Thank you for the reviews! I always love reading your thoughts. I never thought Edward would get such backlash from you. Time to redeem him in your eyes, I guess.
Bella had no idea how to react to Edward's behavior. It was crystal clear he wasn't Edward – her boyfriend, in that moment, but she had no clue what to do around Dom Edward. The closer he'd gotten to that side of himself was on his birthday, though Bella could bet that was just the tip of the iceberg. His lifestyle was deeper and more intricate than what they had shared that night.
They had yet to have that talk, which had left her paralyzed in his wake. He'd stormed out after the most bizarre behavior she'd seen at him. He had tried to control both his friends, then stopped himself from controlling her as well, which was a paradox. He should have been very mad at her for how she had acted.
Bella realized she'd stepped over some line when she'd returned to the guest bedroom. But something in Edward's eyes had worried her for Alice's safety, and she didn't know what Jasper might do, either. Alice didn't deserve their punishment for being pregnant. It wasn't her fault.
Bella had no idea for how long she sat on the edge of Edward's bed, but when there was a knock on the bedroom door, she startled so badly, she nearly fell down. She went to open the door and found Jasper staring at her with relief in his eyes.
"We're all right," he said softly. "Can I talk to Edward?"
"I don't know where he is." Bella could barely hear her own voice.
"You mean he's not with you?"
She shook her head. "He left shortly after we came to his room."
Jasper frowned. "Did you…" His eyes roamed her body, curiously. Bella realized she was still wearing the dress she had been trying on earlier.
"He was really upset. I guess he didn't want to push me into something I had to no clue how to react to." Bella shrugged. "I don't know where he's gone."
Jasper stroked her cheek. "I'll find him. You can keep Alice company. She's asking for you."
He led Bella to the living room where Alice was sitting on the couch, looking small and fragile. Jasper knelt at her feet, taking her hands in his. "Baby, I'm going to find Edward, then I'm taking you home."
Alice stared into his eyes, nodding slowly. "He's at the cemetery."
A shiver ran through Bella. Alice's predictions were nothing less than creepy sometimes.
Jasper leaned close to kiss her forehead, then he walked out the door.
"Oh, I'm so sorry for everything, Bella!" Alice cried out, hugging her as soon as Jasper was gone.
"It's not your fault. Did you two work it out?"
She smiled shyly. "Yeah. We're going to be fine. Like I told you, Jasper has never liked or wanted kids, but he told me, I shouldn't worry. Of course, he'd be here for me if it's what I want."
"And it is?" Bella couldn't imagine this happening to her. She could clearly remember touching the children subject with Jasper during one of their sessions. Even at nineteen, Bella had known her mind regarding children. Her opinion hadn't changed since then.
"Yes. I never thought about this, but ever since I found out I'm pregnant, it's all I want," Alice said seriously. "It's the ultimate act of love and devotion."
"I guess." Bella slumped on the sofa. "Alice… How mad should Edward be for what I've done?"
Alice's eyes widened. "Have you talked about your limits?"
"What? Oh, no… Not yet." She remembered the conversation she had had with Alice before Edward's birthday.
"You want to tell me that he just left? He didn't even… Did he touch you?"
"No, but I was sure he was going to hit me at one point. He just punched the door, then left."
"Holy shit." Alice stared Bella in disbelief. "I expected you to keep your ass in a bowl of ice by now. You wouldn't have been able to sit for a week if he'd been his old self."
Bella squirmed, her old fears crawling up to surface. The mere thought of someone hurting her so badly should have her running the other way. Though, a part of her mind agreed with Alice's words – Bella deserved to be punished for not listening to Edward. She shouldn't have gone back in that room. Edward was Alice and Jasper's friend. He wouldn't have harmed either of them.
"I'm such an idiot," Bella mumbled, tears welling into her eyes.
"It's perfectly natural to have no clue how to act, Bella. I have no idea why Edward is delaying your training. Maybe he doesn't want you in that way, maybe he doesn't want to scare you because he knows what it is to lose you."
"But if he doesn't want me as his…Sub…why does he want me, at all?"
"Oh, you're so blind. He loves you so much already. He has no idea what to do with these feelings. I'm pretty sure he's as confused as you are."
