Greetings gentle readers, in today's reading of Chaos Theater we have the tale of a poor, unfortunate boy who can't find his way out of a wet paper bag. Read on, if you dare.

Disclaimer: The check should have arrived now and I am owner of…what? The check bounced? NOOO!

Ryoga's POV

My quest to find the coward Saotome led me to a small village. While I was there, a large boar thought he could take me on. Naturally, I stopped him dead in his tracks with my umbrella. Then I threw the boar skyward and resheathed my umbrella. I then asked one of the villagers for directions. I thought I was in Tokyo, but I was really in Shikoku. So I continued on my hunt for the foul Saotome. I made it to the ocean and shouted

"JUST YOU WAIT RANMA SAOTOME!"

Akane's POV

"Ranma, you come back here!" Nabiki was chasing after Ranma with a shirt because the boy-turned-girl was running around topless. I tried to teach him about feminine modestly, but it was in one ear and out the other. On the other hand, he did have something of an excuse. All his shirts were dirty and in the wash and Ranma flat out refused to wear one of my tops. Why they had to use my cloths to begin with was a mystery.

"I ain't wearing no skirt! No way!" Ranma protested, but after about half an hour of hard negotiations, we managed to get him into a tee shirt with a pair of overalls.

"So how does it fit?" Nabiki asked

"The top is too tight, it pinches my chest and the waist is too baggy!" Ranma complained and that set me off. So I squashed him with my trusty mallet.

"That'll teach you," I grumbled

"Nice form, but the execution was lacking. I'd give that a seven out of ten," Nabiki commented

"Nabiki, you really shouldn't encourage her," Kasumi scolded and the rest of the day went uneventfully.

The next morning, we had to do it all over again. This time we ended up chasing Ranma around the house, catching him, forcing him into something, only for him to escape and take it off. Let's just say that Ranma ended up in some pretty…out there…costumes. Thankfully, Ranma's clothes got washed the next day.

"Just you wait Ranma!" I shouted as I chased him down the halls. After awhile, he managed to escape outside. "Get back here!"

"Ranma, prepare to die!" A boy with black hair and bandanna shouted as he suddenly attacked Ranma with a…umbrella?

"Well this is new," Ryu quipped as Ranma dodged the attack. Then a big chunk of the walkway was destroyed. That boy must be really strong! But why was he ticked off at Ranma? He seemed to know Ranma, but Ranma didn't seem to remember him.

"You mean, you really don't remember?" The boy asked and Ranma shook his head. He then returned to thinking about it.

"I wouldn't want you to strain your brain," I commented sarcastically.

"Enough, I just have to ask you one thing. Why didn't you come to fight me at the appointed time?!" The boy shouted and that seemed to be the thing Ranma needed to remember him.

"I remember, you and I were classmates at an all boy junior high! You names…uh…um…" Ranma started pulling blanks again

"It's Ryoga Hibiki!" The now named Ryoga shouted and then Ranma greeted Ryoga like an old friend. But Ryoga was having none of it. "Tell me why you didn't come to the fight!"

"Ryoga, I waited for you at the agreed place for three days," Ranma said

"Three days?!" Those of us who were around exclaimed

"Oh sure, you waited three days, but when I got there on the fourth day, you'd already turn tail and ran," Ryoga sneered

"OK, Ryoga, let me ask you a question. Correct me if I'm wrong, but the place we agreed to meet was the empty lot behind your house, right? So why the heck did I have to stand around for three days waitin' for ya?" Ranma asked

"DON'T PATRONIZE ME! Do you think I was just out for a stroll around Japan for my health?!" Ryoga then told us all the places he had been to…in four days. How do you travel up and down Japan what sounds like at least three times in four days?! The crowd that had gathered all came to the same conclusion: Ryoga Hibiki had absolutely no sense of direction. Ryoga then told Ranma that he wasn't here to finish the fight, but for revenge.

"Revenge? Revenge for what?" Ranma asked as he dodged Ryoga's umbrella.

"Don't play dumb. I'm going to destroy your happiness," Ryoga swore

"Happiness? Akane, Ryu, am I happy?" Ranma asked

"What are you asking us for?" I replied, "Now what did you do to him?"

"I don't know," Ranma replied

"Well this isn't any old grudge, you must have done something," I remarked and then Ryoga attacked again. Ranma then stopped the charging boy in his tracks, told him to wait, and then ran off.

"I wonder what's gotten into him," Ryu commented

"With him, who knows?" I said and we waited for a few minutes and then Ranma returned with a bunch of different breads.

"Would someone please tell me what's going on?" Ryu asked the two

"Well back in that all boy junior high school, it was a jungle. You have no idea what it's like, Akane. Lunch time was like, if not worse than, a battle field. Every day we'd all fight over the food and then, at the very end, the last thing of bread would be tossed into the crowd. It was like a bunch o' swarming piranha! One day I got the bread before Ryoga could and he got all upset over it," Ranma explained

"Aw, shut up," Ryoga grumbled

"I still don't understand. Bread isn't such a big deal, is it?" I asked

"That's what I thought, but apparently, after twenty days of me getting the bread, Ryoga snapped and challenged me to a fight," Ranma explained

"Sounds like the straws that broke the camel's back," I remarked

"Telling someone that you're going to kill'em goes a little bit beyond some bread feud," Ryu observed

"For your information, this does indeed go far beyond the bread," Ryoga huffed

"Then what is it?" Ranma asked, but Ryoga told him to shut up and started attacking.

"Because of you, Saotome, I'VE SEEN HELL!" Ryoga roared

"I'd wish you'd just talk to me," Ranma grumbled

"As if mere words could convey my suffering!" Ryoga exclaimed and then threw his umbrella like a top. Ranma dodged away and then Ryoga charged. He lost Ranma and then plowed through the school. We stuck around for awhile to see if Ryoga would find his way back, but he never did. What a strange boy.

In other news, I watched the final episode of Inuyasha the final act! It was awesome!