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"Steve" she said, but he was to entranced by her, angry at her, in love with her.
"Daddy" A small voice said. Steve turned his attention away from a very confused Nat and turned to his daughter.
"Hey honey" he held out his arms for her to run into on her level. He hugged her tightly. "Can you give me and your Mom a minute. I brought your favvorite" he held up her favorite grilled cheese. She nodded and kiss her forehead. He dusted off his knees as he stood up. "Romanoff"
She shook her head, of course he didn't come for her. "How did you find me?"
"You see me and that's your first question." He scoffed.
"No just the most important one" she quipped. "What do you want?"
Steve stared at her in disbelief. "You don't tell me I have a daughter for two years, you let me meet her once, then take her away so I only see her once a month. I want to see my daughter." he replied, not trying to leave any of the venom out. "Now can I, or do I need to be put on a waiting list for that as well?"
"She has ballet at six, you can have her until then."
"After that, what am I supposed to do. You'll run off for months, leaving nothing for anyone, and will end up hurting her."
"Ste-Rogers, I had to take her away from the Bartons, especially with James unaccounted for"
"So her safety is the only thing you care about. It would make more sense for us to work together to do that!" Steve yelled. Nat ignored the tears pooling in her eyes. She tried to speak but she couldn't. She knew that all of this was her fault. "I never thought that if I left your side for five minutes that you would take Nadia and run away. I forgave you when you kept me from her, kept Bucky a secret, when you kept the goddamn thing I gave my life for a secret, I forgave you. And here's how you pay it back!"
"I'm sorry." she stared down at her hands, "I didn't know what to do."
"Then why did you let me help? I told you that I trusted you. You could've talked to me." His voice was as soft as a whisper. Nat stared at him again. His muscles flexed against his leather jacket. His clenched jaw, a sure sign of anger.
One final question crossed her mind. "How do you not hate me? I know that I would."
"I can't hate you. It wouldn't be healthy for Nadia if I hated you" That stung Nat, and it hurt for Steve to say. He was angry. Even through that, all he wanted to do was hold the small woman in his arm and to protect her like he did over the summer. She didn't look like the strong Black Widow anymore, just a broken woman who was trying her best. "We both have to be there for her."
Nat knew that she couldn't blame him. She also agreed with him, it would be better for Nadia if she had both of them. The thought of if he would ever want her crossed her mind but she knew that it would never happen. He would probably only ever speak to her about Nadia. "Ok, I have to meet with Casey so you can be with Nadia until dance starts. You can take her home after class." she dug into her purse and pulled out a key. "Keybad code is her brithday" He took the key and that was the end of that.
Steve went into the studio to grab Nadia's bag. In the studio, there were many pictures of ballerinas but one stood out. It was the one he drew of her, he didn't even know that she kept this. They had been at his apartment watching Star Wars and she had casually brought up that she did ballet. After that he drew her in a battle pose, but dressed as a swan. He realised that he had probably been staring at it to long, so he grabbed the pack and went to get his daughter. He said goodbye to Nat and the two left the studio.
As soon as Steve left, Nat fell to the ground. She wasn't trying anymore to hold back the tears. Se heard the doorbells jingle and she heard Casey's voice.
"You ok Nat" he soothes her. "What happened?" he asks adter she stops crying.
"Steve-ummm Nadia's father found out where we live. He showed up to see her. I wasn't prepared to see him, but it's not like I'll ever be." she explained. "He's not a bad man. No, he's like the opposite of that. He's a good dad, I just wasn't ready to see him."
"Is he with her now?" Casey asks her. He was slightly disturbed because he had never even seen her break a swear, so this had to be bad.
Nat nodded. She took a few more deep breaths and pushed herself off the ground.
"Thanks Case" she hugged him. "How'd you know that she wasn't at school?"
"You texted me" Nat furrows her brows at his response but when she looks on her phone, sure enough she accidentally texted Casey instead of the date while she was rushing.
She let out a laugh. "Yeah I did. Sorry about that. Do you want to have the meeting now?"
"Yeah, you good?"
"As much as I can be."
They started their meeting and non-verbally agreed to never speak about this again. Nat still had to text her date explaining what happened or Katie would have a stroke. She feels really comfortable around Casey, not essensially the same feeling she has-had for Steve but they're there. She can't make Steve leave or make a court settlement for Nadia. She just wished it could all go back to normal, but they couldn't. Steve knew about Nadia, they had to work together to take down shield, but they could never have 'normal' again. Not after everything, not after the kiss.
