CHARMING'S AUTHORS NOTE #1: Hey everyone i'm back with another chapter of "I Don't Want Your Desire" in this chapter we see what Sarah's been up to during her six weeks away from Burbank. Originally this chapter was supposed to be Sarah's six weeks AND the mission AND the events afterwards, but that idea went the way of the dodo weeks ago when my beta nevr commented that it would be a long chapter. So i'm sorry, but this chapter is without Charah goodness. I promise Charah in chapter 5, but in order to get to the fun stuff we gotta check in with Sarah first, so that's the plan.

CHARMING'S AUTHORS NOTE #2: As always nevr was my beta for this chapter and once again he's been great.

CHARMING'S AUTHORS NOTE #3: Once again, if you're interested in listening to the song then go to you()tube / watch ?v=m3SCQ8kwIvI

!CORRECTION!: I Changed Sarah's real name in chapter seven and forgot that i'd established her name as Samantha in this chapter, so i've corrected this chapter to match the later chapters :D

CHARMING'S ADDITIONAL AUTHORS NOTE: I've decided to cut all of the lyrics out of this story to make it more compliant with the rules of FFN, I care about this story too much to lose it over something like that.

I Don't Want Your Desire

A Story by

CharmingCharles2896

Chapter Inspired by the Song

Minuit by Perturbator (feat. Dead Astronauts)

Chapter Four

Midnight

How had she gotten herself into this situation? Pinned down, nowhere to escape other than out a third story window, and no backup coming to save her. Sarah ejected the magazine in her pistol and looked at it to count how many shots she had left.

"Damn, only three left." Sarah thought to herself as she slid the magazine back into her pistol. This was likely how she went out; trapped, alone, and thousands of miles away from the man she loved. The shots whizzed by her and impacted the window; this was her chance to escape, if only she could muster the courage to make the leap! There was a lull in the gunfire, so Sarah peaked around the edge of the box she was hiding behind and saw them reloading.

"Okay let's do this!" Sarah said as she got up and ran towards the already broken window, but as she saw how high she was she froze. BANG! She felt the telltale thud and the sting of the paintball impacting her back and simply sighed in disappointment.

"Okay guys, terminate the simulation!" Came the powerful voice down on the street; Sarah looked out the window at Deputy Director of the CIA Claire Bishop and her shoulders simply sagged.

Once Sarah had gotten back to the ground floor and exited the building onto the street that the CIA used for training simulations like this, she saw Deputy Director Bishop standing there looking disappointed.

"You froze again Agent Walker." Deputy Director Bishop said as she watched Sarah hand her weapon over to the quartermaster.

"I know I froze, I'm well aware that I froze again." Sarah said in frustration as she rolled her right shoulder hoping to ease the pain of the paintball hitting her back. "Why is all of this necessary anyways, I'm not up for recertification until next July?" Sarah asked as she finally stopped in front of Deputy Director Bishop.

"It's all part of the 49B process, you're being reevaluated to determine if you're still capable of field work." Sarah simply shook her head in disbelief, threw her hands up in frustration, and turned her back to gather her thoughts, but she found she couldn't contain her anger. With a fury she turned back to Deputy Director Bishop and spoke with a pointed finger.

"This is bullshit, I've done nothing wrong and you're treating me like some junior agent right off the farm! We were a good team, why break us up when we're working so well together?" Sarah questioned loudly, before she stopped herself sensing she'd over stepped. "Sorry Deputy Director, that was out of line." Deputy Director Bishop simply shook her head and wrote something down on the clipboard she was holding.

"To put it simply you've got a confidence problem Agent Walker, and until you've sorted this thing out you're officially suspended." Sarah's eyes flew open in shock.

"What, you're suspending me!?" Sarah said as Deputy Director Bishop wrote something on a piece of paper and then tore it off of her note pad that she had on her clipboard.

"Go home and call this number Agent Walker, dismissed." Sarah took the piece of paper and saw the phone number on it.

