Glad to see people pumped for this. Kind of a shot in the dark, but hey, you miss 100% of shots you don't take.
Downside to this is that you have to wait another year for it to be updated.
Edit: I got a few reviews and PMs about not being able to see this chapter. Let's see if this works.
RWBY Watches Hellsing Gaiden
Chapter 2- Halloween 2020
"So, on with the movie?" Yang asked, eager to get aware from the mortification she had just been through.
"Not just yet, I'm afraid."
"Huh?"
"Yes, I'm afraid I forgot to mention that this will be a marathon of sorts. Next is Hellsing Ultimate Abridged Episode 2."
"So, what, we binge this, then we move on?" Coco asked.
"Precisely."
Yang sighed and sunk into her seat. "Alright, let's get this over with."
Classical music played in the background as Glynda pressed a button on her phone.
"Hello, Jaune, how was your mission in Anima?" she asked.
"Eh, I'd say 99…" Jaune answered. Elsewhere, a zombie banged itself against a metal gate. ".9% percent done. 'Sup, bitch?"
"Based on his previous behavior, half-assing a mission is not something I would put past Vampire Jaune." Weiss said, leaning her head on two fingers.
"Or disrespecting his superiors." Glynda added.
"Vampire Me does not speak for Real Me!" Jaune shouted in worry.
"I need to talk to you about some important guests coming today."
"Are they hookers?"
"No."
"And like that, you've lost me."
"Same here." Mercury commented.
"Pig." Emerald said.
"Prude."
"They're our financial suppliers." She said, feeling a vein bulging in her temple already.
"Oh, man, they have to hate us!"
"They do. That's why they cancelled our budget."
"Ooh, that's bad. We need that, right? Ozpin, we need that, right?"
"Yes, sir. Very important." Ozpin said with a grin.
"Thank you, Ozpin."
"Of course, sir."
"Oh, so he's nice to Ozpin? That's telling." Blake groused.
"Well, hey, don't jump to conclusions." Sun said. "We've already seen that this version of Ms. G-"
"Do not call me that ever again, Mr. Wukong." Glynda growled.
"- I-is a certifiable badass with how she stood up to Zombie Pyrrha. There's probably something we're missing."
Blake thought for a moment. "Fair enough."
"Over the last couple of years, we've had some… expensive claims." Glynda said diplomatically.
"Like what?" Jaune asked.
"First off: property damage."
The scene cut to a fireball engulfing an entire city street and all the civilians on it.
"Good times." Jaune said nostalgically.
"Dozens of noise complaints." Glynda continued.
"Sooorryyy! I can't heeeaar you!" Jaune shouted over the heavy metal he was blasting in the background.
"Killing at least a dozen innocent people."
"Oh, so did Anthony Hopkins and he got a fucking Oscar for it."
"Who?" Ruby asked.
"A what?" Yang added.
"And; all of the sexual harassment."
Jaune was silent for a moment. "I'm not apologizing."
"Aaand the trolling ends. Now I'm mad."
"DOES NOT! SPEAK! FOR ME!"
"Listen, I know this is asking a lot, but…"
"But…?" he prompted when she drifted off.
"I want you to keep yourself locked in the basement until all of them are gone!"
"I get the distinct impression you're embarrassed of me."
"Jaune…" Glynda said in warning.
"I'm gonna go with nooo."
"This is important, and I don't need you causing another scene!"
"I don't have to take this, I'm going for a walk."
"No you don't!" she practically shouted.
"Oh, what are you gonna do, get that guy who can stop me? What was his name? Michael McDoesn'texist?"
"What about me?" Pyrrha said, "I came damn close last time."
"Would have gotten the job done if not for protag bullshittery." Nora agreed.
Glynda sighed, knowing she had no other choices but this one. "What do you want?"
"What?" Jaune replied with a shit-eating grin.
"What… do I have to give you… to keep you down here for the evening?"
"I'm going to need a new gun. Also one for the Huntress!"
