CHARMING'S AUTHORS NOTE #1: Hello again, remember when I told you all that this was likely going to be only twelve chapters and that I was close to being done? ...I lied. Well I didn't lie at the time, I just didn't know that my brain had other ideas, so if anything it's my brain that lied to you! Wait... my brain is what does my thinking, shit that DOES mean I lied to all of you! But I didn't lie, I just didn't know that inspiration was around the corner! Sorry, I'm spiraling... anyway, so yeah, we aren't done with this story yet. I've developed a second story arc for this story, one that goes in a fresh direction. This second story arc will challenge me more than any other story i've ever written and I'm really excited about it. Before we can get to the next arc of this story, we need to get on with this chapter.
CHARMING'S AUTHORS NOTE #2: So this is the moment you've all patiently waited for. This is something I never imagined I'd still be writing last November when I put this chapter out (it's November 24th, 2021 for those in the future!). Still, ten chapters and 64,370 words later, i'm still chugging away at this story and I'm glad so many of you are still here reading this one. All of you wanted me to continue this one and I'd only ever imagined this as a four chapter affair, but before it's done I estimate it'll be over 120,000 words and 20 chapters in length, so thank you for sticking with this one so far. This chapter is another long one. I needed to cover a lot of ground in this chapter and resolve several things in order to move the plot along, so a long word count was necessary. When we last left our loving newlyweds, Beckman had just called Chuck, asking how Vegas was. That was a cruel cliffhanger and I'm sorry, but thematically it just worked better.
CHARMING'S AUTHORS NOTE #3: I've got to give a massive shout out to nevr, my trusty beta who has done so much for me over the last year. Without Nev, this story would have stopped after chapter one and the epic journey we are on would never have happened. These days he really doesn't have to check my grammar as much (which I have to assume he's thankful for lol), instead he provides me with an ever more valuable service. Nev is the one who makes sure all of this shit works, he's my checks and balances, the one who will give me honest and constructive opinions on what he feels doesn't work. To me that is even more valuable than grammar checks, so thank you Nev for all that you do for me.
CHARMING'S ADDITIONAL AUTHORS NOTE: I've decided to cut all of the lyrics out of this story to make it more compliant with the rules of FFN, I care about this story too much to lose it over something like that.
I Don't Want Your Desire
A Story by
CharmingCharles2896
Chapter Inspired by the Song
Hey You by Pink Floyd
Chapter Ten
The Wall
The Bellagio
Las Vegas, Nevada
Sunday, May 10th, 2009
8:28 PM PST
Chuck hadn't received a call all weekend, so he fully expected this to be his sister demanding to know what the hell was going on. Chuck answered without a care, "Hello?"
"Good evening, Mr. Bartowski," came the unmistakable voice of Brigadier General Diane Beckman, Director of National Intelligence. In an instant, Chuck's mood flipped as he stopped walking; Chuck's change in posture and sudden stop alarmed Sarah.
"General," Chuck said flatly, completely lacking emotion.
"How's Las Vegas?"
"It's been magical, are we being followed?" Sarah's eyes widened quickly as she heard Chuck's reply; Beckman must have known they were in Las Vegas. In a flash she was scanning the area for a tail. Chuck's combative tone wasn't unexpected by the General, she'd expected some animosity.
"No, Mr. Bartowski, you are not being followed; we're tracking your phones, that's all," she said calmly, trying to defuse this conversation before her Intersect lost his temper and she did have to send Casey after him. Chuck had, had a difficult six weeks and now that he'd discovered what his mission really was, he was likely extremely wary of trusting the General. Sarah hated not being able to hear both sides of the conversation, she needed to hear what Beckman was saying.
"Okay, before we go any further, I need assurances that nothing is going to happen to Sarah," Chuck began. Sarah gave Chuck a shocked look, unsure what he was doing.
"What are you talking about?" General Beckman asked in genuine confusion.
"Sarah and I are out in public so I'm speaking in generalities, but we all know what I really am," Chuck began. "We aren't running, so I need a guarantee that Sarah won't be arrested when we come back to Burbank." Sarah's eyes grew huge in realization at what Chuck was doing. Obviously, Beckman could punish Chuck, but knowing how much his emotions interacted with the Intersect, punishing him was a risk. Chuck was trying to make sure that Beckman didn't punish Sarah for the fact that they ran off to Las Vegas and eloped.
General Beckman simply smiled to herself, if there was any doubt before that those two were married and in love, what he'd just said had settled it. Mr. Bartowski knew the score and he knew how these things usually ended, so he was doing everything he could to possibly save his wife from that fate. No matter her opinions on their actions, she had to respect a man who was trying to do whatever he could for those he cared about.
"Don't worry Mr. Bartowski, nothing is going to happen to your wife," General Beckman said, knowing full well what she was telling him by revealing her knowledge. Sarah saw the change on Chuck's face and motioned for him to tell her what was wrong.
"Hold on a second, General," Chuck said into the phone before he pulled his phone away from his ear and held it against his chest and spoke to Sarah.
"She knows about our marriage, she said nothing is going to happen to you, but can we trust that?" Chuck asked Sarah who paused for a moment to think.
"We don't have a choice. We can't run, we wouldn't last three days, so we have to trust her." Sarah's words gave Chuck pause; the fact that Sarah mentioned running told Chuck exactly how serious this situation just became.
"What if she's lying and she arrests you as soon as we get back?" Chuck asked, which was the next logical question.
"Beckman's too smart to try anything like that. After the time you've had recently, she needs you functioning, and locking up your wife would be the worst possible thing she could do." Chuck grew quiet and nodded as he got a deeply contemplative look on his face.
"I don't like this at all, but you're right," Chuck said before he brought the phone back to his ear and spoke. "When and where?"
General Beckman smiled a small smile to herself and sat back in her chair victoriously; the Bartowski's had just taken a moment to discuss if they could trust her and they'd come to the conclusion that they had no choice, which was completely true.
