Letters, are you ready?! On your marks, get set, WRITE!
Disclaimer: NASCAR does not approve of this message. Nor do I own Ranma ½.
Ranma's POV
"You just live to louse up my life, don't you Ryoga?" I asked the boy-turned-pig and he responded by biting my wrist. "Behave yourself or you're going to be sorry!" I promised and the announcer told us that no bare hand attacks are allowed and if you fall out of the ring, you lose. I already knew this so we got started. I offered Kodachi a chance to leave, but she didn't take it. Then her rope went rigid, just like what Ryoga does with his bandannas. I was busy dodging it when Ryoga decided to tie me up with the chains that attached us. Kodachi then took the chance to get in a free shot.
"Ranma, you can't lose!" Ryu shouted, "P-CHAN! WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU, YOU ARE BACON!" Then Kodachi attacked with her clubs and I nearly found out the hard way that she had spikes hidden in them. Akane tried to get the ref to call foul, but 'the tools she has are legal'. Then Kodachi went into a monologue about her loves, otherwise known as Ryu and myself. Finally, I got ticked off.
"When I want to date with you, I'LL TELL YOU!" I shouted and jumped up and used Ryoga as a tool so I got two birds with one stone. I landed on Ryoga, who landed on Kodachi's face. At the same time, I managed to get free of the chains.
"Who said anything about a date with you?" Kodachi asked
"Well…promise that if you lose, you'll never show your face to Ranma Saotome or Ryu Tomoe again!" I shouted
"And precisely what are you to Ranma Saotome and Ryu Tomoe?" Kodachi questioned
"Are you gonna promise or not?" I asked and then Kodachi invaded my personal space.
"You! You want Ranma and Ryu too!" Kodachi cried and I almost puked at the thought. I also heard a lot of the Furinkan crowd snickering. "I see it all clearly now! You wicked, wicked girl!" Kodachi then tried to beat me with her club, but I blocked it until Kuno ran up to talk to me but took Kodachi's club to the head.
"You idiot! I am Ranma Saotome!" I shouted at Kodachi
"Ha! You can do better than that. Hoop!" Kodachi called and then her second tossed her a hoop. "Insolent female to assume his name! I, Kodachi the Black Rose, shall punish you!"
"Someone's obsessed over Sailor Moon," Akane muttered
"Pigtailed girl, tell me, do you love Ranma?!" Kuno asked and since the truth obviously was beyond him, I decided to try out the line Nabiki came up with.
"Like it or not, Ranma and I are of one mind and one body," I told the Kunos
"One mind?" Kuno gasped
"One body?" Kodachi muttered, "ONE MIND AND ONE BODY?!"
"It just sorta happened, OK? It's like fate," I continued
"FATE?!" Kodachi shrieked, "You and Ranma fated to be together?!"
"My darling…it can't be…" Kuno mumbled and I snuck a glance over at Ryu and Akane. Ryu was pinching the bridge of his nose while obviously trying not to laugh while Akane just had her face buried in her hands while shaking her head. Kodachi then threw her hoop in anger and both Kuno and I jumped, but his bokken wasn't so lucky. That hoop had been razor sharp! Akane then tossed me a pair of clubs so I could defend myself.
"If you won't listen to reason, I'm gonna have to beat some sense into you!" I shouted and then Kodachi unleashed something she called 'the dreaded attack of a thousand clubs'.
"Ranma, she's got multiple clubs at the same time! Knock them away!" Ryu shouted and Akane tossed me a ball, which I used to break Kodachi's attack. Then about twenty clubs fell to the mat. Kodachi then used her ribbon to swipe a bell and I managed to block with Ryoga just in time. Unfortunately, Ryoga didn't like that one bit.
"What do ya want me to do?!" I barked at him, but he kept on trying to attack me. While I was fighting with Ryoga, Kodachi tried to hit me with a chair. So I decided to snatch a table and throw it at Kodachi. In return, Kodachi used Kuno to block. Unfortunately, for me, it wasn't the second Sunday of the month. After that; things got a bit wild with Kodachi throwing Kuno at me again and again until final I used Ryoga to put a stop to him. They carried Kuno away on a stretcher, but I think it's better than the alternative. That's about when Kodachi started throwing balls that were loaded with bombs. We then tossed clubs and each other and after that got our ribbons tied up. We pulled for awhile, but then I decided to throw Kodachi off balance by letting go.