"But I already have a gun." Yang whined in the background.
"Get that bitch a cannon! Bitches love cannons!"
"Wow, put that on a t-shirt." Velvet chuckled.
"I'd buy it." Ruby said.
"Of course you would." Yang sighed.
"Anything else?" Glynda asked, completely and utterly done with this shit.
"A 70" plasma wide-screen tv."
"Really?"
"With Netflix."
"Should it also be 3-D?"
"NO! THAT'S A STUPID FUCKING GIMMICK AND EVERYONE KNOWS IT!"
"I hate 3-D in movies." Neptune said. "It just makes everything look so cheesy."
"Especially when you can tell a scene was practically designed to be made 3-D." Sun agreed.
"Eh, some older movies can get away with it." Ruby said.
"True, but they're too few and far between."
Later that day, with Jaune placated and safely shut away in his room, Glynda sat at the head of a long oval-shaped table with the men who helped run the Goodwitch Organization.
"Hello, gentlemen." She said cordially, "Thank you for accepting my invitation."
"Well, considering the direness of your financial security, we thought it was the least we could do." Prof. Port replied.
"Now, before we begin, I was under the impression our budget was handled directly by the Queen."
"Oh, it is." Dr. Oobleck said, "However, we're having a distinctly difficult time justifying some of these expenses."
"Most of them under the name: Jaune?" Port added.
Glynda took an already stressed inhale. "Continue."
"Take notes children," Glynda said, "This is exactly how I feel every time Ozpin left me with mountains of paperwork to do, or a meeting I had to attend in his stead."
"I was merely preparing you for the eventuality of my death." Ozcar said defensively, gesturing to his new body, "It would seem I was right to do so."
"You're just lucky I do not wish to harm your new host, otherwise I would strangle you myself."
"For example, some of them were simply labeled 'entertainment.'" Oobleck said.
"'Entertainment'"?
"Indeed." A third old man nobody recognized said. "Like in my report: 20,000 for a 'candy?'"
"That's candy with an 'I', by the way." A fourth old man added.
"I see." Glynda replied, smiling sweetly, but internally raging.
"20k for a hooker?" Mercury asked, "That's a little steep, unless he went premium."
"Of course, you would know this." Emerald said in disgust.
"Not to mention the priceless antique car." Oobleck said. "I believe the note on the claim was; 'I thought I could paint it red, but I couldn't find enough goats. So I scrapped it.'"
"So that's why we found my father's car covered in goat blood and rammed into a Dairy Queen." Glynda said.
"Ah, yes, and then there's the Dairy Queen, sitting at about-"
'I would do fucking anything to get out of this right now.' Glynda thought to herself as Port continued to go over the costs of Jaune's entertainment.
"Gods damn it, Vomit Boy." Yang said in exasperation.
Meanwhile, a pair of women were walking up the driveway leading to the Goodwitch estate. One had white hair done up in a bun, wore white and pale blue military-style clothing and carried herself with a matching bearing. The other had long black hair held in a side ponytail, reddish-pink eyes, and wore a familiar dress in all black.
"And so halfway through blowin' me, the fuckin' hooker ODs on heroin!" the black haired one said.
"I really don't like discussing my ex-girlfriend with you." The white one said.
"I mean, I still finished, but what kind of shit is that?"
"For Brother's sake, Weiss, think of mother!"
"… I ain't jerkin' off right now."
"OH MY GODS!" Yang said cried, falling out of her seat in her laughter.
"Looks like it's Weiss' turn to cease functioning." Penny commented, her cheeks flushed.
Ruby waived a hand in front of her partner's face. "Yup. Weiss has left the building."
"I can't breathe! Laughing too hard!"
"Hey, you two! The grounds are currently closed!" one of the guards at the gate yelled, his gun in hand, but not raised.
"Aw, man, that totally sucks!" Bleiss complained, "And we came all the way out here with these foreign exchange students on a field trip through Vale."