"Castle, tomorrow evening around five, no rush," General Beckman said nonchalantly. Chuck simply nodded to himself.
"Done, anything else?" Chuck asked into the phone tersely.
"Just one more thing," General Beckman said. "Do enjoy the rest of your evening." With that, General Beckman hung up her phone and sat back in her chair and thought. Had she handled that well? She'd needed to come off as in charge, but she didn't want to spook them into running, it was a very tricky balancing act she'd had to carry out. In the end, the call was a success, the Intersect and his new wife would be coming back to Burbank in the morning and they'd be coming back willingly, albeit begrudgingly.
Back in Las Vegas, Chuck and Sarah had arrived back at their room; neither of them had said a word after the call had ended on the extremely short walk back to their hotel room. Once the door had closed the two of them locked eyes and quickly captured the other in a tight hug; Beckman's sudden call had burst the little honeymoon bubble they'd been living in for the last few days. The both of them were suddenly overwhelmed by feelings of uncertainty and fear; neither of them had any idea what General Beckman would do, they only knew what she had done before and was capable of doing.
"What do you think she's going to do?" Chuck asked as they both simply held the other in the middle of their room.
"I don't know, and it scares me," Sarah said into Chuck's chest. Chuck simply hugged her tighter, unwilling to let her go as the emotions swirled in both of them.
"I don't want to lose you Sarah; the mission they sent us on doesn't make any sense, and I'm afraid this was all just a cruel joke," Chuck said, finally voicing what had been rattling around in his head all weekend.
"Even if there was ten thousand miles between us, you'd still have me, Chuck. Nobody can take what we feel away from us; no matter what happens next, we'll always have this room, and this moment, and this love that we share." The pure trust in Sarah's eyes broke Chuck and the tears fell; he silently nodded, unable to speak. Sarah pulled him in for a passionate kiss, pouring all of her love into it, intent to convey just how powerful her love was.
When their lips parted their foreheads came together lovingly and Chuck spoke. "I don't know how I lived before I met you, it's like the piece of me I'd always been missing is finally back where it belongs." Sarah gave Chuck a loving smile.
"Are you saying I complete you, Chuck?" Sarah said teasingly, eliciting a chuckle from Chuck.
"Yes, you nerd, I am, and there's nothing you can do to stop me," Chuck said back to her with an equally teasing tone.
"I'm the nerd?" Sarah said with an amused shock on her face, Chuck simply smiled and nodded as he tried to hold back the laughter.
"Yes, you are, you're my sexy, nerdy, ninja wife; protector of the free world, scourge of the criminal underworld, keeper of the rare books," Chuck said knowingly as he saw a shocked look on his wife's face.
"How could you possibly?" Sarah started to ask in absolute shock.
"I saw you eyeing that rare book store on the strip earlier today and it totally made sense. You are an incredibly smart, but private person. I can absolutely see you collecting rare books and curling up in a chair with a cozy blanket to read in your spare time." Sarah was flabbergasted by how observant her husband was, she'd underestimated him all this time.
"You got all of that, from a three second glance at a book store?" Sarah said back to him in shock, making Chuck smile; Chuck simply nodded at her and gave her a kiss on the forehead.
"Yep, my little ninja bookworm, totally makes sense." Sarah simply smiled lovingly and shook her head at her brilliant husband. Chuck saw Sarah grow quiet and he had to wonder where her mind went. That was the thing about his wife, she'd sometimes go quiet and he'd wonder what went on in that head of her's.
"Hey, where'd you go?" Chuck asked quietly, snapping Sarah out of her thoughts.
"Just thinking about another time," Sarah said, giving Chuck a half smile. Chuck gave her a small caring smile of his own.
"Want to talk about it?" he asked quietly as he pulled her into another hug. Sarah let her head rest on his chest as she breathed in his scent and contemplated his offer.
"No, it's okay, just something from a long time ago, before I was a spy," she said quietly. Chuck simply nodded and rubbed her back comfortingly.
"I understand how hard it is for you to talk about that time in your life, it's okay," Chuck said soothingly. The love she heard in his voice, coupled with the safety she felt in his arms was almost overwhelming.
"My mother is the one who got me into reading, we'd sit down and read books all the time back when we were all still a family. Once I went on the road, I'd often spend entire days in the library reading while daddy was out running a con. I read hundreds, maybe even thousands of books over the years." Chuck was stunned as he heard Sarah talk about her family in detail for the first time.
"After I became an assassin for Graham, I'd often spend my down time in my hotel rooms reading books. At one point, I was on a team with Carina and some other ladies, that's how we met. They always wanted to party, but I always preferred to read books back at the room. Books have been the only constant in my life, they taught me everything I learned in school, because I moved schools so much. Books took me away to fantastical worlds so that I didn't have to think about the dark world of death I lived in under Graham. Books were my only friends when I was growing up. I spent more nights at the libraries at Harvard than I did out drinking or partying with my classmates." As Sarah went silent once again, Chuck simply held her close.
"Did you ever have a favorite?" Chuck asked quietly, shaken by his wife's emotional monologue. Sarah had never really thought about it, she'd read so many books over there years, a nearly innumerable amount.
"I don't really know; I've read so many over the years. I always enjoyed Edgar Rice Burroughs; his stories always take you away to a fantastical world. As a kid I was drawn to that, the escape of it, I guess. The Land That Time Forgot was one that I loved as a kid, a story of this fantastical world of dinosaurs that would take me away from my loneliness, at least for a little while." Hearing Sarah's words made him so unbelievably thankful that he'd had Ellie as a child, he couldn't imagine growing up in such a lonely environment. It was truly incredible that Sarah had somehow kept the amazing, intelligent, loving personality that she had from being lost, in spite of all that she'd been through.
~X~
Paris Las Vegas, Room 844
Las Vegas, Nevada
Monday, May 11th, 2009
7:00 AM PST
The mood this particular morning was somber; the specter of General Beckman's recall of the two of them loomed over everything. She'd called the night before right as they were about to watch the fountains at the Bellagio, to say the mood was shattered would be an understatement. Instead of passionate lovemaking to end their weekend, the two of them had simply curled up in bed and held each other comfortingly. There hadn't been any tears, but to say that the both of them had been rather emotional would be underselling it.