"Thanks a lot." Sarah said sarcastically as she turned and stormed off; Sarah had to laugh to herself, she didn't have a confidence problem, she had a missing Chuck problem!

XXX

On the plane back to DC and her lifeless apartment Sarah was trapped in her thoughts again. Was he okay? Was he still flashing? Did he miss her as much as she missed him? These questions echoed around in her mind like a swarm of angry bees; she'd only been gone a week and already it felt like a part of her was missing. She hoped he was okay, that things were still functioning like normal in Burbank, Sarah was truly afraid of what they'd do to him if he stopped flashing. Would they throw him in a bunker, or would they just terminate him? That thought made her sick, she'd protected him for nearly two years and in a flash everything fell apart, if this ultimately ended with Chuck's death… Sarah didn't even want to contemplate that possible future. The thing that Sarah hoped for the most was that Chuck wasn't as depressed as she felt right now, she knew how he was after Jill and if her suspicions were correct, Chuck's love for Sarah dwarfed his love for Jill, who knows if he actually loved Jill Roberts, but still her betrayal had sent Chuck into a five year stupor that nearly destroyed him, how would he react to her absence? She hoped he was trying to move on as best as he could, but she had a sneaking suspicion that he wasn't. Losing the love of your life, knowing that they're never coming back… heart breaking.

Her life going forward was quickly approaching rock bottom, she'd been fired over a bullshit 49B and now she was suspended! They said she had a confidence problem, but everyone in the know knew that in reality she had a missing Chuck Bartowski problem. She was in love with her asset; hell Sarah didn't even know she could love someone so much. She'd never loved someone as much as she loved Chuck Bartowski; he was the greatest man she had ever known. She knew she'd never love again, how could she when the only life she wanted was in Burbank wallowing in his own depression. Now she could only look forward to weekly visits to Dr. Dreyfus who they were flying in to DC from LA. She knew she should feel honored that they were flying someone in for her therapy, but the reality was that Dr. Dreyfus was the only CIA shrink who was read in on the Intersect Project. She knew she should try and forget Chuck and try to make something of the rest of her career, but she simply didn't want to forget him, she didn't want to move on, she just wanted to go home…

XXX

Two Weeks Later

Sarah knew what she must look like, and smell like for that matter; she'd been marooned in DC for a full three weeks now and it felt like she'd been gone for a thousand years. Her best friend was a pair of ratty old sweats from her time at the Farm and a tee shirt she'd stolen from Chuck's closet several months ago. She needed a piece of him, something to prove that she'd actually been to paradise. She'd had a small glimpse of what heaven looked like, what paradise was supposed to be and his name was Charles. Sarah Walker knew that for the first and last time she had fallen in love; she'd never allowed herself to love before, that is until she'd been ordered to seduce a curly haired nerd who would rather help a ten year old ballerina than flirt with a pretty blonde. She'd found somebody that she trusted with her heart and she'd given it to him, it had taken her far too long to give it to him, but it was his forever. Now he had been taken away from her in a cruel twist of fate and the hole in her heart felt about a mile wide.

She was never going to love again, because nobody would ever come close to Charles Irving Bartowski; she knew she'd never meet another person as brave, and selfless, and just purely good as he was. It was a promise she had to make to herself; she knew he wouldn't love again either so she refused to open her heart to anyone else. The promise had been permanently inscribed on her body, a promise to God and Man alike that Sarah Walker belonged exclusively to Chuck Bartowski. She didn't have the drive to take care of herself, why work out, when the job meant nothing? Why leave her apartment when DC didn't feel like home? Sarah had skipped her meetings with Dr. Dreyfus so the CIA had simply canceled them; she knew she was telling them that she didn't care, but the truth was she didn't care. She knew what she looked like, what the scene around her looked like, but she just didn't care.

"I can see you Carina." Sarah said without taking her eyes off of her TV; the living room was dark except for the glow of her TV so it was amazing to Carina that Sarah had seen her in the dark bedroom to Sarah's 2 o'clock. Carina pulled the black balaclava off of her head and walked into the living room.