"Where from?" the guard asked.
Suddenly, dozens of gun barrels came out of the opened windows of a bus the sisters had come on.
"Atlas." Weiss said with a grin before snapping her fingers.
"Damn it, not that old stereotype again." Winter pinched the bridge of her nose.
"It's your own fault for maintaining the only standing, professional army in the world during the longest period of peace in history." Qrow said.
At her signal, the guns opened fire, tearing apart the guards and the gate with sheer volume of fire.
"Aw, shit, looks like we need more prayer in schools."
"If you're quite finished, ready the ghouls." Winter said, "I'm going to find Jaune. You overrun the rest of the mansion."
"Alrighty." Bleiss said with a manic look in her eye and a pair of bull-pup assault rifles in hand. "Attention all bitches! Off the bus and line up in order. I got a class assignment for all of y'all."
"You done?" Blake asked as Yang climbed back into her seat.
"For now." She snorted, just barely managing to get her laughter under control.
Back in the board room, Port was just finishing up a rather amusing story involving Jaune and a rather unfortunate mime when suddenly the lights flickered.
"That's funny." Port commented, "We weren't cutting the power just yet."
"Oh, shit." Glynda cursed as she quickly called the front desk. "Front desk, report. What's going on?"
"Oh hey, yeah. Hold on. Just gimme a sec." the guard at the front said boredly as he stood up and looked out the front door. "Oh, yeah, it's ghouls. Definitely, definitely- Ohmygod!" and the line went dead.
"Sir Glynda, do something!" Port yelled, fear evident in his voice.
"Calm down!" she yelled back, "We have over 100 trained guards on the premises at all times. We have everything under control." This was immediately followed by an explosion above them that shook dust loose from the ceiling.
"What was that?"
"That was probably the escape chopper exploding." Glynda answered matter of factly and began dialing again, "As I was saying, let me just contact communications and get an update. Communications, come in. We need a full report."
All she got back was the sound of a grown man sobbing on the other end, and a familiar voice talking to him.
"Man, the funny drained out of this fucking quick, right?" Coco said.
"That's kind of a testament to the writer's ability." Blake commented. "Not a lot of writers are able to do that."
"Actually, Ms. Belladonna, this series was written, edited, and voiced by a core group of less than a dozen individuals."
Blake shrugged. "The point still stands."
"Read the fuckin' paper." Bleiss told him.
"H-h-hey there, Glynda." The Comms guy said weakly.
"Read it fucking right, cock-hole!" Weiss ordered, slapping his head for emphasis.
"Hey there, you… fat, Valean… whore…"
"That's more like it. Now keep goin'."
"Me… and my big sister, Winter, are killing… all of your men… and turning them into ghouls… so… I-I… h-hope… you've made peace… with yourself… cuz when… I find you… I'm gonna- oh god!"
"Keep reading, or I SHOOT THE OTHER TESTICLE!" Bleiss said, pulling back the hammer of her gun.
"Cuz when I find you I'm gonna fuck every hole you've got!" the man sobbed, "And then I'm just gonna keep making more holes to fu-uck… Until there's nothing left but your riddled corpse full of blood… and seme-hen! Oh God, this is horrible!"
"You ain't finished yet."
"So, prepare your dried-up pussy… for my hu-huge vampire co-ho-hock! Now, pardon me, while I blow this faggot ginger's brains out- OHGODNO!"
The unmistakable sound of viscera being spread across a surface by gunshot could be heard over the line, followed by the uproarious laughter of Weiss.
"Ha ha ha ha! Oh! His fuckin' face, man! Aha, fuck! Ha ha ha ha! Oh no, that shit is priceless!"
The phone was hung up, leaving the dialtone as the sole source of noise in the room.
The audience too were left in stunned silence.
Immediately, Glynda dialed up Jaune.