It was the morning now, early morning for that matter; before the 49B, Sarah would be up and about by now most days. Today she was simply laying in her husband's arms, soaking in the feeling of being with him, maybe for the last time ever. The more Sarah thought about the entire situation, the less she understood General Beckman's actions. General Beckman was known to be a stick in the mud, a fanatic when it came to the rules, ruthless in her pursuit of her goals. A complete reversal of the 49B just didn't jive with her past behavior, it was counter to everything Sarah knew about the General. So much of the evidence pointed to a reversal, but that just made no sense to Sarah. It really did bother her; the not knowing what would happen was tearing her up inside. Sarah knew that if it was tearing her up, it must be brutal for her husband; the poor guy had been through so much loss, and yet he still found a way to love.
Love, Chuck had taught her how to love again; her heart had been closed off after years of lies and killing for the government. Chuck had seen her, the real her, and he'd made it his mission to bring the real person inside her to the surface. The last three days had been that moment; she'd given herself to him, she'd shown him all of her, bared her soul to the love of her life. Never in her life had she felt so loved, so cherished; the playful fun of simply enjoying life was a new feeling for Sarah Bartowski, and she was glad she'd had the chance to enjoy that with her husband.
Sarah felt her husband stir beneath her; the sound of his breathing change signaled his waking up. It was early for Chuck to be waking up, usually he slept until eight or eight-thirty in the morning at a minimum; then again, the looming meeting with Beckman had prevented Sarah from sleeping real well, so maybe Chuck hadn't gotten a lot of sleep either.
"Morning," Chuck said quietly to Sarah as his arm gave her shoulder a tender squeeze. Sarah simply cuddled deeper into Chuck's side and continued looking at his chest.
"Hey," Sarah said back to him quietly, her mood obviously dark this particular morning.
"Beckman really harshed the mood last night, didn't she?" Chuck asked. Sarah simply nodded.
"Yeah, I was really looking forward to kissing my husband as those fountains did their thing, but after her call…" Sarah simply trailed off, nothing else need be said about it.
"Yep," Chuck muttered, totally understanding what Sarah was saying. Beckman's call had sucked the wind out of their whirlwind romantic weekend in a second, and the mood never recovered. They'd gone back to their room and simply held each other; reality had come crashing into the two of them hard and the stark future they faced looked grim at best.
"We should get moving, if we get to Burbank with enough time, we can spend some time together back home before the meeting," Sarah said as she sat up off of Chuck and ran a hand through her hair. Chuck simply smiled a small smile up at Sarah's words; she'd said that Burbank was home, he liked that. Chuck sat up behind Sarah and snaked his left arm around her bare torso and pulled her in close to him. Sarah hummed from the sensation of Chuck's lips kissing that spot behind her ear.
"It's so early, we have more than enough time to share a shower and make up for all of that teasing from yesterday, Mrs. Bartowski." Sarah smiled knowingly towards the window as she heard Chuck's words and felt his kisses on her bare shoulders and the back of her neck.
"I'd have thought I made it up to you yesterday, but I see I've got more work to do," Sarah said as she turned to face Chuck, giving him a sultry look in the process.
"I anticipate I'll be doing all the work, but it's the thought that counts," Chuck quipped as he went in for a kiss, only to be denied when she turned her head.
"We've both got morning breath; first we're going to go brush our teeth, then we're going to get in that shower and Big Charlie's going to have his fun one more time before we blow this stinking town." Chuck gave Sarah an amused smile.
"Best damn offer I've gotten all day," Chuck quipped back at to his sexy wife who stood up and walked off towards the bathroom.
"Better be the only offer you've gotten today," Sarah said before her sultry form disappeared into the bathroom.
~X~
The 210 Freeway, Traveling Westbound
Pasadena, California
Monday, May 11th, 2009
3:20 PM PST
The creeping dread of being back in the greater Los Angelis area was slowly suffocating Sarah. This was her home, but the looming meeting with General Beckman and Casey was tearing her up inside, or maybe that was the nausea. She'd felt nauseous most of the afternoon and had subsisted on ice chips for most of the car ride. The interlude in the shower had been stimulating enough, but the nausea afterward had confused the both of them. Now, hours later the two of them were only minutes from home; home also meant confronting Ellie, and Sarah didn't know if she was quite ready.
"Why don't we stop at my hotel room," Sarah said quietly, breaking the silence in the Maserati.
"Okay, any reason in particular?" Chuck asked curiously.
"I uh, I don't really want to confront Ellie yet," Sarah admitted quietly. "I have to assume she hates me for leaving you six weeks ago; she probably thinks I'm no better than Jill." Chuck simply nodded to himself, unsure of how to respond to that.
"I tried to tell people that it wasn't like that, but nobody believed me; Ellie and Morgan aren't super happy with you." Sarah nodded, having expected exactly what Chuck had just said.
"I don't think I'm up to dealing with that right now," Sarah said sadly as she looked down at her hands. Chuck's hand appeared in her vision and grasped her own, comfortingly steadying her as her thoughts darkened over the prospect of the wrath that Ellie would unleash upon her, even if it wasn't warranted.
"Okay, then we'll go to your hotel instead; is it the same one as before?" Chuck asked with a small smile, Sarah gave him a meek nod. Chuck hated seeing Sarah like this, she was normally a bright, exuberant person, who loved to joke and banter. Seeing his wife like this was really disheartening; he wanted to take those dark feelings away from her.
"Hey," Chuck began, Sarah looked up from their hands and over at him. "It's going to be okay."
"Is it?" she said back ominously; Chuck had no reply, he had no idea how this was all going to play out either.
