"Chaaaaat," protested Marinette, "stop playing with my hair."
"But it's so soft," he said, batting it gently.
"Is this a cat thing?"
"I beg your pawdon?"
"Is this one of those effects of your miraculous, or are you like this in real life?"
Marinette still counted herself lucky that the only effect her miraculous had on her was a hatred of cold – imagine craving catnaps and battling akumas late into the night – you'd be dead on your feet 24/7.
"Mmm, something like that, Princess."
The park was a beautiful place in summer. Clouds floated through a clear blue sky. Birds chirped in the trees. Children laughed and played in the fountain. Altogether, it wasn't a bad place for a date. Not that Marinette and Chat were actually on a date.
"Remind me to say thank you to your pawrents for the food later. This is the best picnic I've ever had."
"Kitty, do you have to come and talk to my parents? They've already met you."
"But do they know we're dating?"
"They've probably realised by this point chaton; we haven't exactly been subtle. You've practically spent every night on my balcony, between apologizing for leaving halfway through our first date, and then our planning for this one…"
"That's not a yes. Besides, I like your parents. Is it a crime to want to spend more time with them?"
"It is when they'll only embarrass me further," Marinette muttered under her breath.
"I think you mean further," Chat crowed.
"Fine. You can come in and properly chat to my parents tonight. How does that sound?"
Chat smirked.
"Purrfect."
Marinette rolled her eyes and poked him in the side. Her kitty was incorrigible.
Chat retaliated with a vengeance, poking Marinette's sides. From there, it descended into a tickling match, which, to Marinette's extreme disappointment, Chat won.
Still breathless, and slightly embarrassed from the stares they were getting from some of the other people in the park, Marinette turned to face Chat.
"What could your parents possibly say that'll be that bad, anyway?"
"You think I'd tell you that?"
"Is it all the sordid details of your crush?"
"Ugh, no. There are no sordid details."
"What's his name?" Chat asked, suddenly curious.
"Watch out there kitty. You know what they say, curiosity killed the cat."
"And satisfaction brought it back," Chat countered, clearly not to be deterred so easily.
"Do we have to talk about him? I'd really rather not think about my pathetic lack of a love life right now. I totally embarrassed myself in front of him the other day and it was actually the only time I've ever held a proper conversation with him. My sugar rushes are not to be trifled with," she sighed.
"But, sugar, that sounds fun!" Chat smirked.
"No."
"Sweetiepie?"
"No."
"Sweetcheeks?"
"One more…" Marinette threatened.
Chat gasped. Marinette turned round to see what he was staring at and watched as a figure emerged from the smoke clouding at the bottom of a nearby building.
"He jumped, Mari. That's an akuma." Chat hissed, ears flat against his head as he watched the akuma emerge into the street, shield slung over their (in true akuma style) garish jumpsuit. Grey with brightly coloured shapes on, the jumpsuit reminded Marinette of an école maternelle (pre-school) carpet.
Before she could realise what was going on, Chat had picked Marinette up and was extending his baton so that he could reach the roof of the nearest building. Marinette glared at his back, from where she was slung over his shoulder in a fireman's hold.
"What are you doing?" she gritted out.
"Enjoying the view, Princess?" Chat replied, blasé as ever.
Marinette was not going to blush, she was not going to blush, she was a mature young lady and she was mad at Chat.
She blushed.
"Why are you treating me like a ragdoll?" she hissed, once she trusted her voice not to squeak or stutter.
"Princess, you need to be somewhere safe, out of harms way, in case Hawk Moth decides to target you for being seen with me," Chat warned.
Marinette had to agree with his logic, but she was Ladybug! She needed to be on the scene, not being carried away and placed on a rooftop! Now neither of the heroes could go to Paris' aid quickly.
"Here's fine. Otherwise I won't be able to get home easily.," Marinette tried.
"Don't worry, your knight in shining armour will rescue you from your turret when the battle is over, princess. Here. Now stay here, do you hear me?"
Chat gently placed her down on someone's rooftop garden. She just shooed him away, impatient to transform and go help. He was soon out of sight along Paris' skyline and Marinette opened her purse, only for Tikki to fly out impatiently.