"What a pest, she's like a cockroach wearing a leotard," I heard Kodachi mutter and then she snatched a kettle of hot water from my old man. If that stuff hit me, I'd be screwed, Ryoga woulda been screwed, and then I'd be screwed again along with Ryu by going on a date with Kodachi. I couldn't be seen as a guy in a leotard! I tried to escape, but Kodachi got Ryoga and me with the hot water, but before anyone could see us change, we were doused in cold water! Akane had broken out the fire hose and turned it on us! Thank goodness for tomboys! Then I noticed that Ryoga and I were getting washed over the edge! So we quickly got back over the ring and Akane turned off the water. I barely managed to dodge a hoop tossed by Kodachi, though.
"Don't you know when to give up?! Are you really so determined to steal my Ranma and Ryu?!" Kodachi yelled at me
"Since when are Ranma and Ryu yours?!" I shouted back and Kodachi charged at me with one of those spiked clubs of hers. I dodged and then grabbed her arm with my legs and tossed her. I thought I had won, but then Kodachi whistled and the whole ring moved! I then tried the same trick and it worked again. It looks like whoever's moving the ring can't tell the difference between us. That meant they could only be in one place. I tore the mat off the ring and sure enough, several girls were underneath. I learned from the announcer that it was the entire gymnastics team under there, except Kodachi. They all then fled like bugs.
"Now the only thing left are the poles and ropes! This all comes down to a test of balance!" The announcer shouted and that meant this was a good as won. The Saotome School was made for aerial combat! I tried to jump at Kodachi, but found Ryoga wasn't so keen on the idea of me jumping around.
"You little jerk!" I shouted and managed to get back to the pole and the promptly punched Ryoga. Ryoga oinked something at me, but it wasn't too hard to guess what it was. "You try something like that again and I'll really hurt you!" Before I could make any more threats, Kodachi got her ribbon around my neck and tried to throw me, but I managed to get it out of her hands, wrapped it around a rafter, and tried to swing at her, but the ribbon was too short. On the backswing, Kodachi threw a club and cut the ribbon, so I landed on the opposite rope and used it to jump at Kodachi. I'm just glad Ryoga wasn't interfering.
"You fool, attacking bare handed is illegal!" Kodachi reminded me, so I knocked out the poll from under her. Kodachi as so shocked, that she ended up on the floor while I was using part of the poll to keep me from touching the ground until I was declared the winner. I was just happy it was over, I was beat.
"Thus, as I promised, I shall give up my passions for Ranma and Ryu," Kodachi told me and I almost breathed a sigh of relief when the other shoe dropped, "Beginning today…I will burn with new passions for my Ranma and Ryu!"
"NOOO! That's not true! That's impossible!" Ryu cried in anguish and I just collapsed.
That night, after we had gotten home, I broke the chain and both Ryoga and me changed back.
"I coulda won that easy if you hadn't messed me up," I grumbled
"Just shut up!" Ryoga snapped, "It was my one chance to break you and Akane up for good!"
"P-chan, come here baby! It's time to go beddy by!" Akane called and like clockwork, Ryoga turned himself back into P-chan and went to Akane. Oh how I hate him sometimes.
"Wait a minute! You don't think you're gonna sneak into Akane's bed again, do ya?!" I shouted and then quickly put on my boxers and chased after the little run. He ran right into Akane's room just as she was about to get undressed. Ryoga hopped on her bed with a stupid grin plastered on his stupid face. Akane then hit me real good with that shinai of hers and I left before she could do any more damage. I decided to sit out by the koi pond.
"Saotome," Kuno then showed up and tossed me a bunch of roses. He told me to give them to the pigtailed girl. He then warned me that someday he'd take her from me by force. He left and I tried to go after him, but slipped and fell into the koi pond. Then Kodachi showed up and tossed me two bunches of black roses. Of course, she wanted me to deliver them to Ryu and Ranma. She then told me that she'd someday take the both of them from me by force. She has a snowball's chance in Hell of ever getting Ryu or me. Stupid Kunos!
We now arrive at the end of this particular arc. Next time on Curiosity killed the cat we shall meet Dr. Tofu's darling mother. And all the Chaos that ensues.