?" A distant voice called out. Liara was trying to keep things together, but everything hurt. Persistent, throbbing pain radiated through her legs. The rest of her body felt like it was being stuck with needles.
She had somehow found her way to a Mess table, sat down, and put her forehead against the table. She was looking at her folded hands in her lap and trying not to think. A cold feeling clenched in the pit of her stomach as a dark premonition settled in her mind. She begged and bargained with every deity or spirit she knew about. He could not die.
"Liara," Chakwas's voice was right next to Liara, "Are you okay?"
"No," she croaked out. How could she explain their link and her ability to sense Shepard's feelings to someone who wasn't asari?
"We're at the Citadel. Let's go to Huerta, okay?" Chakwas's voice was still muffled.
"Okay," Liara stood, but her head was still bowed.
"He'll be okay. Shepard comes out of these things better than when he went in," Chakwas put an arm around her shoulders.
...
"Are all of you here for Commander Shepard?" The secretary for Huerta Memorial Hospital said crossly. She glared down from the reception desk at the thirtyish people who filed into the waiting room. The lady apparently had no idea that she was being rude to some of the galaxy's most dangerous.
"That is correct," Chakwas stepped forward, seeing as no one else was capable of speaking. She surprised herself by not being amongst those with downcast eyes and zombie-like movements.
"Okay, go ahead and sit where you like. The doctors will tell you if there's any news," the secretary's tone had changed to a sweet ring. Perhaps she had realized the importance of the people waiting for their Commander.
"I'm Commander Shepard's regular trauma surgeon. Perhaps I could go back and assist," Chakwas would feel antsy if she couldn't do anything to help.
"I'm sorry ma'am, they've started surgery," the receptionist told them. Once surgery started, she couldn't go in. She would only hold back the team doing their jobs. Now she would have to wait for hours on end for news on Shepard. True torture.
Chakwas guided Liara to the closest seat. Garrus was also sticking close to them. They sat on either side of the asari. Liara grabbed Garrus's hand while Chakwas took her other hand. Doctor Chakwas was worried about the asari. She seemed to be in physical pain. After she gripped Chakwas's hand particularly tightly, the doctor asked, "Are you feeling well Liar-" A female voice interrupted her question.
...
"Is this where Colt was taken?" The booming voice of a female human rang across the entire waiting room and stopped all the murmurings. She had burst into the waiting room with a fire that seemed oddly familiar. Garrus figured that he should be the one to step up and talk to the human.
So he stood up and made his way to this intrusive human, "This is where Commander Shepard was take-" Garrus's brain shut down when he looked into the woman's eyes. They were electric green. Those eyes belonged to him. He took a step backwards and wondered if he was seeing things.
"Welcome Admiral Shepard," Chakwas came up beside him and saluted her. Garrus did the same but his salute was disgraceful.
"Hello Karin, no need for titles. This where they took my boy?" The Admiral asked. He started to recover from the initial shock of seeing those eyes and realized that this person must be Shepard's mother.
"Yes," Chakwas nodded slowly. An awkward silence hung over them. The two stared at each other for a few tense moments. The air between them seemed to be electrically charged. Garrus started to back up in case words he wasn't supposed to hear were exchanged.
The Admiral's eyes narrowed and stared coldly at the Doctor before she turned her attention to Garrus, "Are you the turian Colt is always talking about? Umm...let's see...Garrus?"
"Uhhhh..ya..y-yes Admiral," he responded.
"Please, just call me Hannah. Pleasure meeting you," she offered a hand towards the turian, which he took. Then all of a sudden they were moving. "Where's my favorite asari? Oh, and don't tell Councillor Tevos I said that or she'll throw a bitch fit. Hackett said he'll be here pretty soon. I haven't told Anderson yet and I won't until we know Colt will pull through. He'll throw a tantrum to end all tantrums and I'm just not quite ready for that. Have you heard anything from the doctors recently?" The sudden burst of words and excitement ended as Hannah stared at Garrus for an answer. The three stopped walking as she looked towards him.
"No...we ah-haven't heard anything really."
Then the flurry started up again and they were headed towards Liara's seat. "So Cerberus did this? They got a lot of high ranking C-Sec officials. Including Admiral Obitus. I liked him well enough, he'll be missed. Weren't you C-Sec, before you teamed up with Colt? Did you know him?"
