Author Note: Updated. Read, review, and maybe follow? Thanks!

Warnings: Drinking, Smoking, Drugs

Chapter Three: Left or Right

Last Month

When Dean was suspended from school on the count of smoking on school grounds and breaking and entering, he didn't look twice at me. Also ticketed by the police for the same reasons he was suspended. My fault, because I had said I had a key to the school. Which I did not have at the time, nor was I there to defend Dean. This all led back to Justin in some way, the key, me leaving Dean alone, him not telling us why we should have left sooner.

To tell you the truth the more I had thought about it, the more angry I had become, and surprisingly not at Justin. I was madder at myself then him, which had shocked me too. Not that Justin knew I wasn't really mad at him. That's what I made him think, acting as harsh as I could towards him. Picking upon him more than I normally would have and blaming him more.

What I really was mad at, was that he was always there to fix my mistakes, as if he knew I was going to mess up. That pissed me off to no end. Therefore, I made messes on purpose so he had more work. I know I was acting childish and petty, but I was rebelling as much as possible in order to spite him. When Dean had left, I had filled the void with parties and more drugs. Justin was the one who had shoved Dean just out of my reach, so I felt no guilt in punishing him slightly.

That is all that would take the hurt away, so I did it more often. Dean wasn't much, but he was all I had and after Justin gotten involved just once, he was gone as fast as he could get away.

Justin had to save me countless times, from waking up in places I didn't recognize, to coming home high at three in the morning. How many times he was there to wipe away my caked on makeup and dress me into my pajamas putting me into my bed, or to clean the drugs out of my system before anyone had noticed.
Sure, he would be furious with me at first, sometimes just hurt I would put myself through this repeatedly. I would shrug and he would clean me up for another day. I would poke at him for his reasoning behind helping me instead of just telling out parents, he would just say that I was his baby sister. He cared for me, but we both new, deep down, there was something more than that. Something deep and dark, yet we pushed aside those thoughts and continued with our lives.

This last month had been chalked full of those kinds of nights, but in the morning of each day he had noticed I stopped smoking. Just, as he had ask.

Two Years and Eleven Months ago

I felt my throat ache from thirst, my head pounding with pain, while a metallic tangy substance sat in my mouth. Running my thick dry tongue along a rip in my cheek, I slowly opened my eyes to a bright ray of sun bathing my face.

My eyes snapped shut trying to block out the painful light that emitted from the open window. The dulled pain in my cheek told me that I had accidentally bit myself; I slightly remember it in my drunken educed haze to tell you the truth. I was confused for a second as I reached out feeling my way around, when I felt an itchy rug underneath me I noted that I was upon the floor. Something nudged at me causing me to attempt to flinch away.

"Hey-" an unfamiliar voice called aloud causing me to moan lightly.

"... Shhhh..." was all I could bring myself to say. A shadow blocked the light from my vision and I opened my eyes slowly.

"Hun, it's time to go home." A woman covered in glitter with caked on makeup stood above me. "Clubs closed." Nodding I attempted to sit up and swayed. She bent over to help me to my feet. "Okay, are you well enough to make it on your own?" She sighed loudly.

"I'll be... fine." I whispered noting I needed something to get rid of this awful taste in my mouth. Blood mixed with vodka, normally it would be cigarettes, but a nagging source made me feel guilty. So yeah, I quit.

Stumbling out the front doors, I reached for my phone inside my shirt. Almost six in the morning, shit. I hit speed dial one and prayed he would answer. Making my way down the dirty ally, I leaned up against the cool brick wall.

"Alex... thank god you're okay." He exhaled uneasy. "Where are you?"

"Duhh'- I have... nooo clue." I closed my eyes and felt like puking. "Just woke up in some club..." he sighed.

"What club Alex?" He bit out and I inhaled deeply trying to stop the bile from rising.

"I- uh, Maxed..." I mumbled then hung up, leaning over I threw up tears bubbled in my blood shot eyes. I slid down the wall and onto the ground as my chapped lips trembled. I was alone, yet again. The parties, the drugs, the sex, and what had it mounted to anyways? Nothing good, I knew that much.
Left turn, after left turn, and I here I was, sitting in a dirty ally in New York, a hot mess, tears and makeup running down my face, vomit on my shirt with no one to call but my older brother. Wow, I really was pathetic.

"Wait right here, okay?" A voice called and I knew at the second that it was Justin. "Alex?"

I looked up to see his familiar silky black hair. When I saw that look of disappointment and pity maybe, I could tell he was beyond upset while he looked down at me; I felt disgusting and messy. We didn't even have to say a word to each other to know what we were both saying.

He just had sighed and bent down to pick me up. Tucking my face into his neck, I sniffled and closed my eyes. This, this was the reasons I truly had done all this crap. Waiting to see the one person who would notice I was in pain, even when I smiled at dinner or in class, even while talking to Harper. Out of everyone, only one person knew me well enough to know when 'I'm fine' really meant, 'Save me…'

Later...

Shifting lightly into the soft comfort of a blanket, I inhaled the familiar scents, recognizing them as my own. Opening my eyes to my own dimly lit room, in clean clothing and my hair still slightly damp, I remembered this morning. The cleaning, the pain, and the thick silence we fell into as we hid the evidence from my night's events. I saw a note upon my pillow next to me and sighed aloud. I grabbed it and tossed back my comforters. It looked like late afternoon or maybe almost nighttime.

'Alex, told mom you were up throwing up last night, that maybe you caught the flu. We need to talk. - J'

When Justin told me we needed to talk, it was always serious and all sorts of depressing. I actively try to avoid, 'talks' with him all together. On my way down stairs there he sat, alone at the island typing away at that laptop of his. It always made me smile to see his brow arched in concentration.

"You wanted to talk, nerd." I watched him spin around to see me and gave him a slightly smirk.

"Oh, you're awake?" he closed his laptop and looked around the room. "Yeah, I do, and you know what it is about." I sighed and made my way to the fridge. It pulled open with a rattling clank, while I could feel his eye roll.

"Shoot Dork-o, I'm all ears about the serious announcement of all my wrong doings in life." I reached for left over pizza in the box. He snorted and the got up from his spot around the island.

"No, it's not about, all, your wrong doings, per se." he then sighed. "I know I have said this before, but uh, I really would wish you would attempt to make better-"

"If that ends in 'choices with your life', don't even finish that statement." I snapped at him and took a bite of the cold slice of cheese pizza. "I've- heard this all before." I swallowed and then sat down at the island where he was sitting.

"Alex-"he inhaled deeply and I could tell this was now affecting him too. "Please-"he just whispered it, voice almost breaking and I stopped eating. Thanks, appetite ruined.

"Think about the consequences if you drank too much one night, or- or you mixed too many drugs. I just- please." I nodded not able to say anything in reply to his pleads. "Don't go out tonight, I know I say this like every night, but let's just stay here and watch movies or like play video games."

'I didn't want to go out tonight anyways' I thought to myself and sighed. 'Liar… you know you want to stay home because of him.'

"Why not, I haven't had a good night sleeps in like a long ass time." I gave a nervous chuckle and he just smiled at me. That one that always melted me from the inside out. I was now feeling guilty as hell as he nodded, relief washing his softening features. What was one night in?