My dear readers, to those of you who are still patiently waiting for updates, I am very grateful. Due to some life circumstances, it is very hard for me to find the time to write. I do have this chapter, but not sure when the next one will be coming. Just check the site once in a while and hopefully I might have something else in the nearby future. Thank you for reviews and for liking the story. You are all AWESOME.
A coffee date. There was a time when she would have been excited at the prospect, but now she was weary. To look into his eyes and not feel the love and appreciation she had been feeling for years was almost shameful. Would he be offended? What if he had some feelings for her and never even had a chance to let them out?
Eun Soo was in front of the mirror, trying on a light spring dress and a pastel colored jacket. She dove into the closet for a pair of tan shoes that matched anything and looking at herself in this colorful outfit made her eyes twinkle. She was still attractive, for an ajjuma, she was. She made up her hair in a bun and put on a locket Min Ho gave her as a present. She put her son's hair lock and a picture in it, and it gave her comfort and strength, reminding her that after he was born she had become first and foremost a mother.
"I'm going out for a while," she announced, entering her son's room, where he was busy drawing something with Choi Young sitting by his side.
"Bye, Mom," cheerfully waved at her little Young. The general's warm gaze met hers for an instant, causing a very familiar flush of pink on her cheeks and she lowered her head. "Eun Soo-ya, I will take care of him, don't worry. Have a good time."
"You guys should go for a walk also, the weather is beautiful today."
"I'll do that then. Can I take him to see horses?"
"Horses?" Both Eun Soo and the boy perked up with anticipation. The mother was more scared at the idea, but the son seemed to be excited about the adventure.
"Do I have your permission?" Insisted Choi Young. And against her better judgment, she said "yes", knowing in her gut that wherever he was or whatever he did, he would keep her precious son safe. After all, Young was a boy, who should be experiencing all kinds of things in the world, not sheltered next to his mother's bosom. Eun Soo chuckled to herself, thinking how much stronger and braver she had gotten after Choi Young had entered her life. She could not pinpoint when she began to feel different, but with each day, she knew she was returning to a former version of herself, more willing to take a risk, more fierce and more fun to be around.
She was hoping that this new her or, maybe, old her emerging will be able to change the course of her life, to move the pieces of the puzzle where everybody and everything would fall into place, including Lee Min Ho.
. . .
The stables smelled of horse manure, hay and freedom. They smelled of the open space and memories of a life that was his, but was not no longer his present nor his future.
"Choi Young, let me help you," his father's strong arms lifted his light body into the saddle. The world was so big and the ground seemed really far away. "Aboji," screamed the boy, excited, standing up and of course falling off, only to be caught into the man's embrace, laughing so hard at first, he quieted, stunned by the expanse of the endless blue sky and blinding brightness of the large circle hanging in the middle, winking sun dissipating into white and black dots in his wide open eyes forgetting to blink, and it felt like he was floating in the air… That feeling of floating ever since has been his favorite part of riding a horse. Just him, the animal and the wind in the face – floating at will, the ultimate freedom. He missed it so.
"Young-ah," he beckoned his son. "Don't be afraid of the horse. They are smart and gentle animals."
"But it's huge, Ajjashi."
Every time Choi Young heard that word 'ajjashi', it hurt freshly like a brand new stab of the sword, right in the center of his heart. He had to live with it for as long as Eun Soo wanted. Maybe, it was the ultimate punishment he never imagined. "I am going to be next to you. You trust me?"
"I do! Can you hold my hand?"
"I'll do even better, I will ride with you." With no effort he was up in the saddle, his son pressed warmly against his chest, trembling with fear and excitement, held by the strong arms of "ajjashi". And the word did not matter as much anymore.
Words have been losing their meaning lately. It was the moment, the experience, and the feelings that mattered. Even if Eun Soo could not remember him, even if his son never called him father, they were together, they shared a home and meals; and most importantly, he loved them. He loved them for all three of them, he had enough love to cover any missing affection or recognition. It did not matter as long as he got to teach his son how to ride a horse, how to hold a sword and watch him grow into a man.
. . .
She woke at the sound of her son's cry. A whimper really, nothing more, a stifled into the pillow attempt of a child to hide the pain tearing his little heart apart. She stumbled across the room, grabbing a robe and searching the light switch with her shaking fingers. The sobbing subsided before she turned the doorknob and a shadow glided across the floor almost unnoticed, pausing for a second right next to her...
"What is wrong?" the kind and reassuring was the voice of his father.
"Ajjashi," reddened eyes, lifted from the pillow, met the dark, but warm gaze, which took and enveloped him strongly, not letting go. "You are here?"
"Of course. What is wrong?" Large, callused hand, heavily petting the unruly hair was surprisingly gentle.
"I'm worried about Oma. I'm happy you came, but I don't think she is. I think if uncle Min Ho came back, she might be happier. She used to be happy sometimes, even if she was sad most of the time."
Choi Young's hand landed firmly on his son's back and he contained a sigh. Eun Soo's memory recovery was not going as well as they had hoped. That hope that continued to be strong and blossoming, was now withering even within him. His main supporter was his son, the little boy who held onto his hand with all his might and wished to be next to him even not knowing 'ajjashi' was his father. Choi Young even began allowing himself to believe that he might earn the rightful place next to his family if he only tried harder and stayed beside them longer. But if little Young wished him gone, then...
. . .
"Are you there?" She called in the darkness.
"I'm here, Imja." Right behind the door, she could sense his energy. He waited to make sure she was OK.
It was his voice and his steady presence that made it possible for her to curl under the blanket and allow herself to sleep again. He was always there, always nearby, always watching her and her son, always ready to do whatever she would ask. Choi Young's handsome face with beautiful almond eyes that carried so much pain mixed with hopeful longing could not be ignored.
He was kind and caring, and sweet and strong, and very reserved. Yet, she could feel the passion he prohibited himself, the passion she felt whenever she was near. This strange man felt more dear to her than anybody she ever came across. Her son deserved to have a father like him. A father who would teach him how to be a man, because this strange person was a definition of what she would call a man.
"Can you come in?"
His long dark shadow landed on the side of the bed.
"Give me your hand."
Choi Young hesitated, so she reached over and her cold fingers stung his heated skin. "Did you take care of Young? Why was he crying?"
"He misses Min Ho and he thinks..." it was hard to admit it, but he could not lie, "you would be happier if his uncle came back home."
Eun Soo could not see Choi Young's reaction, but she was sure he was hurt deeply. But in all of this, her son was the innocent victim and the longer she dragged this on, the worse it would become.
"I saw Min Ho-shi, we met for coffee." She paused, gathering her strength before she permitted herself to continue. "He is not coming back. And I don't think it would be better for anybody if he did, certainly not for me."
"Oh?" He let out a nervous breath.
"I've been thinking and Min Ho-shi wants me to also... I think it's time we told Young-ah who you are. I don't know how to explain your disappearance, but you are here now and he likes being with you. I think it would ease his heart if he new the truth. He is such a sensitive boy!"
"He is. He is a wonderful child and I'm so grateful you brought him up to be such a great boy. He makes me proud." Choi Young's smile filtered into his voice softening it and relaxing immediately. "I promise I will do anything you tell me in order to make it right. Anything at all."
"Just..." she stroked his hand affectionately, making him shiver with pleasure and sudden surge of KI, "be yourself. I believe it would be enough. I'm not sure how he would take the news, so I probably should tell him myself."