~X~
Maison23
Burbank, California
Monday, May 11th, 2009
3:40 PM PST
Chuck and Sarah walked into Maison23 silently, their hands intertwined as always. Neither one could focus on much of anything, albeit for different reasons; for Chuck it was the impending meeting, while for Sarah, it was the fading remnants of the nausea that had plagued her all afternoon. Regardless of the reason why, their minds were both a mess of half remembered thoughts.
"Ms. Walker, you're back, and you've brought a gentleman with you," came the voice of Sharon with a small smile. Sharon was fully aware of who Chuck was, so Sarah simply gave her a knowing smirk and shook her head.
"Sharon, you've met my husband, Chuck. Chuck, you remember Sharon, right?" Sarah said, the shocked expression on Sharon's face not going unnoticed.
"Husband? Did you just say husband?" Sharon said in total shock. Sarah looked lovingly at Chuck and nodded.
"We bumped into each other on Friday. It was so wonderful to see each other again after so long, that we ran off to Las Vegas and eloped," Sarah said with love in her tone before she leaned into Chuck and captured his lips in a quick kiss.
"Aww, that's so romantic," Sharon said with a happy smile on her face. "I'm so jealous!"
"Yeah, we're very lucky," Chuck said with a happy smile.
"Congratulations you guys, I just know that the staff around here are going to be ecstatic," Sharon said cheerfully. "I know you two probably have stuff to do, so I'll let you go." Sarah gave Sharon an appreciative nod as she pulled Chuck along.
"Enjoy the rest of your afternoon, Sharon," Chuck said with a smile. Sharon watched the two of them walk towards the elevators and enter, the doors closing behind them. As soon as the doors closed, Sharon spun on her heels and took off, speaking frantically.
"Jeannie, you won't believe this!"
Upstairs, Chuck and Sarah had just entered her room, Sarah tossing her keys onto the counter. Chuck set the grocery bags full of their items in the little kitchenette and began sorting through them. Dirty clothes in two bags, his and hers; clean clothes together. Travel toiletries and any unused foodstuffs had been left behind, simply no room to carry them, though the box of condoms had made the trip back, half as full as it once was when he'd purchased it on Saturday.
In the bathroom, Sarah was freshening up a bit after the long drive back home. Mrs. Charles Irving Bartowski, boy was that a plot twist in the long story of Sarah Walker's life. Married. Happily married, to a wonderful man who saw her for who she really was, not what she thought she was. As she admired herself in her mirror, she got to admiring her newly bountiful bust, a recent development to be sure, but not an unwelcome one. She knew her husband had certainly been enjoying the change, but it was the other changes that she was noticing that were starting to worry her. Thursday morning, she'd felt exceedingly nauseous, but not over the weekend; then this afternoon she'd felt nauseous once again. The nausea she was feeling more and more along with the other changes she was noticing seemed a little too convenient, but maybe it was just the stress of everything lately.
Pushing all of those thoughts aside, Sarah went into her travel toiletries kit, which was sat exactly where she'd left it in the bathroom on Friday before she left for her mission. As she sifted through the numerous items inside, her hand brushed against cold, cylindrical plastic; a plastic disc with but one purpose. She hadn't thought about it in days, but as she grabbed the container of her birth control pills, her heart was suddenly racing. The body changes and nausea couldn't be because of… that, right? In a flash the container was opened and she saw the number of pills still inside, a number of extra pills sat there, reminding her of what she hadn't been thinking about this weekend.
Chuck was simply admiring Sarah's view of Burbank, it wasn't the tallest building ever, but being eight floors up, you definitely saw a lot. Sarah had disappeared into the bathroom to freshen up, something he totally understood after hours in the car. After their interlude in the shower earlier in the day, she'd been gripped by nausea on and off the rest of the day. She hadn't thrown up thankfully, but she had most definitely felt under the weather.
"Chuck," came Sarah's voice from the bathroom; the hint of nerves in her voice grabbed Chuck's attention. Chuck turned from the view of LA available in her massive window and looked towards the bathroom door, where Sarah stood, looking ghostly white. Chuck had never seen her like this, so instantly he was concerned. Chuck was at her side in a flash.
"What's wrong, you look like you've seen a ghost?" Chuck asked as he watched a zombie like Sarah shuffle to her bed and slowly sit down on the bed, Chuck followed suit and joined her on the bed. She looked to be in shock, but what could have caused it? Chuck had no answers. "Sarah, what's the matter?" Chuck asked again. It would seem, she heard him this time, considering she actually looked at him with a hint of recognition in her eyes.
"We need to go to CVS," Sarah murmured, still barely making eye contact.
"Okay, tell me why; what do we need? What don't you have, I can go get it in a flash and be back in no time?" Chuck asked, eager to help his wife any way he knew how.
"Pregnancy test," she said quietly, refusing to make eye contact; this time it was Chuck's turn to turn pale in shock.
"W-what? Pregnancy test, why?" Chuck asked as his face more closely resembled that of a goldfish than a human's.
"I was taking a look at my birth control and I..." Sarah stopped and looked down at her hands before she spoke, looking directly at Chuck. "I think I'm pregnant." She saw the shocked look on Chuck's face and she understood the feeling.
"What?" Chuck asked quietly, Sarah simply nodded. "How, I thought you're on the pill?" Chuck asked dumbly.
"I am, but I noticed that I left them here over the weekend and subsequently forgot to take them for two days. That got me thinking and I think I'm pregnant." The way she said it made total sense, but Chuck was still having trouble wrapping his head around the whole thing.
"Let's just back up a second. Unless my high school sex-ed classes lied, the process doesn't work this fast. Since I believe you when you tell me you've been going it alone like I have the last six weeks, where exactly does that leave us?" Chuck asked, trying to break it down so the idiots like himself could understand. Sarah took in a deep breath before she began.