"Geez Blondie, what are you doing back here? Did Curls dump you or something?" Carina asked sarcastically, but the look that Sarah gave Carina made her instantly regret her remark. The tears were about to fall again for the thousandth time today and Sarah was looking right at her.

"Whoa hey, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it." Carina said as Sarah tried to keep a lid on her emotions; Sarah simply shook her head and looked away trying to hide her shame.

"Don't look at me, I know what I look like." Sarah said with audible amounts of shame that Carina had never heard from her best friend before. Sarah reached for a tissue and tried in vain to wipe her tears away. Carina simply walked further and further into the living room and saw the scene before her. Empty takeout containers were everywhere; there were piles of DVD's that she'd never seen before and a mountain of tissues on the floor next to the couch.

"What happened?" Carina asked as she picked up the open DVD case and closed it to look at the front of it.

TRON

"They took him away from me." Sarah said emotionally as she paused her movie and tossed the used tissue onto the mountain of tissues that had already come before it. Carina's features softened as soon as Sarah said it and instantly Carina knew what had happened, what the CIA had done.

"49B?" Sarah nodded and nothing needed to be said; instantly Carina was on the couch next to Sarah and wrapped her in a comforting hug that was very uncharacteristic of the modelesque red head. "I'm sorry Blondie." She said as she heard some quiet cries from Sarah.

"I didn't do anything wrong; they fired me for loving him." She said quite simply, Carina simply nodded as Sarah pulled away and continued. "Nobody can protect him like I can, but because I love him and want to spend the rest of my life with him, I'm somehow tainted." The despair and bitterness in her voice hurt Carina, this was total crap and everyone who bothered to actually look would see that it was.

"So what's with all the movies?" Carina asked as she stood back up and went to the large pile of DVD boxes; she began to look through them and quickly noticed a pattern. "Star Trek: The Next Generation, Firefly, Dune, Star Wars, Tron, Alias, Battlestar Galactica. I didn't think you were into this kind of stuff?" Carina asked with a raised eyebrow.

"This was stuff that excited him, it's a way for me to stay close to him, at least in spirit." Sarah said before looking away in embarrassment, she knew it sounded pathetic and sad, but she didn't care. Sarah Walker was taking the time to understand what made Chuck Bartowski tick, something she should have done while she was still in Burbank.

"Oh girl, don't do this to yourself; how will you be effective in the field if all you do is torture yourself by thinking about him?" Carina asked genuinely concerned for her friend. Sarah couldn't look at her friend, she didn't know how to break it to the red head.

"Who says I'll ever go back out into the field again?" Carina had been reading the back of the TRON box when she heard that and instantly her head snapped towards Sarah.

"What do you mean, don't you want to be an agent?" Sarah couldn't meet her gaze and shook her head no.

"What's the point? For the first time in my life I felt like I had a life and a home and a… family. The CIA took that away from me, once again my life was dictated to me by someone else and I'm tired of it. Since I was six years old it's never been about what I want; it was never about what Maggie wanted, just what my father, or Graham, or fucking Beckman wanted." Sarah said venomously as she stood up angrily.

"Chuck loved me for me, he loved the real girl that nobody has ever tried to get to know. And because I let myself feel loved for the first time in my whole damn life, the powers that be decided I was too close. Fuck them, fuck every single one of them, they can eat dirt for all I care." Carina was stunned silent by her friend's anger, but everything Sarah said made sense. Carina didn't know Sarah's history, that wasn't something a spy needed to know, but if what Sarah was saying was the truth then losing Chuck was probably the worst pain Sarah Walker or Maggie or whatever her name was had ever felt in her life.

"Maggie?" Carina asked pulling Sarah from her rant; Sarah's features softened again and her despair returned.

"Yeah, that's my real name; I was born Magdalena Lisa Wilson, in Jasper County, Georgia, not that I lived there very long." Carina was floored, that wasn't something an agent would just reveal to anyone.