"What took you so long Marinette?" Tikki asked.
"Just that damn cat, Tikki. Transform me!"
Marinette's transition to ladybug was fluid and elegant. Her entrance to the fight was less so.
"M'Lady?" Chat asked, as Marinette staggered, tripped over her own feet and squawked as she fell into a wall. And she'd made it so long as Ladybug without her clumsiness utterly humiliating her!
"I'm fine, Chat," she bit out, still embarrassed by her display of clumsiness.
"If you say so, Bug. How come you were so late?" he inquired as he dodged a brick thrown at him by the akuma.
"That's not important Chat," Marinette reprimanded, breathing heavily from her own series of ducks to avoid flying debris. "What have you learned about him so far?"
"I am Achilles!" the akuma proclaimed, helpfully."I am invincible and I will never be hurt again!"
As helpful as 'Achilles' statement was, Marinette looked to Chat for clarification.
"He has super-strength and agility, like all akumas, and he keeps going on about his invulnerability. That's it. No other superpowers. Should be a walk in the park m'lady."
"Don't jinx it," Marinette warned. She knew what happened when you claimed something would be easy. Although, if invincibility was this akuma's only power, then the battle should be over quickly – it wasn't like she and chat ever really attacked their opponents anyway.
They began their usual battle plan. The shield was quite obviously the akumatised item – it was the only thing apart from the jumpsuit that the Achilles had on him. Chat bounded up to the nearest lamp post and swung upside down from his tail.
"Can't catch me, slow-poke," he taunted, flipping himself up to slouch seductively on the lamppost while he twirled his tail.
"Aghhhhh," the akuma screamed in anger and honestly, Marinette could sympathise with him. Was it necessary that Chat lounge about seductively? Really?
"You seem a little bit angry, I apollogize. It must be hard to hades puns so much."
Achilles jumped onto the lamppost and Chat snagged his shield as he jumped away.
"Cataclysm!" he yelled and slammed his hand into the shield. It rusted. Nothing happened. It didn't break, no akuma flew out of it. It just sat in Chat's arms, reflecting sunbeams innocently.
They were so screwed. Cataclysm was meant to be able to destroy anything. What made this shield special?
"I think we have a problem, Bug," Chat called from where he was now in an intense hand to hand fight with Achilles. Achilles lunged forward and grabbed his shield back.
"I will take your miraculouses!" he cried.
"Retreat, Chat, retreat," Marinette ordered.
Once they were secured behind a rooftop, Marinette looked expectantly at Chat.
"Maybe this was all a myth-understanding?" he offered, looking as confused as her.
"Isn't your cataclysm able to destroy anything?"
"He did go on about being invincible."
Crashes sounded from the street below.
Panicking now, Marinette whisper-yelled, "But he's Achilles, right? He has to have some sort of weakness…"
"I'm afraid my lack of knowledge about Greek Mythology has always been my Achilles elbow."
"You just couldn't resist," Marinette muttered, head in her hands.
"Just like you, puns are irresistible, M'lady."
Marinette jerked upright. Was that a pick-up line? They were forbidden under the fake-dating contract. Her kitty just couldn't resist, could he. It was hopeless. Nevertheless, they would be having words when he came to collect her after the battle.
"There has to be something, Chat."
"Well, why don't you try your lucky charm? It's never failed us before."
Marinette refrained from mentioning that the lucky charm was only as good as her plans to use it. Right now, she was clueless. It was worth a try though, surely?
"Ladybug, if you don't get a move on I'll run out of time," he hissed, as his ring beeped.
"Lucky charm!" she cried in response.
Heart-shaped confetti exploded from over-head and began to fall softly towards the floor.
"What the hell am I supposed to do with confetti?" Marinette remarked, imploring the Gods that picked her charm to just give her something straightforward for once.
Scanning her surroundings, all Marinette could see was, well, nothing.
"Come and fight me, Heroes! Or I will visit my wrath upon those who have hurt me!" shouted the akuma, returning to the street below.
"Nooo, no, please don't… Marcus!...This isn't you! Fight it! I wasn't trying to hurt you!"