"Remember how right before the 49B, we had that incident where you went missing for two days and Casey and I had to go search for you?" Chuck merely nodded, so she continued. "Casey and I were running around so much that by the time it was all over, I'd missed two days already, and then Beckman did the 49B. The devastation of potentially losing you... broke me, and I didn't cope well for those days while they were off deciding my fate. By the time I went to say goodbye, I hadn't taken my birth control in nearly four days, I was completely unprotected." Sarah finished her theory and saw the gears turning in Chuck's head. The pill only worked so long as you took it regularly, and that time six weeks ago had been anything but regular. Looking back in hindsight, she'd been so unprotected, that the second she'd gone to Chuck's bedroom, her ovaries had practically put out an ad saying "Help Wanted." As Sarah finished, she saw the gears turning in her husband's head. Eventually she saw the lightbulb moment, which made her smile internally, he was adorable.
"Oh shit, you're pregnant." Sarah simply nodded at his words as she saw him run a hand through his curls and continue. "We didn't use a condom, and neither of us was in the right headspace that night to care about protection," Chuck said as he ran his hand through his curls once again, making Sarah want to run her own hands through it.
"Think about it, my breasts are a full cup size larger than they were only a few weeks ago, I've gained weight practically everywhere, and I've been nauseous all day today. I mean, all signs point north if you know what I mean," Sarah finished with a small smile and a shrug. Eventually, Chuck stood up off the bed and began to pace the room. "Okay," Chuck began, almost to himself. "I need to go buy a pregnancy test, that's no problem; I'll be back in a jiffy," Chuck said as he went looking for the keys to the Maserati; Sarah stood up and spoke.
"I'm going with you."
"You don't have to, it's right down the street," Chuck argued, pointing generally at the door.
"You're still the Intersect; now that we're back in Burbank you're at risk again. I've still got to protect you, even if Beckman doesn't think I'm up to the task," Sarah said, leaving little room for arguing. Chuck merely sighed and nodded, eliciting a smile from Sarah who jumped up and grabbed the keys to the Maserati. That car was something she had to return to the LA field office before too long, even still she'd had it out too long. The two of them gathered up their things and left for CVS.
~X~
Once they'd returned to Sarah's room, Sarah drank the large bottle of water they picked up and set about taking the test. The test took a full ten agonizing minutes before it was ready; the bathroom door had remained closed and locked for the full ten minutes, leaving Chuck to sit on the bed and wonder what was happening in there. Ten minutes came and went; twenty minutes came and went. As Chuck looked at his watch and saw twenty-seven minutes had passed, he finally stood up from the bed and went to the locked bathroom door.
"Sarah," Chuck said quietly to the closed door, he heard nothing, silence. "Please open the door," Chuck said softly. When he once again heard no reply, Chuck tested the door knob, curiously. He'd heard her lock it earlier, but maybe she'd unlocked it sometime thereafter. When he twisted the knob, the door opened; the sound of soft sniffles filled his ears and immediately Chuck saw her there, on the left. She looked so small, sitting on the bathroom floor, her back pressed up against the tub/shower combo. She had her knees drawn up against her chest and she was simply eyeing the counter top as the tears continued to fall. Chuck walked all the way in and closed the door behind him, the test was simply lying there on the countertop. His curiosity piqued, Chuck nervously crept over to the test and picked it up in his hand.
Pregnant
One word changed his life forever… pregnant; Sarah Bartowski was pregnant, and it was his child. The prospect of fatherhood was a paradigm shift for the Nerd Herd supervisor, the sudden thought of having someone else totally dependent on him, shook Chuck to his very core. The sound of his wife's cries cut through his shocked stupor and snapped him back to stark reality; their impending meeting with Casey and the General in a half hour or so suddenly carried a whole new weight. Suddenly it wasn't just about whether Chuck would have Sarah in his life, suddenly it was whether Chuck would have his own child in his life.
Suddenly there was a real possibility that his son or daughter would grow up without their father, just like he had. He'd promised himself he would never do to his child, what was done to him by his own parents; yet now, there was a high likelihood that he'd never get to watch his own child grow up, he wouldn't be there for her first steps, her first words, first day of school.
Chuck turned and with a pained expression on his face, looked at his wife; when their eyes met, the same thoughts were seen in each other's eyes. In a moment where Chuck knew he should say something, anything to make it all okay for his wife… Chuck simply had nothing. Chuck Bartowski was speechless, the man who always knew what to say, had no answers this time.
"I hope you'll send me pictures of her as she grows up," Chuck said quietly as he leaned against the counter. His words pierced straight through the emotional fog clouding Sarah's mind; when she looked at him, she saw him looking down at his sock covered feet, his arms crossed across his chest. Sarah simply nodded to his statement and spoke emotionally.
"You should to be there," she said with a lump in her throat that felt about the size of a golf ball. Sarah saw Chuck nod slightly, but he when he looked up at her, all she saw was resignation.
"I'm starting to realize that the only people in this horrible life of lies and deception that I'm living in, who get what they want, are people like General Beckman. The rest of us just lose," Chuck said flatly, there was no joy, no happiness in his voice. Chuck had always thought he'd feel happy when he learned he was going to be a father, but in the end he simply felt… hollow. Like so many things in his life, this was yet another thing taken from him by someone else.
"When we were talking about this earlier it hadn't quite sunk in what being pregnant meant, but…" Sarah said, unsure if she wanted to lay this on her husband, but deciding that a marriage was built on truth and trust. "I don't know if I can do this by myself, I don't know how to be a mother," Sarah said equally flatly. "Children scare the hell out of me." The four feet between them felt like a thousand yards to the newlyweds, but in that moment Chuck spoke anyway.
"You're going to be a great mom," Chuck said honestly as he uncrossed his arms and instead stuffed his hands in his pockets.
"How do you know? I know nothing about being a mom," Sarah replied to Chuck, who sighed.
"Listen, I know your father painted your childhood as some grand adventure, but we both know I saw the truth. You missed out on a lot as a child, Sarah; little Maggie Wilson didn't really get to be a kid," Chuck asked, cutting Sarah straight to the bone with his perceptiveness. Sarah silently shook her head no in reply. "Then what you're going to do, is make sure that little girl gets everything you always wanted out of your childhood," Chuck said with a sureness in his tone that steadied Sarah somewhat, that is until the stark reality set in.