"I don't know what to say." Carina admitted quietly; she had to sit down.

"You're one of only three people in the whole world who knows my real name Carina." Sarah said with an flat look on her face. "Graham used to be on that list, but he's dead now so it's just you and my parents." Sarah said as she ran her fingers through her hair.

"Not even Chuck?" Sarah simply shook her head no with teary eyes.

"I never got around to telling him; I was going to tell him everything about me eventually, but we simply ran out of time." As Sarah remembered their last moments together her despair overflowed once again. "Jesus I didn't even tell him that I love him until the night I left, I had so many chances to tell him things about me and I just wasted them all for fucking nothing!"

Carina had never seen her friend so broken and filled with regret; it was actually hard to watch. Sarah sat back down next to Carina on the couch and wept. After a moment the two of them shared a look that spoke volumes about the kind of relationship they had.

"I wish I could fix this Blondie, I really do." Carina said dejectedly.

"I know you do Red, but the world is just cruel some times." Sarah said cynically; Carina gave Sarah a small smile and then gave her a gentle pat on the right shoulder. Sarah flinched and hissed quietly; Carina pulled her hand away like she'd touched a hot stove.

"What's wrong with your shoulder?" Carina asked with a newfound concern for her friend.

"It's nothing, just the new tattoo I got last week." Sarah said nonchalantly; Carina quirked an eyebrow so Sarah simply rolled her eyes and grabbed at the hem of her shirt to remove it, Carina's eyes lit up.

"Yeah girl take it off, take it off." Carina said excitedly which simply made Sarah chuckle, her friend was always so extra, but Sarah loved her anyways.

"Shut up." Sarah said with a laugh as she pulled her right arm out of her sleeve and exposed her right shoulder that featured her brand new tattoo. Carina sat up and scooted closer to Sarah to really look at the new tattoo; the tattoo itself was two lines of text one atop the other, but slightly offset, it was written in script lettering, with a red rose and its stem acting as the dividing line separating the two lines of text.

Aeternum tuus, in aeternum solus

The tattoo was beautiful and elegant, which was just right for Sarah; Carina read the text to herself, but she didn't know what it meant so she asked her friend.

"This doesn't say soy sauce or anything like that right?" Sarah simply looked over her shoulder and gave her friend a bemused smirk, which simply made Carina laugh.

"No it doesn't say soy sauce you goof; it is Latin and it means Forever yours, forever alone." Sarah simply sat there and let her friend process the meaning behind it. Carina's eyes softened as the meaning sank in; she read it again and noticed the thorns on the beautiful red rose. How poetic, the rose, like their love, was beautiful and passionate, yet filled with pain at the same time.

"Oh Sarah." Knowing that her friend finally understood the meaning Sarah pulled her shirt back down and turned back to face Carina.

"I know Chuck, he'll never love again after this; he'll promise to try and maybe he'll even go on dates to placate his family and friends, but he'll never love again. This tattoo is a promise that I won't either, because nobody will be able to love me like he does and my heart belongs to him." Carina couldn't believe what she was feeling; this was an outrage of the highest order, this was an injustice no matter how you looked at it. She wasn't usually the sappy romantic type, but even she felt bad for the two of them, soul mates ripped apart for all of eternity in the name of the greater good, whatever the hell that meant these days.

"He changed you so much Blondie; I never imagined Sarah Walker, the frigid Ice Queen of the CAT Squad, was capable of loving someone as much as you love him. It makes me sick hearing what they did to you two." Sarah simply nodded to her friend as the two of them sat back on the couch; Sarah grabbed the DVD remote and resumed watching the movie TRON. She'd been skeptical at first, but the film had its charms, and boy was it nerdy.

