My dear readers, I'm finally back to writing after a long-long-long break. This is an updated chapter, I just fixed a few typos and added a small paragraph, just in case you feel like you had read it before. I'm in the final stretch of this story. I'm working on the next chapters. Please check in frequently for the next update.
I really appreciate all of you who took the time to leave reviews and how mentioned how eager you are to read the continuation. I'm excited to get new readers and your comments/constructive criticism/feedback is always welcomed. My dear readers, please don't forget to leave reviews, I will be looking forward to hear what you have to say.
Warning: this is a long chapter, but I could not break it into pieces to avoid interrupting the flow of emotions of events.
He stared long at the mirror before finally dropping his clothes piece by piece, draping into a dark pile on the shiny stone floor of the bathroom. Then looked at the reflective glass again. The silver strands on his temples marked the passage of time. His body looked the same, perhaps even thinner and leaner than he remembered last, the scars were all there, placed in the same spots as when he first had them freshly burning and branding his skin...
He turned on the shower, stepping into a comfortably large stall. As the water touched his shoulders, he let himself smile at the pleasure of heated mist washing off the dust of cosmic travels. Closing his eyes, Choi Young felt reminders of Eun Soo to enter the space beside him, as if she was here, like that first time they took a shower together. Those lost moments, those dissolved in vast space memories were still out of reach, but something began to change inside of him.
He took his time, washing and scrubbing himself with fierce determination to slouch off the dead skin, to shed the remnants of hopeless darkness deeply stuck in his pores after passing through the portal countless times. He had to be free of that in order to face his wife and his child, in order to give himself permission to reveal the man he used to be for them – fearlessly loving and devoted.
Hopefully he could smile with light and hope, like he used to.
Choi Young was starting to believe that it was not a complete impossibility for him to be happy again.
The fluffy towel gave another rush of sensory memories as he methodically dried his hair and then his wet skin, making sure to wrap the soft cloth around the hips before he looked straight at the mirror again, wiping it clear with a few strokes of his palm.
His eyes seemed brighter and his skin looked almost glowing; however, his hair was a mess and the stubble on his face made him frown. He searched the cabinet for a disposable razor and some shaving cream, surprised how easily the conveniences of the future were accepted back almost on a reflex. He found a comb and worked through his damp strands, untangling and straightening them. When he was finished, he felt almost a new man, cleaner and definitely more presentable.
He peered at the dirty heap of his black robe and pants on the floor. With a disgusted frown, he picked up his belongings and shook them off, as if it would make a difference. He had no change of clothing. Sighing, he contemplated before grabbing a clean bathrobe on the hook. Those things that Eun Soo called washer and dryer, if he could only find those, than his problem would be easily solved.
Lee Min Ho offered for him to stay in his room and use his wardrobe, since their sizes were so similar. He rummaged through the drawers, finding a fresh pack of underwear, a simple white t-shirt and a pair of jeans. He looked at the neatly hanging rows of shirts, slacks and suits in the roomy closet and mentally thanked his gracious host for his kindness. These garments were expensive, he remembered that much.
After getting dressed, he sat on the bed, wondering what to do next. He knew he could not hide in this room forever, but going out meant facing Eun Soo and his son, the little boy with those curious eyes, who already warmed up to him. That child he yearned for so much, who only regarded his father as a friendly Ajjashi.
A very faint knock on the door pulled him out of his worries. He was so unused to having people around, being alone with his thoughts had become more comfortable then he cared to admit. He tensed and clearing his throat, coughed a few times before answering, "Please, come in."
Eun Soo timidly stuck her head in the crack of the door and asked, "Are you hungry? I made some food for us and I thought you might want to join us."
"Me?" He did not know what to expect, but sharing a meal with his wife and his child was something he imagined many times in his unwilling exile. Nervousness churned in his stomach and he got up, wiping off suddenly sweaty palms on his jeans. "I don't want to impose..."
"Min Ho-shi said that you will be staying with us for a bit and that I should treat you like family. Join us, Young-ah will be excited to have a guest. We rarely have people over." She said last sentence with a regretful sigh, knowing it was her fault that their house was not welcoming. Their strange living arrangement made it hard to invite friends or relatives, only raising questions that made it difficult for Lee Min Ho.
"If you insist," Choi Young regrouped and reminded himself that he owed it to them and to Lee Min Ho to at least try. This woman was kind, but she did not look at him the way he wished to be looked at. He was a stranger to her, not "the stranger", her nickname for him, but an alien intruder in her world. He decided to keep the promise he made to the actor and give it his best shot, but in his heart he knew the years of separation would not be erased by one meal or even becoming more friendly and comfortable with each other.