"Jaune, get up here now!" she ordered. "I'm locked in with the committee on the third floor and- "
"See, I'm gonna have to stop you riiiight there." He replied smugly. "You see, I am under strict orders from my boss- who is a total bitch, by the way *cough*- that I am not to leave this room until such time as the committee has left the building. I was even bribed. Imagine that."
"I can practically hear his satisfied grin on the other end of the line." Ilia said.
"Jaune, you vampiric asshole, I will- "
"Sounds great, but I'm gonna have to go now. I just queued up another episode of "Red vs Blue" on Netflix. Bye~" as the phone hung up, the RvB Blood Gulch tune could be heard in the background.
Snapping her cigar in rage, Glynda dialed one final number.
"Ozpin!"
"You just know things are at their worst when you have to call the butler for help." Mercury snarked.
In another part of the mansion, Winter swiftly dispatched an entire squad of Goodwitch soldiers with an almost invisible slice of her blade. She heard her sister's ringtone playing and answered her phone as the bodies hit the floor.
"Hello, Weiss." She said.
"I refuse to believe that is actually me." Weiss fumed.
"Welcome back, bestie!" Ruby said cheerily.
"Honestly, I figured you would have looked like this at some point in your life." Yang said.
"Excuse me!?"
"You know, like this is what you'd look like if you actually had an edgy teen rebellious phase."
"What do you think me coming to Beacon was?"
"Small compared to what I did." said Blake, the girl who shacked up with a terrorist organization and a future homicidal-stalker-maniac for her teenage rebellion.
"So, how's my favorite big sister doin'?" Bleiss asked, sitting down on a pile of corpses.
"Oh, you know, just killed a group of guards."
"Shit, sis! You too? What's your kill count at? Nah, don't tell me." She said, looking over the hallway littered with dead bodies and ghouls munching on them. "I'm winnin'."
"They were guarding a secret passageway downstairs." Winter informed her, pushing open a sliding mirror she had found. "Not really keeping it a secret if you keep a bunch of armed guards standing around it."
"Well, you have fun with that, sis. I'm gonna go skullfuck Goodbitch. And the old guys. Ah, fuck it. Skullfuckin' for everyone! Come 'ere, ghoul!"
Winter wisely hung up before she could hear anything else, and smiled despite herself. "Well, you can choose your friends, but you can't choose your family."
"Meh, that one was a little weak." Ruby said.
"Putting it lightly." Blake agreed.
In the boardroom, Glynda and the round table anxiously awaited their reinforcements.
"Alright, Ozpin and his assistant should be here any second now." She announced.
"But," Port protested, fearfully holding his head, "If there's no way to get upstairs, how are they going to- " suddenly, a ceiling tile fell on his head, followed by Yang and Ozpin, the latter of which landed with far more grace than the former.
"Ms. Xiao Long, believe me when I say this version of you got the better deal."
"In what way is me landing on Port's head the better deal?"
"The unabridged version had him looking up when you landed on him. I'll let you do the math from there."
"Good to see you, Ozpin." Glynda said, equal parts relieved and smug.
"Of course, ma'am." He said, offering Glynda a light.
"The first two floors have been entirely overrun." She said, giving him a quick rundown of the situation. "Communications with the outside have been cut off, we've lost all our men, and Jaune is being…"
"Jaune?" Ozpin asked, the name basically summing it all up.
"A total ass, yes. Now tell me, do you have any plans?"
"Of course, ma'am. I shall do exactly what the butler does, and tidy up." At the last, he held up his hand, and the reflections of several razor-thin wires could be seen.
"Bad ass!" Sun said, clapping.
Meanwhile, Bleiss was simply strolling down the hallway, her legion of ghouls at her back, singing a little tune to herself.
"I don't give a shit, I don't give a fuck. I don't give a shit! I don't give a fuck! Now if I give a shit, I might just give a fuck, but I don't give a shit, so I don't give a- "
"I feel like that's the theme song to your life, Legs." Roman commented.
"Eh, you're not wrong." Mercury shrugged.