XXX

One Week Later

Carina's visit had made the pain go away for a few days, but as the creeping loneliness reared its ugly head once again she found herself feeling alone and isolated from the world around her yet again. The room was dark other than the glow of the TV against the far wall; she'd been watching all the things that Chuck used to love to watch, it made her feel closer to him. She finally understood many of his jokes and quips from their time together now that she'd taken the time to learn how to speak nerd to a certain extent. Her depression was getting worse as the weeks went by, she'd been away for an entire month now and the desire to do much of anything had vanished. She missed him so much; she couldn't even begin to describe how much she missed him. Sarah missed just seeing his smile in the mornings at Castle or hearing his smooth voice as it told her a story from when he was a child with Morgan. She missed being around him, she missed the feeling of belonging she always got while she was around his family and friends. She'd gotten a glimpse of what having a real life was like and now she just didn't want to go back to her old lonely life as a spy. She didn't want to kill anymore; she just wanted to go home.

Oh how the mighty have fallen, Casey would've said if he was seeing her now, but he wasn't. She should be back in Burbank with her man and the family that had so generously accepted her as one of their own, instead she was all alone in DC. She'd been the best cold-blooded killer in the world, but she wasn't that person anymore. Now she was merely half an agent, the real girl inside of her had finally broken out of her cold prison inside and was yearning for a normal life. Now she had nothing, no spying, no normal life, her life was pretty pointless at the moment. Sarah Walker imagined that she'd have a long scruffy beard at this point If she were a man, she wasn't quite to the point of shoveling cheese balls into her mouth, but if this went on too much longer who knows what she'd do. She was bored and lonely, so goddamn lonely; she had actually started to work out again just a little bit in the mornings right after Carina had visited her. Other than that what was the point in starting the day? She liked the darkness these days so she kept her shades closed, the bright glow of the noonday sun simply acted as a reminder that she wasn't in Burbank where she belonged. She'd tried to call Carina and talk to her again, but she was in Bogota doing something for the DEA, Sarah hadn't cared enough to find out what exactly.

She missed him so much, that place inside of her that his love had filled was empty these days. All she felt was a dull ache in her chest; she'd tried to stay away for so long, but five weeks away from Burbank felt like an eternity. She'd been weak one night, she'd been thinking of him all day and she simply had to hear his voice. She'd decided against calling his cellphone because the CIA and the NSA would be monitoring his calls and they'd get after her for calling him. Instead she'd called the Burbank Buy More Nerd Herd afterhours helpline.

"You've reached the Burbank Buy More, Nerd Herd Helpline, please leave a message and we'll be sure to return your call as soon as we open, bye!" Came Chuck's cheery voice like music to her soul; the beep of the answering machine signaling that it was recording was totally missed by Sarah as she loudly sobbed into her hands. She couldn't stop herself, she'd forgotten what his voice sounded like and hearing him again after so long was like a knife to the heart. This hell had to end, she couldn't do this anymore…

XXX

Six goddamn weeks of this hell, six weeks of despair, six weeks alone; Sarah Walker was all cried out, she'd run out of tears to shed over her loss. The soul crushing despair that had permeated her existence for the last several weeks was gone now; the despair that had compelled her to do nothing but cry forever was gone now, replaced by a numbness and indifference towards the world around her. What was the point of it all, what was the point in getting up off the couch when all that gave life meaning was taken from her? The loneliness she'd felt since being forced to leave Burbank was still ever present, but the numbness and bitterness had started to set in. Sarah was snoring on the couch like most days, she hated sleeping in that bed, it wasn't her bed, it just reminded her that she was alone. Instead she spent days and nights sleeping on her couch, surrounded by filth and the constant reminders of her loss.

She'd removed her lone picture of Chuck from her suitcase and had actually gone out and bought a frame for it. Now it was resting on her coffee table surrounded by DVD boxes and garbage. The sound of Sarah's phone ringing was offensive to Sarah's ears and as if by instinct she shrank away from the offensive sound before her brain finally gave up and she reached out for her phone. Sarah looked at the caller ID and it said Graham.

"What the?" Sarah said as her eyes tried to adjust to the painfully bright screen. "Ugh." She said in annoyance as she squinted at the iPhone; finally Sarah gathered the mental capacity to answer the phone and brought it to her ear.