"I'll be able to give her everything, but her father," Sarah said sadly. Chuck simply nodded as stood up off the counter, closing the distance between them by a half step.
"Life isn't fair I guess," he said quietly.
"Yeah," she said in reply as she looked down at her knees, still drawn up close to her chest. When Chuck's long legs entered her vision, she looked up and saw him standing there, his hand extended towards her. Sarah saw the look of resignation in his eyes, she had to guess it matched the same look in her own.
"Come on, we need to get ready for the meeting," he said to her. The finality in his voice was a hammer blow, they'd avoided this meeting, they'd avoided the eventual heartbreak long enough, there was no running from this anymore.
~X~
The twenty-minute drive to Castle was mostly silent, neither had much to say, even as they both knew that time was short. They were married, they were expecting a child, and yet all of the happiness and joy associated with those two things was gone now. The ever-present specter of General Beckman's true intentions loomed large over everything, neither had any idea what the General was playing at. She'd obviously concocted this plan to get them together, but why? Was this just a cruel joke, or was this a genuine gesture of good will? Was this a permanent move, or was this simply a temporary thing meant to cheer up the Intersect? Neither Chuck, nor Sarah dared hope that this was a permanent arrangement; life was too cruel for hopes like that one. Regardless of what malicious plan the General had concocted, Sarah had gotten just a little more time with the man she loved, a little more time to feel his love. She'd gotten to marry him, and now she was carrying his child. If Sarah never got a single thing more from Chuck Bartowski, what she'd gotten this weekend was enough.
For Chuck Bartowski, his thoughts were much darker; rage was burning inside him, rage at the world for what he knew was about to happen. He knew that his wife held out a small hope that this "chance encounter" at Rex Horn's house was the prelude to her being reassigned back to Team Intersect, but Chuck had been burned too many times by now to trust a hope. No, this was a cruel gambit by the General to cheer the Intersect up; all of this was a feeble attempt to make the Intersect happy again after the six weeks of abuse he'd suffered at the hand of Sarah's replacement.
He knew General Beckman, she was an evil, retched, old woman; her soul was as black as a night with no moon. He knew she'd be evil enough to dangle the love of his life in front of his face, like a carrot on a stick in front of the poor mule. If that was how General Beckman wanted to play, then Chuck Bartowski wasn't going to simply lie down and take it anymore. No, if this was how he could expect to be treated going forward, then the General could expect nothing from him. She'd taken everything from him, his wife, his future, if she took his child away too… well, the Piranha would come out to play again, because he wasn't going to let this happen to him anymore.
The sound of Sarah's voice in his ear snapped him out of his vengeful thoughts; he looked at her and saw her looking at him, worry all over her face, like a mask.
"I'm sorry, what was that?" he asked, trying his best to seem calm and collected as he normally was.
"I asked you, what's going on in that head of yours?" Sarah asked as she reached out and took Chuck's hand that was resting on the center console as he drove the Herder towards the Double O and the looming meeting with the General. Chuck gave Sarah a sigh that told her much about where her husband's mind was at.
"Just angry… in my bones. She's taken so much from us and now with the baby… I just don't know if I can let her take that from us. We're both of this child's parents, and we both need to be there," Chuck said as the two of them spotted the Large Mart Plaza down the road. Sarah simply nodded in understanding and ran her thumb over his knuckles.
"We don't know what she's going to say, let's go in there with an open mind." Chuck simply nodded at her words as he turned into the plaza and made for the Double O. When their car came to a stop, Chuck turned to exit, but was stopped by Sarah's arm grasping his shoulder. "No matter what happens in there, I'll always love you Chuck, you'll always be this little one's father," she said emotionally. The weight of what was about to happen was starting to set in for Sarah; she'd been calm and cool the entire ride over, but as she saw the doors to the Double O, the panic over being separated from her husband began to set in once again.
"I love you," Chuck said back to her before he leaned towards her and captured her lips in a desperate kiss, trying one last time to convey everything he felt towards her. When the two newlyweds separated, they simply sat there, their foreheads together, eyes looking into the other's, trying to memorize everything about the other one last time. Finally, Chuck pulled away and left the car, Sarah followed suit and the two of them made for the Double O.
As Chuck and Sarah entered the Double O, Chuck was hit with the strangest sense of bittersweet nostalgia; he'd had so many great moments with Sarah in this place, almost every day he'd spend his lunchbreak over there talking to her between customers. Being a government front, the Double O was closed this particular evening; as Chuck and Sarah walked towards the secret door leading to Castle, Sarah's tension rose more with every step. As Chuck punched in the code to open the door and placed his hand on the palm scanner, Sarah's nervous energy threatened to boil over. Her calm exterior was hiding a maelstrom of panicked emotions. When the door opened with a tremendous whoosh, Sarah's emotions boiled over.
Chuck felt Sarah grab his arm as he stepped through the doorway. Chuck looked back and saw his wife, he saw the fragile, terror filled expression on her face and instantly knew what she was feeling. As Chuck stood in the doorway, he opened his arms invitingly and instantly felt Sarah crash into him, hugging him as hard as she could.
"She's going to make me leave, I just know it, Chuck." The anguish and despair in his wife's voice broke Chuck's heart; knowing there was very little he could do to assuage those very credible fears, Chuck merely held her close.
In DC, General Beckman was watching the security cameras at the Orange Orange and the scene she saw playing out before her eyes made her feel sick. Watching the two newlyweds comfort each other mere moments before the briefing only made the General more certain of what she had to do. Sarah Walker was a legend among intelligence circles, but to see her so broken was hard to watch. As she watched the two of them walk into Castle, holding hands the entire time, she began to grasp how truly important they were to each other and how much their separation had negatively affected the both of them. As she watched them greet Major Casey robotically and then sit there waiting for the briefing, she was struck by what she saw. Sarah's thumb was continually stroking Chuck's hand as she held it; it was a small motion, something most wouldn't see, but it was a source of comfort for Sarah.