Young-junior was already at the table, staring with hungry eyes at his bowl, chopsticks and spoon ready in his hands, making the warrior smile involuntary. The kid was one bright spot in this otherwise forced cohabitation. If nothing else, he had a rare chance to get to know his son so that when he would leave... "Ajjashi, why are you here?" Choi Young shrugged uncomfortably and helplessly looked to Eun Soo for help. He had no clue how to even begin to explain to the seven year why he was here, indeed.
Luckily, she quickly came to the rescue. "Ajjashi is our guest. He needed a place to stay and you don't want to be rude to a guest."
"Sorry, Oma," mumbled the boy, shyly looking down. "But Oma, when is uncle Min Ho coming home?"
Her face fallen immediately, she said uncertain, "When he is finished with his business... Eat, sweetheart, eat." A bowl of soup and side dishes were on the table and the boy quickly shoved a few spoonfuls in his mouth, eliciting a healthy snicker out of Choi Young.
"Choi Young, mind your manners", scolded Eun Soo and both senior and junior looked up at her. The older one of the two winked at the boy and apologized, "I'm sorry, Imja, I will do better next time." This time around the boy was the one who broke into laughter and his mother, who crinkled her brows in disbelief at the two conspirators with the same name, joined in with a light fluttering laughter, something Choi Young missed terribly.
During the meal, the warrior was stealing glances at the woman and a few times they awkwardly fumbled, trying to place an extra piece of meat onto each other's plates. Eun Soo blushed every time she felt the man's dark eyes on her and he turned away quickly not to embarrass her as soon as he was discovered. The only person at the table comfortable with the arrangement was the boy. He was stuffing himself, while adults were being inhibited and proper, and asked to be excused after his emptying everything in his bowl.
"Let me help you clean up," jumped Choi Young from his seat, using his quick reflexes and considerable agility to swipe the plates from under Eun Soo's nose and organize them at the sink. He turned on the faucet, took a sponge with a dab of soap and began washing dishes. Each movement of his hands awakening a sensory memory, a connection to the times of them living together, reminding him of how much they had shared, how simple activities as cleaning up after a meal gave them joy.
Eun Soo stared intently at the back of a strange man, who was supposed to have been her long lost love and the father of her son. She was studying him, contemplating on what to make of him, but there was no love in her gaze that he was hungry to feel.
With his back to her, he could feel Eun Soo's eyes drilling through him, causing a slashing pang or recognition that he was not being accepted by her. A small distance between them was so huge, he could not even begin to know where to start in moving forward to cross this insurmountable divide. He had been wrecking his mind about how to explain everything to her: What kind of words could ever make up for the lost time?
There was no more avoidance or distraction of the boy, it was just the two of them left in the room and air began impregnating with uncertainty and tension.
"When I was healing you before, I glimpsed into your mind. I did not mean to... it just happened. I saw some things that left me unsettled. Can you hear my thoughts, like I can yours?" He heard her speaking softly.
When Choi Young turned to look at her, she barely recognized his face. His chocolate eyes were moist; undefended he looked at her reticently before admitting, "No, Imja. It does not work exactly the same for me. However, I can feel you. I think you can feel me, too. We exchanged KI many times. We have a very special bond, stronger than you can imagine."
Eun Soo held his gaze, her irises widening and contracting, she saw her reflection in his hopeful, searching eyes, but she could not tell him what he wanted to hear.
She strained, her expression angst-ridden. "It is all too much. Too..." She could not find the right expression to explain how of balance he made her feel. "You broke into my life and shook everything around. You had me shaken. And now I can't even look at my own son without wondering whether you truly are his father."
He swallowed thickly and nodded with understanding. Of course, what else did he expect from her? He looked around for a towel, grabbing one from the hook and thoroughly dried his hands. He was stalling for time, he was dragging out this impossibly dreary moment before finally exclaiming, "Do you wish me gone?"
Eun Soo did not answer, blinking away what he only presumed was a tear and averted her gaze, unable to bare looking at him. Either way they both would be hurt: because she could not say 'no' without lying to him, but she also could not say 'yes' without lying to herself.
"Well, maybe, it is for the best then." That calm reserved and unreadable tone, his face turning into a blank impenetrable mask struck her. Just a few minutes ago, he was so sweet and even timid, and he smiled at her so beautifully... and now, it was like he died right in front of her eyes.