"-ello?" She said still half asleep.

"Is this Agent Walker?" A female voice asked kindly, Sarah's eyes were closed, but her brow scrunched in amusement.

"Ha, no agents here; there is a Sarah Walker here, but her bosses decided she isn't good enough to be an agent anymore." Sarah said in a tone that while half sleep, was filled with bitterness.

"Yes well my name is Greta and I'm calling on behalf of Director Hawthorne's office." Sarah's eyebrow rose in confusion.

"Who?" She said simply.

"CIA Director Hawthorne, you know, your boss?" Greta asked smarmily.

"Oh right, Director Hawthorne… what does he want?" Sarah asked, simply trying to stay awake at this point.

"He is requesting that you meet him in his office in Langley this afternoon." Greta said back to Sarah.

"What time?"

"4:30?" Greta suggested, Sarah pulled her phone away and looked at the time.

1:47 PM

Damn she'd been sleeping all day, but then again that wasn't that uncommon; no use getting up at 7:45 in the morning when all it was for was the short trek from her couch to the bathroom and back to start her day.

"Yeah fine, I'll be there." Sarah said and unceremoniously hung up and chucked her phone away somewhere. Sarah simply laid there and breathed for a moment before she sat up and felt her back pop several times. Sarah stood up and walked around the trash and the DVD's and went to her curtains, they'd been closed for a long time. Sarah grabbed them without thinking and yanked them open only to have her retinas seared to within what felt like an inch of their lives.

"Ah shit!" Sarah screamed in shock as she stumbled away from the window and tripped, falling to the floor in a heap. With a depressed sigh Sarah looked up at the ceiling from her landing spot on the floor and said, "I miss Burbank."

XXX

As Sarah walked into the CIA headquarters in Langley after a shower and a quick change into a fresh set of sweats, ratty old shoes, a loose fitting sweater, and a pair of unfashionable sunglasses she realized she was doing her best "the dude" impression. To be honest that wasn't exactly a concern of hers at the moment. She wasn't a field agent right now and they couldn't send her out on any unsanctioned missions so what was the point in trying to impress anyone? They already thought she was damaged goods anyways so why try to change their minds? As she got off the elevator and began the long walk to Director Hawthorne's office she was hit with a feeling of nostalgia; she hadn't been in this office since Graham died so this was going to be a surreal experience. When she got to the waiting room of Director Hawthorne's office she didn't see anyone else waiting. She could see his secretary typing away at her computer; the petite woman looked up and saw Sarah and not so subtly examined her disheveled appearance.

"How the mighty have fallen, glad to see you finally rolled off the couch today, Agent Walker." The petite woman said dismissively, Sarah simply rolled her eyes behind her sunglasses and spoke back to her with an equal amount of disdain and animus.

"Tell Hawthorne I'm here." Sarah said before she spun on her heels and went to sit in a chair. Greta looked over at Sarah, but did her job and grabbed her phone to page Director Hawthorne.

"Sir, Agent Walker has arrived." There was a pause as Greta listened to her boss before hanging up her phone and speaking to Sarah.

"You can go in, he's waiting for you." With that Sarah stood and made her way to the door as Greta returned to her work. Sarah simply shook her head in disillusionment and twisted the doorknob. Director Hawthorne hadn't done much to change up the place so it still felt like Graham's office, though he'd only been in the job a little over three months.

Director Hawthorne looked up from the various files on his large desk and saw the rather messy appearance of the once legendary Agent Walker.

"Jesus, Diane was right, Agent Walker looks terrible." Director Hawthorne thought to himself as he stood up to greet Sarah.

"Hello Agent Walker, we've never been formally introduced; I'm Mike Hawthorne the new Director of the CIA." Sarah nodded and shook the extended hand of Director Hawthorne; he motioned for her to sit so she removed her sunglasses and sat down on the couch he had in his office. Director Hawthorne grabbed a pair of manila folders and walked over to the sitting area and sat down on another small couch that was positioned perpendicular to the one Sarah was sitting on. The two couches flanked the old wooden coffee table in the middle of the sitting area.