Garrus felt like he had just been launched into a world where things moved at a million miles an hour instead of Colt's usual crazy, cruising speed of a thousand miles an hour. "I never met him while I was part of C-Sec," he said.
"Pity... Liara! Oh sorry, Doctor T'Soni," Hannah pulled up in front of where the asari was sitting. Liara smiled pitifully at Hannah and said nothing. "He's gonna be fine. Not even death could stop the lad," she sat down in what used to be Chakwas's seat.
Garrus had heard all the stories of Admiral Hannah Shepard. She was a heavy drinking, hard-hitting, ruthless Commanding Officer. Getting a spot under her command made even the most battle-seasoned warriors go ghost white. One of her most famous quotes, 'Alliance soldiers sign up to die; civilians do not,' outlined her leadership principles quite well. She would send soldiers to their death if it meant saving civilians. That had been the one certainty under her entire command. She was a cold-blooded leader if he ever heard of one.
Colt would try to save the soldier and the civilian alike. No exceptions. And most of the time, he did. Almost hard to believe that the heartless Admiral Hannah Shepard was related to the compassionate Commander Colt Shepard. It was also difficult to process that the seemingly caring person in front of him was the same person who had earned the nickname, 'The Butcher.'
When Garrus rejoined the world around him, he noticed Hannah talking Liara's ear off. So he decided to intervene,"You just can't get a Shepard who isn't loud. Nature simply does not allow that to happen."
"Only Colt and I are the obnoxious, shouting, excitable ones. Rowan and Alex were the quiet ones. They exuded the very essence of tranquility. The two had these places of calm where no matter how hard you tried, insanity just couldn't break through. Luckily those places were tiny. The rest of the house was a special kind of crazy. Colt bringing home some new kind of animal everyday or singing or the… dancing," Hannah shuttered, "Good God, I thought I was the one with the in-your-face personality."
"Sounds like he was a handful," Cortez remarked from a few seats away.
"Oh God yes. Handful doesn't really cover it. He didn't mean to be bad, but you know what they say about good intentions," she shrugged. Garrus supposed she'd rather be up front about going to hell and not bother with paving the road.
"What made him so difficult?" Garrus needed more material to annoy Shepard with. Childhood was always a goldmine of humiliating stories and jokes.
"It's hard raising someone who's smarter than you," Hannah said. Well damn, that wasn't what Garrus wanted to hear.
"Tell us an embarrassing story," Joker asked. They would be here for hours and hours, so maybe this would pass the time.
Hannah's mouth stretched into a wicked grin, "Boy, do I have a lot of those. Let me start off with a pretty tame one. I don't want to dive straight into the off-the-fucking-charts-weird stuff, that would traumatize you guys."
"That bad?" Traynor looked legitimately concerned.
"Colt is a bit...odd. If you haven't noticed already," Hannah said carefully.
"I think he's just eccentric," Chakwas piped up.
The Admiral looked her over once and then turned back to the rest of the group. "Yes, well whatever...When he was fourteen, we went to this little cafe. It was real nice and quaint and everything. Type of place where words like stupid are frowned upon. I swear to God, the Pope was in that little cafe, as well as a whole group of Girl Scouts, ten nuns, the Queen of England, forty orphans, and puppies and kittens waiting for a new home. Anyways, he ordered this bowl of chili and was headed for our table. There was something slippery on the way to the table or something. So he started to slip with the chili and it went everywhere. Then like a classic Shepard, he surveyed the scene calmly before screaming at the top of his lungs, 'FFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUCK!' This caused all the Girl Scouts and orphans to cry, the Pope to crash the Pope mobile, the nuns to drop their rosaries, the Queen to comment on the weather, and the puppies and kittens to wail."
Hannah laughed for a bit before continueing, "This one time…"
...
"Commander Shepard is going to be okay," a doctor told the waiting Normandy group. A collective sigh of relief went through the ranks. "It's gonna be a couple hours before you can see him. The anesthesia has to wear off and he has to heal up a bit. The waiting period would be longer, but those cybernetics are amazing. I'll have someone come and get you when he can have visitors," he nodded at the group and walked away.
So another waiting game for Garrus began.
...
