There might be some trigger during Jasper and Edward's session in the second part of the chapter, so approach with caution.

It was five o'clock in the morning when Edward pulled away from Bella. Sharing a bed with her and Harley hadn't been what he'd expected when he accepted the invitation to spend the night. Bella shifted in her sleep, flopping on her stomach, hugging the pillow Edward had used.

He smiled, dropping a kiss on her forehead.

Harley installed himself at the door when he noticed Edward preparing to leave. Knowing Bella would be asleep for several more hours, Edward took the keys and Harley's leash. He wanted to take him for a jog, but he wasn't dressed appropriately, so they just walked around. Edward was grateful for the potty bags recipient latched on the leash. He hadn't thought about it.

When they returned, Harley showed him his ritual by nudging the water bowl with his muzzle.

While the dog lapped water, Edward tracked a notepad and left Bella a note that he'd walked Harley and he'd call her later.

On the ride home, all Edward could think of was his upcoming meeting with Jasper. As he got ready for work, he almost called Jasper to cancel, but he wasn't ready to hear an earful from his friend.

When Edward went into the kitchen to ask Tanya for a coffee to go, he was surprised to find Tanya and Felix watching him with equally worried expressions.

"What," he demanded.

"You didn't return last night," Tanya said slowly.

"I had no idea I had to report to you."

"We were worried," Felix added. "It never happened before. You could have called."

Edward palmed his face. "What the hell happened to you two? You weren't so goddamn nosy!"

"Like Felix said, you never failed to come home after a night out, sir," Tanya mumbled, her eyes down.

"A strong coffee to go," Edward demanded. "And if it's so important what happened to me last night, I spent the night at Bella's." He rolled his eyes, marching out of the house.

Felix joined him in the Caddy several minutes later with his travel mug. Edward accepted it, gratefully.

"I want you to look into fencing the backyard – costs, pros and cons," Edward said after a while.

Felix met his eyes through the rearview mirror, confusion evident on his face. "Yes, sir."

The work day dragged from meeting to meeting, and Edward barely paid attention to anything. His mind was solely on his appointment with Jasper. His palms were sweating and his heart was beating erratically, as he left the building at the end of the day.

He found several printed pages on the seat next him. It looked like Felix had done a thorough job in researching a solid fencing system for the backyard. If he planned to have Bella over as much as he wanted, Harley would need a safe place to run around without the fear of him running away.

"To Jasper's office, please," Edward said, as they pulled away in the traffic.

Felix only nodded. He'd driven Edward to Jasper's office many times before, but this time would be different.

Edward tried to get his panic attack under control, before he worked himself up too badly. His saving grace came in for of a text message from Bella.

Thanks for helping with Harley. You shouldn't have. Just writing to let you know, I might be able to see you again only this weekend.

Edward pursed his lips. As much as he admired how strong-headed and independent Bella was, her job at the bar could be different. She owned the place. She shouldn't be wasting nights while serving drinks to all sort of creeps.

You work on Friday?

I can take it off. =)

Please do. You're coming with Harley for a sleepover.

Yes, Sir.

Edward chuckled. Her sass was getting out of hand, but it didn't upset him at all.

"We're here." Felix's voice pulled Edward from his musings.

Sweat beaded at his forehead, as he stepped out of the car. "Don't wait for me," he said over his shoulder.

.

.

.

Ten minutes had passed since Edward had stepped out of his car in front of the building holding Jasper's practice. Jasper stood in front of the window, staring at his friend, curious about when he'd decide to step into the building.

It took Edward five more minutes to arrive into Jasper's office.

Jasper was waiting in his leather chair behind the sleek, modern desk, so Edward wouldn't think he'd been spying on him. To say that Jasper was surprised, when Edward had approached him with the suggestion that they should talk about his problems, it was a huge understatement.

"Hello," Edward greeted him, closing the door behind him.

Edward looked as gloomy as the gray walls of Jasper's office. Jasper kept a neutral color scheme in the furniture and walls and carpet to keep his patients from being distracted. The only colorful thing was the picture frame of Alice dressed in a pink dress, sitting on his desk.

"Edward." Jasper nodded in acknowledgment. While in his office, he had to treat his friend like any other patient. "Please, take a seat."

Edward stared at the sofa for a long time, before walking slowly toward it. He'd sat there numerous times in the past when he'd visited Jasper at work for trivial matters.

"Thank you for emailing me all the information I needed to create your file," Jasper said.

When it was clear Edward wasn't going to say anything unless prompted, Jasper decided on a cautious approach.

"Can you tell me what determined you to seek help?"

Edward dropped his head, grabbing fistfuls of his hair, his elbows resting on his spread knees. "I can't deal with the burden on my own."

Jasper stared at Edward's body language. It was not too late to heal him, but too much time had passed since the accident. Edward had tried to cope with the pain, and somehow, it had backfired at him.

"What was the trigger to determine you to seek help?" Jasper insisted.

"Alice's news," Edward answered in a rough voice.

Jasper jerked in his chair. He was no longer Edward's doctor in that moment. Jasper couldn't believe it. "What do you mean?" He braced himself for the worst news.

Edward's eyes met his, and Jasper wasn't surprised to see tears in them. "I did not only kill Angela that night. She was pregnant."

"Fuck," Jasper pushed away from the desk. "Edward, why haven't you told me?"

Tears slipped from Edward's eyes, as he shook his head. "I tried not to think of the fetus. The only time I slipped…" He cleared his throat, sniffing. "…Felix had to pull me from the pool when I was…you know what I wanted to do."

"I can only imagine," Jasper admitted. He refrained from touching Edward – his friend was not kin on being touched, besides, it would be highly unprofessional.