"So on the phone you mentioned you have an assignment for me? I hope you realize I'm not certified by the geniuses the CIA had examine me for field work?" Sarah said as she slipped back into her old ways for a brief moment; Director Hawthorne smiled a small smile and nodded his head.

"That is true Agent Walker, you are currently suspended and not certified for active duty, but in this case we're going to make an exception. We need someone as skilled as you for this assignment; so the paperwork for your reinstatement to active field work will be pushed through by tomorrow afternoon." With that Director Hawthorne handed Sarah a manila folder and continued. "We need you to fly to Los Angelis California and attend a party being held by actor Rex Horn; your mission is to get in and extract one of ours who is undercover, a…" Director Hawthorne said as he searched his own files for the name of the agent. "Samuel Watkins is his name, you'll be attending as Charlotte Barstow, a wealthy real estate mogul from back east. Get in some time after 8:00 pm and find Watkins, then it's up to you how long to stick around. Our only stipulation for what you wear is that he's been informed of your tattoo so he'll be looking for it." Sarah didn't know how to feel about that and sensing Sarah's unease Director Hawthorne spoke once again.

"Relax Agent Walker, we weren't following you or anything, we're just good spies and it said on your credit card account that you go a tattoo and one call to the shop told us what tattoo you got. It's an easy way for him to identify you is all. Other than that you just have to be seen leaving the party with Watkins and you're free and clear." Hawthorne said as he watched Sarah look over the dossier.

"I'm sorry sir, but I must recuse myself from this assignment; I can't go on this mission. My last assignment was in Burbank so there's a high likelihood that I could get made. Why don't you have Team Intersect handle this?" Sarah said uncomfortably; just as he'd expected she wasn't exactly keen on return to the LA area, although he suspected it was because she didn't trust herself not to go see him before she left town again.

"Agent Walker… Sarah, this mission is really important, in fact I'd argue it's the most important mission you've ever been given. I know all about what happened in Burbank and I know it's been hard, but we need you on this one." Sarah scoffed at his attempt at empathy.

"You have no idea how hard the last six weeks have been. I was thrown off of the most elite team in the world, my reputation destroyed forever. It wasn't because I wasn't doing my job, it wasn't because of any personal problems with my partner, it was because for once in my life I allowed myself to love another human being, so don't try to sit there and empathize with me. You have a wife and five children, you got your happily ever after, mine was taken from me by that… that woman." Sarah stopped herself before she said anything else she'd regret and simply looked away.

Director Hawthorne could see that as had been reported Sarah Walker was indeed in love with her former asset, but the woman he saw before him didn't fit the description of a reckless and sloppy agent who was endangering her asset. If anything all he saw was a woman who at one point was the best, but had lost everything and was simply depressed and lacking a direction in life. There was no doubt in his mind; the rules that the CIA loved so much did Agent Walker dirty this time. She didn't deserve what had happened and between the news out of Burbank and the woman he saw today, that was a certainty now.

"Listen Sarah you're completely right, I can't empathize with you, I have no idea what it's like to lose the love of your life, but I need you on this one. If you do this mission and succeed, I'll be more than happy to push through some papers to discharge you from your contract with the agency if that's what you want. I can't imagine where your head is at, but from my own personal experiences as a field agent, once the mind isn't completely in the game, then it's time to walk away. Just do this last assignment for me and it's the last one you'll ever have to do." Director Hawthorne was pulling out all the stops; Sarah was conflicted because this was an opportunity to get out with her life, something that she did want, but what kind of life could she have out on her own without Chuck Bartowski in it? At least she'd be alive, at least she'd be free to make her own choices, Chuck would give anything for that kind of freedom.

"Okay I'll do it, but then I'm done." Sarah said as she collected her things and stood up. Chuck would give anything for the opportunity to be free from the spy life and she had that opportunity, so she would seize this one last chance at freedom for his sake. Director Hawthorne stood as well and extended his hand to her, which she shook.