Watching Chuck was an interesting exercise in this moment; she hated calling him Mr. Bartowski or the Intersect or the Asset, the latter two were so dehumanizing, a product of Graham's twisted bullshit. Still, professional decorum dictated she speak a certain way, so she had to address him as Mr. Bartowski. As she watched him, she was struck by how often he'd steal glances at his wife. It was as if he was trying to memorize everything about her before the briefing began; no doubt because of their expectations for the briefing. The two of them had stunned the General when they'd run off and gotten married, she'd fully expected them to run back to her hotel room and spend the next few days there, but she'd never expected them to get married. Then again, desperation and a sense of limited time can make a lot of things happen very quickly. If the General was being completely honest, she was shocked when Agent Walker hadn't gone to her now husbands' apartment to see him the night she got into town, the General had been expecting that, but Agent Walker had stayed away. The General glanced down at her watch and saw that it was time, so she turned to her keyboard and began the call.
Back in Burbank, Chuck, Sarah, and Casey all saw the countdown on the screen, signaling that the briefing was about to begin. The three of them stood up as they'd always done before things had gotten so complicated. Chuck gave Sarah's hand a comforting squeeze quickly to steady them both before he dropped it. Sarah missed his touch and wished he hadn't let go. Making a decision, Sarah reached out and took Chuck's hand, if this was the end, she was going to do it her way.
The screen came to life and the General appeared on screen. Chuck tried to smother the anger that was burning within him, but the tension in his body language and the subtle glare on his face was not lost on the General. She couldn't blame the guy for his anger, the last six weeks were her fault.
"First things first, I want to address the elephant in the room, the mission," the General began. "Yes, you were both misled, yes I intentionally didn't tell you who you were extracting at Rex Horn's party. Director Hawthorne and I devised this mission as a field test of the Intersect and your capabilities in the field in a much broader sense, Mr. Bartowski." She said, looking at Chuck, whose face showed a hint of confusion.
"We were testing two things. Firstly, we were testing your capabilities in the field without the Intersect, which if Major Casey's report is any indication, you excelled," The General said as she reached for Casey's report. Chuck looked over at Casey, who didn't meet his eye.
"And I quote, Chuck's competence in the field on his own was impressive for an untrained intelligence asset. His ability to analyze situations, solve problems, and stay calm was exemplary. Chuck showed without question that his talents are being wasted in their current capacity and it might be prudent for a reexamination of his role on the team. End quote." As the General finished speaking, Chuck was stunned and deeply touched by Casey's words; Chuck looked around the room and saw truth in Casey's eyes and love in Sarah's. General Beckman simply watched Chuck, he was touched, that was for sure. She spoke once again, knowing it was time to drop the real bomb.
"The second thing that needs to be addressed is why Agent Walker was on the mission," she said, instantly seeing the tension in both Chuck and Sarah. Chuck knew this was where the other shoe would drop, this was all a sick joke, or a ploy to cheer the Intersect up, Chuck just knew it.
"The reason I had Director Hawthorne send Agent Walker on this mission, in spite of the fact that she was removed from this team six weeks ago, was because I needed to field test my hypothesis about the Intersect." Sarah gaped at that; she had not expected that at all.
"What?" Sarah muttered quietly; the General simply nodded.
"After Major Casey reported Agent Forest's despicable behavior to me, he showed me the tape of the two of you from six weeks ago, making sure to cut out the fairly graphic sex, his words not mine," the General said.
"Casey!" Chuck said angrily.
"You watched us have sex?" Sarah said, obviously horrified; the General was enjoying this too much to intervene on the Major's behalf.
"God no, I just fast forwarded through it and cut it out of the tape. I cut the entire conversation from the tapes to protect you at the time, but after what Agent Forest did, I had to say something," Casey said honestly, a look of disgust on his face. Chuck and Sarah quickly cooled down and nodded, much to the General's amusement.
"You really should thank him, none of this would have happened if he hadn't showed me the tape. When I saw the two of you that night, trying to be there for the other after what happened, I finally understood what I'd been missing the entire time. The reason Mr. Bartowski stopped flashing, was because he was too depressed, and his emotions effect the functionality of the Intersect far more than we had ever realized. I understood this now, but I needed proof that I could document. Government bureaucracy being what it is, if you can't prove it, then nobody cares. So, I called my friend Director Hawthorne and we concocted this mission. The second part of the field test was seeing what would happen once you were back together with Agent Walker. Actually, it's officially Agent Bartowski now, isn't it?" the General said more to herself in realization, missing the small smile on Sarah's face as she heard the words Agent Bartowski.
"Either way, my observers on the ground reported that you flashed Mr. Bartowski, is that true?" the General said, putting Chuck on the spot. Chuck blushed as he saw the look that Sarah gave him.
"You flashed and didn't tell me?" Sarah said in a clipped tone.
"It was no big deal; it was just information about Rex Horn and some guy named Lynch. Never knew Rex Horn's real name is Theodore," Chuck said more to himself.
"Teddy and I go way back as you no doubt already know Mr. Bartowski; Director Hawthorne sent someone he trusted as well, and they reported that you flashed, thus proving my theory correct. As soon as you were reunited with Agent Bartowski, your mood improved enough for the Intersect to start working once again." As the General spoke those words, Sarah began to hope, the embers of hope inside her began to glow brighter and brighter. Chuck too was starting to feel the beginnings of hope brew inside him, but he didn't want the hope, he'd been burned before.
"Now that we have proof of how emotions affect the Intersect, I have what I need to justify some changes to the team," the General said, pausing to gauge the reactions of her team. Casey had obviously been expecting this, though he was as out of the loop as his partners. Chuck and Sarah were hanging on by their fingernails. Chuck was still extremely guarded and was obviously trying not to get his hopes up. Sarah on the other hand, was a total wreck, she looked to be mere moments from cracking wide open from wanting what she hoped was coming.