Choi Young softly shook his head as if giving farewell to his impossible dream. If any indication of what her silence meant to him, there was fire starting inside, burning through him, flames of KI violently rushing in his blood, making it boil. It took him all the willpower to contain the lightning already at his fingertips. He brashly walked past Eun Soo, not looking, only with one focus in his mind – to get away, to hide in his room. She felt his heat as he was passing, like a hot breath of summery wind, and she wanted to grab onto it, to grab onto him and explain. She had to explain herself, even if her words might injure him further, it was the right thing to do.
The loud thud of the door shut jerked her startled, giving her a bad feeling. She should have been frightened by what she had sensed in his energy field, but instead she brazenly walked over to his room and... could not bare to enter. Tugging at her sweater, she let a nervous shiver shudder through. For a while, she stood by the door, listening. There was no noise, as if the man with fire in him was not even there. Not a ruffle of steps or a thump of pushed furniture. Desolate silence.
Choi Young pressed against the wall, sliding down till he felt being seated on the floor. He looked at the electrical sparks in his hands and clasped them tightly around his knees, completing the circuit. Excruciating pain echoed inside, biting shocks shivered up and down his spine and he let out a moan, finally getting his KI under control. Such raw pain was so rare he had forgotten it existed. He shakily got up and walked toward the bed, falling on the covers and closing his eyes.
Choi Young was tired. He was perpetually tired and sleep deprived. This little accident was not helping. He will leave; he just needed to rest for five minutes...
"Choi Young-shi?" Eun Soo tapped the door and came in without him even responding. "I was worried. Are you OK?"
Of course he was not OK. There was nothing OK about this situation, but he was ultimately the one who started it. Useless at this point, but necessary, he owed her an apology.
He set up, slowly rising above her. Aware of his towering height, he slouched and tried to meet her eyes. "Imja, I don't know how to say it without making you hate me forever, but the reason you and I are like that – it was my fault."
He tentatively reached out as if offering comfort, but his arm just froze midair, as if unable to pass some invisible line he drew between them.
She stared at him widely, his words not resonating within her. His past and her present - they did not seem to connect. She knew she might cause the end of what had not even started, but this man with honest eyes deserved nothing less than complete sincerity from her. "I wish I did, but I don't remember you."
These simple words made the world disappear from under him, the room spun on its axis, with him deafened in the middle of it all. He was nobody to her. He was nothing, but a strange man, who came to her house and slept in her bed, ate her food and played with her child.
Devastation draw the lines on his forehead, twisted his brows, filled with agony his hopeful eyes that died right in front of her and a tear sparkled in the depth of the earthy irises. His lips moved, trembling before he spoke. "I am sorry for showing myself in front of you. I will leave, now." He slowly closed his eyes.
While standing before him, against her better judgment, she was becoming bold; Eun Soo felt her hands moving to link with his, her energy boiling within and a hot spear-like charge move from him to her, shaking the floor beneath. The room whirled madly with dizzying speed and the air was sucked out of her lungs: "Don't go, PLEASE."
They stood holding hands and she searched herself for something, for a tiny flash, for a glimpse of something to anchor... he stepped into her personal space, unbearably close and suddenly she was engulfed by his arms, enveloped by his feverish KI dancing wildly and without bounds between the two of them. Not seeking her permission any more, he wrapped himself around her, rocking her gently.
She trembled in his arms, crying and crying; Eun Soo was just so little and so frail, her wrists so thin as she clutched at the fabric of his shirt. He encircled his limps as closely as he could, pressing through her sweater that she wore all the time as if some extra shield, the thin yarns of warmth to compensate for emptiness she had felt all these years.
"I dreamt of you. You inhabited my dreams, but I could never see your face, hear your voice..."
"I dreamt of you also, all the time. I missed you, Imja," he said almost mutely into the space. But she heard and only pressed harder against his chest.
Eun Soo did not say back she missed him. Choi Young realized that even though she was crying in his arms, she did not remember him.
Patience was running thin, he had been waiting for far too long to be together. Anger rose within, like a storm, violently crashing against the softness of his heart, smashing it and beating it into submission. He gasped against his will, electricity rushing to the tips of his fingers, and pushed her off abruptly as she stared dazed and frightened at his response.
"Sorry," he mumbled showing her the lightening at the fingertips, the palms of his hands simply turned up helplessly, "I'm trying..."
What she did next felt surreal – she pressed her finger to her lips, "Shh, it will be OK", and then calmly took a hold of his pulse point, her fingers tight around his wrist, soothing flow of her energy entering him to bring warmth and tranquility to his wild KI.
"Eun Soo-ya?" he was still confused.
"I know that I somehow help you or stabilize you. I felt it before, but I can see it clearly now. I don't mind," she said smiling awkwardly before swiping her sleeve to wipe off the wet treads of tears from her cheeks.