Thank you all so much for reviews! All the guests and usual commenters. I'm glad things are becoming more clear. Sorry, if the chapter is a bit too long, but it was too emotional for me to write and it is one of my favorite chapters because of how intense it is. Like I said, I will post as frequently as I can and starting to work on the next chapter today. Please, let me know your thoughts. I was very touched that some of you felt like crying or cried. This was very sad for me to write as well.
The boy stared in expectation at his new playmate; there was no trace of worry or fear in his friendly open eyes. Although he was still a little shy, he smiled at Choi Young as if encouraging...
How many times he had lost her already, he refused to count. Each time a piece of him gone in the cosmic vortex of pure energy, thrown into the universes where many different versions of Eun Soo lived, but he did not belong in either of them. How many women who looked like her, talked liked her, even thought like her he had met. So many and none of them were his Eun Soo.
The first time around he was confused. Then he was in denial. Then he was angry. Then he pleaded and begged and bargained with the powers of time travel to bring him to the one and only soul who belonged with him. Then he had come to accept his cruel fate: to find her - only to have her taken away.
That decision he made, to send her away alone – that decision was plagued with regret. But he prohibited himself to feel sorry for himself. That was the right decision at the time; crisis required swift action and he took it, because he was General Choi Young, the man of decisive action.
At least, after having met all those women, he could safely harbor the hope that his Eun Soo and son had been alive and well.
This was supposed to be his last trip. He had made the decision. He could feel how each time he stepped through the gate and sent a charge of his KI, his life force was being drained from him drop by drop, his mind tangled and his soul fractured in the most painful and incurable way. Time travel was slowly killing him.
He thought of living out the rest of his days in one of the countless futures he might end up in during this trip and watch Eun Soo, whichever one she was, from aside, watch her and his son (if she had one in this world), so that at least his eyes could be soothed, if not his heart. Then he could observe her live her life hopefully being cared for by somebody who loved her, because he could not imagine a world where Eun Soo was not loved.
He believed that the illusion might be a source of comfort for his last days and that it was possible that he might come to believe she was really the woman he never stopped loving. This plan was great, but he realized that not being able to be next to her would cause him the most excruciating kind of grief for which he had not been prepared. Death at the tip of the enemy's sword seemed sweet and relatively easy, compared to the suffering of separation from her. She was a part of him as much as he was a part of her. On the continuum of time and space they were always together, always in perfect union and he imagined that once he would be gone from this plain of existence, they would still be joined in another life.
General Choi Young was prepared for the end. He said his goodbyes and he let go of the hope to find his soulmate. He let go of the notion that he could manipulate the time to land at the place where his other half was loyally waiting for his arrival with the same aching anticipation and a glaring hole in her heart that only his presence could fill.
The ultimate sacrifice he was warned about has come to be. Her safety and the safety of their son was secured.
Even if they could never be together again, he will live on. Their love will live on.
But the boy with his eyes and Eun Soo's hair, with an innocent face lit up with curiosity was trustingly looking up to him, excited about a new adventure. Unlike with Eun Soo, Choi Young could build completely new memories with his son, instead of trying to recapture happiness of the past.
When they parted, little Young was only a baby. Although Choi Young lost any tangible memory of his son, fleeting moments of connections left sensations of warm and soft baby hand wrapped around his finger, indescribable scent of sweetness and unwavering trust in the child's eyes that his father would always hold him strongly in his embrace and protect him. How could he betray the trust of a child?
Am I finally home? Can I get my family back? There was no doubt in his mind that this woman was the one he was searching for in all these alternative universes. And his child – his child was sweet, curious like his mother, and direct like his father.
But a damaged person like him, a shadow of his former self, what could he offer to them? He thought he would be happy to see her and to declare himself as her husband and her lover who returned after many years of wondering through the endless worlds and realities. But after all this time, not knowing when and how, somewhere along his journey he had lost that right.
"Young? Is that your name?"
"Yes, Ajjashi."
"What is your family name?"