"If that's what you want when the time comes, then you've got it." Sarah gave him a small smile and left his office to begin prep for her last mission.

"One more mission and then I'm free." She mused to herself as she left Director Hawthorne's office; inside his office Director Hawthorne returned to his desk and sat down in his chair. He'd heard stories about Agent Walker; she was a legend with a reputation of being cold and detached from her work. She was known for doing anything short of sex to achieve her mission objectives. The woman he'd just spoken to was nothing like those stories, which meant that either the stories were all complete bullshit, or the more likely answer was that her roughly nineteen months in Burbank with Major Casey and especially Mr. Bartowski and his family had changed her. She'd regained her humanity while in Burbank and then in a cruel twist of fate, her boss took that newfound humanity, that possibility of a future away from her. It was moments like this that made him question the rules that the CIA seemed so in love with; how could it be that a legendary agent with a nearly flawless record was thrown aside and her life destroyed simply because she was in love with her asset, especially when all reports suggested that things were going exceptionally well at the time? Mr. Bartowski hadn't had a good flash since the two of them were pulled apart and Agent Walker was so depressed that not even a meeting with the Director of the CIA was enough to inspire her to clean herself up a bit.

Director Hawthorne reached for his phone and spun around in his chair to look out the window.

"Greta, get me General Diane Beckman, Director of National Intelligence." He said and waited patiently; he had to let his superior know the good news. General Beckman was the Director of National Intelligence so he along with all of the other heads of the various alphabet agencies reported directly to her, the DNI.

"Mike, how are you?" Came the voice of Diane Beckman on the phone.

"Diane, I'm doing good; I just finished my meeting with Agent Walker." he said into the phone as he watched the people milling about outside.

"How did it go? What kind of condition was she in?"

"She's in, but she looked terrible, she was doing her best Lebowski impression if you know what I mean." He said as he twirled a pen between his fingers.

"That bad huh?"

"Yeah, she's not doing great; not what I was expecting from the legendary Sarah Walker, Langston Graham's Wildcard Enforcer, the Ice Queen. How did it go with Mr. Bartowski?" Mike asked.

"Similar story, he's on board, but he's a mess; get a load of this new piece of information that I just learned from Internal Affairs." Mike's ears perked up at that as Diane continued. "Apparently this isn't the first time Agent Forest has abused an asset; I have no idea how that info was missed in the vetting process, but her behavior may have permanently hurt the team." As she finished he simply nodded to himself.

"I hope this plan of yours works, because if it doesn't I'll be discharging her from her contract and I guarantee you she'll be in Burbank in a week and married to Mr. Bartowski in six months." Mike said honestly to his superior; she was trying to make things right, but also attempting to save face. It was either going to work brilliantly or she'd have an uncontrollable CIA agent turned holly homemaker in Sarah Walker sharing an apartment with a vitally important asset. This was a potential recipe for disaster so a whole lot was riding on Diane Beckman's faith that Mr. Bartowski and Agent Walker would be able to overcome their depression for just one night.

"Me too Mike, I hope so too, for their sake." Diane said with an equal amount of worry in her tone.

CHARMING'S AUTHORS NOTE #4: So that was chapter 4, I know it's long and kinda depressing, but it's necessary for the big payoff to come and it IS coming I promise. This chapter was originally shorter, but a couple days ago I had the idea for the scene with Carina and then after some rewrites I settled on this. Also originally I was going to use the song "Wicked Game" by Chris Isaac, but it just didn't fit the new tone of the chapter so I changed it to this synthwave track.

CHARMING'S AUTHORS NOTE #5: As always if you wish to opine, feel free to leave a review, we fan fiction authors don't make money off of our hard work so your reviews both good and bad are really the only repayment we get. It's the connections made and the happy readers that act as repayment for authors like us; so if you feel like reviewing please do so, it's a great help for us authors to know what the readers think.

Until Next Time :D