"You said earlier that you killed them. Is that how you feel?" Jasper asked quietly, attempting to return in his doctor mode. It was hard to be professional when his best friend was falling to pieces in front of him.

"It's the truth," Edward said harshly. "I was too upset about her fucking revealing dress. If I hadn't looked away from the road…" He pressed his hands to his face. "I had been drinking that night, too."

"Edward, you didn't kill them. What you're experiencing is called survivor's guilt."

"I'm not a survivor, Jasper. I'm a murderer." Edward dropped his hands from his face to look at Jasper. "There were times…I was ready to call the police and have them arrest me."

Jasper reached out to touch Edward's hand. "Let me help you deal with what happened that night."

"That's why I'm here."

Jasper chose to ignore the sarcasm in Edward's answer. "How do you feel when you think of that night?"

"Angry. Empty." Edward gulped, looking away. "Dead."

Jasper squeezed his fingers. "Considering the first sentiment in regards to that night is anger, it means you haven't forgiven yourself."

"How can I?"

"What makes you feel better right now?"

Edward frowned, clearly confused by the change in topic. "Bella."

Jasper had expected that answer. "Do you think it's fair for her to bring all your problems in your new relationship?"

"So, you're saying it's too soon to have someone new."

"I'm just saying…it's not fair for her. If she makes you happy, keep her close. But, you have to face your demons before they consume you." Jasper stood up, returning to his desk. "Knowing your lifestyle, it's a matter of time before you'll lash out on Bella when it won't be her fault. It will only be your fault for not healing properly."

"If you think I'm going to hurt Bella, you don't know me at all, Jasper!"

"That's the anger, see? If my mere words affect you so terribly, think what a misjudged comment from her could lead to."

"Go on…" Edward motioned for him to keep talking.

"I want you to go back to the night of the accident," Jasper said, leaning back in his chair. Edward stiffened, but didn't say anything. "I want you to think rationally. Take as long as you need. Whose fault it is for the accident?"

"Mine," Edward answered before Jasper could finish addressing the question.

"Wrong answer. Think as if you witnessed the whole thing. Who would you find guilty?"

Edward frowned, his eyes narrowing at Jasper. It was good that he was channeling his anger toward someone else. "The truck driver. He was coming from the side street. He should have slowed down."

"Very good answer. Did anything happen to him?"

Edward shrugged. "I think he was fined and he had his license suspended. I'm not sure, though."

"He's the murderer, Edward. Some might say the whole accident was a chain reaction of bad decisions from all parties involved, but at the end of day, someone has to be found guilty. Especially, when two innocent people were killed."

"I'm the murderer!" Edward shouted, standing up abruptly.

"No, Edward. The only thing you feel guilty about is that you survived," Jasper said softly. "You handled the pain in the worst way possible and I wish you'd allowed me to help from the beginning."

"I didn't handle anything. I was a fucking mess."

"You're allowed to grieve. It's human to suffer the loss of someone you loved." Jasper was pleased to see Edward sitting back down on the sofa. "Think about how people who love you feel about your survival."

"That's what kept me from committing suicide every time the pain got to be too much. I didn't want my family to go through what I was going through."

That confession sent chills down Jasper's spine. He had never had a patient to admit so casually that he'd considered ending his days.

"Tell me about how you dealt with…how you tried to deal with this pain on your own," Jasper coaxed.

"I drank. I cried. I was on a self-destructive path."

"You drank," Jasper repeated, fearful. "Are we talking a few drinks or…"

"A few bottles?" Edward snorted. "It was different than college, if that's where you're headed. I was lucid the whole time."

"Why did you push your family away?"

"I didn't need their pity. And I didn't want you picking through my brain. I thought I was strong enough to deal with it on my own."

Jasper nodded. "The survivor guilt's reactions are common with those of PTSD: mood swings, social distancing, suicidal thoughts, depression, flashbacks, obsessive thoughts. Any of these sound familiar?"

"On point," Edward admitted.

"I have a few more questions for you."

"Of course, you do." Edward rolled his eyes.

"How do you feel right now?"

"Aggravated."

"Do you have a happy place where you go to escape from your mind?"

"Like, a physical place?" Edward asked, confused.

"It can be a literal place, an imaginary place, or even a person." Jasper already knew Edward's answer, and he prepared his next question.

"Bella is my happy place."

"Did you talk to her about this?" Jasper had to make sure he'd read Edward correctly.

"She knows everything. It was her idea to talk to you when I told her about the fetus."

Jasper didn't like how Edward thought of the baby. It was the result of his bad mechanism of coping with the accident. Edward refused to see the unborn as a real person.

"Who would Bella blame for the accident?"

"Fuck you," Edward spat, heading to the door. "I'm done here."

"See you next week, Edward."

"I wouldn't hold my breath," Edward muttered.

"You also have homework," Jasper added seriously. "I want you to practice self-care, which should be activities that benefit you to feel good: reading, music, art, walks on the beach…"

"Fucking?" Edward said mockingly.

Jasper joined his friend at the door, keeping a hand on the knob. "Try not to get into a scene. Not while you're seeing me."

"Why?"

"These visits are supposed to wreak havoc inside you, before you heal. Considering you're all for dating Bella, focus on that part of the relationship. And remember, if you ever need to talk, I'm a phone call away."

Edward nodded, turning to open the door, but stopped in his tracks. "Bella'd blame the truck driver."

Jasper smiled, shutting the door after his friend. They had made good progress. Edward would need weeks of therapy before he came to accept what had happened that night, before he started healing. Jasper was ready to be patient and guide his friend through the storm.

I'm happy to see that you all approve and understand that Jasper is the best candidate to help Edward.

Let me know your thoughts on this chapter. I read and appreciate each review. Thank you so much for all the support!