"Choi. My name is Choi Young, Ajjashi."
The warrior suddenly choked on something warm and suffocating in his throat. He gently tousled the boy's hair, which was as unruly and stubborn as his mother's.
"So your Mom and you live with your uncle?" He asked after clearing his throat.
"Yes. Oma, says uncle loves us and takes care of us. He kisses me all the time, but he never kisses Mom."
"Oh..." Choi Young let out a guttural sigh. "Does your Mom want him to kiss her?"
"I don't know, Ajjashi, I'm just a kid," the boy shrugged his shoulders at the strange man, who was asking such useless questions.
Choi Young snickered at his own lack of foresight. "So tell me about your Mom then."
"What about playing?"
"Sorry, Young-ah, let's play. Ajjashi's mind is just tired."
. . .
Min Ho sat in his room, in the dark. He was looking at the acting awards displayed on the shelf and the walls, barely seen, but still there, reminders of his past achievements, of the life he had given up because of the promise he gave to one man years ago. At that time he felt responsible and crushed by the guilt, after all, he was the one who got the police involved when Jae Su died. Choi Young told him it was not his fault, but the secret he had learned about Daejang made him reevaluate what mattered.
When Eun Soo returned, she was lost and confused. Whether it was his resemblance to Choi Young in his appearance or her memory of their prior interactions, she immediately trusted him. They became friends and after her parents had died, he was the only one she seemed to allow into her life.
Everything else was history. He became her sole caretaker and watched little Young grow up in front of his eyes. A sense of duty turned into something else and Eun Soo's trust also grew into affection that was more than a simple friendship. He never acted on any of his feelings, but Eun Soo never understood his reluctance.
He tried to explain to her that she was destined for another, but every time the conversation ended up in tears, Eun Soo saying that he was making up excuses because she was no good single mother without a family to back her up. It hurt him to see her feel so horribly worthless to be loved, and he stopped talking to her about the past.
With her by his side, he became a guardian, trapped without a chance to move on and to find a life of his own. The job offers dwindled, the old circle of friends narrowed and his own family looked down upon his choices. Nobody could understand why he chose to take care of this woman and her child. Sometimes he would ponder on that subject. And today, he can finally be free. The rightful place next to her is no longer empty.
Eun Soo knocked and entered after no reply was offered.
"Min Ho-shi," she called.
"I'm here," he responded, not facing her. He was trying to figure out the most gentle way to break the news to her. He feared Choi Young was resolute in his decision to run away, abandon her in his care, which made absolutely no sense. His hope that meeting her and the child would make the general change his mind was quite feeble.
She approached him cautiously and placed her hands on his shoulders, turning the chair to face her. "There is something I've been meaning to do and now, I feel like I have to," she announced with a seriousness that put him on alert. In a moment, her lips brushed his and then she pressed harder, kissing him first softly, then more insistent, as he resisted at first shocked and confused and then unable to stop her. It felt good; her breath was warm and her lips so soft and malleable, desperate for something she was trying to get out of this kiss. It was so wrong, but there was a need in her kiss that he could not deny.
Finally, he pulled away, gently taking her hands in his and looking into her eyes. "Eun Soo-shi, I'm not the man you love. He is."
"I don't understand. I just thought... All this time... I felt as if I was in love with you and you kept pushing me away." She took a shaky breath, shivering. She cradled herself across the chest, her fingers pulled on her sweater, as if she was trying to find some warmth and comfort that escaped her. "But this man... I needed to make sure... I'm too confused. Who is he? Why have you brought him home? Why is it I feel so connected to him, it hurts? What is wrong with me?! Help me!" Her eyes began to fill with large tears, overflowing and gliding down her face. Her gaze pleading for answers, she looked so pitiful, utterly bewildered that it broke his heart.
Min Ho carefully wiped off her face and placed a chaste kiss on her forehead. "Eun Soo-shi. We will always be like family. But he is your real family, the father of your child. This man is the one from your past. The one you forgot. He came for you after many years of trying really hard to find you. He never gave up and he loves you so much!" He said firmly, but with a lot of warmth, while she kept staring at him, silently.