Garrus was going insane. The constant opening and closing of the door into the waiting room made this noise that was barely audible, humming just inside his ear. He would've prefered it to be loud rather than hovering in his brain. Plus the footsteps of people flowing into the already confined waiting room and the guards constantly asking for ID was wearing at his last nerve. More than eight hours by that door was torture. Annoyance built inside him until something had to be done.
Walking around cleared his head and got him away from that dreadful door. It also allowed Garrus to see how crowded the waiting room was. The room was probably meant to hold fifty to seventy people. There was more than one hundred people cramped into the tiny space, with more arriving every moment. Most of these people were here for Shepard. The other people who had been caught in the explosion were either dead or didn't have severe enough injuries to come to Huerta. The hospital was meant for people with life-threatening injuries, numerous other hospitals on the Citadel no doubt taking the other victims. Only four people from the Cerberus explosion had arrived at Huerta. One was Thane, another Shepard, and two engineers.
Asari, humans, turians, salarians, a couple of drell, Krogan, volus, quarians, and even some elcor and hanar populated the room. Garrus would be amazed if more than three of these people were here for Thane. There wouldn't be more than ten or twenty people for the two engineers. That left the huge population to be explained by Shepard's presence. Most were people he had never seen or heard of. However, a surprising number were mind-numbingly famous. Similarities may have been far and few between but there was something identical painted on everyone's faces. They all looked like they had lost someone incredibly vital to their lives.
It really wasn't much of an exaggeration to say that Colt knew everyone in the galaxy.
Garrus watched a nurse talk to Liara for a bit before he led her back into the rooms. Hopefully that meant that Shepard was awake and ready for visitors.
...
"It's important to remember that you've got to do what you want. Your mom will get over your decision," Colt was talking to a pretty nurse, who was checking machines connected to him.
She sighed, "I know, it's just..." Shepard turned his head and made eye contact with Liara. The nurse's words turned into background music, the intensity of his gaze making everything else non-existent. His eyes bore into Liara's skin.
"Nurse, are you nearly finished?" He rumbled. Colt was still giving a look that made her blush.
"I'm done. Thanks for the advice, it helped a lot," the nurse seemed to notice Liara in the room for the first time. She patted him on the arm and then walked for the door. Liara barely noticed the warm smile the human nurse threw at her.
Once the door closed, she was at his side. Their lips crashed together desperately. He tasted like blood and smoke.
"Colt," she whispered when they pulled apart.
"Hello," he smiled.
"If you ever do something like that again…" Liara trailed off before her thought could be completed. She couldn't speak over the lump in her throat.
Shepard turned his gaze away,"I'm sorry. I don't know what happened-"
"Commander," Shepard's main surgeon walked through the doors, causing Liara scoot backwards from Colt. He gave her a look meaning they'd talk later. The Doctor continued,"I'm gonna give you a quick rundown of your three surgeries. During your first surgery we amputated about a quarter of an inch of your left thigh. Plus about another four inches of your femur. The second and third surgeries involved extricating shrapnel from the parts of you that wasn't protected by armor. It was a mess inside, but a combination of successful surgeries and your cybernetics has made everything heal unbelievably quickly. Tomorrow, you'll be ready for a prosthetic fitting and the next day you can be released."
...
Garrus was trying to think of things to say Shepard. He didn't want to have a Fleet and Flotilla moment with Shepard, but things still needed to be said. He'd just have to figure out a way to do it so that it wasn't touchy-feely. Colt would probably rather jump out of window in his room than have anyone say anything meaningful to him.
"Uh, hey man. You're like my best friend, and it would suck if you die. So, don't-don't do that...No, hell no. That was awful," Garrus was practicing under his breath. "Shepard, I know you-ahh-like to sacrifice yourself. But...how about you not do that anymore? We'll send Javik out to do that stuff from now on… Shit," Garrus just could not find the right words.
"Alright everyone, you can see the Commander now," a nurse Garrus hadn't noticed walking in told the group. "Right now, let's get the crew of the Normandy in to see him," the nurse said. Everyone stood and followed the nurse through the small hospital into Shepard's room.
"Hey guys!" Shepard yelled when they entered his room. It felt like the gravity had been turned on again. Garrus couldn't believe how healthy he looked. A few hours ago, Colt had been within an inch of his life. He knew, he knew Shepard was going to die. But the Commander did the impossible again.
