This is so exciting that I can't stop writing! I'll fit in the school scene if it kills me!
Disclaimer: Someday I may own half of Ranma ½. However, that day is not today.
Akane's POV
It was almost time for school and that lamebrain Ranma decided it would be a good idea to take a bath. I just hope he doesn't expect to be able to eat breakfast. Not much later, a female Ranma could be heard yelling at his father for some reason or another. Daddy went to go break it up and we followed. I wish we hadn't as somehow Daddy's hand ended up on Ranma's chest.
"It's…uh…it's not what it seems…uh," Before Daddy could mutter any further, Ranma punched him in the face. Under other circumstances, I would have gotten angry with Ranma, but he was justified.
On the way to school, I noticed Ranma was yawning a lot.
"Couldn't sleep last night?" I asked
"Yeah, I had this totally gross nightmare," Ranma responded
"You're not kidding, you look terrible. I hate baggy eyed boys," I quipped
"Yeah, well, I hate tomboys, so there," Ranma shot back and then we stuck our tongues out at each other. Then I realized that we would be late and so we bolted. Ranma and I took care of the crowd with ease and then KO'd Kuno.
Nabiki's POV
Since I had nothing better to do, I decided to go tend to Kuno in the Nurse's office. I was trying to treat his wounds when he suddenly sat up and declared his love for 'his girl in pigtails'. Then he fell back down. Then he got back up again and said something about Akane. This continued back and forth between Akane and Ranma until I finally got fed up and hit him in the head with a metal pan.
"Are you quite finished now, Kuno?" I asked irately
"That hurt, Nabiki Tendo," Kuno answered and then I asked him if dating girls was the only thing he thought about. "Fear not Nabiki Tendo. I have no intention of asking you out," I couldn't decide whether to feel insulted or relieved.
"Oh, I'm so disappointed," I quipped sarcastically
Akane's POV
It was finally lunch time and Ryu and I got a spot under a tree. Soon Ranma came around with his lunch. For some strange reason he looked at Ryu funny and then sat on the other side of me.
"What's your problem Ranma?" I asked as he kept looking over at Ryu as if he had some sort of contagious disease.
"Me thinks he has been hearing the rumblings of the rumor mills," Ryu quipped
"Oh good grief, what's it going to take for them to lay off of you?" I asked in frustration
"So, what did they say this time? That I was an escaped nut case, maybe? Or perhaps a mad scientist on probation?" Ryu asked
"I heard them say you l-l-like other guys," Ranma stuttered nervously and Ryu rolled his eyes.
"Ah yes, that one's a particular favorite subject. I suppose it got dragged up again along with your name?" Ryu asked and Ranma mutely nodded, "They seem to be under the impression that since I'm not out there with the rest of the male population trying to rape Scarlet that I'm so gay that I can't even walk straight. I've tried everything I could, but they won't be convinced I'm straight until I do the deed with some girl. And even then, they might insist on watching, just to make sure. Even then there's the off chance that they'll just start saying I'm bi. But I can promise you, I'm straight as an arrow flies."
"So then, why aren't you out there?" Ranma asked
"Several reasons, chiefly among them the fact that I'm supposed to be Scarlet's friend. Also, I just don't feel like dating anyone. Maybe one day, but for now I'm content with the way things are." Ryu answered
Ranma's POV
Akane had gone off to the bathroom so I decided ta' ask Ryu something.
"Hey Ryu, you don't like Akane, do ya?" I asked. Ryu looked at me for all of three seconds before bursting out in laughter. When he finally calmed down, he answered
"No, I don't like Scarlet, not in that way. I believe the phrase 'it's a nice place to visit, but I wouldn't want to live there' is appropriate. After all, I prefer not having to eat through a straw, thank you very much." If he didn't want to eat through a straw, then why was he saying stuff like that? "Don't worry about it, if you'd asked Scarlet the same thing about me, she'd have said something along the lines of 'I couldn't stand being in a relationship with such a crazy otaku'." Before I could ask him anything else, the bell rang.
Akane's POV
I was doing my after school workout and as usual, Nabiki was taking pictures of me. In the middle of my workout, an arrow came flying through the air and landed right in the wood of the house.
"That could've hurt someone," I remarked and then we spotted the letter attached. Nabiki read it and then handed it to me. For some reason Kuno was asking Nabiki to go to a café with him. It was possibly so she could sell him pictures and scam him for free food. The only reason I put up with this is because it gets Nabiki to stop selling photos of Ryu to gays.