"Where is he?" he suddenly shot up. "He did not leave, did he?"
Eun Soo stared emptily at him, looking like a phantom.
Min Ho ran out, busting in her bedroom, where Choi Young senior and Choi Young junior were busy playing with... a sword.
"You see," murmured softly the general, showing something on the scabbard to the boy on his lap, while the boy with the almond eyes sparkling with excitement was eagerly listening.
Min Ho exhaled in relief. "Will you stay?" he asked.
. . .
"It is not right," said Choi Young firmly, his deep eyes set pensively on some inner thought that made his gaze muted. Clouded by regretful haze, his brown eyes had lost their gleam, turning muddy color of earth after a rainstorm.
"I'm not the man she needs. You are. I have no right," he repeated.
"What are you talking about?" angrily retorted Min Ho. "You have found Eun Soo-shi and your son, don't you have an obligation to your family?"
"What family? They are your family. They live in your house. You've watched my child grow up and she looks at you with such adoration, that you might as well be a couple." Bitterness was not well concealed as Choi Young averted his eyes, stubbornly staring at his hands, clasping the sword his son just had played with so much joy.
Min Ho's jaw stiffened. His eyes turned hard and he spoke through a very unpleasant scoff, "Family? What family? For 8 years I've been regretting that I made a promise to you. She clung to me, like a piece of gum. Think about it! Why would a young successful actor take in a single mother with a child? They are just a mistake, a charity case that lasted too long. Pity, not care. Regret, not love. They are a burden. Take responsibility for abandoning them and take them off my hands. So that I can finally breathe."
Choi Young barely contained his burning rage until the end of the lengthy speech. His fist was heavy, lending squarely on the jaw of the actor. Min Ho groaned and adjusted his face, rubbing the sore spot.
"You know, this face used to be on the billboards. Hopefully, I still have not lost my appeal. At least now I will be free to date," he chuckled and turned to walk away.
"Stop! You think I am an idiot and can't see through your pathetic twisted attempt? Even if you think I owe you something, you should not run your mouth like that." Barked Choi Young at his back, with tired resignation.
"Me? Me?" Min Ho turned, true anger now flashing. His prior pretence gone, sincerity pouring, "She's been plagued by nightmares; you are always haunting her, but she could never get a hold of the memory to see your face clearly. She suffered because you separated. I'm sure you had a good reason, but you have no right to judge me or my behavior.
If anything, it was hard to be next to a woman, who confused care for love and who lost her spark because you were not next to her. If not your son, she would have probably died from a broken heart, without even knowing what she was missing!
Daejang! Pull yourself together! If you are feeling guilty towards me or her, shake it off. I care about her deeply. And yes, over the years, I have felt affection toward her, but I'm no fool. I think I deserve to find my own destiny, not to steal somebody else's. And I don't want to hear any more excuses about your leaving her with me. Because I'm tired. I want out."
Choi Young's breathing was ragged, his energy weak and far from being fully restored. "Sorry." He sighed and met the actor's stare, his guilt-ridden eyes turning into pools of burned ochre, his soul broken and fragile, exposed at last.
"Are you sure? Are you being honest with me? I just want her to be happy and comfortable. The child... she did a great job raising him. And I'm sure you helped." He stopped and smiled weary. "I had thanked you before, however, will my words be ever enough? I'm indebted to you, only I can't promise I will live to ever repay my debt." The warrior slumbered back on the bed, dropping his head into his arms.
"Choi Young-shi, I might hurt for a while, but I will move on. And she will be confused, but she will soon follow her heart. At least, stay here long enough to find out if you two still have a chance for a future. If not, then together me and you will do what is in the best interest for everybody. Stay here. I will be at my cousin's for a few days; will give you guys some privacy."
P.S. Sorry, if the chapter is a bit too long, but it was too emotional for me to write and it is one of my favorite chapters because of how intense it is.