Her mind still went back to that kiss sometimes. His lips were smooth, even though she pushed him off she could remember them. She had never had a man kiss her before with as much care or feeling. When she did it again on the escalator. Their life together could be amazing, the three of them. It could never happen, imagine the scandle. Captain America and the woman who illegally had his children
'No Nat, you can't think like that, he doesn't think about you that way' she tells herself. Briefly she did think that he might one day want to have a real American Family. Three of them, a dog, a house in a suburb, a normal life. That's never going to happen, not in her life.
Surely after all of her classes, meetings, and seeing Steve she was tired and in need of a drink. She couldn't even get drunk because of the super serum. She wished that she didn't have to go home and see him but she had to, there was no way to avoid her daughter on a school night. Well maybe since Steve might've helped with her homework but Nadia was why she was staying. It was no secret from her that Nadia loved Steve, and that from the way Steve treated her, he loved her back.
She cleaned out the studio, trying her best to avoid the barage of questions set by Katie about blowing off the date and Steve. Nat had to lie to Katie, she told her that Steve was the reason she came to America with Nadia, which wasn't a total lie or was it? Nat couldn't tell anymore. In her many years of living, Nat had always been able to keep control of everything, remember everything she told everyone. Now she was a mess, all because of Steve Rogers.
The studio was cleanish, she just had to remind her evening class to bring deoderant. The ocean air of Seattle suffocated her, made her feel at home as she walked to her apartment.
One last shakey breath and she was inside. "I'm home" she called out of habit and had to stop herself from being startled. Steve stood in front of her, holding a tired Nadia.
"Let me put her to bed. I left some chicken in the oven." Steve carries his daughter back to her room. He walks back in about five minutes later and almosts smiles when he sees Nat eating the chicken he made. "I remembered how you liked it." he said recalling one time they were at his apartment. It had been after a mission that was really hard on the team so he made her his Mom's old chicken recipe. She was happy by the end of it, even stayed to watch a movie. It was a comedy. Her laugh was infectious. He would always remember that night because she had fell asleep on him, but she didn't know that. How she had a nightmare on a mission one time and he stayed with her the rest of the night. All her little imperfections made him fall for her even more.
"Steve, I don't want to fight. You can stay here or you can get a place. Make sure that nobody knows where I live, I'm not putting Nadia at risk." she informed him.
He shook his head. "I told Barton that I found you. He doesn't know where but I'm sure he would like to talk to you."
"I'll call him later then."
"Nat I don't want it to always be awkward between us" Steve looks into her eyes. "I want us to be friends. We want us to make sure that Nadia can get everything she wants. If that means that I have to move next door so I can see her, fine, but I think that it would be better if we all got along."
"I agree. You can stay on my couch tonight, I have to go take a shower to get the smell of the dance studio off. Thanks for the food." she said and dashed off the second she did. She stepped into the warm shower. It felt amazing. She washed her hair and imagined that it was Steve's hands instead of hers, but she pulled herself out of that immediatly. 'No, not while he's in the other room'
Wrong, he was not in the other room. Steve had gone into Nat's room to grab a pair of shorts because he knew that she had stolen a few and thankfully hadn't gotten rid of them. He turned the knob to the door and stepped in, not looking first.
"STEVE!" she yelped.
He looked up quickly and saw her face, totally not catching her left breast out of his peripheral vision. "Sorry" he got out of there as quick as he could, red flushing over his cheeks.
Nat stepped out of the shower and all but ran into her room. She sighed again in relief in hope that he didn't see anything private. She changed into her PJs. She didn't love the ones she was wearing but usually she would just wear one of Steve's huge shirts and a pair of underwear. She turned off the light in her room, she was too tired to say goodnight.
Nat didn't know what was happening but she was being shaken awake. She grabbed the gun she kept next to her bed but someone pulled it away. Steve.
"Nat" he said as if approaching a wild animal.
"What?" she snapped.
"You were screaming and.." he trailed off and she saw the knife in her hands.
"Thanks then" A small shadow appeared behind Steve.
Nadia came into the light of the lamp that Steve turned on. "You ok Mama?" Nat nodded her head, she didn't want her daughter to see her cry. "Do you want to group cuddle? Like after Lila or Cooper gets a nightmare." she asks innocently enough but it raises a whole bunch of questions in the adults.
Nat shifted over to make room for Nadia and hugged her close. Steve was about to head back into the living room but Nadia stopped him, wanting to get into bed with the two of them. He looked at Nat, but she was too tired to care and Nadia needed to get back to sleep since she had school. Steve seemed to follow her thinking and laid next to Nadia on top of the comforter. He was in dangerous waters.