"Uhhh...Shepard?" Garrus was going to say everything he needed to. Shepard didn't die this time, but what about next mission? "Well…" The entire room was quiet and waiting for his comment. The words died in his throat. So he pulled something out of his ass and hoped for the best,"Thank the Spirits you're not perfect anymore. The men of the galaxy thank you for that."
...
Shepard knew something was up with Gar Bear. He was always awkward as hell, but he was always in a good mood while doing so. Now he seemed stand-offish. Granted seeing what happened to Shepard was no doubt disturbing. James interrupted Colt's thoughts,"Seriously, the first question I always get asked is: 'Don't you work with Commander Shepard?' Hopefully this will level the playing field," he said. At least someone had found a positive aspect of his leg getting mutilated.
"Chicks dig scars, James. They'll think I'm hotter than ever," Shepard grabbed his juice box and sipped it with all the dignity he could muster. Liara didn't look too happy about her competition being brought to light.
"Fuck," Vega muttered.
"How are you feeling?" Chakwas blinked rapidly as she stepped closer, like she was trying to erase that conversation out of her head.
"Well I think it's important to acknowledge that nothing important was damaged," Shepard sipped nonchalantly on his juice. It was actually pretty tasty stuff. Even the hospital food was better than the Normandy's.
"Y-Your leg was blown off," Chakwas looked worried.
"Let's just say the Shepard bloodline will live on," Shepard grinned when Chakwas closed her eyes. Colt could almost hear all the eyes rolling. It was good to be back.
Liara changed the subject,"Your mom is in the waiting room."
"What?!" He bolted upright.
"Uhhh, Shepard you broke the bed," James looked pointedly at his wrist. A white restraint was hanging around his arm. He hadn't even noticed.
"Hmmm…. that always seems to happen when you're around," Shepard looked innocently at Liara. A half a second later he realized what he had just said, "Wow, okay. That sounded way different than I thought it would." Liara was turning bright blue, which just made the whole thing so much better.
"What did you... think it was gonna... sound like?" Garrus said between giggling.
"I thought I could be all romantic and make it sound like I would bust through anything to get to her...and then I just kinda said it," Shepard was really enjoying how blue Liara was turning. She hadn't blushed this hard in years.
"I feel like you knew exactly what you were saying," Traynor was red from laughing.
Shepard swung his head around and wiggled his eyebrows at Liara, "Heh-heh...Anyways, who wants to touch my nub?" Silence followed his comment. The entire room went from fits of giggles to quiet disbelief. "Come on, I know Garrus and Liara want to touch it. Who else?" Shepard said seriously. His poor crew looked traumatized from his words.
Colt threw off his covers, revealing a black pair of shorts, a very hairy leg, and nub for his other leg. He patted what was left of his left leg, "It's fuckin weird, but awesome. I don't even think I can explain it." Exhales of relief made Shepard laugh. "What did you think I was talking about? You guys disgust me," he beamed at all of friend's recovering faces.
"Hand me that tape, I need to fix this goddamn restraint," EDI handed him a roll of tape and he set to work on making it look like he hadn't broken anything.
"That won't fix it," Javik spoke up from the back of the room.
"I know, I just don't want them to know I broke their expensive bed. God knows I couldn't buy them a new one," he muttered darkly. His cybernetic issue had not been very nice to his bank account.
"What?" Liara gave him a concerned look.
"What?" Colt said.
"What?"
"Admiral!" He thanked his lucky stars that Hackett had walked into the room. It was always fun to see his third-favorite admiral. Shepard would've saluted, but he was trying to make it seem like his restraints hadn't been ripped off the bed.
"Good to see you awake, Commander," the Admiral said.
"Good to be awake, sir," Shepard dipped his head in respect.
"Looks like an entire fleet came out to see how you're doing," Hackett may have smiled.
"I don't know why," Shepard's smile turned to a scowl when he heard his mother's voice. She entered the room with her usual harsh air. Hackett turned and gave her a very warm smile. Liara and Colt exchanged a horrified look.
...
Shepard's main surgeon walked into the room and greeted everyone, "I would like to review some incidents in your medical history, so if everyone could wait outside, that would be good. Thank you." No one moved.