Suddenly, the first rank of her ghouls just turned into a red paste.
"Fuck was that?"
"Hello." Ozpin said as he walked down the hall to meet her, his wires creating the illusion of wings behind him, "My name is Oscar P. Ozpin. Ex-vampire hunter and butler to the Goodwitch Organization. I answer the door, I clean up the estate, and I take out the trash." He adjusted his gloves a bit and began to work a bit of feeling into his old hands. That attack should have taken out the first three ranks, not just the one. "And I also kill self-entitled little twats like yourself."
"Well, ain't you just the textbook fuckin' definition of classy!" She snapped her fingers and her ghouls formed a shield wall in front of and around her, guns trained on Ozpin. "But guess what, Jeeves, that garrote wire won't do shit for dick against armor this thick." The ghoul phalanx began to advance. "What's that, Alfred? 'How thick is it?' Well, half as thick as mah dick. So, thick enough that you'd need a fuckin' anti-tank rifle to pierce it, and I don't see a piece on your wrinkly old ass."
"Huntress, if you may." Ozpin said, stepping to one side.
At the far end of the hallway, sticking out of the boardroom, Yang lay on her stomach, aiming a massive anti-tank rifle at the center of the formation.
"Bitches love cannons." She said before firing and taking a solid ten ghouls out in one shot.
"Okay, now I want the t-shirt." Yang laughed.
"I want that gun." Ruby drooled.
"Getting' a little hot and bothered there, weapon nut?" Coco said teasingly, leaning over Ruby's chair.
Ruby sputtered in response, Coco laughed, and then cried in agony as Velvet pulled her by the ear back to their seats.
"Oh, fuck, that's an anti-tank rifle." Bleiss said calmly. "OH, FUCK, THAT'S AN ANTI-TANK RIFLE!"
Down below, in his room, Jaune sat comfortably in front of his new TV, a glass of wine (possibly blood) sitting on a table next to him as he watched a scene where a certain blue idiot threw a stick grenade between himself and a certain black and yellow colored Freelancer.
"That. Was the worst throw ever. Of all time."
"Not my fault. Someone put a wall in my way."
Just as the pair jumped over the wall to avoid the detonation, his TV exploded, revealing Winter standing in a hole she had just made in his door.
"Oh. Oh, you just fucked up big time, Big Sis Schnee." Jaune said hysterically.
"That was a seventy-inch… plasma screen TV." He said calmly. He clicked his tongue and inhaled sharply. "So, how can I help you?"
"You must be the great Jaune." Winter said imperiously.
"Suuup."
"I've heard quite a lot about you."
"Oh really?"
"The Night Walker, who glides through oceans of blood. Beyond human. A monster whose power radiates with a darkness that casts a shadow on darkness itself."
"Oh, you dirty bitch, work the shaft."
Winter stumbled for a moment. "Ex…cuse you?"
"Oh, I'm sorry. I, heh, I like to dirty talk when someone's sucking my dick."
"Yeah, you don't get to look cool. Not after what you just did." Jaune laughed.
Weiss did her best to not laugh at her alternate sister's expense.
"Perhaps I should get to my point. My name is Winter Schnee."
"And I'm Carmen Sandiego. Guess where I am!"
Winter was unimpressed. "I'm trying to have a serious conversation with you here."
"Oh, so am I. And I'm failing. And I'm sorry for that. It's just that I'm so agitated, because this white-haired little shit strolled into my room, destroyed my 70-inch plasma TV, and is now trying to impress me like I'm her asshole of a father." In an instant, Winter's blade was at his neck, while Jaune's gun was aimed between her eyes. "Be a sport and grab daddy another beer, would you?"
"Snrk. So Winter, what have we learned?" Weiss said, barely able to keep from laughing.
Winter responded by chucking a handful of popcorn at her sister.
Upstairs, Yang drove Bleiss to the floor in a textbook rear arm and neck lock.
