Author's musings: My dear readers, Parmasone, Tasha, Lauren, Faithling, DarcyDeVenus - I love you all for leaving comments. A lot! However, I did not get many reviews for the last chapter, so... I'm hoping the story is not getting too confusing. Starting from now, I will be revealing more of CY's past in the chapters to come. If you have questions, please ask or PM me. I think it is important to see some parts of who he was to understand his decisions better. Since the story actually is concerned with time travel and choices, it will also be addressed. Well, having said that, please leave reviews and comments, they help, believe it or not.
"Stranger, there is something I have to tell you."
A day before. Hospital, Jae Su's room.
Colorless liquid leisurely dripped into his vein; and the woman, who respectfully deferred to Eun Soo, calling her "doctor", has finally left.
"It's just vitamin fluids with some antibiotics. I'm not giving you anything to dull your senses, don't worry, I know how you guys are," preempted his rising concerns Eun Soo.
He smiled gratefully, as she turned to leave.
"Well, get some rest. If you have any pain or need assistance, just press this button," she pointed to his bedside table.
Jae Su followed her with his eyes as she was heading toward the door. He had to get out of this place. He had a bad feeling about it, something in his gut telling him not to wait too long. If she left now, he might not have a chance to speak with her without any witnesses.
"We were on a scouting mission, Choi Young and I. Despite our rivalry and my jealously, we were still best partners, brothers of the Red Crescent Moon."
. . .
Goryeo border. Scouting mission by the Red Crescent Moon.
"Go, warn the others. I will hold them off," Choi Young placed a hand on his friend's shoulder.
"No, you go. You have longer legs after all," chuckled Jae Su. "And she will be waiting for you, not me."
"You know I can hold them off longer. Please, hurry. And if something happens to me – promise you will protect her."
. . .
Their friendship and loyalties were tested one more time. Jae Su did something that could not be forgiven and Choi Young would not forget.
It was one of the most horrific memories of Choi Young's past, all the scars from that time still etched on his body. He refused to talk and after hours of torture, they believed he would rather die than open his mouth.
After the rescue, he was told that Jae Su was a Japanese spy, and that they let him go because he sold out Choi Young in exchange for his freedom. Choi Young did not believe a word of it till the Master confirmed.
"I will talk to him, there must be a mistake!" Choi Young protested.
"You need to learn to think with your head, not your heart, Young. If you do, you may loose sight of things."
"But master, if I don't listen to my heart, I may miss something important."
"It is your choice, Choi Young. But whatever path you will choose, each brings unique challenges."
Jae Su refused to talk to him. No matter how he begged and pleaded and offered to testify on his behalf, the boy refused, simply replying, "I am a spy and I deserve the punishment. Let me be, Choi Young. Let me pay the price."
Present time. Jae Su's voice:
We were supposed to return together, but got separated during the ambush. I bit my lips to blood to stop from screaming, watching Young-ah taken away. I had to hold it in, I could not come to his aid – one of us had to survive and return. If we both died, all the information gathered would be lost. I barely escaped. Hiding out in the mountains for a couple of days I thought I lost them, but they tailed me. I was ready to die with my mouth closed, but...
I spoke Japanese well, living on the border and training with the master, I was fluent in many languages. I was bound and brought to my knees in front of the leader of the raiders. I understood coarse terse sentences and they made my blood boil in fear. It was awful. I learned that Choi Young was captured and tortured. My eyes must have betrayed my feelings and the Japanese commander came really close speaking to me directly.
I yelled that they should not waste their time with me either, but his poisonous smile sent chills down my spine. I did not know why, but I knew something horrible was about to happen, so when I saw her… The choice was impossible – betray my friend or save somebody I cared about. I made a deal – a deal that cost me everything, that cost Choi Young to be put through such pain and suffering that I prayed for him to die.
. . .
"Oma?" A look of horror on his face was unmistakable. With newfound strength he tried to break out of his chains, his body convulsing in the grip of the metal, which dug into his broken sores even further. But he felt neither pain, nor heard anything his captors were saying.
"My poor boy, my Jae Su. Don't, my son. Don't do it! I would rather die than make you a traitor," begged his mother. He did not understand at first. His mind and his body were too exhausted by the endless tortures. But then words started to trickle into his consciousness, purged immediately, the atrocious implication unable to be absorbed.
He stared blankly at the Japanese commander and then at his mother. "You want me to choose whose life I will save?"
"If you refuse, both your mother and your friend will be tortured and die slowly and painfully. Don't hope to die before them - you will stay alive long enough to hear them scream in pain for days. Or you can pick one person to save."
" I don't understand." His mind kept refuting the unthinkable idea. How does he choose between the two people?
"Lead us to the location of the brigade, once it's confirmed, a person of your choosing will be freed. It's that simple."
"I can't, I can't, I can't !" He screamed till his voice hoarsened and his vocal cords hurt and only whizzes and rasps escaped; he yelled and screamed for what he thought were hours; he cried with his mother and he begged for her forgiveness; he called to Choi Young, hoping that his friend would hear him. The torment of the soul was much worse than the torment of the flesh. His captors grew tired of his indecisiveness, and forced to watch his fragile mother's flagellations, he finally caved. Both him and Choi Young knew the price of being in the brigade, but his mother was innocent. "Stop it."
"What?"
"STOP IT! My mother. I pick her, stop it."
. . .
Jae Su's voice:
Nobody would even look at me. The trial was swift and simple. The teacher put me in front of my comrades and asked what punishment I deserved. They wanted death, but Choi Young stood by me. "If you hurt him, you will have to kill me first."