Marinette's eyes widened. Her expression of horror was mirrored in Chat's face. They had no time to waste flailing around trying and failing to form a plan. Civilians were in danger. Grabbing a few of the heart pieces of confetti, just in case, Marinette leapt down onto the street below.
"Don't worry…" Marinette trailed off, unsure.
"Kara, my name is Kara," the girl Achilles was holding hostage said bravely.
"It's alright, we'll get you out of there, Kara," Marinette said.
"I need you to know, Marcus…"
"My name is not Marcus anymore!" the akuma yelled, squeezing Kara tight. "You can't hurt me anymore, Kara!"
"I broke his heart, Ladybug," Kara wheezed, her lungs clearly not able to get the air she needed to breathe.
"Chat! With me!" Marinette yelled.
She charged up to the akuma, yoyo whirling around her as the full force of her fury descended upon the akuma. Kara would be saved, if it was the last thing Marinette did. Chat came from the side while Marinette lashed her yoyo towards Kara, hoping to yank her out of the akuma's grip. Except her yoyo wrapped around both Achilles and Kara, not making it any easier for the poor girl to breathe. Marinette recalled her yoyo, spinning the akuma round to make him dizzy.
Chat attacked next, prying the akuma's fingers open and retrieving Kara. But that small victory did not stop it becoming obvious that Marinette and Chat were fighting a losing battle. With no way to get rid of the akuma, and only minutes before Chat de-transformed, they were running out of options.
What was it that Kara had said? She'd broken his heart. That was the shape of the confetti! Everything was leading back to hearts. What if it wasn't an Achilles heel, but an Achilles heart?
"Check his jumpsuit for a heart." Marinette called to Chat, who was leading the akuma on a chase through the street.
She squinted. There! On the back of his heel, there was a heart, flashing black and red. She lunged forward and grabbed for it, intending to rip away the piece of cloth that the shape was printed on. However, as soon as she touched it, an akuma flew out of the ankle. She caught it and released it.
"Miraculous Ladybug," she cried and as her magic rushed through the streets, the jumpsuit bubbled away to reveal a lanky teenager with short, dark hair and a heart-shaped birthmark on his ankle.
Kara rushed over.
"What were you thinking, you brat," she yelled, and proceeded to hit him over the head with her handbag. "Honestly, Marcus, just because I said I didn't want to date you didn't mean you had to get akumatised. We are friends. You know this. You only just broke up with Ami. You were just looking for a rebound." Each sentence was punctuated by a thwack of her handbag.
"What happened?" Marcus asked and looked up at Marinette with no small amount of confusion in his eyes. Marinette struggled not to laugh.
"I'll tell you what happened, dollop-head! You thought that it was alright to get akumatised just because I'd had the good sense to turn down your offer of a date," Kara answered instead.
"I thought…I thought you wouldn't want to be friends anymore. I thought I'd ruined it," Marcus responded rather plaintively.
"Now I understand," Kara replied, more softly, "After all, losing my friendship would be a catastrophe," she continued, cracking a smile and hugging the boy to her chest.
"I really have to go, Bugaboo." Chat whispered into her ear.
"Alright kitt…I mean chat."
That was her cue. If Chat got back to the rooftop and Marinette wasn't there…she shuddered to think. Thankfully, he'd probably have to stop, de-transform, and re-transform first. She rushed anyway.
By the time Chat returned to collect her, Marinette had spent five minutes being bored out of her mind. And Chat had expected her to last like this for the entire duration of an akuma fight? It wasn't like she was the most patient person in the world.
"Princess?"
"You," she stabbed her finger into his chest, "are late."
"The battle was…complicated?" he offered, in an attempt to appease her.
Marinette simply sighed. It was too late now to continue with their rudely interrupted not-a-date. Instead, they'd be going straight to see her parents. What fun.
A/N:
So, there was quite a big time gap between this chapter and last chapter, if you were confused. Chat and Marinette have now been 'dating' for give or take a week, but this is only their second official date. I am also well aware that my Greek mythology puns were terrible, but… ¯\_(ツ)_/¯