"Armbars everywhere!" she yelled.
"That's quite impressive." Ozpin said with a quirked eyebrow, "Where did you learn that hold?"
Yang tightened the hold on Bleiss to keep her from squirming and/or talking. "Oh, wow, it's almost like I'm a Huntress or something!"
"Sarcasm is unbecoming of you."
"Hmm, I might just steal that move some day." Yang said.
"It's almost like a Boston crab, but for the other end." Velvet said.
"Based on how much she's bending Weiss' body back, I see what you mean."
"Wow." Bleiss deadpanned. "Gee willikers, mister. I sure am sorry for slaughtering all your guards and tearing up your mansion. I promise I've learned my les-" Ozpin stamped on her hand. "AH! Fuck! Take a joke, asshole!"
"And everything you say just pisses me off! Now you're going to tell me everything I want to know."
"Alright, alright. What you do… is you go down to the local pharmacy, ask for something called Viagra, and it'll help ya GO FUCK YOURSELF!"
"Magnificent last words, sister." Winter said, "Truly, defiant to the last."
Ozpin drew out more wire with his teeth when suddenly, he heard another round of growls and roars coming from the hallway in front of them. Seeing his distraction, Bleiss managed to break Yang's hold and gracefully flipped back to the entrance.
"And now, for the upcoming company picnic." She said with a flourish toward the hallway. "Unfortunately, all your douchebag coworkers are bringin' is their own rotten flesh. Still better than potato salad if you ask me. Now, ifin you don't mind…" she easily jumped over her ghouls, Ozpin and Yang and began to run for the conference room door, "I'mma go eat the Goodbitch!"
Ozpin threw out his arm, and by extension, his wires, which wrapped around Bleiss' wrist. "I've got your arm!"
"So shove it up your ass!" Bleiss laughed, ignoring the fact that her arm was torn off midway and continued to rush the door. She busted open the door and her face immediately dropped when she saw how many guns were pointed at her. "Well, that's not fair at all."
"I'm sorry." Glynda said, raising her own sidearm. "We don't give a fuck."
"Turnabout is fair play, Ms. Schnee." Glynda grinned.
Bliess cursed as she was driven back under the deluge of fire. She finally collapsed against a wall, her body riddled with bullet holes.
"Fuck! Agh, where the fuck did my ghouls go?"
"Oh, they've been dealt with." Ozpin explained.
Rob Zombie's 'Dragula' played as Yang tore the ghouls apart with her bare hands.
*Dig through the ditches and burn through the witches and slam in the back of my DRAGULA~!*
"Well, least I'm gonna die with a raging boner." Bleiss said.
"You're welcome, I guess?" Yang said.
"Alright, shit-for-brains,"Glynda said angrily, her pistol aimed at the black-haired girl, "You're going to spill every single thing you know or I'm going to Ozpin here peel your dick like a banana!"
Weiss chuckled as she struggled to stand. "I don't know what's fuckin' funnier: the fact that you think your titless ass intimidates me, or that you think my boss would let me live if ya did." Suddenly, she burst into blue and white flames. "AND NOW I'M ON FUCKIN' FIRE! SO NOW IT'S FREE GAME! The one who sent me… WAS… the White Fang…" and with one last middle finger, Weiss Schnee turned into ashes.
"… I heard George Lucas." Glynda said, "Who else heard George Lucas?"
"I heard RIP Kobe." Ozpin said.
"I heard the Achievemen with my vampire hearing." Yang offered.
"You listen to Achievemen? Really?" Coco teased.
"It's a guilty pleasure, alright!?" Yang yelled, "Besides I only listened to them until Ray left."
"So, only the first four albums?" Neptune asked. "Shame."
"Wait a second… where's the big sister?" Glynda asked.
In point of fact, the big sister was in Jaune's chambers, literally running circles around him as he fired off shots while she moved in to continue her death by a thousand cuts strategy.