You know how he is. He is too generous with his heart, too unwavering with his loyalties. Till the end he believed me. I could not tell him. I could not face him after what I had done, Eun Soo-shi.
. . .
"Jae Su, you have disgraced the name of Red Crescent Moon. You have betrayed your comrades and your cause. Although death might be an appropriate solution, I have decided that it will be too easy of an escape from your responsibility. You are expelled from the brotherhood permanently nor will be able to use your skills for living."
Jae Su was prepared to die, so the words came as a surprise. The protests of the angry mob echoed inside the criminal's head and filled the wide space of the room until the Master's hand lifted and everybody fell quiet.
"This particular punishment is prescribed only in special circumstances. I witnessed it once in my youth. Lift your hands."
Jae Su complied, stoically waiting for some horrible dismemberment.
The crowd of the soldiers murmured impatiently and calls to proceed encouraged the master.
"Warrior who can't use his hand or hold his weapon – what could be worse?" He asked.
"Master!" Choi Young pushed through the crowd and stepped forward, falling on his knees in front of his teacher. "I plea for mercy on his behalf. I should feel wronged, but I don't. I was the one captured, so should not I have a say in the outcome of the trial?"
"No Choi Young, it's enough." The master turned to the guards. Jae Su felt his hands being released from the rope and numbly allowed the guards to place his arms over the log to the side.
He heard the story about one member of the brigade from many years ago, whose nerves were severed with precision cuts, so that he could never lift his sword or even hold a spoon; his hands moved, but he could never use the fingers to grip anything, disabled. His legs were paralyzed at specific points as well, so that he could not practice any type of martial arts, although could move with great effort.
Ultimately, Jae Su knew that it meant he would be alive, but might as well be dead.
The voice of the master broke through his thoughts and his eyes glazed over the faces of his friends which all looked the same – disgusted by him.
"It is strictly prohibited to assist him by killing. His suffering will be his redemption, if he ever is able to find one."
"Master, he will be forced to live with the memories. It is too cruel."
"Choi Young!" The master was furious at his obstinate refusal to obey and the gall to object to his decision.
The young warrior stood up and pushing aside astonished guards, pulled Jae Su off the log. "He is one of us, he is my friend. Not once has he turned his back on me or on any one of you in the battle. Jae Su I know, Jae Su we all know – is not a traitor. He sent a signal, he warned you all about the attack," and he turned his steely eyes to the master. "Teacher, if not for him, the Japanese would have succeeded, only because Jae Su was with them at the time of the ambush, he was able to alert the guards. He is not a traitor, he is hero."
Jae Su looked at him with bewilderment. Choi Young obviously has gone mad from all the torture. He hit his head too hard or was delusional.
But the soldiers listened and the screams to end the traitor died. The master glared, but did not say anything back, so Choi Young continued. Without any more words, he simply removed his garments, showing the cuts and slices of bleeding flesh from the torture. Jae Su averted his eyes, as many others did, not able to stomach the sight. "Take yours off," he instructed Jae Su quietly. "Do it!"
Not sure why he was following the orders of Choi Young, but still unable to refuse, the supposed criminal bared himself. The crowd gasped. His wounds were as bad, if not worse. He shivered under their gazes and a heavy sigh escaped the lips of the master.
"Still..." He lifted his sword. "Jae Su, do you agree with charges?"
"Yes, teacher," he said clearly and swallowed hard.
"Move, Young."
The boy shook his head in defiance. He stepped in front of Jae Su and spread his arms to the sides. "Look carefully, is it a body of a traitor or a victim?" He scorched the crowd with the brown eyes, melting with fury.
"If you harm him, harm me also. I will not let you disable him." He announced.
Both of them naked, beaten and yet somehow strong and admirable were at the mercy of the brigade.
People stared at them and then at each other unsure now of something that seemed so clear-cut a few minutes ago till the voice of the master broke the standstill.
"Jae Su, this is the final judgment. You are permanently exiled. No contact with brigade members is allowed. You may take your weapon with you, and a set of clothing. Your name is forgotten, for us – you don't exist."
A sob was heard from the back of the room and then a slim figure ran out the door.
"Mae Hee," exhaled both boys and looked at each other.
Guards grabbed Jae Su, dragging him away and he only yelled, "Protect her."
Choi Young met his eyes and nodded.
. . .
Jae Su's voice
I gave a signal, the kind only the brigade members knew, so when the enemy came, they had a chance to defend themselves.
My mother was freed, but the shame of my disgrace and betrayal made her hide herself from the master and others. She snuck into the Japanese camp, or what was left of it, and tried to kill the commander. They executed her on the spot...
My choice to save her was for nothing. Her blood was still on my hands. Why was I spared? - I asked myself over and over again. Why not me? Why did Choi Young had to defend me? WHY? That question tormented me during sleepless nights and meaningless days. Then I found out that Mae Hee and Master had died.
And Choi Young was there for me again. Still a caring friend. If you only knew how much I despised him. Always better than me. Is there such a thing as too much honor?
Eun Soo-shi, I would not be here with you, if not for that noble fool!
What had I done in my useless life?
I only brought pain and suffering to those I love – I was conceived as a bastard, I was brought into this world as such and lived as such.
Looking back now, their deaths could have been prevented easily. If I knew then what I know now - we would not have ended up caught in the ambush, and the master and his daughter would not have been an easy target for the king.
My lady, Choi Young does not want to speak with me, but he will listen to you. If you could only tell him why... It's no excuse, but still... My mother - she deserved better.