"We could find balance."
Alice smiled kindly. "Talk to him when he returns."
They ate the lukewarm breakfast at Tanya's insistence. Bella accepted Tanya's fervent apologies, but Tanya would have to work hard to gain her trust again.
Some time later, the front door opened, disrupting Alice talking about baby showers. It was far too soon to think of that, based on the fact that Alice was barely twelve weeks pregnant from what she'd said.
"Alice, we're leaving, darling!" Jasper's voice floated from the entryway.
"I'll see you soon. Talk to him." Alice kissed Bella's cheek, then skipped into Jasper's arms.
Bella sighed in relief, seeing them happy. She'd been worried ever since Alice had fainted earlier, when chaos had exploded around her.
Edward stopped near the kitchen island. "Tanya, you have the day off. Please, let Felix know the same applies to him."
Tanya nodded, disappearing down the hallway.
Bella linked her hands on top of the counter, keeping her eyes on Edward. His gray sweatpants were dirty around the knees and at his ankles, so were his hands as she noticed one of them tugging at his hair.
She knew better than to ask where he'd been. Alice had probably been right, because he looked like he had cried.
Slowly, Edward came to stand across from her, his hands propped against the edge of the countertop. "Why are you still here?"
His words surprised Bella. Shouldn't she still be there?
"Isabella…" His tone was low, demanding.
"I don't have an answer," she blurted out. "I mean…What should I answer to that? You don't want me anymore? We just made up."
He cringed. "Fuck. I'm doing this wrong." He walked to her side, regarding her slowly before reaching for her hand. She placed one of her hands in his large, dirty palm. "I expected to find you gone," he admitted, rubbing his thumb over the top of her hand.
"Why?"
Edward laughed humorlessly. "Because I fucked up." He trailed his fingers up her bare arm, tracing her collarbone. Bella shivered at the sensation that touch created. "Of course, you're brave enough to stand in front of me at my worst."
"You actually scared me earlier," she admitted in a small voice.
He winced at her words. "I've postponed this conversation with you for too long. I guess I was afraid to lose you."
"You're not getting rid of me, Cullen."
"See, such behavior is punishable." He licked his bottom lip, making Bella's mouth go dry. "There is so much to teach you. I'm aware we'll bend and twist many rules, but I'm willing to try."
"Me too," she breathed out.
Edward led her to the couch, sitting next to her. He stared at his palms for a long time. Bella was ready to allow him as much time as he needed to gather his thoughts, but the more time it passed, the more anxious she grew.
"This lifestyle includes a set of behaviors agreed upon before the couple enters a scene." His voice was low and velvet soft. "Physical contact is not necessary – the dominance and submission can be conducted via phone or email. Though, physical contact is the high the both parties involved get out of the scene. Pleasure can reach such intense levels, it can easily slip into the darker side of BDSM."
Bella inhaled sharply, suddenly chilled to the bones. Edward met her eyes, a soft smile on his face.
"You do not need to worry about that. The 'M' is not area."
Bella frowned, wanting to believe him, even though she didn't understand what he was talking about.
"BDSM," he said slowly. "Bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, sadism and masochism. Like I said, the last part is not something I'm into."
"Good to know," she murmured, unable to speak louder.
"We're going to focus on the dominant and submissive relationship, which revolves around strict guidelines and consent."
"No bondage?" Bella asked in the same small voice. He'd tied her hands to the headboard on his birthday.
"How about we learn how to crawl before attempting to run the marathon?" He teased, reaching out to brush her cheek with the back of his hand. She blushed, but nodded in agreement. "D/s relationships are purely sexual. I would like to keep it this way as much as possible."
"What do you mean?"
"When we do a scene, we won't be boyfriend and girlfriend…or whatever term you'd like to use. I will be your Dom, and you will be my Sub. Your body will become my instrument and you will be attuned to my every need and desire. Release would be the goal we achieve most of the time." He took her hand, rubbing her wrist. "Unless, you upset me – and the scene is not about your release."
Bella opened her mouth, but decided it wasn't the right time to be mouthy. He wasn't done talking.
Edward kept looking into her eyes, and Bella had a hard time focusing on his words. She was being sucked into the green pools of mist.