Feeling merciful, the General leaned forward and spoke empathetically into the camera, "Sarah, take a deep breath and relax; this is good news, I promise." Sarah and Chuck both breathed a sigh of relief at her words as she continued. "Now that I have documented proof of Agent Bartowski's need to be on the team once again, I can justify reassigning her back to Team Intersect… permanently." Sarah crumbled, and sought out Chuck's comforting embrace. Sarah hid from the world in Chuck's arms as she felt relief wash over her. Chuck turned to the screen as he held his wife and nodded thankfully, a visible relief on his face. General Beckman nodded back to Chuck; a silent apology conveyed in her eyes.
It took a couple seconds for Sarah to reel in her emotions, but when she did she quickly wiped her eyes before she ruined her makeup and spoke. "Thank you General, I cannot begin to describe how much this means to us," Sarah said emotionally as she remained in Chuck's arms.
"I think I have an idea Agent Bartowski," the General remarked with a small smile.
"I'm sorry, Ma'am, but you really don't," Chuck began. Sarah cut in, sensing that Chuck was going to reveal the big news.
"I'm pregnant General, and it's Chuck's baby; we've only known for the last hour or so," Sarah said directly. Casey merely grunted and nodded in shock; he could understand how the two of them being together would take on a whole new meaning in light of that revelation. Fatherhood was one of the few things Casey regretted leaving behind when he chose his current path, so that child having both of its parents was important, especially to two people like Walker and Bartowski who both grew up in broken homes, in a manner of speaking.
The General was silent for a long moment, obviously contemplating that revelation. For the General, she now understood the emotion from Agent Bartowski; she was pregnant and she had been wondering if the General was going to make her raise her husband's child alone. It made Beckman wonder what people thought of her if they thought she was cruel enough to tear a family apart, for no good reason other than pure malice. Chuck and Sarah simply stood there and watched the General watch them for a moment, the both of them wondering what she was thinking.
Finally, the General spoke. "We'll make it work, we'll transition Agent Bartowski away from field work and towards protection detail work like she did with the Secret Service. Obviously, you're both going to be parents now, so your days in the field are basically over Agent Bartowski. As for you, Mr. Bartowski, I was going to promote you to field analyst, but with this development, the increased exposure to danger is too much risk for anyone's liking." General Beckman looked towards Casey, as much as the screen would allow and spoke.
"What do you think, Major Casey, Technical Analyst instead?" Chuck and Sarah were shocked into silence and simply watched Casey contemplate.
"Well, that would see him operating out of Castle instead of a van, so Walker could rest easy; it would be a change in status that would give him a bit more security in his role, I don't see why not." The General nodded and turned her attention back to Chuck and Sarah.
"Well then that's decided, I'm promoting you to Technical Analyst, Mr. Bartowski; you're certainly field capable, but there is simply too much risk. Agent Bartowski and I will just have to find a suitable replacement for her in the field," the General said to the relief of everyone in the room.
"Me? You want my help?" Sarah asked in genuine surprise.
"You understand the team dynamic far more than I do, my last choice was Agent Forest and we all know how that went; I want your input this time around. Don't worry, we'll make this work; congratulations on the wedding and the baby, things are going to be fine," the General said before she ended the feed and left Chuck, Sarah and Casey alone. Chuck and Sarah turned to each other and Sarah captured Chuck's lips in an emotional kiss. The kiss was everything for the two of them, a promise, a declaration of love, the release of weeks of sadness and tension. With one moment, one singular moment in time, all of the pain and sadness Sarah Bartowski had been feeling for the last six weeks simply vanished.
The tattoo she'd gotten on her shoulder had been a sullen promise of emotional solitude, now it would be a reminder of the period in her life where she learned just how important her husband was to her.
Aeternum Tuus, in Aeternum Solus
Forever Yours, Forever Alone
No longer, Sarah Bartowski was going to get her happy ending, it hadn't been taken away from her after all. Sarah was going to get the family she'd always dreamed of when she was on the road as a child. Sarah was going to get to raise her child with the man she loved; their child would now be able to rely on both of their parents to be there, in their life. That little girl, because Chuck was so certain it was going to be a girl, was going to get to go to prom, and play sports, and just be a kid.
When their lips parted, Sarah simply let her head rest on Chuck's chest as they continued to embrace. The scent of him in her nostrils mixed with the unpleasant smell of industrial cleanser that permeated Castle, but she didn't care. Sarah Bartowski was home, and she was going to get to stay there. All that was left to do was begin the healing process and start repairing the numerous relationships, that the last six weeks had destroyed. The prospect of talking to Ellie Bartowski, defacto matron of the Bartowski family, was a daunting task, but Sarah was up to it now that she had the rest of her life to look forward to, with her husband by her side.
CHARMING'S AUTHORS NOTE #4: Well that ends the first arc (Sike totally not the end of the arc lol!), and I am so relieved to be done with that angsty bullshit! *lets out a relieved sigh* Buckle up everybody, because we're gearing up for the start of Chuck and Sarah's new lives as a married couple. The newly minted Bartowski's are married and expecting a baby, but all is not well. Hearts and minds on the home front still need to be won over once more if Sarah is to find acceptance in the family once again. Not only that, but with this seismic change to the team, Sarah is about to start a new job. Let me know what you think her new job is going to be by leaving a review and sharing your thoughts!
CHARMING'S AUTHORS NOTE #5: This will be the last chapter with song lyrics, they're getting harder and harder to work into the story as the chapters get longer and more complex. So, faced with that hardship, I'm cutting them out from here on. I'll include a song that inspired the chapter, but the lyrics will no longer make an appearance within the body of text that makes up the next chapters. Once again I cannot guarantee when the next chapter will come, my school work is really bad right now, so that is the priority. Thankfully we're between story arcs right now so things are in a good place so to speak.
CHARMING'S AUTHORS NOTE #6: To my fellow countrymen, I wish you all a happy Thanksgiving, for my international folks, enjoy the rest of the week!
Until Next Time :D