"You can't touch me!" she declared, "I was hand-crafted to kill you! My speed, my stamina, my power all rival, nay, DWARF yours. In comparison to you, I am a demigod!"
"Talk about overconfidence." Jaune commented.
'Maybe it's an Atlesian thing.' Ruby thought to herself, remembering a certain incident with Weiss and leadership roles.
"Really?" Jaune asked. "…Really?"
"Really." Winter replied smugly.
"Really!?"
"Really!"
"REALLY?!" he yelled demonically.
"REALLY!"
Jaune made a strange symbol with his hands. "Release restraint, level one."
"Level what?"
Suddenly, Jaune turned into a mass of shadows and eyes. One of them turned into something resembling a hound's head and out it's mouth came his arm, hand and gun. It fired and severed Winter's leg at the knee. She cursed and began to hop her way back to the door.
"Ohohoho, yeah. You're fucked." Yang laughed.
"So, was the self-resurrection last episode just something he can do, or did he release a restraint that time too and we just didn't hear it?" Blake wondered.
"My money's on the former." Ilia guessed.
"You know they say TV makes you violent." Jaune said in a deeper, demonic tone of voice. "But I'd say not having my TV IS MAKING ME PRETTY FUCKING VIOLENT!" he fired again and severed Winter's other leg at the same place, causing her to fall onto her front.
"I'm near the stairs." She said to herself, "Gotta get to the stairs. If I can just get up the stairs, I- " she looked up and saw the impossibly long climb. "Aaawwwwwwwwwwww, fuck."
"Come on! You were talking all that good shit a second ago, then I blew your fucking legs off."
"But, I… You…! What the fuck?!"
"What's wrong demigod? Just grow back your legs! Summon up your demons! HIT ME! FIGHT ME!... Give me a hug."
"R-really?"
Jaune grinned.
"I'm starting to think what Vampire Jaune said at the beginning of the last episode had more meaning." Pyrrha said.
"What'cha mean?" Nora asked, leaning over Ren's lap.
"One of two things; one, the vampire priest, Bella and Edward- "
"Don't speak the names!" Blake cried.
"- and Weiss and Winter aren't real vampires- somehow- or, two, Jaune is something unique and frankly terrifying."
Up in the conference room, Glynda had the phone on speaker as Jaune spoke into it, ripping apart Winter as he did so.
"Hey, we're here on 'Epic Meal Time'! I'm the Sauce Boss! And tonight, we're eating this white-haired wannabe demigod bitch!"
"Who… is that exactly?" Port asked bravely.
"Oh, that's Jaune, the one we were talking about earlier." Glynda explained like it was the most normal thing in the world. "This is what happens when he has to entertain himself. So, what was that issue about funding?"
"Issue?"
"What issue?"
"I don't see an issue."
"Shut up and take our money!"
The next evening, Glynda was once again on speaker with Jaune.
"Ah, and just like that, everything turned out fine in the end." He said.
"Yes, everything turned out just fine." Glynda said, "Except that 90% of staff were killed, turned into ghouls and killed again by the Huntress in a blood rage."
"What's a blood rage?" Yang asked over the line, "And why don't I remember anything?"
"That reminds me, for whatever reason, did we ever find out who sent them?" Glynda was silent. "It was the White Fang wasn't it?"
"No." Glynda replied.
"Bet you I'm right."
"Bet you you're wrong."
"Bet you you're a skank~."
"Bet you you're an asshole!"
"BITCH I EAT PEOPLE!"
"And there's another shirt." Roman commented.
"I'd buy one." Neo signed.
"At least I wasn't treated like a sex object this time." Yang conceded.
'Is it wrong to think the Schnee looked hot like that?' Ilia thought to herself.
Well, that was fun to write. I'll admit, I had orginally planned for regular Weiss to plan Jan, but then I remembered the alt version of her someone made up and I just couldn't help myself.
Well, I hope you guys enjoyed it. Have a Happy Halloween if you can, and I'll see you next year.