"I'm comfortable talking about it in front of everyone," Shepard sounded like he wasn't very comfortable at all. Liara noticed Hackett staring at Colt coldly. His eyes seemed to be telling the Commander something.
"So when you were twenty-two you were in the hospital for six months due to injuries received on Elysium?" The doctor asked.
"Uhhh…"
"Yes, wounds on Elysium," Hackett stepped towards the doctor. All talking stopped.
"Wounds on Elysium," several voices agreed with the Admiral. It was eerie to say the least.
"Uh, okay. Then you had year-long stint in another hospital for a...car crash. Looks like you needed extensive physical therapy," the doctor scrolled through some data pads.
"Car crash?" Shepard looked confused, "I don't-"
"Remember Commander? It was horrible. And you're correct Doctor. He got into a car crash," Hackett again answered for Shepard.
"It was pretty nasty," someone else said.
A group of people presumably with the Admiral nodded their heads and commented on how bad the accident was.
"Who forgets they were in a serious crash?" Garrus leaned over and whispered into Liara's ear. She honestly didn't know the answer. Something seriously odd was going on.
Shepard's surgeon blinked quickly and then headed towards Colt's bed. He started talking to him quietly, "Everything seems to be healing quite well and incredibly quickly. Your cybernetic implants are nothing short of a medical miracle...Now during surgery we noticed some unusual things, besides the cybernetics of course. Your organic organs seem to have some damage that wasn't caused by the explosion. It's also not damage you could've received in combat."
"I've been having some issues with my cybernetics. I was told that some internal damage was caused by that," Shepard answered quickly. He was suddenly very anxious. Then it occurred to Liara that he had probably not told the admirals about the cybernetic thing. Although the doctor was talking too quietly for anyone besides Colt and herself to hear.
"Yes, we are well aware of that problem. We have that damage documented carefully. Doctor Chakwas told us about your treatment plan formulated by herself and the late Mordin Solus. Initially when I heard about it I thought it was little more than a measure to keep you going. But after opening you up, it's quite clear that's it a cure. Your body is no longer rejecting your implants. The damage is receding. So this is something else. I was concerned about the long-term effects, so I ran some tests on the damaged tissue. The great news is that you don't have enough organic tissue for this too become a serious problem. The damaged tissue is few and far between, so I'll be completely surprised if complications arise out of it. I'm more concerned about how this damage was tests indicated that the cause was heavy drinking, heavy smoking, and heavy use of-"
Admiral Hackett materialized at Shepard's side,"Then you're mistaken Doctor. Your tests obviously weren't done right. Something went wrong at the lab. Commander Shepard is the picture of health internally. He has no internal damage, except for the wounds he received from the bomb. I think you better go make some corrections to your findings. He has a drink every now and then, but nothing extravagant. Isn't that right Doctor?"
"Uhh, yeah...umm you're right, Admiral. I must've grabbed someone else's test results," The Doctor laughed nervously and swallowed hard. "I'll go and fix that right away. Sorry about the confusion Admiral."
"Good, my people will go with you in case you need help," Hackett looked at two people leaning by a counter. They saw his glance and made their way to the small group around Shepard. He said to them, "Make sure the Doctor doesn't need any help fixing a few honest mistakes." He leaned in closer and whispered something Liara couldn't pick up. Hackett turned to chat with Hannah and a few other people again.
...
"How's Shepard?" Hackett had quietly excused himself from all the festivities to find Shepard's doctor. "Is he fit for duty?" The Admiral shifted a briefcase from one hand to another.
"Once he gets his new leg, he'll be ready for combat pretty quickly. His new leg will take some getting used to, a week at the most," the Doctor nodded his head firmly, "But he'll be ready to go as soon as he gains full functionality of that leg."
"Is he mentally fit as well?" Hackett didn't want to overload Shepard if his mind needed to be rested.
"He's good to go, his helmet was extremely effective. All the scans and tests indicate that his mental functions are completely satisfactory," the Doctor said. Hackett tapped his fingers against his face for a moment.
"Thank you, Doctor," the admiral said absentmindedly. Then he set off to find Doctor Chakwas. The two had been friends for a very long time and he wanted to hear her opinion on the Commander. She would tell him the absolute truth.