Nabiki's POV
I arrived at the café at the scheduled time and found Kuno sitting there. He bought me some food and then told me to deliver a doll to his 'pig-tailed goddess'. Upon hearing this, I wasn't able to keep myself from laughing. This was too beautiful. Ranma, probably the most macho guy I've ever met, is being given a cute little dolly for his girl half!
"Now look what you made me do," I grumbled after I had gotten control of myself. I'm supposed to be the ice queen! Laughing out loud is not part of the ice queen persona. Then I got down to business and mentioned the photos I had of Ranma's girl half. I told him that if he bought me spaghetti then I'd show him the pictures. He took me to a place that sold spaghetti and I laid out the shots. I offered him a thousand yen per shot.
"She's so…unashamed before the camera," Kuno remarked
"Unashamed is a good word for her. You'd almost thing she's a boy," I quipped
"I protest, the heavens themselves would weep at a thousand yen per shot." Kuno said
"So then you don't want them?" I asked
"I'll take them all!" Kuno declared and gave me the cash. Now to go in for the kill.
"Gee, my poor little sister. To have been tossed out so quickly for this new girl," I commented
"Who says I've tossed her out?" Kuno asked
"You're going to two-time her then?" I questioned, hoping the answer was yes.
"Don't be so vulgar. Powerful and spirited Akane, like Diana on the hunt. Pig-tailed girl, bursting with healthy beauty. They are both so dear to me; I cannot bear to part with them. You call it deceit that I would date with them both? Thus do quick, bright things come to confusion." Kuno answered
"Not at all, Kuno-baby; that's what I would call two-timing," I remarked and then Kuno's thoughts began to wander. I decided to pull him back to earth.
"I have a few pictures of Akane as well."
"What?! Hand them over!" Kuno demanded
"Buy me some ice cream," I countered
"That's no fair!" But Kuno gave in. He always does. He took me to the ice cream parlor and I laid down the shots of Akane. Again the price as a thousand yen each. He gave me the money and then I got an idea.
"How about I throw in a bonus? I'll tell you the quickest way to get that doll to the pig-tailed girl," I told him and he leapt at the chance. But first he had to get me coffee. "The fastest way to get your dolly to the pig-tailed girl is to give it to Ranma."
"But how can he help me?" Kuno asked suspiciously
"Trust me on this one, OK?" I then enjoyed the rest of my coffee while Kuno wrote a note Ranma. After that, I returned home to give Ranma the note. It really was too easy sometimes.
Ranma's POV
"Salutations, Ranma Saotome," Kuno greeted me
"Now what is it Kuno? What do you want me for?" I asked
"You will address me as 'upperclassmen'." Kuno told me, but Hell would have to freeze over first. He then tossed me a doll. Kuno then told me that Nabiki and told him that the fastest way to get the doll to the 'pig-tailed girl' was to give it to me. I'll get her for this!
"Forget about her, if I have any say in the matter, she'll never appear before you ever again," I told Kuno and left. I didn't get too far before getting drenched in water. Then Kuno rounded the corner looking for my male half and found me as a girl. Kuno tried to hug me and I punched him in the face. He then got me in a bear hug before I could do anything about it.
"And what exactly is going on here?" Thank goodness! Ryu must have been passing by and saw me getting 'hugged' by Kuno.
"Be gone foul beast! For I am wrapping my pig-tailed goddess in my warm embrace and do not wish to be disturbed by the likes of you," Kuno barked
"'Warm embrace? More like the cold embrace of Death. I'm sure she appreciates you crushing her to death," Ryu quipped and then Nabiki walked up and poured boiling water on me. I'll have to find a way to pay her back for that too.
"You OK there Ranma?" She asked sweetly
"Ranma?" Kuno wondered and then I broke free and kicked him in the face.
"How long were you planning to hold me pal?" I snarled, "Do you get it now? My secret?"
"I had no idea. Imagine, Ranma Saotome, a practitioner of Black Magic. Egad! For surely you and the foul beast Tomoe must be in league together!" Kuno cried and I almost fell down some stairs in shock. "Where have you hidden my goddess? Do not try and fool me with your petty trickery evil ones!"
"Oh come on, it's not like that!" I protested, but it was too late.