"Consent is a vital element in all psychological play. It can be a written negotiation, or simply a verbal agreement between the parties involved."
"Which one do you prefer?" Bella licked her lips, leaning closer subconsciously.
"Whichever. It's up to you, Bella."
"I get to choose something?" She regretted the snarky words as soon as they left her mouth. "Sorry." Her eyes dropped, ashamed.
"Of course, you get to choose." Edward lifted her head with a finger under her chin. "Your word is supreme, and never forget that. I might be in charge, but the moment you decide against my choice, I will always listen to you." He dragged his thumb over her bottom lip. "At the same time, you must have a valid point against my decision. Like, let's say I want to push one of your hard limits, and you say no without even allowing me to try. Unless it's something life-endangering or something that triggers bad memories, I will always have your best interest and your safety on the forefront of my mind."
Bella stood up, and walked to the window. She needed to put some distance between them to clear her head.
He watched her apprehensively from the couch.
"My hard limit?" She repeated his words. "What's that?"
Edward ran a hand through his hair, closing his eyes briefly. Bella was sure her questions were silly and something he never had to deal with before. He was going to lose his patience halfway through this.
"Come back here." He beckoned with a finger. Her feet moved against her will. Edward's smile was brilliant. "You're doing so well already. The way your body responds to my commands."
"I'm still scared shitless to give up control." Bella sat next to him again.
"That's where trust and consent come into play." He took her hand once again, squeezing it. "I don't have the rules outlined and printed anywhere. There was never such a need with my previous Subs."
"I could always continue my online research?" She shrugged, unsure how helpful Google might be.
"Stop being silly! The limits refer to issues that participants in a play scene or dynamic feel strongly about – they describe what they desire, do not desire, will and will not tolerate. We set a safeword to establish certain types of play as prohibited."
Bella nodded, her mouth dry. Alice had already explained this, but not in so many details.
"A hard limit is something that must not be done. Violating a hard limit is often considered a just cause for ending a scene or even a relationship. While a soft limit is something that a person hesitates about or places strict conditions on, but for which they may still give informed consent."
"You just said something about pushing my hard limits," Bella retorted in a rough voice.
Edward chuckled. "Perceptive, are we? I also said that I will always value your safety. That's where trust plays a big role. If you trust me to not harm you physically or psychically, then you won't have to question my decision."
Bella swallowed hard. She thought back on the way Edward had made her feel on his birthday, and compared it with the other times they had sex – there was no term of comparison. That pleasure had been supreme. She wanted more of it.
"Give me examples for these limits."
"I'd guess your soft limit is being introduced to a new challenge which incapacitates you to escape the situation."
"A little more specific," she muttered.
"Let's say, I bind your legs and arms to the bed, then I blindfold you."
"And then your drive me crazy with a vibrator? Sounds familiar. I hate to say it, but we've done that, and I'm game." She grinned.
Edward's lips quirked up. "I was thinking more along the lines…I'd flog your body until you begged me for release, tugging at the restraints, trying to touch yourself where you most desire."
"That sounds really hot. Though, I'm not sure about the flogger." She chewed on her lips.
"Let me introduce you to my drawer of sex toys."
Bella giggled, as they got up. "Right, because mommy designed your house and you couldn't include a playroom without giving her a heart attack."
Edward gripped her arm, spinning her around to face him. "You just earned yourself five slaps on that ass."
"I thought I didn't agree to anything yet. What if slaps on my ass are a hard limit for me?"
"So help me, Bella!" Edward took a step closer. "You have to be serious when you define the limits."
"I will, I promise."
They walked to his bedroom, and Bella knew that everything would change when they stepped into his room. So she stopped him right at the door, cupping his cheek.
"Can I kiss you?" she asked, worried.
Edward braced himself on his elbows against the door on each side of her face, before kissing her softly. Too soon, the kiss deepened, and Bella threw herself into it, pouring all her fears and desire into the act.
"Trust me," he whispered against her lips. It sounded like a plea.
After witnessing him earlier in the day, so close to losing control, yet, somehow he hadn't hurt her, Bella realized that she already trusted him implicitly.
"I trust you." She swallowed his surprised gasp.
Ready to be introduced to Edward's chest of drawers?