Admiral Hackett found Chakwas just outside Shepard's room. Hackett had seen her face on a thousand parent's faces after bad news had been delivered. "Doctor Chakwas, how's the Commander?"
"Surprisingly well, sir. Besides not having a leg for a bit, everything has healed quite nicely. His cybernetics are like nothing I've ever seen," her voice was confident, but her eyes flickered worriedly.
"How's his brain?" He asked.
"Perfectly fine, sir. Luckily his helmet was on and stopped any damage from occurring," she replied. She kept glancing at the door to his room with concern; if Hackett wasn't so trained in reading the smallest details he wouldn't have noticed. Was she not telling him something?
"Are you not telling me something Doctor?" The Admiral asked.
"I just get worried about him. I mean he's fine-it's just...that was a close one," she looked him in the eyes. He thought he saw resentment in them.
"I'm sorry Doctor, I truly am. But we need him," Hackett patted his friend's shoulder.
She nodded slowly, "I know, sir." Hackett looked at her for a few seconds more before she slapped off a salute and he walked into Shepard's room. He shifted the briefcase in his hands once more.
"Commander Shepard and I need to discuss a few things," he told the group surrounding Shepard. The Commander's friends said a few things to their leader before they trudged out of the room. Doctor T'Soni stayed a minute longer to tell Shepard something, and then she too left.
"Commander, do not repeat anything I am going to tell you. Not to anyone. Do you understand?" Hackett said. He took a seat right next to Shepard's bed, and started to type in the long encryption code to the briefcase. The Admiral looked him up and down, and quickly came to the conclusion that the Commander would be fit for the task Hackett had in mind.
...
"I understand completely Admiral," Shepard didn't like the sound of Hackett's voice.
"Good... Our chain of command is in pieces. We've lost a lot of our senior officers, Commander. Our tacticians and strategists are becoming extinct. The handful of admirals left can only do so much. I'm asking for help Commander. We need new strategies and I want to know if you have any ideas," Hackett said. Unbelievable. Colt had only ever dealt with tactics on relatively small battlefields. He had learned strategy during Officer Candidate School, but that was a little different. It was a closed environment with no real consequences.
"Sir, I'm not really sure I'm qualified," Shepard was flattered but he didn't want to fuck everything up.
"We're desperate Commander, I wouldn't ask if I had any better ideas," Shepard didn't know if he should be offended or not, "I know you've never really dealt with large scale strategy before. But I looked up your scores during Officer Candidate School. They were through the roof," Shepard took a moment to pray that the Admiral hadn't seen his math scores, "I think we need a fresh mind. Our strategies are getting stagnant, we're repeating tactics and not taking any risks. We need someone new," Hackett was kidding. Shepard was having some fucked up dream. Soon Mordin would come prancing in with a tutu on and hotdogs as legs. This was not real. The shock from the explosion was making things weird. This was another dream.
"I don't know sir," Colt replied just in case this was real.
"Look, all I'm asking for is ideas. It's not like we'll use them if we don't agree. I just need ideas," Hackett was pushing hard. How could Colt refuse?
"Alright sir," Shepard gave in. Hopefully the Admiral would realize soon that Shepard was a fighter, not a strategist.
"The turians need some assistance. Urdnot Wrex sent Krogan troops to Palaven but the Reapers are blocking them from successfully going groundside. If we can give the Krogan a window to get down there, the turians will be in much better shape. They asked for help in developing a plan and I told them I'd send someone. That someone is you, Commander. Your new orders are to meet with the turian and Krogan generals," Hackett said. Shepard could see right through what Hackett was doing. The admiral was sending Colt to test him. To see if he was any good at strategy. Hackett wasn't going to risk the Alliance's war efforts if it turned out Colt couldn't do it. It was like a dry-run. Practice.
"Yes sir," Shepard would not fail, "One more thing, sir. I need some Determinol." This was the first time Shepard had ever broken eye contact with Hackett. He expected some sort of reprimand, but the Admiral remained silent for a few seconds. Then he felt a hand on his shoulder.
"I'll get you what you need, Commander," Hackett said.
...
Author's Note: This chapter is supposed to be kind of odd and choppy because I was trying to capture the fog of war, the confusion after a major attack, and how shock alters perceptions of reality in victims and also observers. So if you were confused, that was intended. If you have any questions about what happened, feel free to PM me.