"Looks like we're going to have to spell everything out for him," Nabiki mused
"I'd rather just kick him to the curb for the sanitation department to take care of," Ryu quipped
"But then I'd lose my best source of income," Nabiki protested and then turned to Kuno, "Come here Kuno-baby, here's the thing. That girl you like, well, her body and soul both belong to Ranma. And you know what that means don't you?" Nabiki asked just before a wash tub landed on Kuno's head. Ryu just face palmed.
"Her body…and her soul? You Svengali!" Kuno yelled and tossed the tub at me and I barely dodged.
"Knock it off Kuno! And you're not helping either Nabiki!" Ryu shouted
"Kuno, how stupid can you be?" I asked
"Silence wretch! I can see all too well what you evil has done. You, along with the foul beast Tomoe!" Kuno then put on a 'puppet show' that depicted Ryu and me raping the pig-tailed girl. At the end, Nabiki actually clapped.
"Kuno, this means war," Ryu said, "I get enough grief about my sexual life without you adding to the heap!"
"And leave me out of your sick fantasies!" I exclaimed
"Silence, you enslavers of women!" Then Kuno charged us with his bokken. "I shall smite both of ye and then I shall rescue the pig-tailed one!"
"Oh I get it, so if you lose, you'll forget all about her?" I asked hopefully as I kicked Kuno. But then it started raining pictures…pictures of my girl half in various positions and clothes seemed to be optional. I guess Ryu had been right about Nabiki taking pictures of me. While we were distracted, Kuno managed to land a powerful blow on each of us.
"OK, now we get serious!" Ryu shouted as I collected more pictures. Then Kuno thrust his bokken at me and I dodged…right in front of Akane. Unfortunately, I was given a free look at Akane's polka-dot panties. Thankfully, I didn't mention that until after Akane had warned me of Kuno's temper.
"Dry up and DIE!" Akane then punted me right back in front of Kuno.
"At last, the game ends," Kuno said and then started attacking at lighting fast speeds. I could barely keep up, but I did.
"Get out of the way!" I shouted at Akane, but she didn't listen. So I had to kick Kuno at all his vital points as fast as I could. I managed to do it and Kuno was now toast.
"It's all over Kuno," I told him
"You will address me as 'upper-'" Kuno then fainted. Akane inspected Kuno's body and saw that each of my blows had hit home.
"That's impressive," Ryu whistled.
"I thought 'upperclassmen' Kuno would put up more of a fight," I quipped
"But you both took hits, didn't you?" Akane asked
"It's nothing," We both said, and then Akane had to touch the spots where we got hit. I grunted and groaned while trying not to cry out. Ryu just stood there like nothing had happened.
"How…are…you…just standing there?" I groaned
"Eight years with Akane Tendo tends to toughen you up at least a little bit," He remarked and then Akane punched him in the spot. He began to tear up, but didn't crumble. "I'll get you for that, Scarlet."
"Hey, what was it that distracted the two of you anyway?" Akane asked and I showed her some of the pictures. She sighed, turned, and left while mumbling something about halving a talk with Nabiki later.
"Can't blame a girl for trying to make a little extra cash!" Nabiki chirped after her and was soon followed by Ryu for some reason and I began wondering if I would still be alive in a year's time.
Ryu's POV
"Hey Scarlet, do you mind explaining these photos?" I asked while holding up one of Scarlet breaking bricks.
"No." She said curtly and continued walking, but her response had told me everything I needed to know.
"You don't have to do this. I can handle perverts and weirdoes just as well as you can," I told her
"But at least all the perverts after me are of the other gender! You tried to hide it, but I could see how awful you felt each and every time one of them came knocking on your door. Just because you don't have parents doesn't mean no one can look after you!" She shouted at me
"But selling pictures to Kuno? I'd rather Nabiki keep taking pictures of me and selling them to gays than having Kuno gawk at you. You're my friend; I couldn't let you do that," I protested
"I can and I will. It's my body and my choice. Nabiki only sells those photos to Kuno and Gosunkugi. Two guys against the God knows how many that could come after you. I think that's a fair trade," Akane told me in a tone that brokered no argument and continued on her way. But this matter was by no means closed.
Le gasp! Akane is letting Nabiki take pictures of her? From this point on, I'm going to be trying to distance myself a little bit at a time from the canon events of the anime. It won't happen overnight, but hopefully by season 3 the canon will be little more than a 'general guideline'.